christmas = stollen

about nine years ago i got assigned to do a protection detail for this biochemist but it had to be super super lowkey because we didnt want aim to realize that we knew she was on to something big but we also couldnt leave her unprotected

long story short i ended up having to go home for family christmas with her while pretending to be her boyfriend and it was every bit as ridiculous as the movies would have you believe

plus it turned out that horrible cousin jimmy was actually an aim informant and we had to weaponize the christmas stollen to take out one of their little spy drones while phil and natasha took out the troops and then the scientist and i had to stage a messy breakup so her family wouldnt notice the battle happening in the vegetable garden and i got slapped by her grandmother

i got to keep one of the stollen though

a comedy of errors

“Oh my god,” he says. “It’s midnight. Actual honest to god midnight. We’ve been in this car for fucking ever.”

“Happy new year?” Jean hazards, and Eren starts laughing.

“I can’t believe this. We spent new years stuck in a fucking snowstorm. This is fucking ridiculous.”

eren and jean attempt to have a good new year. of course, because it’s eren and jean, that doesn’t quite happen.

happy new year everyone!

also on ao3

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