chubbydollface

I keep this photo in my phone and I often have to go look at it . . People tell me I’m ugly or I’m fat it hurts I can’t lie but this photo reminds me of where I was and where I am now.. I am definitely not as small as I would like to be but I’m not 350 + lbs either .. Wish I could remember this when I’m being put down but I’m working on me and learning to love me and like me .. It’s hard but I’m trying .

Hood bar.

Last night I went out. I had a great time.
I can’t wait until I don’t care what anyone thinks of me so I can feel liberated for real.

I danced and smiled but while I danced I couldn’t help but wondered if the women who watched, laughed and talked with there friends if they where looking,laughing and talking about me.

I know some of it is my insecurities but I know how ratchet girls are though to.(don’t fight me on this, I’ve seen it first hand for years so stoppitt) Doesn’t matter how cute you look or pretty you look or how nice you are they always talk shit about plus size girls (unless you they home girl). But fuck it I’m happy I didn’t let anyones facial expressions stop my chunky self from shaking my ass. I love to dance and laughing. I’m an old lady at heart so when old club/house music comes on it’s like I have to go 2 step lol . .

Anyway I got drunk,had a bomb ass steak and danced my ass off. And I looked cute as fuck lol but I did though ..

Double rainbow 🌈💕

So we had a really lit storm that lasted a good couple hours. The rain was hard but pretty and the thunder and lightening was beautiful. The rain finally slowed down and outside my window it looked like the sky was a mixture of lavender and peach which I love. And when I opened my window it was the most vibrant double rainbow that I’ve ever seen, it gave me some much life. I was outside in a little ass dress and flip flops trying to capture it lol. It made my whole day. .

Bestfrannn.

So my Best friend is meeting up with this girl she’s been talking to for awhile. The girl hit her up on instagram..

The girl swears she knows my Best from highschool but my Best doesn’t remember this girl like at all LOL. The girl is really cute and has an awesome body , my friend is nervous that she is being catfished or some other wild shyt is happening.

Before I could ask she told me she was going to send me the address to the hotel, the room number and the first and last name of the girl she’s meeting lol.

I’m excited for her because this could be something new and really positive for her or this is going to make for a very hilarious story that we will tell our kids one day lol.

Either way she has me on standby lol .. If something happens that she isn’t with, she’ll text me 911 and I’m to call her with some outlandish story about why she must come get me or something lol .

Lonely girl.

One of the worse feelings in the world is to feel unwanted.
I’m crazy timid and when I actually get up enough nerve to ask you to do anything something but kinda like nothing really but just come hang with me or let me keep you company and you play my shit? .. It’s such a kick in the pussy.
I always do this knowing no one has interest in being my friend.

Recently, well I thought I found me a little Boo thang but I was wrong. We would chill drink listen to music and talk and laugh about anything and everything, always gave me compliments and I did the same. Held hands kissed and cuddle and such.. Idk I always tried really hard and always was ignored. I would text first and last. I would snap them even but was always just shown the interest wasn’t mutual. Everytime we hung I thought it was fun but idk I guess I was the only one actually enjoying our time together.. So after a week or 2 went by of no contact from them but they would be watching all my snaps smfh I finally shot my shot. I asked if we could go bowling (thinking maybe the issue was I never initiate first ) because I love to bowl and so did they. Basically after some minor flirting back and forth about how I wasn’t going to win and blah blah blah .. When I asked what day would be good for them I was just left on read.. It hurt my little heart and still makes me feel like damn what’s wrong with me that you don’t want to see me anymore? What’s wrong with me that you don’t feel the need to text me back after hours and days even?

I used to call this girl my sis because thats how we where, like sisters. Time after time she gets a new man and she forgets about me and everyone else. When she would break up with them or have a fight she would call me or just pop up at my house and we would lay in my bed and drink and talk till she felt better (I never addressed how she was just brushing me off cause of her new penis in her life) Whenever I went through something with my ex she was always there as much as she could be . . Lately it’s like I did something to her like I offended her and she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. . If I had millions of friends and stuff it wouldn’t matter but like from talking on the phone everyday or seeing each other every other day to seeing her a couple times a month(to pick up my god daughter from her) hurts bad as hell ..
I asked her what happened ? What I do ? She always reply with “idk what you talking about” .. So despite how distant she’s been I shot my shot and hit her up earlier this week about kicking it with her this weekend on her days off. To my surprise she was down to kick it.. So today I hit her like what’s good what we drinking and getting into (mind you I’m super chill so getting a bottle and sitting on her porch or mine listening to oldies would be literally Everything to me) she starts hitting me with super lame excuses about money and she tired and don’t got nothing to wear like I just said okay I understand and let it be. Mind you all her 4 of her kids are away so why wouldn’t you want to kick it with me? What’s wrong with me ? What I do to you ? Why do I miss my friend but my friend doesn’t miss me?

Just feels like I’m unwanted by everyone I care to be with. I’m in my feelings, I feel like I have no one. Every weekend I go to the bar alone because I have no one to do things with . It’s fine after a couple double shots of whiskey I won’t feel this way anymore. It just sucks cause once I sober up I feel this way all over again .

Umm someone who invited me out last weekend basically blew me off then rescheduled , just to blow me off this weekend as well lol. 

Also my whole entire house has driven down south for my cousin graduation and so I have the house to myself.

You would think the party gods would shine on a lil baby but naa.

It’s Littt 😒😂

Originally posted by heckyeahreactiongifs