christmas-stories

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

musical ratings based on if children swear
  • falsettos: great at first, but slows down a lot. 7/10
  • annie: terrible. so many children, so few swears. 0/10
  • into the woods: none, but if it was made now im certain little red would drop an f-bomb. 1/10
  • music man: not even trying. 0/10
  • fun home: idt there are any? 0/10
  • billy elliot: incredible. set the standard. if u like children swearing this is the show for u. 11/10
  • spring awakening: theyre not child actors, but gosh do they swear a lot. 2/10
  • matilda: they say hell a couple times. 5/10
  • spelling bee: again, not child actors. if "erection" is a swear, 3/10, if not, 0/10
  • a christmas story: no full on swears, but quite a few near swears, so its alright. 2/10
  • school of rock: very good. bonus for talking abt hating the man, minus for being a not great show. 8/10
  • sound of music: can u imagine if one of those kids started swearing thatd be hilarious. 0/10

80’s movies and chill

She Never Stopped Smiling

by reddit user Pippinacious

Fly was an odd kid, even by odd kid standards. I met her in sixth grade, when our alphabetically ordered last names landed us in adjacent seats, and she turned to look at me with a cheerful, gap toothed smile.

“Hi!” She said.

“Hi.” I replied quietly.

I was shy and intimidated by my first day in middle school, but she wasn’t the least bit nervous.

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A story from Space Dad on this fine Christmas Eve.

“’Twas The Night We Formed Christmas”

OTP Idea #923

Imagine when winter comes around, Person A always gets terrible joint pains due to the dry and coldness of the season. Person B, they’re friend or lover, always tries to come prepared for this time of year, creating a heating pad and painkiller paradise for Person A, to the point where winter becomes A’s favourite season just because of how much B cares for them through the months.

Can we just imagine the losers during Christmas time and doing stuff like:

-having snow ball fights that Richie always initiates

-wearing stupid Christmas sweaters

-Stan trying to educate the group about Hanukkah

-the losers sneaking Mike into the school Christmas dance because he doesn’t go to school with them

-everyone going over to Bill’s house to drink hot chocolate and watch Gremlins

-Ben reading A Visit From St. Nicholas like 500 hundred times through out the month of December

-making snow angels and snowmen and basically just being adorable in the snow

-making gingerbread houses with Georgie (he is still alive because in my mind no one dies and everyone is happy)

-Eddie wearing 30 layers of clothes and looking like the kid from A Christmas Story every time he goes outside to play with the rest of the gang

-Richie making fun of him for this but secretly thinking that it is the cutest thing in the world 

-The losers using Ben’s architectural skills to help build an epic igloo that they hang out in for like 3 weeks 

-Beverly taking up kitting and making all of the boys mittens and even though they have holes in them the boys wear them anyways 

-Richie punching some kid in the face and getting blood on the mitten that Bev made him because they made fun of Eddie for still believing in Santa Clause

-The losers doing secret Santa and sneaking away from there families on Christmas day to give each other there presents 

-Basically just being smol precious children that would die for each other 

And let me know if anyone thinks of anything else :)
My favourite parts from A King Falls Christmas Story
  • Ben, are you singing at me?
  • MY GIFTS ARE FLY AS HELL
  • Frickard’s not getting shit
                  FUCK YOU BEN!
  • FUCK IT UP FUCK IT UP
  • Hersh, you’re singing??
            Does this mean I’m Gay??
  • EVERYONE GET CLOSE
            GET CLOSE
    GET CLOSE
            GET CLOSE
    CLOSER STILL- no uh that’s too close Pete
            Too close
     You’re stepping on my feet!
  • …okay.
  • BI-BI-BISEXUALLY? 
  • Put yo hands up in the aiiiiiIIIIIIIRRRRR 
  • IMMA TASE YOU 
  • Et tu Troy? 
  • SANTA UP DEVIL DOWN 
  • HE’D KNOCK YOUR GRANNY DOWN MAKE YOUR BABIES CRY
             OHHH NOT BABY JESUS ?!
    YES!
  •  LUCIFER JUST MELTS AWAY, BUT ONLY WHEN YOU SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS, NEVER HAPPY HOLIDAYS 
  •  HEY YOU YOU CAN’T FORGET ABOUT JESUS
            OH FOR SHAME 
    DON’T FORGET ABOUT BABY JESUS 
  • MY FAVOURITE THREESOME IS THE HOLY TRINITY 
  • I keep my eye toward the sky in hopes of seeing you
  •  I’m down on my knees 
  • ~Ben?
  • Another year has passed
    I hasn’t been the best but hey at least it’s not my last! 
  • They say hope lies in dreams and that’s where Emily lies too 
  • Bad times are tough but not tougher than me! 
  • I’m going to get Emily and be the man she’s needs!!! 
  • Did you just sing at me?
          Well badly yes