I used to give tours of an old Civil War battleground. I memorized a script with a bunch of facts and dates in it, but people would always ask questions I couldn’t answer. One man once asked me, “If the Civil War was fought today, who would date my son?” and pointed at a 16-year-old boy in the tour. I hadn’t memorized that fact, so I just said, “Abraham Lincoln would.” That same tour an old lady asked me, “If the South had won the war, would I have an iPhone 6s instead of this lousy 5c?” I wasn’t 100% positive, so I said, “Yes, I’m 100% positive you would.” After her, that guy’s 16-year-old son asked, “Did Lincoln make sure the Civil War was fought back then instead of today so that he wouldn’t have to date me?” A lot of people said “Good question” after that (hell even I did) and then waited for my answer. I didn’t want to tell the truth and say yes, so I said what I always said at the end of the tours, “If you’ll follow me, you’ll see our gift shop. It features a wide assortment of rock candy and candy rocks. If you mention my name to the cashier, she’ll tell you that won’t get you a discount.” I quit that job when I got fired.