churchday

If You Only Believe / Peter Pan (OUAT) Fanfiction

PART 1

So, this will be a five part fanfiction about you and Pan (as in readerxpan). I will upload when I feel like it and have a competed part. I hope you enjoy this, let me know if you do; I apologize for spelling or grammar mistakes, gifs aren’t mine. You will find the other parts on my page if they’re out, don’t worry!

Word count: 1732

Warnings: Fluff, smut, violence, self hate, possessive/obsessive!pan

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As every other night you sit in your cosy armchair in your rooftop bedroom. Still living with your parents is normal for people your age, but still you don’t like the idea of not having the freedoms you wish you had. The boy dressed in green walks back to you after picking a book from your huge collection – a positive thing about living with your parents once again, an endless amount of books. He hands it over to you and seats himself in the armchair next to yours. You smile at the title, he had you read the story to him at least two times already.

„You know, you should be able to read this by yourself, you’re probably just around my age? Sixteen?“

„Of course I can read, I just want to hear the story read by your voice. It’s lovely,“ he said, his eyebrows moving in a funny yet attractive way, can he even help his eyebrows wiggling all the time? It is indeed distracting. His dark green eyes flash in the low light.

„Well, then…“ You smile.

You tell the boy the story about the girl, the one that lived in a futuristc ,dystopian universe; the world parted into groups of people, each group with their kind of tasks for the world. The girl that learned to fight and love after getting into a whole new world, only by changing the group of people she counted herself to.

„A gust of air presses against my left side, throwing my body weight to the right. I gasp and cling to the rungs, my balance shifting. Four’s cold hand clamps around one of my hips, one of his fingers finding a strip of bare skin just under the hem of my T-shirt. He squeezes, steadying me and pushing me gently to the left, resoring my balance.“

„This girl, she is one of the bravest I have ever heard of…“

You laugh: „Are you in love with her? That is making me jealous, my friend!“

After a few hours the boy – he never told you what his name was, saying it is a secret only few would keep to themselves – fell asleep in the armchair. You look at him for a while.

You wake up and rub your eyes. You open them and see a shadow gushing along behind your curtains, probably a crow… did I leave my window open?

It is a Sunday, Sundays are boring to you. Your parents make you go to church every Sunday, no matter how often you tell them you don’t believe in a god. You believe in a lot – magic for example – but not god. Why you believe in magic? You believe because you want it to be true. If nobody believed  magic, how could such a thing exist? You don’t believe in a god because you don’t want someone to have control about how your life goes by. Not you parents, not your school and teachers and not a supernatural power. You want to be free, live you life however you want to live it.

You look for your keys,  are they on your desk or in your bed or dresser? You find them within a few minutes. Of course they were still in your coat, meaning you had to go downstairs in your pajamas and go through every coat your wore recently. After you got back to your room you pick out the fitting key and open your bedside drawer. You shouffled through your most precious belongings until you pull out your diary. Yes you have a diary, however embarassing it may be. It looked extremely badass with the pastel rainbow cover.

You looked through the pages for about quarter an hour until you decide to write another entry, using your matching rainbow pastel pen with the pink fluffy tip – as manly as you come – you got from your best friend before she went on an exchange to New Zealand for a year. Obviously, she knew about your bedside drawer, your diary and other things in there.

Hey there Diary,

I dreamt of the boy again. I don’t understand where I am supposed to know him from. I have never met anyone that look like him and… you only dreams of people you have met at some point in your life, right? This is causing me so much confusion; I constantly wonder who he is or where he comes from or why I always sit in my room and read books to him. I have never ‘seen’ him somewhere else in any of my dreams. Magic is the only possibility, I guess.

Anyways, it is Sunday. Churchday. I think my parents should let me live my own way and stop pushing their habits onto me and expecting me to like it. Maybe playing sick would rescue me from sitting in church…

-Sunday, 10th of April, 2017

***

Today your parents wondered why you came home from school hours too early again. You don’t feel like telling them, they will find out fast enough, when your teacher calls them or your principal sends out a letter to them. They shout at you, wanting you to tell them „What stupid thing you have done again.“ You run upstairs and lock yourself up in your room.

You don’t know what you should do now. How to get rid of the anger slowly but surely building up in your stomach? You decide to write everything off of your soul.

Hey Diary! It’s me again…

I really don’t understand the people in my school… or just people in general. Justin, you know – THE Justin – made me nearly kill him. It was about Y/BF/N again, how I’m all alone without her. Only that this time it escalated into me kicking him straight in the nuts and getting on top of him…

I guess I need some more me time now, I should read something or just… lie there…

-Monday, 11th of April 2017

Also, you wrote down every word of the fight with Justin you remember on the next pages of you diary. Since you are definitly not in the right mood to read a nice book, you decide to put in your headphones, lie in bed and calm yourself down by listening to your favorite band. You close your eyes. Listening to your music helps for a few minutes only, after these few minutes you can’t help but think about the fight again…

After chemistry class you walk to the cafeteria to get yourself some breakfast, maybe a breakfast burrito… You walk pass the table all your school’s bullies gather in breaks to plan on which student to piss off next, today was your big day.

„Eh, Y/L/N! All alone again, huh? Your little friend still on the other side of the world?“

„Oh, ugly… what do you want to know?“ You don’t have time for anything of those cockhead’s shit and, after dropping one of your neatly prepared lines, you try to just keep on walking to the cashdesk.

„Let’s be honest, Y/BF/N only left so she doesn’t have to kill herself, huh? I mean, hanging out with you all the time, it’s the only other way she could have gotten away from your bullshit…“

What he said hit a switches in your body. Without really being able to control yourself you head back to the guy’s table and you feel your face tighten.

„What the fuck did you just say, Justin?“

He grinned in return, slowly standing up to walk to you, his face close to yours.

„She would kill herself if she only had to be your 'best friend’ for one more day, right? She probaly doesn’t even keep in touch with you in any shape or form.“

With that you tightened up and your knee went up to his crotch. His face reddens and he kneels on the floor in front of you.

„You stupid little slut!“

This time your push him on his back and sit on his chest. Multiple times your fist hits his face and you start crying. As your teacher walks up to you with swift strides you hit Justin one more time and hear and feel his nose crack under your pressure. You repress a satisfied grin.

„Miss Y/L/N, you come with me!“

You wait for the priniple in his office. He walks in after letting you wait for about ten minutes, his face in a slight frown.

„Miss Y/L/N, you are one of this school’s most valued students, you are highly intelligent, have an insane amount of opportunities and still, you decide to get yourself in trouble as often as you possibly can. I don’t know whether you hit your schoolmate for a reason, so I want to hear you explaining to me exactly what happened back in the cafeteria this morning.“

You explain him everything in the most detailed way you can, not leaving out the swearwords just for the sake of comedy. This whole fight is sort of funny to you, due to its satisfying ending.

„Y/N, I understand how the things the boy said to you must have hurt you, but as you are taught in first grade, probably in kindergarten already, violence is no solution for conflicts. You have an agression problem, which must be fixed. We will let your parents know to sign you up for psychiatrist.“

Without saying anything you leave his office and walk back home. If they think you have an aggression problem they have to stupid, if Justin didn’t try to get you to escalate, you wouldn’t have done that. It is your choice wheter you visit a therapist or not. Neglecting your free will… just as grown ups do…

Your music stops. You reached the last song in your playlist, what an achievement. You take out your headphones and open your eyes and let out a long breath. As you turn around you see someone sitting in your second armchair. It is the boy in his green clothes, your diary in his hands. Are you even asleep? You pinch your arm multiple times but you don’t awake.

„Uhm,“ you start, but you’re soon interrupted.

The boy turns to look into your eyes.

„I have never heard of those kinds of adventures, Y/N. You must be very strong to live through them!“

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Part 2