christmas is cancelled

masterlist of my smut

here’s all my smut in one place if anyone ever wants it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-Please Don’t Tease: Dan can’t come until he begs, which he most certainly will not.

-Push Leads to Shove:  Dan and Phil are known arch enemies. It’s a bit of a surprise that they end up fucking then, isn’t it?

-All Fun and Games: Dan and Phil play strip poker.

-Paper Cuts: Dan’s hands are covered in paper cuts, and masturbating has become entirely to difficult. Luckily Phil is there to help him.

-Valentine’s Desires: Phil knows that what Dan really wants is a rim job.

-Christmas Can’t Be Cancelled: Dan’s boarding school doesn’t allow the students to celebrate Christmas, so when they’re locked in their rooms for the day, Phil Lester makes sure to get locked in Dan’s room instead of his own.

-Mistletoe Miracles: Dan just wants to kiss Phil Lester under the mistletoe. And, okay, maybe he wants to do more than just kiss, but so what?

-Scarier Things:  Dan’s worst fear is being outed, and his boggart knows that. After being outed to his class, Phil shows him that there are scarier things than being gay (and maybe that wasn’t the smartest idea, but he’s a Hufflepuff, not a Ravenclaw).

-Sleepy Drawings: Dan is drowning is textbooks, and he can’t help it that he falls asleep in the library. Phil, an art major, can’t help it that he draws the sleeping boy, and neither of them can help the relationship that blooms.

-Trust Me: Phil gives Dan a handjob in class.

-Why You Should Wear Your Hearing Aids: Dan is deaf and doesn’t realize how loudl he’s being while he masturbates, which is driving Phil crazy (in a good way).

-The Gayest of Chickens: Dan and Phil play gay chicken.

-The Hickey: Dan’s a complete virgin and he’s never had a hickey before, so he asks his best friend for a favor.

—The Blowjob: (sequel to The Hickey) After asking his best friend for a hickey, and loving it, Dan asks for a second favor.

——The Sex: (Finale of the hickey/the blowjob oneshot series) Dan needs one more favor, and he knows exactly who to ask.

-I Know You’re So Pretty: Blind!Dan and Phil go to the bar and Dan gets horny when he’s drunk.

-Let’s Get Back To Hating Each Other: Hufflepuff!Phil hates Slytherin!Dan, so when they get in trouble together and decide to steal the documents that say they’re in trouble, he definitely doesn’t expect what happens next.

-Sleep Sex: Dan gets horny in his sleep and he lets Phil do what he wants with him.

-Risky Situations: Dan Howell and Phil Lester don’t like each other, but Dan had too much pride to turn down Phil’s dare, even if it was to masturbate during class.

-Thinking Out Louder:  (sequel to thinking out loud) Dan finds out about Phil’s ability.

-Sex in the Sex Store: Phil works in a sex store and Dan in a frequent customer. For once, he actually agrees to let Phil show him how to use his new toy.

-Misplaced Emotions: Dan Howell is a vampire who’s lost his humanity, and all he wants is to fuck Phil Lester, who just so happens to be a vampire hunter.

vine

christmas is cancelled

Snape, you canceled your own Christmas

In the beginning of Chamber of Secrets, remember what Rowling wrote about Snape when Harry and Ron weren’t expelled for flying a car into the whomping willow?

“Snape looked as though Christmas had been canceled.”

This is one of my favorite little pieces of the entire series because this also exists in the world:

Originally posted by gifplox

Captain Swan Fic Recs | Holiday 2016: Christmas + New Years

Some of you may be aware of the fact that I originally created a masterpost for CS fic relating to the major fall/winter holidays with intentions of updating it periodically over the next few months. However, it looks as if Tumblr is dumb and only allows a certain amount of links per text post. Because of that, the original post is now only composed of Halloween + Thanksgiving related fic, which you can find here. As the title says, this list is only Christmas and New Years stories, and will (hopefully) be updated regularly as well. Feel free to send additional recs my way if you’d like them included!

Last update: 12-6-2016.


Christmas:

The Cancelled Flight by @nowforruin 

I’ll Be Home for Christmas (You Can Plan On Me) by @imhookedonaswan

The Best Christmas Dinner by @ripplestitchskein

If I Miss My Chance, I Didn’t Even Try by @belovedcreation 

Career Opportunities (In the Christmas Season) by @allrightfine

Like Real People Do by @cutieodonoghue

Let Your Heart Be Light by @once-uponacaptain

Seven Swans-a-Swimming by @initiala

Sugar and Spice by @nothandlingit

It’s For You by @the-captains-ayebrows

You Can Plan On Me by @killians-dimples

Bar Nights & Christmas Lights by @nowforruin

Home for Christmas by @startswithhope

Can You Feel It Right Now? by @cutieodonoghue

Never Hurts by @laschatzi

Home For Christmas (Home Forever) by @xhookswenchx

December Dreaming by @belovedcreation

The Christmas List by @xkristinaaann

I’m Dreaming of a Warm Christmas by @imhookedonaswan

And None for Emma Swan by @lexisclassy

All I Want for Christmas by @blakeycake

Seven Swans-a-Swimming by @julietsemophase

Let Your Heart Be Light by @nothandlingit

Santa’s Little Helper by @ooshka-babooshka

Underneath the Mistletoe by @xhookswenchx

Midnight Clear by @amiserablelove

Hey, Santa by @killians-dimples

All I Want For Christmas Is… by @lovethatshit

The Invitation by @kat2609

In My Dreams, I’m Christmasing With You by @captainmeerkat

I Really Can’t Stay (Baby, it’s Cold Outside) by @this-too-too-sullied-flesh

Working Our Way Home by @iswearoncolinodonoghue

I’ve Come Undone (The Sweater Fic) by @mryddinwilt

Sleep in Heavenly Peace by @mediumsizedfountain

Tis the Season for Love by @cutieodonoghue

Do I Wanna Know? by @bashful-killian

The Pirate’s Christmas Bounty by @jscoutfinch

Time of Miracles…Or Something Like That by @the-lady-of-misthaven

Merry Not Christmas by @oubliette14

Do You See What I See? by @msgenevieve447

Merry Belated Christmas by @euphoric-melancholyy

It Wasn’t Fake For Me by @i-was-never-nothing

Frolic and Play, the Eskimo Way by @killians-dimples

Gifts, Large and Small by @acrobat-elle

Hope Smiles From the Threshold by @alchemistc

All I Want for Christmas by @kat2609

My Only Wish by @therealkillianjones

Claws Out by @lifeinahole27

Daddy Bear by @effulgentcolors

The Gift by @startswithhope

Untitled by @killianslonghaul

Traditions by @winter-by-the-sea

A Very Happy Ending by @hookwillalwaysfindemma

Carol of the Bells by @alchemistc

Where the Love Light Gleams by @once-uponacaptain

Lovely Branches by @mahstatins

Tis the Season by @effulgentcolors

Haircut by @xerxesrises

Pillaging, Plundering, and Layaway by @searchingwardobes

The Gift of Christmas by @optomisticgirl

Lukewarm, Maybe by @joneskillian

All I Want Is Us by @high-seas-swan

Chinese Food Is An Acceptable Christmas Meal by @emmaswanchoosesyou

New Years:

The Strike of Midnight In Storybrooke by @piratesprincess85

What Are You Doing New Years Eve (New Years Eve) by @killians-dimples

New Years Eve by @tnlph

Snowed In at the Airport on NYE by @this-too-too-sullied-flesh

City Chic by @phiralovesloki

The Year Ends (The World Begins) by @dancingbeetle

Resolution by @justanotherwannabeclassic

New Year’s by @timelessinstorybrooke

What Are You Doing New Years? by @reaperwriter

New Year’s Eve by @oldyellowbug

I’m a Survivor, Darling by @dragon_of_winterfell

First Day of My Life by @piratesails

Untitled by @alchemistc