It’s time for the sort of annual casa de Queenie tradition of watching Ninja Assassin and consuming more chocolate than entirely necessary. My roommates have been emailing back and forth in excitement for weeks about getting to see Rain doing upside-down push-ups. Meanwhile, I’m really only in it for the food, because, deep down, I am a stereotype.
Also I just checked Rotten Tomatoes and apparently the movie has a 26%, which seems about right, but the review blurb says it “fails to live up to the promise of its title,” which is absolutely not the critique I would make since the movie does, in fact, feature both ninjas and assassins and ninjas who ARE assassins. There are only two words in its title and it lives up to both of them, so???
Character A loves ninja and films about karate, so they are thrilled when a collaboration film with their two favorite martial artists comes out in theaters. In honor of their success, Character A sneaks in through the back of the theater like a “real ninja” and sits next to a stranger, Character B, who proceeds to look at Character A and inexplicably pulls three large pizzas out of their bag. Character A’s brows furrow and Character B just whispers “super sneaky.” Honestly, these two are the worst ninjas in history.