During a 5e one-shot I was in a few months ago, the party had to protect a village from a goblin horde and do some other stuff I don’t remember. After attacking the goblins in a large cave a while away from the village, they reach the village gates being chased by the goblin horde, when this happens:

*please note, our fighter was a new player who wasn’t taking the game really seriously at the time*

Fighter: Alright, I got a plan, I’m gonna distract them so you guys can get inside safely!

Everyone else: Alright thanks! 

DM: alright, what’re you gonna do to stop these goblins from attacking?

Fighter: I’m gonna whip out my dick and shock them with its awesome size!

DM: … Alright then… *fails saves for entire horde* oh god… wanna roll for size while you’re at it?

Fighter: Heck yeah! Check out this natural twenty!! *crit fails*

The entire part is bursting out laughing now, and the DM keeps it going

DM: The goblin horde stops dead in it’s tracks as you whip out your dick and start to laugh uncontrollably

Fighter: F*** YOU!!

DM: A few of the goblins begin taking out theirs to show you what a real dick looks like.

Fighter: *death glares at everyone, especially the DM*

DM: Now a few townspeople are laughing! And members of the guard too!

*DM mocks the fighter, doing several voices for every NPC who’s laughing at his tiny wiener*

sounds good feels good, featuring:

Dolla Bill$
She’s ok
Help me, I’m poor
Happy Birthday to the Ground
Big Long Fart
Paper Clip
I Vape
Oh Buoy
On all levels except physical I am a wolf (barks)
Nah, that’s too real
I’m Like the Birds, I Only Fly Away
Now You See Me, Now You Don’t
This is Your Captain Speaking

1. Take a job that doesn’t fulfill or inspire you in order to pay the bills and then forget to leave.

2. Date someone who doesn’t challenge you and stay with them, because it’s easier than taking a chance on being single.

3. Get the education that your parents wanted you to get and ignore the education (be it institutional or experiential) that you always wanted to get.

4. Stay in one place when you really want to go and explore.

5. Go and explore when you really want to stay in one place.

6. Become so attached to any part of your identity that you forget you’re allowed to experiment and grow and change.

7. Become so obsessed with saving money that you forget to invest in the life that’s quickly passing you by.

8. Continuously tell yourself that you’ll try for the things you want once you are richer or fitter or more educated.

9. Base the majority of your decisions on the fear of rejection rather than the potential for growth.

10. Only love the people that it makes sense for you to love.

11. Get your heart shattered and wait for someone else to come put it back together, instead of putting it back together yourself.

12. Spend so much time missing the past that you forget to build a present or future.

13. Fall in love with someone who makes you fall out of love with yourself.

14. Obsess over what you think you deserve instead of actually going out and fighting for it.

15. Expect life to be fair at any time.

16. Allow your feelings to steer your life instead of letting them ride in the passenger’s seat.

17. Numb your feelings to the point where you rob yourself of the chance to make real connections with people.

18. Let the fear of ridicule triumph over the power of authenticity.

19. Focus on seeking short-term happiness instead of long-term fulfillment.

20. Become so goal-oriented that your entire life passes you by in the pursuit of whatever’s up next.

21. Decide that your relationships with other people can make up for the relationship you lack with yourself.

22. Decide that the relationship you have with yourself can make up for the relationships you lack with other people.

23. Refuse to make the first move in any situation unless you’re absolutely sure you will succeed.

24. Protect yourself from failure and the plethora of lessons it could teach you.

25. Forget to stop and consider all the ways in which you, at any point in time, may be sabotaging your own life.

—  25 Ways To Accidentally Ruin Your Life By 25, Heidi Priebe

i know others have probably said this but sdcc has made me 100% certain that eliza either has a clexa blog, or she lurks clexa blogs to see what’s being said. the interview where she dragged jason about clarke always having to apologize is something that the clexa fandom has been criticizing the show for since the beginning of season 3, and only continued to talk about post-307. there were very few articles on t100 that acknowledged clarke’s constant apologizing as problematic (if any, i can’t actually recall any off the top of my head unless you count stephen king’s comment), and past interviews pre-season finale where eliza was asked about clarke, she never mentioned the apologizing thing but rather talked about how she hoped clarke got to smile or had time to heal, etc…. i c u, eliza 


And say you’ll come and set me free
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me

  • Q:What do you think of the fight between Kimi and Verstappen? Should FIA give him a penalty according to you?
  • Maurizio Arrivabene:Of course, there had to be a penalty, it was obvious. We called Charlie Whiting but then they said they didn't see anything incorrect. Also yesterday in qualifying there had to be penalties but they did nothing. Obviously these people didn't see well, we should give them glasses to see better.