classics joke

3 notes walk into a bar

C, E-flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “You’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out in the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

(Taken from this link)

3

i understand. you found paradise in tumblr. you had some good posts, you made a good blog, the blacklist protected you and the tags were plentiful. you didn’t need a friend like me. but now you come to me and you say “outofcontextarthur, they’re not monkeys, muffy was a hippo”. but you don’t ask with respect. you don’t offer friendship. you don’t even think to call me godfather. instead, you come into my blog on the day my daughter is to be married and y

men in greek mythology? scoundrels. just terrible. woeful social skills. murderers. kidnappers. violent misogynists. most of them… never described as handsome so we have to assume they were ugly. 

narcissus? unproblematic. beacon of transformative self love. king of the swerve. gay icon. couldn’t recognize his reflection but neither can my dog, we aren’t holding that against him.

A the barber shop
  • Barber: would like a haircut
  • Me: yes I would love A hair cut
  • Barber: haha classic joke
  • *barber then realizes my entire head of hair is just one single long peice of hair of wrapped around my noggin
  • Barber: y did u do this
  • Me: so I could make this post
  • Barber: you could've just said that you had but you didn't have to do it in real life
  • Me: but I've been working on this post for years

Am I the only one who got the joke in Beauty and the Beast? Belle asked a man if he’d lost something. He replied yes I just can’t seem to remember what. Neville said that in the first movie when he got the remembrall.

Originally posted by deadman-ink

aeternumque manus carpebant rite laborem.
laeva colum molli lana retinebat amictum,
dextera tum leviter deducens fila supinis
formabat digitis, tum prono in pollice torquens
libratum tereti versabat turbine fusum,
atque ita decerpens aequabat semper opus dens,
laneaque aridulis haerebant morsa labellis
quae prius in levi fuerant exstantia filo.
ante pedes autem candentis mollia lanae
vellera virgati custodibant calathisci.

– from Catullus 64


“…and the hands [of the Fates] properly plucked at their eternal labor. The left held the distaff wrapped in soft wool; then the right, lightly drawing it out, formed the thread with upturned fingers; then twisting it on a downturned thumb, she turned it on a spindle weighted with a round whorl; and from there the tooth, plucking it off, evened up the product, and tufts of wool which were standing out before on the light thread stuck to dry lips; and at their feet twig-woven baskets guarded the soft fleeces of white wool.”


our name is Fayts
and wen man laffs
at thred of fayt
on our distaffs

we pluk the wool
we draw tord hed
we byt it off
we lik the thred