chronically awkward

Today I got a hundred questions about my robots during swimming and my goodness are children nosy and act entitled to your body and information about it. I understand that a lot of them don’t know better, but I also know that it’s poor socialization with people that have an apparent difference. But soon enough they should know better and I hope that in knowing the girl with “all the stuff attached” to her will help them understand the existence of the disabled and how to talk to us. Like, no, you can’t just poke me and my equipment and no you can’t feel me whenever you want, plus you’re stepping on my site and that hurts, pumpkin… A lot. Get off. When I was little I was taught to not make people who are different feel weird about it. That included staring, pointing, making nasty faces, making them talk about it when they didn’t want to, bluntly asking “what’s wrong with you?” Etc Being curious is great. And being sensitive and polite is also great. And learning about disabilities when you’re a child is also great. Just to be clear, I am always kind to the kids. I answer their questions. I show them my pump. but I correct them because I don’t want them making an insecure person feel bad about their illness. [Why I’m even wearing a bikini (and my sister’s bikini at that) instead of a one piece is bc I forgot to dry my laundry so everything was too wet, including those shorts, hence I was exposed and quite self-conscious today.] Anyway, I just got an extra amount of questions today. That’s all I really wanted to say. Most of my campers are too young to understand anything beyond the word “medicine” though.


Forever sitting in the corner of the room and ppl watching~*~*~

i’ve come out three times first as queer and then as trans
both times met with acceptance and metaphorical clapping of hands
third time was met with disbelief an awkwardness so chronic
they thought i must be joking when i said i’m an alcoholic
they said i was too young as if there’s an age limit for addiction
and they drink way more than me and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them
i can’t say that i agree when our friendship’s based on getting drunk
and sober conversation’s a ship of silence that can’t be sunk

‘cuz I drink when I’m happy
and i drink when i’m sad
and i drink when life is going well
and when it turns out bad
i drink to remember
and i drink to forget
my mum said that if i carry on
i’ll probably end up dead *

i first realised there were problems when i woke in a strangers bed
i didn’t know where the fuck i was and i couldn’t feel my head
i lost most of my money and i lost most of my clothes
and with that i found my pants and took to the open road
i tried to call my friends but none of them picked up
they were probably still out clubbing
or probably just too drunk
so i called the one woman on whom i can rely
'hi mum it’s me i’m lost’ i said and then i began to cry
look around what can you see she asked and i could see big ben
and i found a train station and promised this won’t happen again
when i promised that i meant it my drinking career would end
but it didn’t stop me doing the exact same thing that next weekend


if you think it’s not a problem then let me tell you this
i promised my best friend i’d stopped drinking that same night i got pissed
i missed her exhibition because i was so hungover
it doesn’t take a genius to work out that friendship’s over
when you wanna put down the bottle but you’ve lost all the willpower
and you slip on the bathroom floor and knock yrself out in the shower
and you try to kill yourself 'cuz you’re convinced you won’t be missed
the next morning you realise you only felt that way 'cuz you were pissed
when you’re abusive towards yr friends and abusive towards yr partner
and you wake up with no recollection of that behaviour after
if you’ve still got the audacity to tell me i’m okay
then my friend stay the fuck outta my life and stay the fuck outta my way


* stands for the chorus

When I talk about my illness and it upsets my family

Originally posted by ididnotknow-this

[Gif is from an infomercial. A family is at the dining table playing cards. The mom tries to pour soda out of a plastic bottle and ends up spilling it everywhere. While the rest of the family backs away from the mess, she shrugs and acts baffled as to how that happened. Lastly, a red X appears across the gif.]