remember fic writers everywhere, self-insert is self-indulgent and it’s for your entertainment. if someone gives you shit about it points them to cirque du freak by darren shan whose main character is a boy named darren shan who ends up writing a book about darren shan

Real life’s nasty. It’s cruel. It doesn’t care about heroes and happy endings and the way things should be. In real life, bad things happen. People die. Fights are lost. Evil often wins.
—  Cirque du Freak: A Living Nightmare by Darren Shan 
Alternate Titles for DSS books:
  • Book 1: Put That Fucking Spider Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me
  • Book 2: A Child Disappears And His Parents Will Never Know He Was Eaten Alive
  • Book 3: Nothing Good Has Ever Happened In A Slaughter House Why The Fuck Would You Go In There
  • Book 4: Road Trip And Camping Basically
  • Book 5: Creative Ways To Kill A 16-Year-Old, A Memoir By The Vampire Princes
  • Book 6: How Is This Fucking Kid Still Not Dead JFC
  • someone continue the list!

All I can say after seeing that Netflix will be making A Series of Unfortunate Events an actual, live-action show is to PLEASE undo the nasty injustice of the Cirque du Freak movie. Make it a young adult series, please. I love both book series dearly, but I want to see Cirque du Freak’s beautiful and disturbing world brought to the screen the right way.

  • Sam: It's probably my mom. *Checks phone* Called it. Hi, Mother. It's Sam. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. I'm at the home of Darren Shan. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. We're-- we're just hanging out. Oh... Darren's parents. They're, uh-- they're in the other room. You would like to talk to Darren's dad? Oh, okay. Hold on a moment.
  • Darren: That's gonna be pretty hard since my dad thinks I'm dead.
  • Sam: I can't tell her that!
  • Darren: Mr. Crepsley, quick-- you have to pretend to be my dad to talk to Sam's mom.
  • Mr. Crepsley: *Takes the phone* Hello. This... is dad Shan. Yes. The children are playing swords. Sorry-- playing with swords. They are bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Do not call again. *Hangs up the phone and hands it back to Darren* Sorry, I panicked.