‘you are dead to me,’ i say at cooldudebro’s funeral, flicking a lit cigarette into his clown coffin and setting it on fire. 'see you in hell.’ as flames lick the polyester lining, casting flickering shadows over the snow-covered ground, i turn and walk back to my car, sending a flock of pigeons soaring high into the dark dome of the sky. i’m temporarily blinded by the flurry of movement and spin to avoid being hit by wing and claw. when my vision is no longer obstructed, i’m facing the coffin again. curiously enough, the fire is out. an ethereal calm settles over the cemetery. i feel uneasy.
digging my one remaining hand deep into my pocket, i shuffle forward. i can smell smoke and burning plastic, probably from his nose implant, i think to myself. but when i reach the coffin, it is not charred. there are no burns. it looks untouched.
my heartbeat accelerates. i turn and run across the silent cemetery, cursing myself for being so arrogant. of course it wouldnt be that easy. it never is. i fumble for my keys, pulling them from my pocket and unlocking the car. a shadow jumps in the corner of my eye but i ignore it. if you give it a name, you’re already dead.
i throw myself at the car handle and fondle it for several excruciating seconds. my grip isn’t what it used to be. not after madrid.
i’m inside. i lock the doors and fling my head back against the seat, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down my forehead. my breathing’s erratic and i try to control it. my hand shakes as i start the engine and place it on the wheel.
i do my checks. you never understood why i took this so seriously. you would have just floored the accelerator without a second glance out the windscreen. and i guess i never told anyone. but i do it for my instructor. it’s what they would have wanted.
my instructor was my mother.
i look up into the rear view mirror. it’s inches out of its normal position. funny.
i raise my shaking hand, tell myself to breathe. i let it linger on the cold plastic of the mirror before maneouvering it back into position.
cooldudebro sits in the backseat, skeletal arms outstretched, a grin painted on his face. eels writhe out of his mouth, flopping onto the upholstered leather, squealing like they’re on fire. his skin is peeling off, revealing whole orange segments underneath. the foul stench of memes fills my nostrils. the radio flicks on and gangnam style plays. a bitter tribute. a scorpion scuttles over my bare knees. a scorpio. i should have known. i want to open the door, to escape, but im paralysed. i cant move. my eyes are stuck in his. a mirror simultaneously connects and separates us.
for a long second he says nothing. my lungs turn to ice.
“if hell’s what you’re looking for,’ he says, eyes bulging, eels dancing. 'boo.’
I went to see The Fault In our Stars for the second time yesterday and I noticed something that I never did the first time.
Whether this was intentional or not is another question, but it made perfect sense to me..
Remember Van Houten’s story about the tortoise?
“Let us imagine that you are in a race with a tortoise. The tortoise has a ten-yard head start. In the time it takes you to make up that distance, the tortoise goes a bit farther, and so on forever. You are faster than the tortoise but you can never catch him; you can only decrease his lead.”
I don’t know about you all, but it reminded me of the story of the Hare and the tortoise.
When Hazel got up to speak at Augustus’ funeral, she placed a box of cigarettes on his coffin, which were a brand called ‘HARE".
If you think of Augustus as the Hare and Hazel as the Tortoise, they were both running the race of death. When Gus relapsed, he started running faster, therefore he decreased Hazel’s lead and eventually won the race before her. However, even though Gus was faster than Hazel, there was nothing her could do to catch her in order to prevent her crossing the finish line.
Towards the end of The Fault In Our Stars, at the funeral, Hazel places a pack of cigarettes on the coffin. The camera zooms into the warning label, which warns smokers of the cigarette’s side effects on pregnancy. Think about this. What if this was their way of telling us that Hazel was pregnant with Gus’s child?
a/n: So I’m absolutely in love with the fault in our stars, so I thought why not make a preferences because why not? Basically your his Hazel Grace and he’s your August Waters. Each one of the text are scenes from the movie/book but still a twist of my own so it isn’t just scenes from the movies, hope you enjoy and I would love some feedback on this one
You walked down the stairs to his delightful room, your hand having a tight grip around your bag. You observed his trophies, admiring how you can be so passionate about something. Something you haven’t felt for a really long time. “You play?” you inquired as you sat down, meeting his ocean blue orbs. “I used to but then this happen,” He smirked pointing down to his leg, he sat down beside you, he watches as you look around his room. Your eyes stayed glued on a book that caught your attention, the black and yellow cover sitting at the coffee table. You smirked as you grabbed it and studied the art of the cover. “That is my favorite book of all time, you have to read it,” He beamed as he leaned closer to you, his warmness filled your body just by a single touch. “Action book isn’t really my thing,” You chuckled as your eyes stayed glued onto his gentle eyes. “You see to some people it’s just a normal action book filled with war and star troopers, but to me it’s about sacrifices, courage and hope, so I’ll think you will like it Y/N Y/M/N,” He spoke with a wide smile, something about him made you feel alive. Just by the look of his smile but at the same time the words that left his mouth. “I will read it for you Luke Hemmings, but in return you have to read my favorite book,” He gave you a look for you to continue. “It’s written by Peter van Houten and it’s about a girl named Anna who has cancer,” He looked at you shocked as laughter escaped his mouth. “Really Y/N Y/M/N? A book about cancer?” “You see Luke Hemmings, it’s not about the cancer itself, it’s about knowing you’re going to leave the world without a saying, about the pain is for to be felt, not to be ignored. About how everything we go through is about being felt, about feeling the pain and maybe when you leave it won’t hurt as much but in reality you always know it will, and you can’t change that. It’s about courage, love and it’s not some old rubbish that everything is going to be okay and life is perfect, it captures the truth itself and he makes it okay,” You smiled at the thought of the book, He looked at you with stunned expression. “You’re so beautiful,”
The cold grass touched your body as you lay down, focusing on the bright stars on the pitch black sky. His hand touched yours as he glanced up at the sky in deep thoughts, his dark chocolate brown eyes light up at the stars reflection. “What are you thinking about?” you asked blunt as you rested your head on his warm broad shoulders. “Oblivion and you, mostly you though,” He replied and chuckled. His eyes kept wandering at the sky, almost as he could see behind the stars. What was behind the beauty. “Well get yourself together Calum because oblivion is inevitable, not everyone will remember you and love you, but I will and that is more than some people ever get, I feel like I’m not enough, my love isn’t enough for you, your parents, Mali and me will remember you even when you’re not here,” you cried quietly, his arms wrapped around your fragile body. “Y/N Y/M/N, you are more than enough. You’re the most beautiful person and I never get tired of looking at you, you’re funny without ever being mean and I’m in love you, you don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you and I like my choices, I’m the luckiest guy on this planet to be able to hold you close as I do right now, feel your heartbeat as I am right now and intertwine my fingers with you as I’m doing right now, and kiss your lips as I’m doing right now, okay?” His soft plump lips met yours, it felt like fireworks and sparkle when his lips met yours. His hands never letting yours slip away. “Okay.” you replied knowing he meant our own little forever. “So I’ve been thinking about the book, and I finally got the answer why it ends in a middle of a sentence,” “Let me hear,” You smiled at the look of his face in the moonlight. “I think it showed that life doesn’t stop for anyone, no mercy.” “I agree, it shows that life ends in a middle of sentence, life doesn’t give away goodbyes, but you will always get my goodbye, okay?” you turned your gaze upon the stars again as he kissed the top of your head. “okay.”
I fixed my black dress on last time, tugged some of my hair behind my ear as I hold back the tears. I glanced blankly as the priest talked. “ and now Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N is going to say a few words about Ashton Irwin.” Just by the sound of his name made memories flash by, the way he would look at you, the way he would always smile. I stumbled up to the podium, putting a cigarette of his coffin, causing myself to smile. “Ashton Irwin made me fall in love with him as you fall asleep slowly and then all at once, I don’t think I’m capable to talk about our love life more than it was like any other love story, it was forever. Instead I’m going to talk about mathematics, there are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s 0.1 and 0.12 and 0.122 and an infinite collection of others.
Of course there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2 or between 0 and 10 million, some infinites are bigger than others, Ashton Irwin taught us that. There’s days, many of them I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Ashton Irwin, than he got.
But Ash, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
You gave me a forever within the numbered of days and I’m grateful, I love you Ashton Fletcher Irwin.” I was now crying my eyes out, finding it hard to breath. He was gone, and I thought I was the ticking bomb.
Your eyes shot open as you struggled breathing, everything flashes around you, aching pain from your chest every time you inhaled . You felt a pair of strong arms carry you away in a rush, even in the rush you admired his beauty. His pale skin in the moonlight, and those perfect eyes that you could stare into all day. A few mumbles escaped his mouth as he rushed into his car. “Michael?” you croaked as he glanced at you with fear. “Stay with me Y/N,” you could feel your eyes getting heavier and heavier, it didn’t take long before everything was black.
Her skin looked pale, and she was cold, yet she managed to look so beautiful. I placed her cold hand in mine, the coldness didn’t matter, all that matter was her hand in mine. I sat for what felt like hours admiring her beauty.
Her beautiful eyes that I was so fond of opened and she gave me a weak smile, I squeazed her hand as I smiled widely. “I’m in love with you Y/N Y/M/N, and I know love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we we’ll ever have, and I’m in love with you even though you are ticking bomb,” A smile grew and she let out a small laugh. “I’m in love with you Michael Clifford,”