christmas-stories

i first discovered my passion for wood carving in 10th grade at a christmas workshop where we were supposed to make santa figures out of tree branches. i thought “how hard can it be?” and picked the thickest branch there was and began carving. despite being relatively confident in my own abilities as a wood carver, i was surprisingly not immediately good at it. the biggest problem was that my teacher didn’t explain to me that you’re not supposed to carve towards yourself, he just sort of gave us some knives and left us to ourselves. 

as i worked on my santa i kept accidentally cutting myself, and my classmates grew more and more worried. some of them had to face away from me because i supposedly made them too nervous. eventually our teacher showed up because one of the boys in our group let out a loud scream as i accidentally cut myself for the fifth time, and when he saw my santa figure he decided to finish it for me. perhaps because he felt sorry for me, or perhaps because the whole class was begging him to. 

unfortunately by this point my whole santa was already covered in blood, and once my teacher was done he questioned whether i should be allowed to bring it home with me at all. after speaking to another teacher they decided i could, as long as i painted it first.

so i did, but after i had painted it my santa didn’t look like a santa anymore. it looked more like a penguin in a santa suit (which is not as bad as it sounds)

despite the fact that i had a couple of accidents along the way i still had a pretty decent time, and once i learned that you’re not supposed to carve towards yourself there was nothing holding me back from becoming the great wood carver i am today

Wanna Hear A Cute Christmas Story??

No?

Screw you.

I'ma tell it anyhoo.

So, one Christmas I wore a santa hat at my register. Most kids thought I was Santa, despite the fact that I am young skinny girl. 

I knew they thought I was Santa cause they would listen and they just stared at me in wonder and awe.

One little girl worked up the nerve to ask me. “A-aare you Santa?”

I giggled a little. “No silly, I'ma elf.”

She gasped. “A eff!” then her eyes narrowed. “You awful taww for an eff.”

I giggled again. “I’m not normally this tall. But because they needed the extra help down here, they gaved me vitamins and vegables, and POOFED, I growed all up!”

She gasped, hiding a little bit behind where my scale was. But she wasn’t quite convinced.

“Den how you get hewe?”

I paused in my checking, leaned over and softly sang. “Rudolph with your nose so bright. Won’t you guide my sleigh to–”

I didn’t even get to finish, cause she was clapping her hands and jumping around. 

“Wudolph!? You bwought Wudolph?”

I was like. “Ssssh, it’s a secret.”

She covered her mouth and said much softer. “You.. has Wudolph.. here?”

By this point her parents are either awed, or horrified, I couldn’t quite tell.

I nodded. “He’s double parked outside, but you can’t see him cause he has an invisibility cloak on for his own protection.”

She gasped. “Bu-but, what if de caws can’t see him!”

I shook my head. “Oh Rudi is a smart Reindeer. He knows when to fly to the roof and avoid crowds. I got him plenty of berries and treats so he don’t get too bored.”

She nodded in understanding. Of course I couldn’t just let the most famous reindeer of all just scamper about without the protection of an invisibility cloak.

“Y'know, I couldn’t be here without Rudi. It gets really foggy back home and gosh, it would be horrible to get LOST.”

She was just nodding along. 

“D-dussat mean you know…Sanny Claus." 

My eyes must have lit up like Christmas trees cause she jumped back and gasped.

"Oh, of course me and Sanny are tight. I mean, he only sends him most trusted elves to walmart.”

“Does he WEALLY have a list?”

I narrowed my eyes. “What did you say your name was again?”

Her eyes got huge. “Lisa.”

“Ahhh,  yes, Lisa. On the good list this year. Do you eat your veggies and listen to your parents?” She nodded her head. “D'ya pick up your toys and help out?” She nodded. Her parents nodded too.

“Ahh, I can see why you’re on the good list. And on the count you been so good about keeping me and Rudy’s secret.” She zipped her lips and threw away the key. “Ahh. I guess I could talk to the big guy. Just tell me, what’s something you really really REALLY want, and I’ll make sure he knows.”

At this point both parents are trying to lean in and hear us. I bent down next to her and she cupped her hand to mine and said. “A choo choo train.”

“A choo choo train?” I said as I pulled away, her dad looked ready to break into a celebratory dance. “A train that goes "wooh woooh chugga chugga” she nodded her head.

“Alrighty.” I had already gotten their total ready. I told them their total, took out a piece of paper and wrote “Dear Sanny, Lisa wants a choo choo train” on a piece of receipt tape and handed it, along with her parents.

She was so excited. Her dad was excited too. He picked her up and she kept on waving as they left. Her mom stayed behind.

“I… I just wanted to thank you.”

I shrugged. “It’s all good.”

“No, you don’t understand. She wrote her letter to Santa and mailed it. She wouldn’t let us look at it. We had no idea she wanted a train set. You just… thank you.”

“Your welcome, I’m glad I could help.”

“And..  you ..  you had that thing… thought out… like really detailed thought out.”

I shrugged. “I have ADHD ma'am. I know kids ask questions. It’s reckon I’d want answers to the important ones. Merry Christmas.”

“Yes yes… Merry Christmas.”

And that’s probably the coolest fucking thing that’s ever happened to me at work.

8

(Click on the pic for captions!)
A fun little seasonal AU me and @louisianartz​ come up with around christmas. Ladies and gentlemen, let us present to you A Caroltale AU, In which:
Mettaton: Ebenezer Scrooge 
Sans: Mr. Cratchit.
Burgerpants: Jacob Marley
Napstablook: Mettaton’s one and only family who is still there waiting.
Toriel and Pap: The Cratchit family.  
Frisk: Tiny Tim.
Grillby: Ghost of Christmas past.
Asgore: Ghost of Christmas present.
W.D Gaster: Ghost of Christmas yet to come.

Story: In a jolly christmas night, with the visit of 3 ghosts of christmas, Mettaton the fame lusting scourge, rediscovered the true meaning of christmas and a life of happiness. 

Had a lot of fun working on this with the very talented @louisianartz. Check her out if you have not!

Q: What’s the worst Christmas comic you’ve ever read? — @franzferdinand2

A: Folks, I have read a lot of Christmas comics. For a while, they were the only thing I actually “collected.” I’d buy any Christmas story I could find, any comic with Santa Claus in it, anything that had the requisite number of sleighs and trees with lights on ‘em, and as a result, I have seen some genuinely terrible Christmas stories. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of good ones too, but when you’re reading every Christmas story out there, you run across plenty that are overly cynical, mean-spirited, or just plain not very good.

And every now and then, you read the two-part Krampus story in Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose, which is a piece of work unto itself.

ASK CHRIS: TAROT AND THE KRAMPUS AND THE WORST CHRISTMAS STORY

@imreallyjustanactor

Gods he hated to do this.  And if it wasn’t for the weather canceling his flight home, Cris would have never even considered this an option.  But he was stuck in Dublin - on Christmas Eve - and every hotel was booked.  And he only knew one person in this entire city.

Ringing the bell, Cris fidgeted with his phone, trying to decide how immoral it would be to mess with hotel records and boot someone from their room on Christmas Eve.  Deciding he was a better person than that, he sighed and waited for the man to open the door.

What’s A Christmas?

Fandom: Homestuck

Characters: Post-Retcon Meteor Crew (minus Gamzee)

Ships: none

Summary: The first December on the meteor rolls around, and Rose and Dave try to teach their troll friends the ways of a human Christmas.

“What’s a….Christmas?” Karkat yelled asked the shade wearing cool kid to his right. 

The StriLalonde duo had been keeping track of the days spent on the meteor, and had determined that it was about December 20th. To make the meteor more home-like, they decided they would organize a Christmas for the trolls and themselves. Share their culture and the like. Well, that was the plan, anyway.

“Well, you know it’s.. I don’t know it’s just Christmas. How can you not know what Christmas is?” Dave replied. Seriously, how the fuck were you supposed to explain Christmas to aliens?

“What Dave was trying to say was that Christmas is a human holiday, on December 25th,  meant to celebrate the birth of a religious figure.” Rose explained. Well, apparently that was how the fuck you were supposed to you were supposed to explain Christmas to aliens. 

“Yeah, okay, but pretty much everyone worships Santa instead.” Dave retorted. Rose rolled her eyes as Terezi continued the Christmas interrogation. 

“But what’s a Santa?” the blind troll had barely finished asking before Dave groaned. While he was groaning, an idea came to him.

“Wait, you guys watched like, all of our lives, right?” he asked. Maybe this would get them somewhere.

“Well duuuuuuuuh,Jeez Strider, did you not pay attention?” Vriska bitched answered. Dave smiled. Hell yes, this would definitely get them somewhere.

“Okay, so you know the times when like, their was a bunch of green and red shit everywhere? And for some reason we had trees in our houses? With boxes underneath them? Yeah, that shit? That shit was Christmas.” Dave explained. Please let this work…

This trolls thought about this, trying to remember what Dave was describing. Terezi, however, was a bit harder to remind. Or at least, harder to keep on track.

“Wow, Dave, that is so mean! There is a blind girl in the room, you can’t just ask if we remember colors.” the red eyed troll complained. Vriska scoffed.

“OH MY G-,” Karkat began, “CAN WE PLEASE JUST KEEP THIS ON TOPIC?” Karkat was right, if things kept like this, they would never get back on track.

“Yes, I second Karkat’s suggestion. Also, yes, Dave, I do remember those things, although, I feel like that is not the entirety of  this ‘Christmas.’” Kanaya said. She was right, that wasn’t all there was to Christmas. However, it was definitely a step in the right direction.

“No, it isn’t. Christmas is a lot more than that, actually. The red and green are deemed the colors of the holiday, and I could get into the history of Christmas trees, but I’d rather not have Karkat blow his fuse.” Before Karkat could interrupt, Vriska had had enough.

“Okay okay, we get it. But is this actually going anywhere?” She was right, unfortunately. They could be here for days trying to explain the spirit of Christmas to the trolls. It would be best to get to the point asap.

“Yeah actually there is,” Dave began, “We were hoping we could start up some Christmas biz. Y’know, to pass the time and shit.” The trolls considered it, and it didn’t take long for most of them. Why not? It could be fun.

“I think I speak for all four of us when I say we would be happy to help you.” Kanaya said with smile. The two humans looked at each other and smiled.


Step One Of Christmas: Christmas Tree

Well, they couldn’t exactly get an actual tree, but they still needed one. It was the Mayor who came up with the idea for their makeshift tree. He held up his pieces of chalk with his cute tiny arms. 

“Oh hell yes,” Dave replied, “Drawing a tree will be perfect. Good idea Mayor. This definitely deserves a hug.” After Dave and the Mayor got their hug on, Dave drew the outline for the Christmas tree and the star, while the Mayor went to go get Terezi. When he was done, the Knight told his two elves to go crazy decorating the thing. 

This would be way better than Dave’s usual fake ass tree.

Tree-Check.


Step Two Of Christmas: Stockings and a Fireplace

This one was certainly going to be hard. That is, if one of the rooms on the meteor didn’t conveniently have a fireplace. How convenient, am I right? Once they had decorated the room up a bit, Rose began knitting some stockings for everyone. Thank god for that nicely placed fireplace. 

Stockings with a Fireplace-Check


Step Three Of Christmas: Ugly Sweaters

Oh no. Oh shit. This. This was going to be the truly hard one.

Back on Earth, the traditions of intentionally wearing ugly sweaters for Christmas had just started getting big. Most of the trolls hadn’t thought much of it, after all it was just some stupid human thing, right? But Kanaya. Kanaya had despised this. 

When Dave had suggested to her the ugly sweaters, Rose had mentally face palmed. ‘Really, Dave?’ she had thought, ‘You just asked the most fashion savvy person they knew if they could make ugly Christmas sweaters?’

To Rose’s shock, Kanaya only grimaced. She didn’t complain, nor did she scowl. Instead, she nodded and asked for designs It was because Kanaya knew how important this was to the two. Christmas seemed to be a big thing for humans, and even though Kanaya hated the thought of making ugly sweaters, she could do it if it meant so much to her two friends. 

Dave was ecstatic; Rose was happily amused.

Ugly Sweaters-Check


Step Four Of Christmas: Gifts

After they had done a little more explaining about Christmas, they had decided to just do a Secret Santa gift exchange. Everyone had slipped their name into a hat and whoever they picked they need to get a gift for.

Dave had gotten Vriska, Rose had gotten Terezi, Karkat had gotten Rose, Kanaya got Dave, Terezi with Karkat, and Vriska had been left with Kanaya. They had decided to all get a little something for the Mayor, too.

Dave

Vriska. What the fuck was Dave supposed to get for Vriska. He had to think long and hard about what to for her, trying his best to remember anything John had told him about her. Then it came to him. She liked roleplaying or whatever, right? LARPing or some shit, yeah. He could probably work with that. He’d need some help though. 

He went to Terezi and asked her anything and everything about this whole LARPing thing. Terezi explained that they had both based their characters on their Ancestors, and began to explain as much as she could about Vriska’s Ancestor, Mindfang. Before she had finished, he had it. He would need Kanaya.

Rose

At first, Rose was going to find a book on Earth law for Terezi. However, there were two problems with that plan. One: Earth was destroyed, and she highly doubted she would find one on an alien meteor. Two. Terezi was fucking blind,

So, with that out, she needed to come up with something else. There had to be something she could make. What did she know about Terezi? Terezi was bling, liked law and justice, had some dragon stuffed animal things, and like role playing. Wait. Dragons. That was it. Rose could work with dragons.

Karkat

Ugh. Could someone please remind Karkat why he had to do this? Oh right. To make his friends happy. He guessed that was an okay reason. Anyways, gifts. He had to get a gift for Rose. Rose, Rose, Rose. What the fuck was he supposed to get Rose? What did he even have in common with Rose?

Nothing, that was what. This was stupid, why did he have to get someone he didn’t know much about a gift? All Karkat wanted to do was sit down and cuddle with the Mayor and watch romcoms and-

Wait one shitty minute. Romcoms. Romance. Rose liked romance books, right? After all, she had stolen a troll romance book more than once from the library. ‘That was it’, he thought. Perfect.

Kanaya

This shouldn’t be too hard, right? Dave was pretty open about his hobbies, wasn’t her?

That was what Kanaya had thought, but she slowly began to realize this would be a bit hard. He liked dead things, but she couldn’t exaclty just bring him a corpse. Well actually, she could, after all, there were enough lying around, but that would surely be frowned upon. He liked music, but she was no composer. What else was there to Dave Strider?

Eventually, she went to Rose for help. 

“Rose, what does Dave want for Christmas?” she asked in defeat.

Rose smirked and went into thought. Finally, she answered.

“Well, first off, definitely don’t get him puppets. But other than that…” The blond smirked once again and went into whisper her answer. Kanaya smiled. She could easily do that.

Terezi

Karkat and her were best buds, this should be easy. There had to be something he needed, right? Karkat was always complaining about shit he needed…

Then Terezi thought of all of the broken floors in Karkat’s old hive. The memories filled her with an idea.

Vriska

Psht. This would be the easiest gift ever. Vriska knew Kanaya so well, how could this ever go wrong? Literally, why was everyone complaining about how hard this gift exchange was? Kanaya would love her gift, that was for sure.

Christmas couldn’t come soon enough.


Christmas morning, 8:30AM

“KARKATKARKATKARKAT BROBROBROBRO WAKE UP IT IS CHRISTMAS BRO”

Karkat jolted awake as Dave began jumping up and down on him. He then proceeded to shove his head under his pillow. No way in fuck was he getting up this early.

That is, if Dave had given him the choice.

The albino human had put all of his weight on the smaller troll and began making an indescribable noise. Actually, on second thought, it definatly was describable. 

Annoying

As

Fuck

“Oh my fucking-” Karkat bolted up, causing Dave to fall to the floor. “Fine, I’m awake, happy?” By the dumb grim on Dave’s face, he knew the answer was yes. Karkat rolled his eyes as Dave jumped up and grabbed the nubby horned teen’s arm. “Come onnnnnn, let’s goooooooo” the red eyed child teen whined. “We have to go wake up everyone else!”

Grumbling, Karkat got up and reluctantly followed Dave out of his room, and proceeded to wake up the others. When everyone was awake with some hot cocoa Rose had conjured up, they all sat in front of the fire place and their drawn tree, will seven gifts underneath. 

The first to open their gifts was the Mayor. Everyone smiled as the Mayor quickly put on his gift. It had been Dave and Karkat’s idea, and Kanaya had sewn them. The Mayor had his very own shoes, complete with bells on the toes. Dave squealed as the tiny man walked around and his bell jingled. He would proceed to squeal every time the Mayor walked for the next month.

Next was Dave, was was probably more excited than he should have been. Then again, this was his first proper Christmas. Dave was very happy to open his box to a tiny Mayor. A tiny plush Mayor, to be exact. He practically tackled Kanaya into a hug, thanked her, and told her he would never put the thing down. true to his word, wouldn’t put the plush down, unless he was showering, for a very long time.

Terezi threw handed her small gift to Karkat, who got hit square in the face. He mumbled a sarcastic thanks for hitting me in the face before opening his gift. Terezi chuckled as she heard him give a happy gasp. Karkat held a new Fetch Modus.

“You’re always leaving holes in the floor, I figured you could use a new one!” Terezi said happily. Karkat gave her an awkward hug, and began looking into his new Modus, while Terezi tried to explain how it worked.

Naturally Vriska tore right into her gift. Dave stiffened very slightly, so slightly no one really noticed. He would never live it down if she didn’t like her gift. Lucky for him, she LOVED her gift. It was a hat, a hat that looked just as Mindfang had described in her journals. She immediately put the hat on, and wore it for the rest of the day. She gave Dave a smirk, confirming that he had done well.

Karkat insisted that Rose be the next to open their gift. Ammused, Rose agreed. Shaking the package slightly, after what felt like ages to Karkat, Rose opened her gift. She smiled widely, bigger than he had ever seen her smile before. In her hands, Rose held a collection of troll romance novels.

“It’s my favorite series..” Karkat admitted. “I hope you like them?…”

“I don’t like them, Karkat,” Rose stated. Karkat died inside. Let him go die slowly in a hole please. 

“I love them!” she finished. Relief flooded through the red blooded troll. Looking at Rose, Karkat could see just how excited she was. In fact, she was already opening the first one. Maybe getting his friends gifts wasn’t so bad…

After Rose had finished opening her gift, Vriska shoved a small box into Kanaya’s lap. With a quiet ‘oh!’, Kanaya picked up the roughly wrapped gift. Standing above her, Vriska eagerly awaited Kanaya’s reaction.

In a few swift movements, Kanaya had the gift opened. Before her was a collection of classic troll horror movies. Specifically, the classic rainbow drinker films.

“You used to love watching thse back on Alternia, so I thought you’d like them!” Vriska explained. Kanaya nodded, then stood up. Before Vriska could reaise an eyebrow, Kanaya had engulfed the blue blood into a hug.

“Thank you,” Kanaya said, still hugging her friend, “They…They remind me of home.” Vriska blinked in suprise , then patted Kanaya.

“Heeeeeeeey, could you expect anything less? I know you way too well.” Vriska replied.

Meanwhile, Rose walked over to the troll who had all but fallen asleep. Nudging her, Rose handed Terezi her gift.

“Come on, you’re the only one who hasn’t opened their gift.” the purple eyed Seer said, sitting down next to her fellow Seer. With her usual grin already spred across her face, Terezi began opening her gift.

Inside a small box was a pair of hand knit gloves. Before Terezi could try licking them, Rose began to explain what she had given her.

“They’re dragon gloves; matching with your cape, I think. Little claws on the ends, dragon scale designs, the like. Do you like them?”

As Terezi finished putting her new gloves on, she replied.

“Are you kidding, I love them! Thanks, Rose.” Rose smiled, and cracked open her open her new books, while Terezi inevitably began licking her gift.

The friends spent the rest of the day drinking more hot cocoa, watching old horror movies, having romance novels read to them, LARPed with a fierce dragon and a pirate, and took turns holding a cuddly plush with a certain someone impatiently waiting to get their gift back.

All the while listening to tiny bells jingle.


‘This.

This is definitely what a Christmas was.’ was the only thing they thought as they drifted off to sleep.

5 Christmas Novellas by Charles Dickens

1. A Christmas Carol. London: Chapman & Hall, 1843. [viii], 166, [2] pp. Four hand-colored engraved plates and illustrations in the text by John Leech. FIRST ISSUE.
2. The Chimes. London: Chapman and Hall, 1845. [viii], 175, [1] pp. Additional engraved title, frontispiece, illustrations throughout by John Leech, Richard Doyle, and others. FIRST STATE.
3. The Cricket on the Hearth. London: for the author by Bradbury and Evans, 1846. [viii], 174, [2] pp. Additional engraved title, frontispiece and illustrations throughout by John Leech, Richard Doyle and others. FIRST EDITION.
4. The Battle of Life. London: Bradbury & Evans, 1846. [viii], 175, [3] pp. Additional engraved title, frontispiece, illustrations throughout by Daniel Maclise, Richard Doyle, John Leech and others. FIRST EDITION.
5. The Haunted Man and the Ghost’s Bargain. London: Bradbury & Evans, 1848. [viii], 188 pp. Additional engraved title, frontispiece and illustrations throughout by John Tenniel, John Leech and others. FIRST EDITION.

All bound in full crimson morocco, spine gilt, upper covers with morocco inlay vignettes depicting characters from each of the works, a.e.g., all with original cloth bound in at rear, for Henry Sotheran. Custom cloth slipcase. Mild fading to original cloth on some volumes, spines somewhat sunned.

——————————–
“Some new remembrance of the ghostly figures in the Bells; some faint impression of the ringing of the Chimes; some giddy consciousness of having seen the swarm of phantoms reproduced and reproduced until the recollection of them lost itself in the confusion of their numbers; some hurried knowledge, how conveyed to him he knew not, that more years had passed; and Trotty, with the Spirit of the child attending him, stood looking on at mortal company.”
-The Chimes, Chapter IV