your first decision
Jimin x Reader
“You’re taking their side?”
“This isn’t about sides-”
“-I can’t believe you! What next, you lock me in my room like a misbehaving child-”
“-YOU COULD HAVE DIED!” In the aftermath of the shout, the silence seemed deafening. The other took a step closer, clutching hold of them. “You could have died,” softer. “I nearly lost you. If you want to make this about sides, I’m on whatever side keeps you alive. Can’t you see that?” (Credit: @the-modern-typewriter)
Warning: Suicide attempt.
You couldn’t do it anymore. How were you supposed to be happy if you couldn’t have control over your own decisions?
From a wealthy family with high social status, your parents had forced you to marry another boy you didn’t even know.
“It’s not at all like those rituals from third world, sweetheart” said your mother as she sipped a glass of wine.
“Of course not, we’ll give you time to meet Chungho”
“What if we are not compatible? Or what if I don’t like him?” You asked a little annoyed.
But instead of receiving a serious and grounded response, your parents laughed in your face.
“Don’t be naive, ____ No one marries for love, it’s business” and with that phrase, your father had finished the conversation.
At what point did your parents become frivolous, calculating and heartless leeches? Why you? Why this Chungho? Why could not it be Jimin?
A shiver ran down your back, A small gust of wind had brushed your body. You stroked your arms to stop all those goosebumps, but it was useless.
You could do little if you were sitting on the edge of a bridge over a river. In any case, you’d feel colder in a little while.
Jimin’s family wasn’t rich. In fact, Jimin was the son of one of your housemaids. Both had grown up together, were almost the same age and used to play together, as it was common for him to be with his mother while she worked.
At that time, your parents didn’t pay much attention to the situation, however, when you turned 15, surrounded by people of such class, was very harmful to your family name.
It wasn’t until you turned 18 when Jimin reappeared in your life. The morning of your birthday had been very peculiar. He had gone to your house to give you a bracelet he had made, with the excuse that his mother had forgotten one of his medicines at home.
Of all the empty and expensive gifts you had received in your 18 years, this one had been the best of all.
Jimin left early that day, not without a piece of paper with your number written on it. That day, Jimin was gone with your number and your heart.
But that didn’t matter to your parents. Of course not. You weren’t even 25 years old, and you were to marry a stranger.
And the only way to avoid it was in front of your eyes. Maybe, skipping swimming lessons had brought some benefits.
You caressed your wrist, just where the bracelet Jimin had made for you was. You closed your eyes and inhaled for the last time before jumping.
From now on, you would make the decisions.
White. Suddenly everything was white. Was this supposed to be paradise? Or hell? To be dead, everything was too bright.
“____” you heard a soft voice call your name.
It was soft and beautiful. Just like the man you had fallen in love with. Yes, it definitely had to be heaven.
“____, Can you hear me?”
Slowly you were regaining consciousness. It wasn’t paradise, it was a hospital. And it definitely was Jimin’s voice.
“Oh no…” You wanted to bring your hands to your face, but something prevented you from moving them at all. Belts prevented you from moving at all. “What… what’s this? Why am I tied to the gurney?”
You looked at Jimin, and it was when you realized that his eyes were swollen and red, just like every time he cried.
“Why, ____?” He asked in a broken voice.
“What, what are you talking about, Jimin? Please untie me, I feel a bit trapped”
Jimin looked at you in disbelief, and put his hand over yours, shaking his head.
“I can’t, they’re orders from your parents”
“What?” You asked silently “M-my parents? Not even a doctor?” You began to feel the already known ardor run through your blood.
“Why, ____? Why did you do this?”
You wanted to tell him how much you loved him, how much you appreciated him and how you slept every night thinking about him. How you dreamed of escaping away with him, marrying him and forming a family.
But he didn’t know your feelings.
Prisoner of pride, you decided to shut up.
“When my mother called me, I didn’t want to believe it,” he murmured, “You’re not like this. I want to understand, but I know your parents love you, and you have everything”
‘Not you,’ you thought.
“My parents don’t love me, Jimin. We grew up together, you should know” you murmured in pain.
Of course he knew. Had it not been for him, you would never have been able to open your eyes and realize the world full of lies in which your parents kept you.
Jimin shook his head again and sighed.
“Maybe they made the best decision”
“Maybe what-what, what are you talking about?” You didn’t get any response from her, which made you frustrated by her distant treatment “Jimin! What decision? Who took it?”
With his eyes filled with tears, he looked at you. Your heart cringed at his pain, of all the people in your life, he didn’t deserve to suffer.
Not good news, of course. If it involved your parents, usually and almost without exception, it was bad news for you.
“Your… your parents will send you to a psychiatric center”
'Beep. Beep. Beep’. The only thing you could hear in the room was the machine that monitored your heart rate. All the heat that was running a few seconds ago by your body disappeared. You had suddenly forgotten how to breathe.
Heat and anger had been replaced by cold and desolation. Your eyes began to fill with tears that you couldn’t stop. Every trace of joy at seeing Jimin in front of you was gone, slowly being replaced by anguish.
No. None of this should happen. You shouldn’t be in a hospital. Jimin shouldn’t be crying, and your parents shouldn’t continue to decide for you.
“No… no… please, no…”
“I am sorry, ____”
“I want to understand, but…” Jimin stroked fearfully at the straps that kept you as a lifeless body on the stretcher.
Everything was a whirlwind in your head, thousands of emotions accumulated in your throat, without being able to materialize in words. Thousands of voices screamed in your head, you could see your parents laughing, all your friends, and even people you didn’t even know. Behind all of them, Jimin standing in a corner, looking down and avoiding you completely.
“They want the best for you. Maybe the best…”
“No” you interrupted suddenly, your voice becoming stronger.
Jimin held his breath for a few seconds, then sighed again.
“____, it’s your parents, they just…”
As if by magic, all the whirlwind was gone, all the people who laughed at you. It was just you and Jimin now. Face to face. Jimin with the face of your father. Jimin with the face of your mother. Jimin laughing at you. Jimin walking away from you.
“You lie!” You screamed loudly.
He flinched at your reaction and slowly walked away from you.
“Now you’re going to believe I’m crazy, right? Do you really think I am? You can’t send me to an asylum!”
“It’s the best for you, ____” he confessed guiltily.
The room was getting thicker and thicker, and the tension in your wrists was already unbearable, as if someone adjusted them mercilessly, leaving you with no escape.
“You’re taking their side?”
“____, this is not about taking sides”
“I can’t believe it! After all we lived together, you decide to believe my stupid parents! And what are they going to do? Shut me up in a lunatic asylum!”
“You jumped off a bridge, ____!!” In the aftermath of the shout, the silence seemed deafening. He took a step forward “You tried to end your life” he repeated softly this time “I nearly lost you. If you want to make this about taking sides, I’m on whatever side keeps you alive. Can’t you see that?”
More tears fell on your face. You tried to pull you out for the last time from the straps that held your wrists, but you could not feel anything in them anymore.
Your heart stopped for a few seconds.
It wasn’t there.
You had lost it.
You had lost him.
And suddenly, something clicked on your head. You had lost everything.
“Go away” you whispered
“Get out of here!” You screamed, moving hard from the stretcher. “If you’re going to believe them instead of me, I don’t want to hear from you!”
“____, please I…”
“Go away! Go away! GO AWAY!!”
Jimin closed his eyes tightly, and nodded slowly. Your chest rose and fell notoriously, after so much screaming you had lost your breath.
He wiped his tears and approached you with the gesture of putting a kiss on your forehead, as he used to do every time he had to say goodbye to you, but you shook your head trying to frighten him, trying to push him away.
If everyone was going to believe you were crazy, you should give them plenty of reasons to confirm their suspicions.
Jimin sighed and looked at the floor.
“I am sorry”
“Fuck you” you grumbled between teeth.
And with those last words, the image of the love of your life disappeared by the door of your hospital room.
Without being able to control your emotions anymore, you screamed with all your might. Your throat ached and your head resounded, but none of it mattered anymore.
You shook your whole body, kicking with your legs in the air and frantically waving your head. You couldn’t even move your own body with freedom. Not even that you could control in your life. Nothing belonged to you, the only thing that was yours, you had lost it.
Three nurses rushed into your room, one of them with a syringe in her hand.
None of this should have happened. Your parents shouldn’t make decisions for you. You shouldn’t go to a psychiatric center. You shouldn’t be tied to a stretcher while a nurse injected sedative and Jimin shouldn’t have left your life.
You should be dead.