Chibs Telford imagine #1.
Hope you like it!
Seeing him on a day to day basis was never my plan after things went downhill. But I was extremely stupid to think that I would never see him again. I work at his shop for Christs sake, of course I’d see him. And being friends with the one woman that accepts me, Gemma, I’d be bound to catch a glimpse of him.
But maybe I stick around because I do want to see him. Its like a magnet finding its connecting side. I immediately find his face in crowds, no matter who is in the way. I catch glimpses of the goatee, the sunglasses that frame his face, and the scars on his cheeks that I ran my fingers over while he slept late into the mornings and afternoon.
It seems like just yesterday I was curled up on his chest tracing the outline of a tattoo inked permanently into his skin, listening to the soft breaths that leave his parted lips and that little ‘pat pat’ of his heart beneath my ear. But it has been weeks since that last happened, months even and I’m still not over him.
He’s the only man I’ll ever want, even if he’s well beyond my age. The only old man I could ever be with. And the haunting reminder of his crow tattooed just under my breasts spread out to curl around them has me rarely looking at my nude body in the mirror. I can no longer look at myself without wanting to drown in tears.
The crow was supposed to mean forever and always, like a wedding ring and signed legal papers. But apparently that isn’t the case anymore and I’ll have to soon enough get Happy to black it out for me. Or live with the horrible reminder for the rest of my life.
He’d told me as Happy moved the tattoo gun over my skin, black ink being punched into my skin forever, that he’ll always be by my side. And that lie has left a permanent knot in my throat, leaving me with the threat of tears dripping down my cheeks. Will I ever be over him? Probably not. Gemma says I’ll get passed it, but I don’t think I will.
Sat in the office of the TM, I’m looking over paperwork Gemma had left behind for me to finish up for her, typing into the computer before filing things away. Chucky is helping, the little sounds of his kazoo making me smile. It isn’t until there are heavy foot falls of boots and a soft knock at the door that I look up from my work, my heart jumping into my throat at the sight of Chibs. He’d been avoiding coming into the office when I worked but he’d apparently forgotten that Gemma had taken off to be with her grandkids because the look of surprise and almost shock on his face says it all.
He clears his throat and Chucky slowly stops playing his kazoo, looking between us too. “Give us a minute, Chucky boy?” Chibs breathes and Chucky looks to me, taking hold of his kazoo so he can talk. “Do you want me to leave?” He asks and I take a deep breath, putting down a file and nodding. “Just a few minutes, Chucky.” I smile politely to him and he nods. “I accept that.” He states before sauntering out, eyeing Chibs as he does.
Chibs runs a hand through his hair before he pushes his sunglasses up over his hair. “In here workin’ alone, love?” He asks, his accent sending shivers down my spine, and I rest my elbows on the table, shaking my head. “I have Chucky.” I manage to get out without tripping over my words, my hands beginning to sweat out of nervousness.
He just nods and takes a seat, sighing softly. “How’ve you been?” He asks and I thoroughly think this question through. Does he really even care? “I’ve been good.” I finally answer after a few prolonged seconds, giving him a bit of a forced smile. I can’t tell if he realizes it’s fake or not, he’d be able to recognize if it was considering we’d been together for going on five years.
“That’s good, lass.” He says and I immediately look away from him, my chest aching. “I have to get back to work, Chibs.” I whisper and he inhales deeply. I only ever called him Filip, resorting to Chibs when I was mad or upset with him. He stands, glancing around the office for a moment. “I miss you.” He whispers before he walks out and leaves me sitting there.
I sit, my hands grasping at the edge of the desk, tears uncontrollably falling down my cheeks, gasping in breaths. Chucky comes back in, noticing the tears immediately and moving to help clean them from my face with a paper towel, shushing me softly. He’s no help, my chest rising and falling unevenly. Gathering my things, I apologize before I rush out to my car, knowing the boys can see my tears as I pass them. But I’m gone before any of them can stop me.
The sobs break through when I’m alone in the safety of my car, my throat aching and sore after just a few seconds, gripping tightly onto the steering wheel.
I miss him too.