classics joke

3

i understand. you found paradise in tumblr. you had some good posts, you made a good blog, the blacklist protected you and the tags were plentiful. you didn’t need a friend like me. but now you come to me and you say “outofcontextarthur, they’re not monkeys, muffy was a hippo”. but you don’t ask with respect. you don’t offer friendship. you don’t even think to call me godfather. instead, you come into my blog on the day my daughter is to be married and y

3 notes walk into a bar

C, E-flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “You’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out in the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

(Taken from this link)

men in greek mythology? scoundrels. just terrible. woeful social skills. murderers. kidnappers. violent misogynists. most of them… never described as handsome so we have to assume they were ugly. 

narcissus? unproblematic. beacon of transformative self love. king of the swerve. gay icon. couldn’t recognize his reflection but neither can my dog, we aren’t holding that against him.

Hermione: Do you still have a problem with Muggles

Draco: No that’s ridiculous

Hermione: You wouldn’t smile at my parents all evening

Draco: Oh that I didn’t want them to see my teeth

Hermione: Your teeth are perfect

Draco: And do you think I want your crazy dentist parents going after me with their torture clamps and pliers

Hermione: Draco WHAT do you think dentists do

Draco: …

Hermione: …

Draco: Well played Potter

The Outsiders Characters as Iconic Vines (Because Why Not?)
  • Ponyboy: Next time you put a fuckin hand on me imma fuckin rIp YoUr fACE OFF bITCH
  • Sodapop: What up, I'm Jared, I'm 19, and I never learned how to fuckin read
  • Johnny: Aw fuck, I can't believe you've done this.
  • Steve: I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets
  • Dally: what the FUCK is up Kyle. No what did you SAY dude?
  • Bob: You better watch out, you better watch out, yOu better WACTCHHH Out, YOU BETTER WATCHHH OOOUUTTT
  • Two-Bit: Suh, Dude
  • Darry: I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH
  • Cherry: CHRIS?!?!??! is that a WEED?!
A the barber shop
  • Barber: would like a haircut
  • Me: yes I would love A hair cut
  • Barber: haha classic joke
  • *barber then realizes my entire head of hair is just one single long peice of hair of wrapped around my noggin
  • Barber: y did u do this
  • Me: so I could make this post
  • Barber: you could've just said that you had but you didn't have to do it in real life
  • Me: but I've been working on this post for years