1. Turn on the radio. Throw it in the oven. Take the oven out of the refrigerator. Put the refrigerator into the ocean. Turn off the ocean.

2. Do not forget to feed the widows. Leave fresh water and feeding tubes below their balcony.

3. Pet the lab rats. They are lonely and seek your companionship. Do not wear gloves, as it will halter your expressive faculties.

4. Collect tiny porcelain figures of the various ways you could die and hide them under the pillows of your enemies while they are still whales.

5. Die happily, and bury yourself at sea. Let the starfish and lampreys rasp their plate-like mouths over your body until you are nothing but green, happy bones. Surface and befriend an aquatic sheep who does not fear your now skeletal appearance. 

6. Canada won’t be needed anymore at this point, so you can just put it in the trash or the recycling bin if you have one.

7. Walk up to the silent Aztec chief staring at you with remorse. Check your pockets; you will have a beating heart that you must give to the Aztec. Shake his hand firmly.

8. Become a tuna fish.

9. You should have reached the bridge of sighs–quickly, stop and ask a tourist which city you’re in. Do not uncross your fingers.

10. After 35 minutes, test the cake: it should be risen and cooked through. If it isn’t, collapse to the kitchen floor, one palm placed across your mouth. Weep slow, dry sobs. Wait as light slowly slips from the room.


Surrealist Language Event #4, with contributions from Veritabs, Urbsantiquafuit, Dr. Gibberyshrooms M.D., Cig in Your Bed, Eoten and myself. Thanks for the wonderful stuff as usual, everybody. 

Art by Joan Cornella

ciginyourbed replied to your post: ciginyourbed replied to your post: ciginyourbed…

that’s hella cool though i mean hawaii sounds really nice and i would like to maybe go someday. i have camped out on a tropical beach/palm tree forest in mexico. it was amazing and terrible (torrential rain flooded our camp site, hella lightning)


ok see rain and lightning sounds kinda exciting hawaii is all mild weather and tropical drinks