christmas pickles

Cartoon Naughty or Nice

Nice List:

1. Wander Over Yonder

2. My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

3. Gravity Falls

4. Harvey Beak

5. Steven Universe

6. Regular Show

7. Bee & Puppycat

8. Adventure Time

9. Star Butterfly vs. The Force of Evil

10. Chaotic (TV series)

Naughty List:

1. Teen Titan Go

2. Pickle & Peanut

3. The Nuctshack

4. The Powerpuff Girls Reboot

5. Sanjay & Craig

Day Fifty-Three

-A woman informed me that she was straightening her bills before handing them to me due to the fact that she was a little OCDC, which, as is common knowledge, is the most hardcore of metal illnesses.

-I had to scan a glittery, bumpy, pickle Christmas ornament. Why would a guest purchase this? Why would a store sell this? Why would a company produce this? Why would a benevolent god allow this?

-I may or may not have broken a register, twice. Higher-ups at my store read these stories. This is all I will say on the matter.

-As she was leaving, Cat Lady stopped to wave and smile at me. She is known to latch onto a cashier, never leaving their side whenever they are on a shift. I believe I may have been selected as the next Chosen One.

-The All-Seeing Baby has returned to tempt me with answers that lie just beyond my grasp, eyes wide and knowing as ever, nibbling thoughtfully on their pacifier.

-”If you get your tonsils out, you can eat ice cream,” a boy said to his brother, displaying a great deal of wisdom. “I can eat ice cream right now,” his brother responded, displaying a great deal of common sense.

-God seems to have found a perfect way to torment me, as I now find myself constantly having to, with a straight face, repeat the number sixty-nine to people who are entirely oblivious to the wonder of it all.

Masterpost of Itachi/Sasuke Fanfic Recommendations

Updated 17/4/2016 with new works. More SasuIta-centric fics and ItaSasu fluff fics added.
Categories: Fluff, Romance, Smut, Shota, Dark Themes and Heavy Angst. Works are posted on  Fanfiction.net or Archive of Our Own. This is mostly ItaSasu and some SasuIta.

Make sure you read the description for triggers carefully. Note that all fics under the “Dark Themes” category contain potentially triggering content, especially abuse and/or non-con. Fanfics depicting non-consensual sex are labeled as non-con.  Some invalid links are being kept, as the authors are working on getting their fics back up.

Fluff (Platonic or romantic, rated K - T)

Shinobi Tools by Desolate Butterfly (fluff, platonic, K+)
A Little Faith Goes A Long Way by Out Of Sheol (platonic, fluff, K)
Because I Love You by DarkFire75 (fluff, baby!Sasuke, childhood, T)
Fresh Tomatoes by Hiei’s Cute Girl (fluff, platonic, baby!sasuke, K)
Hello World by KHB123 (fluff, baby!sasuke, K)
I’m Here For You by DarkFire75 (fluff, brotherly love, K+)
Bath Time by Kakashizgirl (fluff, very mild shota, T)
Sweetly Delicious by Yukuro (fluff, protective!itachi, cuteness, K)
Ohanashi by Saki K
(cuteness, fluff, one-shot, T)
I’ll Catch the Dreams by Chianirra (platonic fluff, K+)
Brothers Will Be Brothers by Darkfire75 (crack, oocness, humor, T)
Christmas Present by Pickle-san (fluff, kinda ooc, T)
The Connections of Blood and Snow by Saki K (no idea why it’s rated M)
30 Memories by Kat-thefox (fluff, angst, mixed one-shots and themes, K+)
Attrition by Sinemoras09 (child!sasuke cared for by adult Itachi, fluff, T)
The Big Brother by SkywardShadow (fluff, baby!sasuke, K+)
100 one-shots for Itachi and Sasuke by Devotedtodreams– fluff, angst, crack, various themes, modern AU and canonverse, T)
Moments that Could Last Forever by Devotedtodreams (fluff, protetive Itachi, mild shota, pre-massacre, T)
Perception is Everything by Devotedtodreams (post-massacre, Itachi brings Sasuke with him to the akatsuki, angst, fluff, T)
Make up and Ketchup by Zidra (crack, fluff, pre-massacre, K+)
Beloved Brother: 25 One-shots for Itachi and Sasuke by Crystallinee (mostly fluff, various themes, canonverse, pre-massacre,T)
Happy Valentine’s Day Otouto by LifeAndDeathShinobi (fluff,modernAU, T)
Itachi & Sasuke: Always My Little Brother by Earthsoftenstheflame (fluff,T)
Anytime Otouto by Meaghanx (fluff, first kiss, K+)
White Chocolate and Tomato Salad by Zany.dancing (fluff, T, childhood)
Memories Thought Lost by Peanutbuttermadman (fluff, T)
Past Perils by Poprika (protective Itachi, fluff, K+)
Perverse and The Perverted: Baby Brother by Hell Jashin (fluff, M)
Bittersweet Memories by Sachi-Rin (fluff, T)
Itachi And Sasuke Easter Special: Sweet Innocence by Crystallinee (fluff, pre-massacre, K+)
Why Did You? by Gatomon47 (fluff, some angst, K+)
Bonds by NaruGaaFan (childhood fluff, M)
Mask by Songstone (fluff, K)
Rise Above by Crystallinee (platonic, canonverse different ending, T)
For You, My Brother by Houkakyou (fluff, childhood, M)
Thunderstorms: Mori no Fukuro by Smid309 (fluff, childhood T)
The Choking Game by RedCerberean (protective!Itachi, slight oocness, fluff, platonic, AU, teenagers, T)
Lullaby by Mystic Dragon (fluff, childhood, K)
Mutual bond by SilverAkita (fluff, baby!sasuke, K+)
Braving the Storm by LilyDraken (fluff, childhood, K)
What You Don’t Know by Niver (baby Sasuke!, fluff, T)
Nii-san’s Love by Googala2 (baby!Sasuke, fluff, K+)
Sibling Loyality by Crystallinee (fluff, protective!Itachi, childhood, T)
Bruise by Tiny Charm (sweet fluff, care-taking, childhood, T)
Fly by The Jasper Raven (crack, oocness, jealous!Itachi, cute fluff, T)
From Uchiha Eyes by StarsForecast (cute fluff, slight crack, oocness, K+)
Blood by Happiness’ Deceit (little Sasuke cares for Itachi, pre-massacre, fluff, some angst, T)
Broken Heaters Warm Hearts by Knightchaser (childhood fluff, K+)
The Reason Itachi killed his clan by Uchiha Brothers Lover (fluff, AU, K)
Monsters by Omgitsdanimals (cute fluff, oocness, K)
Itachi’s Memories by Wolf-Hidden-In-Shadows (baby!sasuke, childhood fluff, K)
Family’s Comfort by White-Knight-066 (platonic, family, childhood, K+)
Do you know how this happened? Great, neither do I by Iffulovedme (fluff, pre-massacre, angst, K)
Uchiha’s Are Forever by Itaa-chaan (family, childhood memories, Itachi/Sasuke fluff, itachi/shisui friendship, baby!sasuke, M)
Arigatou, Aniki by Misamiera (premassacre, fluff, platonic, K)
My baby brother by Butterfly Yuna (short but sweet, baby!Sasuke, K)
My Journey to Hell by An Insane Nobody (fluff, baby!sasuke, childhood, Itachi/Kisame friendship, T)
Playing Dress Up by Iffulovedme (premassacre fluff, platonic, K)
Brothers by Marshmallow73 (pre-massacre fluff, childhood, platonic, K+)
Child Who Never Smiled by Vampire Toy (premassacre,mikoto/itachi fluff, K)
Big brother by Omega19x (baby!sasuke, platonic, Itachi/Mikoto fluff, K+)
Baby brother by MintiNeko (baby!sasuke, childhood, platonic, fluff, K)
One Little Step At A Time by ItachixSasuke (baby!sasuke, platonic, K)
Picture Perfect by Dolphins-Scarecrow (short but sweet fluff, platonic, K)
Uchiha Memories by BlueSharingan26 (fluff, premassacre, platonic, T)
Fever forever by Sasuke Uchiha of Suna (childhood fluff, K+)
I didn’t know, Baby Brother by BelovedShadow (childhood, baby!sasuke, K+, Itachi’s thoughts)
Purpose by xxUchihacest (Itachi and baby Sasuke in kuuybi attack, fluff, K)
Don’t Play With Me by BanishedOne (fluff, angst, childhood memories)
Winter Stroll by Aktimel (fluff, platonic, slight angst)
Big Brothers Are Always The Hero by Links6 (fluff, derpiness, K)
Brothers For Life by Vinchaan (fluff, K+)
Bully Whistle by Go-To-The-Extreme (protectiveness, fluff platonic, K)

Romance (rated T - M, occasional sexual themes)

Forever by Profound Yaoi (fluff, angst, masturbation, smut, M)
Pieces of You by Crystallinee (school AU, fluff, violence, angst, abuse mention, itasasu, T)
Love in Chinese by Velvet-prosthesis (smut, sasuita/itasasu, oocness, violence, implied Sakura pairings, abuse mention, M)
Late Dawns and Early Sunsets by BelovedShadow (vampire!Uchihas, smut, fluff, baby!sasuke, teenagers M)
Breathe In, Breathe Out by Crystallinee (angst, fluff, suicide mention, sasuita)
I Love You Aniki by Profound Yaoi (fluff, smut, masturbation, M)
Symphony of Destruction by Freya’s Valhalla (Eye of the moon plan AU, fluff, various pairings and characters, M)
Sequel to a Brother’s Love by KitsuneoftheIce (fluff, sexual themes, M)
Little Miracles by Crystallinee (m-preg, angst, fluff, smut, depression, M)
What Once Was by BelovedShadow (smut, fluff, some angst, M)
Where My Life Begins by Crystallinee (angst, AU massacre, Akatsuki crack, fluff, T)
Stay With Me by Kyarei (smut, sweet fluff, childhood, initial non-con, M)
Little Black Feather by Saber Amane (vampire/angel/rebel AU, M)
Learning To Love by BelovedShadow (smut, AU, M)
Transcendence (Drink Me In) by Crystallinee (vampire AU, sasuita/itasasu, fluff, T)
Never Closed by Snowflake98 (sasuita fluff, T)
Here You Are by ItaItach4n (sasuita, edo tensei!itachi, M)
Vampire Knight ItaSasu Style by Devilis Kyuu
(vampire knight AU, T)

PWP (smut/lemons,  rated Mature - Explicit)

Do you love me yet, Nii-san? by Admiral IzuSasu (smut, bondage, light shota, Madaizu, ItaSasu, IzuSasu, Uchihacest in general)
Inappropriately Touched by an Angel by Kakashizgirl (smut, fluff)
Marshmallows and Massages by Kakashizgirl (smut, massage)
Sasuke’s Vacation by Nimbafuu (Uchiha corporation AU, smut, blowjob)
Itachi’s Lonely Evening by Kakashizgirl (masturbation)
Penance by Tokyonightskies (masturbation, conflicted feelings)
Throat by Tokyonightskies
(masturbation, conflicted feelings)
Aniki Knows Best by Anonymous (orphaned account) (light shota, masturbation, blowjob, fluff)
Happy Halloween Sasuke by Kakashizgirl (mild lemon, lime, blowjob, AU)
The Sweetest Sin by Kakashizgirl (first time sex, smut)
Curiosity by Anonymous (orphaned account) (smut, masturbation)
Moving Tables by InactiveAuthor1 (passionate but aggressive sex) 
Whisper by Kakashizgirl (sleepy sex, angst)
Secret Love by Kakashizgirl (light shota, blowjob)
Closet attraction by MAKandCHEESE (dominant!itachi, oocness)
My Everything  by Crystallinee (first time sex, smut, fluff)
Comeuppance & Equality by Ronny-of-yore (smut, sadistic!itachi)
Watching them Watching Us by BelovedShadow and ItachiSasukeSama (pwp, madaizu, itasasu, ocs, slight angst)
The Watermelon Show by Kakiity (pwp, ooc-ness, kinkiness)
So Wrong It’s Right by MasochisticXMind (crack, slight ooc-ness, smut)
Wash Me Away by Crystallinee (smut, angst)
The Consummate Plan by Cakecake (dominant!sasuke, bondage)
And I control you by Dead Drifter (blood play, gore, sexual themes)
Dirty Little Secret by Rave14 (smut)
Loved Always by Tarisha (masturbation, character death, angst)
Somnambulist by Fifi McFu (smut, masturbation, sleeping!sex)
Red Pleasure by Crystallinee (kinkiness, smut, pwp)
Desperate Measures by Satan’s Pet Turtle (IS smut, lime with kakashi)
Lovisa by Tripptych (pwp, drug addiction, angst)
Feeling Good by Freya’s Valhalla (pwp, non-con madaita, blow-job)
Just a Phonecall Away by BelovedShadow (pwp, kinkyness)
Crimson Hearts by Saber Amane (pure fluff, bath sex)
Cuming to America by BelovedShadow (pwp, slight crack)
Breathe on Me: Itachi x Sasuke by Jannasaur (pwp, shower sex)
Unrequited by StarCrysis (masturbation, smut)
Wild thoughts by Tsurumi Uchiha (smut)
Friday Night by Kakashizgirl (smut)
Wild Muskrat Lovin’ by BelovedShadow (pwp, slight crack)
A New Christmas Tradition In The Uchiha Family by BelovedShadow
Doctor Uchiha by BelovedShadow (smut)
Playing With Fire by BelovedShadow (smut, slight crack, shower sex, masturbation, blowjob, possessive!Itachi)
Fire and Ice by BelovedShadow (sequel to Playing With Fire, smut, fluff, childhood memories, slight angst)
Their Secret Place by Kakashizgirl (smut, masturbation, first time)
A Question of Loyalty by Kakashizgirl (written before the revelation, AU, smut, shota, madaita)
Show me by Kakashizgirl (prequel to Sleep My Angel Sleep, smut, ooc)
The Bitter, the Sweet, and the Citrus in Between! by DaelynPaolini (smut)
THe Art of Betrayal by Badkittyaya (obsessive!sasuke, itasasu, madaita, masturbation, smut)
Amaryllis by Kakashizgirl (limes, fluff, light shota)
By Moonlight by Kakashizgirl (smut)
I love the bath by Aruuuu (dominant!sasuke, kinkyness, pwp)
Aniki’s Closet Weakness by Aruuuu (bondage, dominant!Sasuke, kinkyness)
Nightly Routines by Ravenous Lust (dominant!sasuke)
Delirious by Crystallinee (sasuita kinkyness, dominant!sasuke)
Charge by PureWaterLily (slight sadism, sasuita, bondage, smut, M)
Blindfold by CapriceTheAvenger
(sasuita, kinkyness, bondage, M)

Shotacon (Rated M)

(Please note that in many fics, Sasuke’s age is not specified. I’ve only chosen to include those who specifically state that their fics contains  shota here. In these fics, Sasuke is underage, sometimes also Itachi.)

He’s a Winner by Profound Yaoi (blowjob, shota, M)
You Can’t Hide Everything by Church-Of-Yaoi (strong shota, M)
Exceptions by Inuyasha1sasuke (shota, brotherly fluff, M)
Changing by MoldyDew (AU, shota, smut, M)
Giving in by Inuyasha1sasuke (shota, fluff, pre-massacre, smut, M)
A Naughty Kitten’s Punishment by InactiveAuthor1 (neko, pedo!itachi, M)
The Art of Obsession by Angelas (shota, possessive!Itachi, smut, M)
Explosion by Lyndsay-Marie (shota, manipulation, M)
Waking Aniki by Gentlewatersoul (shota, fluff, lemon, M)
Years by Sasunaru2themax  (childhood, baby!sasuke, strong shota, fluff, M)
Thunderstorm by Dei-kun (shota, slight non-con, fluff, smut, M)
Wake Up Aniki! by GabrielSeductiveTrickster (shota, fluff, lime, M)
Milk for My Chocolate by Tsurumi Uchiha (shota, blowjob M)
Perfectly Flawed by BelovedShadow (mild shota, fluff, M)
Junketsu by Judarchan (shota, blowjob, fluff)
I Can’t Dream Alone by Shurikenx (partially shota, currently invalid link under construction)

Dark/Twisted Themes (Rated M-E)

(A majority of these fics contain non-con and abuse as well as sexual themes. Read at your own risk. Read description carefully for triggers.)

No regrets by Svaneaalka (non-con, dark, angst, shota, AU, M)
Bloody Lust by Hell Jashin (gore, smut, dark!themes, vampire!Itachi, M)
Why Do I Love You? by Crystallinee (abuse, dark themes, possessive!itachi, prostitution, violence, non-con, angst, manipulation)
Perverse and The Perverted: Molestation by Hell Jashin (non-con, manipulation, possessive!Itachi, disturbed!Itachi, violence, abuse, sleeping!sex, dark themes, molestation, non-con by naruto, M)
Asylum by Hell Jashin (sequel to PatP: Molestation. Non-con, possessive!Itachi, disturbed!Itachi, angst, manipulation, abuse, molestation, M)
Noctis Liberi by Shurikenx (dark, twisted themes, blood, gore, vampire!AU, smut, protective and possessive!Itachi, passion,M)
My Obsession, My Possession by Kyarei (non-con, manipulation, possessive!itachi, abuse, M)
The Unforeseen Ally by He11'sDomain (abuse by Orochimaru, non-con, forced prostitution, drug use, violence, smut, romance, multiple charas, M)
Beat it Upright by Move them hands(strong shota, non-con against child,M)
Sins of The Flesh by TheWammy'sHouseReject (Itachi takes Sasuke with him after the massacre, fluff, smut, multi pairings, madaita non-con, dark, M)
Fragile child by Rosebunse (child abuse by Orochimaru, manipulation/brainwash, Itachi/Kisame friendship, Itachi caring for Sasuke, T, )
Demons Love The Sweetest by Crystallinee (angst, dark themes, smut, violence, gore, demons, insanity, occultism, E)
Don’t Play With Me II by BanishedOne (angst, smut, abuse, slight shota, M)
Hurting from the Inside Out by Badkittyaya (initial non-con, itasasu, sasuita, conflicted feelings, dark!Itachi)
As Sick as Any Sin by Angelas (non-con, dominant!sasuke, angst, smut)
Insanity by Dragons Chaotica (insanity, platonic, fluff, T)

Heavy angst  (Rated K - M)

Feral Child by Tripptych (cursemark!sasuke, slight itasasu, angst, fluff, M)
Illusions by Crystallinee (hallucinations, angst, romance, sasuita, T)
Spirit of Fire by The-MarmaladeCat1 (postmassacre, heavy angst, T)
The Soil We Sow by Uchiha-Tsumi (poem, Itachi’s POV, Angst, K+)
Gunpowder and White Sheets by Songstone (war!AU, heavy angst, character death, platonic, K+)
Inheritance by Hana J (twisted themes, angst, fluff, premassacre, M)
For You Little Brother by UchihaMorwen (heavy angst, K+)
Meridian by Narilsa (final battle, heavy angst, M)
Protection and Destruction by Crystallinee (post-590, angst, K+)
Imposter by Mangachick1 (the hotel scene from Itachi’s point of view, T)
Shades of Gray by Uchiha-tsumi (angst, slight ooc-ness, Itachi breaks down after meeting Sasuke, K+)
Sacrifice by xxAkira-chanxx (childhood memories, angst, T)
Autumn will pile old gold on your grave by The Lady Avaritia (heavy angst, T)
The skin i live in by The Lady Avaritia (angst, AU, morbid themes, M)
Sweet Sweet Dark by The Lady Avaritia (angst, dark, M)
The Boy on The Moon by Lady Avaritia (fluff, angst, violence, K)
The House of Compassion by The Lady Avaritia (fluff, dark, M)
Paths Not Considered by Witchdoctr (self harm, suicide attempt, angst, Itachi takes Sasuke with him after the massacre, ooc-ness, T)
Never a Lie by PoeticProphetess (Itachi’s feelings about Sasuke, T)
Dry My Tears by Crystallinee (post-massacre AU, angst, fluff, T)
 

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Nickmas is a tradition as old as time — check out this vintage Grinchelica promo 💚

[ Happy Holidays!

As Christmas Eve is upon us (and Hanukkah starts tomorrow!), I hope that all of you will have happy and safe holidays, and if you do not celebrate, I still hope you’re having a good time and are healthy! 

Ludwig is dressed up as the Christkind**, Gilbert as 19th century Santa Claus*!

For the occasion I thought I might share some information with you about German Chirstmas! 

Keep reading

Santa Baby

Before I tried to let anyone in
I waited till Christmas
You found and set my fire works off
My foundation burned first
Only to tread on dirt beneath you

Christmas lights twinkled
Tears fell ran out my windows
You excited my feeling of love
You exposed my soft
Then gutted and put me on ice

Throw my unwanted parts
Back Into my lonely world
You took what you needed
And left me bleeding knowing
What of me was good for you
And what was left was trash

Was I a good girl to you?
knowing what was hidden under wraps
Do I know why you are gone
I thought we all were defective
So why did my husband leave his wife?

We went exploring in my attic
And saw the skeletons in my closet
I saw the fear look in your eyes
Even as you said you were fine
I never found where you hide the Christmas pickle

6

Under the twinkling Christmas lights you’ll get grilled pork and colourful pickles, sugar coated candy apples and roasted chestnuts (not many left of these), a small bloke playing carols on his harmonica and pancakes with feta cheese, chimney cakes with everything and mulled wine… no need to remind you of everything a Christmas market can offer. The market in Cluj old town is no exception even if you only manage to reach it almost at closure time. What comes unexpected is, eh, beer. In winter, on the street, right. A delicious Sikaru Porter from the Ninkasi craft brewery of Bucharest, full of toasted malt with a hint of smoke (or was it the pork?) and bitter and hoppy and everything right, cool to know also Romanians can brew good stuff.