citizen jay

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DotD Description

I’M FREAKING OUT TOO MUCH TO GO SEE IF ANYONE’S POSTED ABOUT THIS YET, BUT ANYWAY HERE’S THE DESCRIPTION FOR DAY OF THE DEPARTED

“On a special holiday known as the Day of the Departed, Ninjago’s citizens honor departed souls. Jay visits his parents, and Kai and Nya remember theirs. Lloyd and Misako go to the Corridor of Elders to remember Garmadon, while Sensei Wu remembers his father and Zane remembers his. Meanwhile, Cole feels self consciousness about his ghostly appearance. He goes to Yang’s Haunted Temple to repay a debt, but Yang wants something different – this year is special and there will be a lunar eclipse which will be his only chance to bring back passed villains. Yang tells Cole that if he does not help him by the lunar eclipse, he is doomed to remain a ghost forever and even may fade away forever.”

Citizen Jay, change and the real world.

If you have not noticed, I recently have begun to lose myself in the world of tumblr. Reblogging quotes, music, and other what nots, neglecting to create my own work. So, today I thought it would be a great time to write something. So I am. 

Over a little over a month ago the University of New South Wales bid farewell to it’s first batch of BMedia students, many of which were part of my social circles. Whilst this is a remarkable step into the quest of adulthood, it seems as if I once again have been left behind. While they are thrown into the deepest end of every students dream, ‘the real world’, it seems I am here yet again simply welcoming another summer. My sadness comes as I am unable to part take in the next step of my close friends lives, to part take in the fear that comes with stepping into the big bad world. My fear is that I may have to go through it alone, with everyone moving forward.

“What exactly makes it real?”

Well it’s simple, after being institutionalised in the Australian school system, taking shelter and receiving all the benefits that come with being a 'full-time student’; we are left to face reality. We no longer are learning or in a state of not knowing, we are now 'fully functional’ cogs in society, working full-time jobs (or at least trying to find them), actually paying substantial amounts of tax, and last but not least, relinquishing our rights to our concession discounts.

It is a time where we realise that realistically we are alone to face the world, we may have partners and friends but many of which, won’t actually understand the situations you put forward, because they simply are different beings. It’s scary just thinking about it, growing old and becoming serious, being that one-step closer to death but one-step closer to living your own life.

It’s when there no longer are ‘required readings’, ‘set plans’ or ‘student counselors’. It’s opening the door and stepping into the abyss, accepting what happens and taking the next step. The problem is the next step involves a fair few failures and a whole lot of mistakes, mistakes that I am afraid to make because I’ve been programmed as such to fear failure and the prospects of it.

Change is hard to overcome because you’ve invested so much only to watch it all slip out of your hands. Maybe it’s why I’d prefer a nomadic lifestyle, meet people and create connections then ultimately be the one to leave before they leave me be the force of change rather than the subject. (This is screaming with a whole bunch of insane complexes).

This side of me I know exists because there are things about myself that I cannot currently reconcile, things that I cannot grasp and understand. There are things I know and things I do not but these are things that I need to explore. I’ve always been a slow learner and now I guess this too applies to the way I live my life. It’s like I see Narnia but I am, not afraid, but skeptical of coming out and telling people it’s existence because it makes no sense in my head, but it really does.

There’s an image burned into my head that strikes me particularly at times like this. It’s not more an image but a scene that plays vividly in my head. It is I saying goodbye to a friend after finishing something, a time when we must part ways. We promise to see each other again, and we wish each other luck, health and prosperity vowing to see each other and be part of each others life, however small.

But the truth of the matter is as they pull away from the curb and you say “I’ll see you soon” they throw reality at you, the truth and yell back “No you wont”. Inside you understand that it’s the truth but refuse to believe it, it crushes you but you accept it because it is a universal law.

Right now all I have are questions, doubts and fears that I know will all be resolved in the near future but for now it seems like there are no answers so it’s just time for me to move right on along.

I’ve never been much for goodbyes but they’re the moments in life I will never forget.

Whenever I feel like this I know it’s time to watch Scrubs.

This song leaves a bittersweet taste in your aural cavities, you feel the sadness but you feel the optimism and happiness that comes from memories. I guess it’s why I’m posting it, because though I may be forgetful and may get dementia, in the back of my mind I will always remember the greatest and the worst of times. I have the battle scars that come with change, as I myself am the testimony of change. I think at this point it’s time to reconcile or reconnect with someone that meant something to you all those years ago … I know I will.