christmas shark

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THE TIME HAS COME. THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR… THE SAN JOSE SHARKS 2016 HOLIDAY VIDEO

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Sportsnet Canada made the Sharks edition of Secret Santa a true challenge by saying that Burns and Thornton are not to receive anything beard-related, so their teammates had to get creative. 

I’d say they succeeded.

Knock knock... Our favourite Christmas cracker jokes

Cheesy jokes that leave you cringing and grinning in equal measures are one of life’s greatest pleasures! And there’s one type in particular that beats the others to the punch line – Christmas cracker jokes. Here are 20 of the best to turn your ‘Ho Ho Ho’s into ‘Ha Ha Ha’s…

1.     Why was the turkey, the drummer in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks

2.     Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose

3.     What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet

4.     Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy

5.     What do you call a blind reindeer?

No eye deer

6.     How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed

7.     What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas quacker

8.     What do reindeer hang on their Christmas tree?

Horn-aments

9.     Who delivers presents to sharks at Christmas?

Santa jaws

10.  What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?

Cross mouse cards

11.  What’s the most popular Christmas wine?

“I don’t like Brussels sprouts”

12.  Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?

Because their days are numbered

13.  Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?

Because of his poor elf

14.  How do snowmen travel around?

By icicle!

15.  What do you give a dog for Christmas?

A mobile bone

16.  What is an ‘ig’?

An Eskimo home without a loo

17.  What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve

18.  What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?

Frosty the snowman having a hot flush

19.  Who is Rudolph’s favourite pop star?

Beyon-sleigh

20.  What do you find in Santa’s drinks cupboard?

Festive spirit

The Night Before Sharkmas

‘Twas the night before Sharkmas, and throughout SAP

Not a player was stirring, just a lone Zamboni;

The jerseys were hung by the lockers with care,

Knowing the San Jose Sharks would be there;

The fans were nestled all snug in their gear,

While visions of hat tricks brought smiles ear to ear

And Mama in her Burns, and I in my Cap’,

Had just settled our bet for whose stick would first slap—‌

When out on the ice there arose such a clatter,

I stood at my seat to see what was the matter.

Away to the boards I flew like a flash,

The shark head revealed, from it’s cover and sash

The lights and sounds and the freshly cut ice,

Gave the fans all a feeling, a feeling quite nice;

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But the San Jose Sharks, through the teeth as we cheered

With the cool handed stride both controlled and yet frisky

I knew in a moment it must be Pavelski.

More rapid than lightning his teammates, they came,

As announcers all shouted, and call’d them by name:

“Now! Boedker, now! Burnzie, now! Donskoi and Martin,

There’s Wingels! And Hertl! And Brauner and Dillon!

Here comes Tierney and Cooch! Melker Karlsson too!

And of course we’ve got Wardo-our good friend 42!”

And as skaters that during the playoffs do fly,

they swirled and swarmed for the fan’s watchful eye;

With pucks to the front of the goal, how they streamed,

And Jonesy in net, gloving all as he beamed:

A quick blow from the fog horn, the warm ups complete

the players lined up, all pumped to compete.

My palms to my cheeks, with the puck drop spent,

Down the ice came Marleau, with scoring intent:

Our team dressed all in Teal, from helmet to skate,

The fans watched in awe, as they set up the bait;

A check to the boards sent Lebanc on his back,

When around came young Haley, looking for an attack:

His eyesbrows all furled! His smirk was so merry,

Knowing picking a fight with a Shark, can get hairy;

Just then Thornton swooped in to settle the fight,

The beard on his chin with a small streak of white;

A mouth guard clenched tight, between Marc-Edouard’s teeth,

With no penalty called, to the fans disbelief.

Deller sat on the bench, a quick pan for the “Telly”

Down the bench, Pete Deboer stood in front of DeMel-ly

Next to him sat ol’ Schlemko - keeping eye on the game

Then Nieto and Meier, doing more of the same;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his stick

Burnzie shot from the blue line, and buried it quick

Celebration was brief, but then right back to work,

The visiting team showing signs of some irk,

As the 3rd drew close, the scoreboard all tied

The fans shouted and cheered; enjoying the ride.

Pavs sprung on the ice, quickly grabbing the puck

For a breakaway goal, cashing in on his luck:

Fans rose to their feet-the victory claimed

Shouting Merry Sharkmas to all, and to all a good game.

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The Sharks love Christmas.