“wait ur nonbinary? I thought you were trans!” “But using your pronouns are hard!!” “Cis is a slur!!!” “I hate those trans people who always make a fuss!” “Is that a man or a woman? *uses it/its*” “I’m alright with trans people, I just hate those fake genders” *Insert 500 transphobic jokes* “They’re just jokes oh my god! You’re so sensitive” “Lmao men in dresses are so funny” “But what if a man says he’s a woman and sneaks into the bathroom to assault people” “you’re pretty cute for a trans man/woman” “which bathroom do you use” “what’s in your pants” “are u pre op?” “How do you have sex?” “so technically you’re a (insert assigned gender)” “So she- well, she thinks she’s a boy but I’ve known her for a long time so it’s okay” “I’ve never met a trans before !!” "i can misgender you cos you’re a cunt” “you’re not even trans” “But you don’t look trans!” “I wouldn’t date a trans, I’m just not attracted to them” “i identify as a dog LOL !!!” “transgendered” “down with trans” “Cisphobia is just as bad as transphobia” “how can you hate someone just for being transphobic?” “down with cis is harmful” “dysphoria cant be that bad” “down with hate” “I’m not transphobic my sister’s friend’s cousin’s nephew is trans!” “You transgenders will say anything’s transphobic” “im not transphobic i thought i was trans "are you sure you’re not just butch?” “you’re too young to know your’re trans!” “you’re too old to know you’re trans!” “why is being trans suddenly a trend?” ”*t-slur*“
"i can say that i have a trans friend”
“this is (birthname) she thinks she’s a boy!” “oh she’s playing dress up” “i’ve never dated a trans but i’m up for experimenting” “i can say that i have a trans friend”
you all realize that the power behind reclaiming queer is that it’s still a slur, right? like that’s where the radical, cishet angering, internalized hate freeing stuff lies - in the fact queer’s still a slur that targets us. but individually we have the right to reclaim it as something empowering. not every LGBT person can look past their trauma surrounding the slur to reclaim it and that’s ok. by reclaiming queer we’re fighting for those people too. but denying that LGBT people are still targeted and harmed by the q slur is not radical, empowering, or beneficial for your fellow LGBT siblings. denying other LGBT people’s trauma and pain doesn’t help this community, regardless of your good intentions when calling us all “queers”.
queer can be a slur and your identity at one time. queer can be reclaimed by some but not by others. queer can be a source of trauma for some and empowerment for others. this is not a black and white issue. it’s full of gray areas. so please just be respectful.
How does EVERY cis/striaght person benefits from trans/homophobia?
They benefit from trans/homophobia in a multitude of ways. Lets see, cishet people can benefit economically, socially/politically, and even spiritually. Just not being the intended target of homophobia or transphobia is a benefit itself.
Economically: One of the many benefits that come with being cisgender + heterosexual and/or heteromantic is the security you (general you) feel knowing that you’ll never be discriminated against in the workforce for your gender/sexuality. A homophobic/transphobic employer will always favor cishet people before gay/trans people.
It’s not enough that cishet people discriminate against us in the workforce, many cishets also use us, our bodies, and our identities for their own monetary gain too. Corporations see us as an untapped market that is now available for them to exploit and make millions off of by intervening in our pride parades and festivals, selling their rainbow covered crap (but this “support” only lasts for about a month lol). Many lgbt people are hyper aware of the fact that if and when homo/transphobia become a popular sentiment again, which is very likely seeing the rise in fascism worldwide in recent years, these corporations would drop us and resume business with cishet majorities. Their allyship is only good so long as the money is good and that’s just facts.
Cishets fetishize and commodify gay/trans people in the media, in pornography, and even in real life. The lesbian porn industry (the largest and most deeply rooted form of gay fetishization), yaoi/shounen ai/BL, YA nonfiction, etc. are all outlets with which cishet people try to commodify our bodies and identities for their own personal enjoyment and monetary gain. Cishet people don’t just stop at obsessing over gay sex, they also love stories about our internalized hatred and self loathing (that by the way is a byproduct of this homo/transphobic society that they created lol). Our pain and suffering is either a joke to them or their fucking fetish. And all of these things often times earn cishets money and sometimes even popularity, which is a benefit that us fucking gays sure don’t get :/ .
Socially/politically: Being a cishet also has social and political benefits. For one, it is not illegal to be cishet in any place on this planet, nor was it ever illegal to be cishet in the past. Lgbt people never had that luxury lol. Cishets have the benefit of not having to worry about being representative of all people like themselves. What i mean by this is that an individual cishet doesn’t have to worry about ruining the image and social standing of all other cishets because of a mistake. One gay/trans person slips up and does something problematic or stereotypical and then suddenly the rest of us no longer deserve rights and safety lol. Cishets also have the benefit of not being apart of a group of people who have been oppressed for 3000+ years (the ancient Assyrians being some of the first people to punish people for “homosexual sex” more than 3000 years ago).
Let’s look at this with a political lens now. Cishet politicians often benefit from appealing to the masses fears and bigotries. Here in america republicans spread fear and ignorance about the evil lgbts who are trying to ruin marriage and invade bathrooms, while democrats use our emotional labor and resources for their campaigns which are at best token support for our community. This is funny when you realize that most democrats didn’t actually begin supporting lgbt rights until the mid 2000s (*cough* The Clintons *cough* DOMA *cough*). The american government didn’t even decriminalize gay sex until 2003, when the supreme court struck down the “anti-sodomy” laws. Just imagine how children as young as 14/15/16 were alive when homosexuality was finally legalized across this awful country. And this country is touted as a bastion of equal rights and freedom lol so fake. Just recently my home state of Texas decided that same gender couples can marry, but we don’t get all of the rights and benefits that come with marriage like heterosexual people do. Basically marriage only in name. Cishets have the benefit of always having their marriage rights available and unchallenged (interracial marriage being an exception, interracial marriage for cishet couples was legalized 50 years ago in america, however that is not the focus of this long ass post).
Spiritually: Finally, cishets benefit from homo/transphobia spiritually (aka through religion). Cishets have the benefit of most world religions supporting their rights, their marriages, and their humanity. Cishets have the benefit of knowing that their identity won’t come in conflict with their beliefs. Cishet Christians, more specifically, have the benefit of knowing that their identity isn’t a sin. It’s bullshit like this that drove me and many others away from the church/religion. I couldn’t reconcile my faith with my attraction towards men therefore i chose to leave because me and people like me don’t deserve to be mentally and emotionally tortured by cishets who twist their religion to fit their bigotry. They use their religion to strip lgbt people of our humanity and try to paint us as aberrations in an attempt to spread their agenda (which benefits all cishets).
Well anon i hope this answers your question.
TL;DR: All cishets benefit from homo/transphobia in multiple ways. Benefiting from these oppression’s doesn’t mean you blatantly hate lgbt people. Regardless whether you hate gay/trans people or not, benefiting from homo/transphobia is just apart of straight privilege that all cishets have by default.
QUEER!! SPACES!! ARE!! NOT!! FOR!! LG PEOPLE!! YOU ARE NOT ERASED OR TOLD YOU'RE "NOT QUEER ENOUGH", YOU BENEFIT FROM CISNORMATIVITY AND ALLONORMATIVITY JUST LIKE FULLY STRAIGHT CIS PPL!! LG PEOPLE INHERENTLY OPPRESS ALL OTHER QUEER IDENTITIES!! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!!
the moon has flesh!! the moon has flesh!! the moon has flesh!! the moon has flesh!! it’s not that hard!!
I hope cishet inclusionists are aware that when they say that for a person to be straight they need to be the heterosexual and heteromantic they’re, by default, implying that to be bi you have to be bisexual and biromanitc or to be gay you have to be both h*m*sexual and h*m*romantic, all of which play into the ignorant view that gay aces or bi aces are just ‘watered down’, something you lot accuse us of doing.
You need to sit back and reevaluate what you’re saying because it’s inaccurate and actually harmful.
Aces and aros aren’t inherently straight, yes, but aces and aros are inherently lgbt+ either because of the fact that they can be both cis and het.
When straight people enter gay spaces (the classic straight girl bachelorette party at a gay bar) it sends a message that gay people are only for the entertainment of straight people. Similarly, when cis people are cast as trans characters in film or television, it sends a message that trans people are only for the entertainment of cis people.
Stop taking what little we have away from us, start trying to actually understand our experiences if you’re going to make a film or show about it.
Queer people are NOT and never have been and never will be for the entertainment of cishets.
I want to wear a Queer AF shirt to the parade but I'm aware that some people still see it as slur and some get offended by it and some might even get triggered or something. What should I do? Find another shirt or just wear it?
Wear it! Queer is a totally acceptable word for self-identification and as an umbrella term. It’s been reclaimed decades ago and this whole anti-”queer”-talk is only some weird ass tumblr thing.
Homophobic people use “gay” as a slur all the fucking time yet nobody even flinches at people who wear “gay as fuck” shirts to Pride. It’s only when people use “queer” (aka the one term that is inclusive of everyone who isn’t cishet = bi/pan people, ace/aro people, non-binary and genderqueer people) that some uptight language policing exclusionists wave the “but it’s a slur”-flag.
I feel like one thing the “queer is a slur” crowd overlooks...
…is that the word gay has been used so overwhelmingly as a pejorative, as a slur, that most children in the U.S. in the past several decades likely grew up learning “gay” as a word for bad, strange, or wrong before they fully understand that there are “gay” people, and that it’s not just a word with negative connotations.
Kids grow up hearing “That’s so gay!” said with such vehemence relating to topics that those same kids aren’t remotely educated about, and they just internalize that it’s bad. This is how you get elementary schoolers saying, “Mr. Hopkins gave us homework, he’s so gay,” and the same elementary schoolers grow up to be high schoolers and adults who say, “What? I don’t mean gay like gay people, I mean gay like stupid or bad.”
And some of them aren’t overt homophobes in any other way… but dang, you teach little kids that a word that describes a class of people means “bad” and “wrong” before they know those people exist, and that’s bound to shape the way they think about things, isn’t it?
And in contrast you get queer kids who start to put 2+2 together about what “gay” really means a little bit faster than the kids around them because they’re desperate for some information, some hints of meaning… but they’re also hearing the same lessons as everybody else, that gay=bad, gay=wrong, gay=undesirable, gay=something no one ones and no one should be, gay is the worst thing you can be.
In the small town I lived in and the school I went to, nobody ever hit me and called me queer. No one ever shouted “queer” from a moving car while I was walking home. No one ever threatened or inflicted violence on me with the word “queer” on their lips.
Gay, though? Yes. And variations on the f-slur, but gay itself was enough of an invective, enough of a pejorative, to the people flinging it.
“Gay” was the slur that cishet people threw at me as a form of violence, often in corollary with physical violence. “Queer” is a word that I learned online, from members of my community. My experience of the former word is as an attack, while the other was as a sanctuary and respite from that attack.
Now, I’m not a gay man, but a bisexual trans woman. I was still sorting that out at the time, but I doubt it would have made a difference to many of my tormenters if I’d been able to explain it properly.
So when “gay” is used as the happy-go-lucky umbrella for what I would personally call the queer community, gay with even its positive connotations strongly coded as male, I’m not just being misgendered/swept under a default label of male along with a lot of other women and non-binary folks, I’m being forced to accept a label that I never sought, one that is definitely used as a pejorative and a slur, and a slur that was specifically used as a weapon against me.
Both “gay” and “queer” have the same problematic histories and problematic presents. They have both been subject to reclamation efforts. To me, the difference is how those efforts are organized.
“Gay” is an attempt to normalize, to assimilate, to take the elements of our community that are most palatable to the heteronormative homogeneous hegemony and emphasize them, making those elements even more palatable and altering or hiding the other elements of the community.
“Gay” is like trying to get into an exclusive school that you fear is likely to reject you for prejudiced reasons, so you keep your nose clean, make sure you take all the right extracurriculars, polish your cover letter and personal essay, and try to make the right contacts with influential people on the inside… and if you have to hide some of your past activities, break ties with friends who are less presentable, and de-emphasize your family to make sure the admissions office doesn’t get the wrong idea about what you’d bring to their institution, well, it’ll be worth it, because that’s what you have to do get a, you know, fair shake.
“Queer” rejects that. Queer rejects homogeny, it does not demand that we sand down our rough edges or smooth out our contours. It does not seek to reshape ourselves or our community to fit ever-evolving standards designed to keep us out, but it challenges those standards.
If “gay” is trying to appeal to a bigoted admissions board by being smooth and shiny enough to slip in, “queer” is challenging the admissions board to accept or reject you on your own merits as you exist, and challenging the bigoted assumptions that underline the power structure as revealed by this. It’s bypassing the admissions board by creating your own infrastructure for sharing resources and information.
I have a suspicion that a certain percentage of the intra-community backlash against the word “queer” is not because the negative connotations of the word hurt us as listeners, but rather that the radical connotations of the word hurt the effort to make the community acceptable to a presumed default “general audience”, to assimilate gayness into heteronormativity.
I.e., it is less, “Queer makes people think it’s okay to bash us.” and more “Queer makes people think we’re not like them.”
Most people end posts in defense of the label “queer” and the umbrella term “queer community” by saying “I won’t call queer if they’re not comfortable with it,” and most of them get told, “BUT THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE DOING WHEN YOU SAY ‘QUEER COMMUNITY!”
I’ve never yet seen anybody talking about the gay community have to disclaim that they’re not using the word to people who view it as unreclaimed slur or who just plain find it too hurtful to have even given that discourse any thought.
I won’t call someone queer if they don’t think of themselves a queer. I will use queer as an umbrella term. If that’s not you, you can cheerfully include yourself out of it.
And heck, I’m doing you a solid. If you didn’t have a queer community to point to, you wouldn’t have anyone you could point to when you want to clarify that you’re not like those people.
“let us all agree that the word “cishet” doesn’t exist anymore because i don’t like it, it will now be called “cisstraight” and it’s gonna be ridiculously specific so that cishet people can insist otherwise and get a pass into a community not meant for them.“
i'm not a cis nor straight person so i feel like i shouldn't take this so seriously but it grates on me when people call other people "cishet" it just feels like a slur to me? especially the way it's usually used around me (people say they ALWAYS fetishize gay couples, even tho a lot of my cis and straight friends don't) like i get a lot of people use it with no ill intent but it still rubs me the wrong way when it's used (especially in diskhorse, where it's used as intentionally as an insult)
I’ve noticed, mostly when I jumped to twitter for a while, that aces have a VERY negative opinion of the term while others are utterly unaware of the concerns with it. Most times its non-cis and non-het aces who are like yeah that’s getting near slur levels to me. And it’s because it’s been so often misused that it’s hard at times to see it be used by strangers and apply good faith. A slur is used to discredit someone. Calling a trans ace cishet is a slur in that context.