Hi Chrmd, for the ask game: #22 with Clarke and Lexa :)
22. Things you said after it was over.
The vibration of her phone under her pillow pulls Lexa from the haze of sleep. She rubs at her eyes with one hand while searching around under her pillow with the other. When her fingers curl around the vibrating device, she swipes her thumb across the screen to accept the call without even checking the ID.
Face still smashed into her pillow, she presses the phone to her hear and mutters, “Hello?”
The muffled sounds of sniffling and quiet gasps filter through only seconds before a croaked, “I miss you,” slips out, and Lexa is instantly wide awake.
She pushes her hair out of her face and blinks her eyes more fully open. “Clarke,” she croaks, her heart clenching and her stomach rolling. Her eyes begin to burn with tears as Clarke continues to cry in her ear and repeats the same words over.
“I miss you.”
Swallowing around the jagged lump forming in her throat, Lexa says, “You said you never wanted to see me again.”
I’m glad that Clarke and Lexa can actually talk through things. They aren’t trying to dominate one another. Lexa presents an option, and Clarke either agrees or disagrees. She brings up an alternative if she disagrees, and Lexa considers it.
I don’t consider Clarke presenting this option to be manipulation. She knows, by now, that Lexa will offer her a chance to speak and to express what she thinks is best, and she also knows that Lexa will, if even for only a moment, consider whatever it is that Clarke has to say. She has no need to manipulate her or even to try.
Her saying, “You say you want peace …” and her whole spiel–these are real things. This is a real conversation. This isn’t Clarke working Lexa over. This is her saying–can we salvage this? Can we fix this? Is now the time? I’m asking you because only you can tell me, only you can decide about this, this one thing, this one thing right now in this moment–only you can decide, and whatever you decide, I’ll accept it.
Lexa has all the power here, and she does, as Clarke said, want peace. She also trusts Clarke, and as much as she has taught Clarke, she has learned from her as well. They are better together. They can talk through things, work out solutions together.
In the end, it is Lexa’s choice, and her taking counsel or listening to ideas from someone she trusts and who has proven herself formidable isn’t weak. It is patient and strong, and instead of making a hasty decision with her heart, she is letting everything sink in, including Clarke’s point, and making a decision with BOTH head and heart, because peace, eventual peace, is something she wants for her people and something that her people need.
Also, right now, it might be the best strategy overall. The reaction could go one of two ways–their lack of retaliation could show that they are not the savages Pike has claimed them to be, that Pike and the Arkers are, in fact, the savage ones. Or it could reinforce Pike’s point–that they have scared the Grounders into leaving them alone and vacating.
I’m interested to see what Lexa and Clarke’s next moves will be.
Also, Clarke better protect Lexa with her life (not that Lexa needs her protection, but seriously). I’m just saying. She’s trusting you on this. You better have her back when people come for her.
Clarke rushes to the front of the crowd, and Lexa sees her.
The relief that washes over her is visible, because Clarke is a source of strength for her, a source of motivation, a reminder of a life that can be had, a life filled with more than survival. She is a symbol of hope for Lexa, invigorating her spirit and her fight, but if she falls, if she doesn’t survive this … She can end her fight with her love by her side, with her love watching over her, with the love she never thought she would have again.
And Clarke’s eyes are so full of goodbyes, goodbyes she is preparing herself for, goodbyes she knows, already, will destroy her. But she is willing to be destroyed here, now, if it means Lexa doesn’t have to do this alone, doesn’t have to fight alone, doesn’t have to die alone.
Lexa picks up that drawing, sees that Clarke’s content silence, Clarke’s comfort, Clarke’s focus, Clarke’s passion has created an image of her; hears that slight tremor in Clarke’s voice, that hesitation, that sudden shy quality when she says the work isn’t yet finished, and I think, in that moment, Lexa feels something she hasn’t felt in a long time where she and Clarke are concerned.
So, are Jessica and Trish in love? Because I’ve literally only watched two episodes of Jessica Jones, and they are acting like lovers who went through a rough separation but are still totally in love with each other …
Raven is gutting me in every single one of her scenes, but what I love about it is that the show isn’t shying away from her physical trauma and the emotional trauma that comes with it.
To go from someone who is fully able-bodied, incredibly fit and physically capable, to someone who has trouble standing up, who can’t take a step without overwhelming pain, who always has to ‘catch up’. To go from someone who could do damn-near anything, who was the first person anyone and everyone would call, to someone who can’t get something off a shelf, who can’t pull herself onto or off of a horse, who can’t do things that used to come so naturally now without assistance, who has to find a way to just be ‘useful’ now. To go from being front of the race to only making it to the ribbon once the crowd has cleared away and everyone has gone.
This, I think, is how Raven is seeing herself right now, how she is feeling about herself right now.
She has lost so much, and she can’t even take comfort in knowing she still has herself and all she has ever been to count on, because she feels like she doesn’t even have that. She didn’t only lose loved ones. She lost a piece of herself, or several pieces, and she feels like she is falling apart.
And she can’t let herself be put back together, because she fears she can’t be, and because a part of her, I think, believe she doesn’t deserve to be after everything and when others don’t even have breath in their lungs.
Raven’s struggle is the most heart-wrenching to me, painful, visceral, and Lindsey Morgan is doing an astonishing job with this role.
To watch her work toward healing, work toward allowing people in to help her, work toward the realization that she CAN still be the confident, brilliant, WONDERFUL, and much, much, much valued and needed person she has always been even with her disability …