clarinet jokes

*plays first note out of tune* whoops, I think I picked the wrong reed! *squeaks the second note* wow this reed is really bad! *plays through a rest* haha you know reeds *misses my next entrance* geez I really should really get a better reed *misses the key change* wow reeds what can you do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ *starts playing entirely the wrong song* well this re

Clarinet: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Trombone: What if it bites me and it dies?

Trumpet: That means your poisonous. Jeez Trombone. Learn to read.

Oboe: What if it bites itself and I die?

Baritone: It’s voodoo.

French Horn: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Bassoon: That’s correlation, not causation.

Tuba: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

Percussion: That’s kinky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Band Director: What if it doesn’t bite anyone but you all die anyway because I’m fed up with this crap interrupting rehearsal?

Band: *goes silent*

Saxophone: That’s murder.

It’s a pleasure to be back with Musica in Extenso for a third time. My name is Richard B., on Tumblr as @you-had-me-at-e-flat-major , I’m a music student at the University of Edinburgh, and perhaps unsurprisingly, I’m a composer. The first piece I’m sharing this week is my Septet in F major. I wrote this a slightly neo-classical (though not too neo-) style for 2 violins, viola, cello, flute, clarinet and bassoon. The first movement is a simplified sonata form allegro, the second a lyrical Larghetto, and the third – my personal favourite – is my take on the idea of a “musikalischer Witz”, or musical joke. It’s filled with surprises such as 9-bar phrases, sforzandi and interrupted cadences. At the University, it’s an honour of mine that I’ve been able to join the Composers’ Orchestra, and have this piece played – in fact, it’s being performed in less than a month.


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Percussion: Our section doesn’t have air pods, we have SNARE pods!

Clarinet: Ugh, those sound awful.

Saxophone: Yah, the music never syncs up with the drum beat…

Trombone: The snare is too loud…

Trumpet: You can barely hear the bass…

Tuba: The rhythms aren’t consistent…

French Horn: And the music only stops like 16 measures after you pause it!


Percussion, in a small voice: I feel attacked.