The signs as lines from 'I'm Alan Partridge'
  • Aries: Colonel Mustard in the en-suite bathroom with the lead pipe. Battered.
  • Taurus: Dan! Dan! DAN! DAN. DAN.. .. DAN! DAN! DAN!
  • Gemini: Have you never had a cup of beans man?
  • Cancer: Lyn, I've pierced my foot on a spiiiike!
  • Leo: It's hotter than the sun!
  • Virgo: We're having a hoedown. I'm down. But I'm not a ho!
  • Libra: *plays air guitar to Gary Numan*
  • Scorpio: Go to London. You'll either be mugged or not appreciated.
  • Sagittarius: Flatley my dear, I don't River-dance.
  • Capricorn: Would it be terribly rude to stop listening to you and go and speak to somebody else?
  • Aquarius: That was classic intercourse. So, thanks.
  • Pisces: I don't like big feet, reminds me of gammon.