Orange is the New Black AU

  • Guards & Prison Staff: Agathe, Belle, Maurice, Cogsworth, Lumiere, Plumette. Prisoners: Adam, Mrs Potts, Cadenza, Gaston, LeFou, Stanley, Tom, Dick, the Bimbettes and other people of Villeneuve.
  • Agathe is the prison director.
  • Maurice is the weird psychologist of the prison.
  • Belle is the most lawful guard of the prison (and a bit strict).
  • Adam sings “Evenmore” in an isolation cell.
  • Belle and Adam have a secret love story.
  • Gaston steals eggs from the kitchen.
  • LeFou wants to organize a singing and dancing club.
  • The Bimbettes occupy the girls’ bathroom all mornings for doing their make up and get beauiful.
  • Stanley hates the Bimbettes and always annoys them.
  • Tom has the uniform’s trousers one size larger.
  • Dick sales clandestine cigarettes.
  • Gaston and LeFou make love hidden in the library.
  • Gaston says he loves the library but no one believes it.
  • Stanely takes secretly female hormones sold illegally by Samuel (in the movie, he’s the “Flirtatious Farmer” who sells eggs).
  • Lumière is called Pornstache or Pornmière, but he is a good guard and sometimes offers sweet snacks to prisoners.
  • Cogsworth is a grumpy guard who eats donuts all day long, but he is good too.
  • Plumette is a super hot and charming guard.
  • Lumière and Plumette make love everyday in a secret room.
  • Gaston knows about Lumière and Plumette, and Lumière knows about Gaston and LeFou.
  • Mrs Potts is a quiet prisoner who lives only to see her beloved son Chip during the visiting hours.
  • Cadenza is a romantic italian prisoner who speaks and sings in italian on the phone with il suo amore madame Garderobe.
  • LeFou, during the common shower, proudly shows his hickeys and bite marks.
  • Belle often takes references to Gaston and prescribes him a psychological therapy with Maurice for anger issues.
  • Gaston isn’t collaborative and once eats a gear of the clock that Maurice was assembling on his desk.
  • Clothilde is a bigot prisoner who says things like “Guards, do something! Thare are two gays who are gaying together!”
  • Coghsworth and Clothilde have been lovers a long time ago, but Coghsworth always denies it all.
  • Nasty Headmaster is an old grumpy prisoner who hates everyone.
  • Mrs Potts and LeFou are close friends, she tells him about her family and he tells her about his love story with Gaston.
  • Père Robert is a prisoner and is a priest, he is in for a pacific protest and he won’t stay in prison for too long.
  • Stanley disapproves the anti-sex horrible white underwears of the prison’s uniforms.
  • Gaston is totally childish and complains about everything, but fortunately LeFou always encourages him.

anonymous asked:

Hi!! First off love the blog it's been super helpful for me so thanks a ton for running it. Does the Army provide a specific brand of cigarettes or is the choice up to the soldier? I'm assuming that while on leave they can smoke whatever they want... but what about while on active duty? Same question for types of lighters. Sorry if that's too much or worded funny and thanks again!!

I’m happy to help! Some cigarette factoids:

We don’t receive a cigarette ration and haven’t since 1975. Weirdly enough we still get matches in our MREs. 

Surprisingly enough a good amount of soldiers don’t smoke, at least they didn’t in my units. I’d say smokers were the minority at about a ¼ of the unit, and several of those “smokers” actually just dipped instead. Google searches appear to more or less collaborate that percentage. But this was in an Air Defense unit and we do a lot of our job inside a tent or inside a van or a building, where we can’t smoke. Entirely possible other branches have other experiences.

A favored tale is that back in the day, NCOs would tell their soldiers to either “smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, push ‘em if you don’t.” In other words, you can take a break, but unless you’re smoking you better be doing push ups. On your break. As you can imagine soldiers weren’t keen on doing push ups for ten minutes on a “break,” so the obvious choice was to smoke. While that’s no longer the case, those of us who don’t smoke still slightly resent those who do because they basically have an excuse to take a ten minute break every hour or so for free with no repercussion, assuming we aren’t doing an evaluation or something.

I can’t say for sure as to what brand the soldiers themselves prefer, but I do know that Marlboro always felt like the most common brand available at the PX.

On our installations, our commanders were really strict about smokers properly throwing away their butts. The rest of us were equally strict about it because their littering could result in the entire company having to do a police call, i.e. at the best walking around picking up trash and at the worst crawling on hands and knees picking up trash.

In the field, soldiers are sometimes allowed to bring their own tobacco products, but they rarely have the ability to buy them while in the field. It can be lucrative for a soldier (if they were so inclined) to purchase a carton and sell its contents by the pack or even by the cig. An illegal practice perhaps, but indeed realistic.

We don’t really use cigarettes as currency anymore, at least not frequently enough to be noteworthy. 

And now for an un-fun fact!

The whole idea of soldiers and cigarettes becoming ubiquitous was pushed by an advertising campaign from tobacco lobbyists who used the wartime propaganda to boost cigarette sales. They encouraged families to send (their brand) cigarettes to their loved ones and they sent troops free cigarettes themselves in exchange for the DoD casually logo pasting and name dropping them. Because of the corporate influence, soldiers and cigarettes became so ingrained in military consciousness that even decades after smoking was disowned, soldiers continued to presume that they were owed cigarettes; some considered them a god-given right like eating or sleeping. We still got free cigarettes up to the Vietnam War, up to Desert Storm even. Names like Marlboro, Chesterfield, and Zippo became almost like honored mascots. Even today the word “Zippo” immediately correlates to “Vietnam” in both military and civilian circles.

Bonus unfun fact:

Because “soldiers and cigarettes” is so ubiquitous, PXs still sell tobacco products, dodging the tobacco tax. Thanks to the above, soldiers feel entitled to taxless tobacco, which forces the PX to lose money on the sales, costing the military millions in lost tax in addition to the billion-some dollars tobacco costs the military in healthcare. Because the PX loses money from tobacco sales and we use the income from PXs for our Morale, Welfare, and Recreation Centers, soldiers buying cigarettes from the PX are actively detracting from the welfare of other soldiers. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. 👌


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anonymous asked:

Our sister store is opening their new store Wednesday(10/4). Tuesday they're having a 50% off everything but alcohol and cigarettes sale and guess who was requested to go down to help🙃🙃sometimes it doesn't pay to be good at your job.

Proposed ban on flavoured tobacco sales raises worries among retailers

A proposed ban on the sale of flavoured tobacco products in Singapore has caused rising concerns among provision shops, coffee shops, minimarts and other tobacco retailers over the sustainability of their businesses.

In a recent survey of 1,475 independent general trade retailers commissioned by four trade associations, almost all respondents (99 per cent) were worried that such a ban would hurt their business. 

Their concerns stem mainly from the potential revenue loss from menthol cigarettes – the most popular flavour on the shelves.

A handful of provision shop and minimart owners who spoke to Yahoo Singapore estimated that 40 to 65 per cent of their profits come from cigarette sales. Most of these merchants said that flavoured cigarette sales accounted for at least half of these profits.

In tandem with overall cigarette sales, market share for menthol-flavoured tobacco has increased over the past three years, according to three minimart owners. They were troubled by the prospect of having to forgo their biggest income generator.

Businesses interviewed by Yahoo Singapore attributed at least half of their total revenues to cigarette sales, of which about half are from flavoured cigarettes.

“Cigarettes are good profit-makers especially since they take up less storage space compared to food and drinks. Furthermore, they have a high sales turnover since people don’t typically sit at the table to smoke for long periods of time,” said Hong Poh Hin, chairman of the Foochow Coffee Restaurant and Bar Merchants Association, one of the associations that commissioned the survey.

“It is important that any proposed tobacco control measures be supported by evidence of their effectiveness in reducing smoking incidence in Singapore, while addressing the impact to the affected retailers,” he added, warning of possible business closures that could follow if the rule is passed. Hong compared the potential impact to the ban on alcohol sales between 10.30pm and 7am, which has been in place since 1 April 2015, and its negative effect on retailers that sell alcohol products.

This survey was concluded in September 2016 and was commissioned by several trade associations, including the Foochow Coffee Restaurant and Bar Merchants Association Kheng Keow Coffee Merchants Restaurant and Bar-Owners Association, the Singapore Mini Mart Association and the Singapore Provision Shop Friendly Association.

About 97 per cent of the respondents flagged another key concern — that a ban could cause smokers of flavoured cigarettes to turn to the black market.

A provision shop owner, who declined to be named, agreed with the finding. “What happens is that when people can’t get the kind of (cigarette) variant they want, they will find alternative ways to get them,” he said.

The trade associations said they were carrying out a separate study on the efficacy and business impact of the proposed ban on flavoured tobacco products. The results will be presented to the government upon completion.

“The trade associations urge the government to review these results and consult with their members before further deliberating on this proposed regulation,” Mr Hong added.

This article was produced in partnership with the Foochow Coffee Restaurant & Bar Merchants Association

anonymous asked:

Yesterday I rejected a cigarette sale because the guy (who clearly looked over 18, but we still have to card under 40) forgot his ID. Then right after that, I had to reject an alcohol sale because the girl with the guy buying it didn't have her ID with her. All three of these people were very understanding and didn't cause a fuss at all. How?? I was so confused at how nice they all were lmao. I thanked each of them like 20 times for being nice about it.