christ what did i just make

It Does Not Make Sense

LESTRADE: Did you know?
JOHN: Of course I didn’t.
LESTRADE: You didn’t see him take the scalpel?
JOHN: Nobody saw him.
LESTRADE: So you didn’t know what was about to happen.
JOHN: Of course I didn’t know.
LESTRADE: Well, there must have been some build-up. He didn’t just suddenly do it.
JOHN: Look, I didn’t know he had the bloody scalpel.
LESTRADE: Ohh, Christ! I keep wondering if we should have seen it coming.
JOHN: Not long ago, he shot Charles Magnussen in the face. We did see it coming. We always saw it coming. But it was fun.

This is the dialogue between John and Lestrade from TLD. In the show it is interspersed with the scene from the morgue. This is what they actually say - and it does not make sense. 

  • John does not even try explain the build-up, the strange behaviour of Culverton Smith, the fact that Sherlock had been using for weeks or months. 
  • John telling Greg just like that Sherlock shot Magnussen - a fact that was hushed up during a super secret meeting with Mycroft, Sir Edwin, and Lady Smallwood. (But then Greg also knew about Mary’s past so maybe he is the one NSY officer who knows all the secrets).
  • And what would have been the “fun” of Sherlock killing someone? And who saw it coming? Surely not John who thought Sherlock was the wisest and kindest man he ever met? 

(source of dialogue: Arianedevere)

@ebaeschnbliah

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: Oh my gods Victor is making a comeback and little baby Yurio won a gold I am so proud of my angsty marshmallow, I can't believe he did it, but only by a few tenths of a point Yuri was so close to gold Jesus Christ so close but the end credits FUCK they did a pair skating oh my GODS when Victor lifted Yuri I DIED I just can't believe it the creators must have a direct line to my heart because first I wanted a kiss and then a pair skate and theY FUCKING DID IT I just can't believe it Yuri On Ice is my love my life my heart and there's going to be a season two I just know it and it will be so much better oh my gods how many times can I rewatch season one before season two comes out???

Jesus

Where was the insane wish fulfillment? What, exactly, was supposed to make television history? Why the FUCK did you do that to one of the most important emotional moments from the original canon? Was that a deliberate jab, since you know so many of us were waiting for it? Was all of the teasing, hinting, and joking for nothing?

This isn’t even just about queerbaiting. This was genuinely one of the most poorly written episodes of television I’ve ever watched and not even a shadow of a show I used to love. Fuck.

  • 21 pilots man: wish we could take back time.....to the good old days......
  • me: when this song wasn't popular :-)
  • 21 pilots man: Like I get that this is a chat post and I don't exist other than the confines of this fictional exchange but you know what, that hurt, I'm not going to sit here and pretend it didn't hurt, I know you're entitled to your opinion but I did work really hard on this song with my friend, and like I don't know if you could at least appreciate the effort that went into making a song maybe you could find it in your heart to at least respect my craft and not just shit on my art indiscriminately because it's popular. Like, jesus christ.
2

@the-flame-and-hawks-eye see what happened?
I drew at record speed. I don’t have my tablet with me right now and I’m on mobile. I’ve turned on angst mode.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT SHINEE ALRIGHT. SHINEE IS THE BEST KPOP GROUP THAT I HAVE EVER LISTENED TO. I FALL IN LOVE WITH THEIR VOICE, THEIR BEAUTIFUL SMILES, THEY AREN’T FLOPS EXCUSE ?? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THESE ANGELS ON THIS HELL OF AN EARTH THEY’RE SO PRECIOUS JESUS CHRIST I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THESE 5 BOYS THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW I EXIST BUT THEY STILL MAKE ME SMILE I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND FOR YOU TO CALL THEM A FLOP IS OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE. THEY ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE THEY ARE BLESS THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL PLEASE DON’T TELL ME THAT THEY DON’T DESERVE THE AWARDS THAT THEY GET OR SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GO ON TOURS BECAUSE THEY’RE DOING SOMETHING FOR US AND THAT’S SO SPECIAL DON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IF YOU’RE NOT A SHAWOL ALRIGHT GO WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN GROUP ??!

Puns
  • Evan: You want pizza?
  • Delirious: No
  • Evan: Okay, what do yo-
  • Delirious: Because I want a Pizza you instead
  • Evan: Oh my christ, did you just-
  • Delirious: Lets go to the bedroom there's Mushroom for activities *wink*
  • Evan: Stop
  • Delirious: Cheesus Crust Evan let me atleast have one bite
  • Evan: Expect a smack as we make out, come here
Things I've Said While Looking For A Good Fanfic To Read

“Read it”
“Horrible writing”
“don’t like that story line”
“Awful grammar”
“Ooh! This looks- of course it’s two parts”
“You need a period there”
“That space wasn’t necessary”
“WTF are you doing man?”
“‘r’ is not a word, dingus”
“I’m sorry, how old are you? Seven?”
“In stories you spell out the number. Jesus Christ”
“spell check is a wonderful thing”
“Yea. There’s this thing. Its called a paragraph. It makes things easier to read.”
“What are you- what are you doing? Please, tell me.”
“Did you just quote Frozen and Mean Girls in your Percy Jackson story? Back to back? I’m out.”

  • Pete: hey trick so here's the lyrics for a new song on our album!!!11!!
  • Patrick: Pete. Pete, everyone can tell that this is a Mikey breakup song.
  • Pete: what r u talking about this is a normal song haha me and Mikey??? what
  • Patrick: These lyrics are literally just your blog posts after you two broke up. And, "best friends, ex friends to the end, better off as lovers, and not the other way around"??
  • Pete: remind me whO'S THE SONGWRITER IN THIS BAND
  • Patrick: whatever you say, Pete
  • Pete: also I'm going to do a screaming part about one of my far off lost loves in it kay
  • Patrick:
  • *~a month later~*
  • Pete: why did you let me make that song we're never playing it live jesus fucking christ
  • Patrick: *looks into the camera like on the office*
iKON Reaction To Their Foreign Girlfriend unconsciously Learning Dirty Korean Phrases and Repeating Them in Public

I probably changed it a tiny bit unconsciously, but the main idea’s here anyways!

[Monsta X Version]


B.I

You were in the practice room with the rest of iKON and spent every break with Hanbin
Y/N: “I want to lose my virginity to you”
“What? I’m pretty sure you lost your virginity about three months ago, and then again a week later, and so on, baby”
Y/N: “Wait. I’m pretty sure I just said you look tired and you should take a rest”
Bobby: *Rolls on the floor*
Jinhwan: *Covers Chanwoo’s ears* “Jesus Christ, go get a room”

/Hanbin - the man who steals your virginity a few times - I just noticed Im dragging my own reaction/


Jinhwan

Y/N: “I want you to make me scream out your name tonight”
“… Keep your voice down, it won’t be fun if my mom hears you say this”
Y/N: “What? You have a perv face, what did I just say?”


Bobby

Y/N: “I want you to lick every inch of my body”
“Oh, you really want me to? First we need to leave the park though, don’t you think?” ”
*Pulls tongue out to tease*
Y/N: “Oh, but the pond is right here, where else can we feed the ducks?”
*Realizes you have no idea what you said*
“Well then I’m taking my tongue back”


Yunhyeong

Y/N: “I want your **** to rock my ***** until I see stars”
“Argh, what is this? Don’t say this, not in the church please! It’s ok at home when we’re alone, but please…”


Donghyuk

Y/N: “I need you to tie me up and make me your toy”
“Don’t do this to me. Not now and not like this”
*Looks around as you were surrounded by many older people who could have heard you*
Y/N: “Don’t do what? I really need those materials, I’d sew something cute for my niece’s birthday next month”
“This sentence is not how I heard it”


Junhoe

Y/N: “I’m going to to dominate you tonight”
“Haha! You wish”
Y/N: “Well, it is a very pretty shirt, I won’t lie I wish I had it”
“Oh… At least check Google Translate before speaking Korean to me, ok?”


Chanwoo

Y/N: “I’m wet”
“Wait, you mean, like… Wet wet?”
Y/N: “What do you mean ‘do I mean ‘Wet wet’?’”
“You said you’re wet”
Y/N: “Not ‘I’m hungry’?”
“Nope”
Y/N: “Oh… I didn’t mean to…” *You turn to his parents* “I apologize”


I hope you liked it~
Feel free to request more!

Okay I’m all for The Risemonger having control of the On The Spot arms but consider this: what if they were semi-sentient and they fucking misbehaved all the time

Like, imagine The Risemonger, all intimidating and creepy and villainous, yelling at these stupid fucking noodle arms to stop touching people for christ’s sake I might be a villain but you’re even making me uncomfortable you goddamn perverts and they just sorta sulk and reluctantly do what they’re actually supposed to be doing

Then ten minutes later…where did my vest go…STEVE WHERE DID YOU PUT MY VEST steve is totally the worst of the noddle arms btw

The signs shooting a gun for the first time:
  • Aries: Hell yes imma kill you watch out *shoots* ouch! My shoulder!
  • Taurus: what? I shot it six times how did I miss?
  • Gemini: It won't shoot! The safety is on? Oh...
  • Cancer: really really good with the gun
  • Leo: empowered af
  • Virgo: yes I know I'm taking forever to aim, shut up
  • Libra: *shoots* *screams*
  • Scorpio: good... Too good
  • Sagittarius: Im supposed to be an archer for christs sake why can't I aim
  • Capricorn: this isn't as fun as I had anticipated
  • Aquarius: wants to short really weird things and makes it fun
  • Pisces: so I just... *accidentally pulls trigger* OH MY GOD!
Top 10 Funniest Moments in the Souls Series

Miyazaki’s a funny dude. He’s spent 7 years now making us laugh with his subtle jokes in the souls games (Christ the Souls games are old now.) I asked the community what their favorite laughs were in the games and boy did you guys come out in full force. 

I had to create a poll of the nominations to fit all of the suggestions in. The votes have been tallied and these are the funniest moments in the Souls Series…and Bloodborne.

Keep reading

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some random doodles from an impromptu stream i had, aka the calm before the storm of what else happened in that stream. the first one would be the trash squad at the stream, and the second one a little scene from @pedoseidon‘s fic “rippling water and rippling abs

Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, and John Paul Jones are way more normal than you would ever imagine.  I still look at them now with awe, perhaps more now than ever.  But I do get to appreciate them as people, as we’ll sometimes have a moment where I’ve asked them, “Do you fully understand who you are and what you’ve accomplished in this life? Do you realise how important you are to people all over the world?” They’ll just kind of look at me and go, “What? Christ…Shut up will ya!  What are you talking about?” (laughs)

But I think they’re very proud of what they did, as I speak to Robert quite regularly and we talk about music, life, kids and family, and it makes him all the more normal to me.  But I really can’t say if they understand, when I tell them, “You are as important to the world as Lennon and McCartney ever were, without a shadow of doubt.

—  Jason Bonham

anonymous asked:

🎂🍰🍜🎀💤🔭

🎂: I feel happy when I see you in my notifications. 

🍰: You’re sweet and I like you!

Awww!! Thank you !! <3

🍜: I wish I could be a person who makes you happy.

Well, you just did, so happy birthday!

🎀: You’re a gift to this world.

sdfghjk sO ARE  YOU !!!

💤: I have a platonic crush on you.

Aww <33

🔭: What holds your attention lately?

Well, I have various short-term goals I’m working on at the moment. Making animatics, finding work, driving, volunteering, helping my mom…more than anything though, I want to strengthen my faith and relationship with Christ. It’s thanks to Him that I’ve gotten this far,and I want to - not only give back, but - really get to know Him on a personal level.

Oh! And I also started watching Voltron yesterday,so there’s that too! :D

Broken Promises Epilouge

Summary: you and Nate have a family together.

Warnings: none

Y/n POV


“THOMAS OMAHA ALEXANDER MALOLEY! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW” I scream as I have the whole family in the living room ready for a movie night. But when I go to pull up our downloaded movies there’s a new one. When Nate clicks on it. It’s a fucking sex tape. Of my son. He is only 17 he shouldn’t be doing these things where his family can see.

“What the hell is this?”

“I’m sorry mom It’s just Katy was moving away and she wanted to remember us”

“Jesus Christ. Did you use a condom?” I say concerned.

“Of course mom”

I don’t care if my son has sex. I just want to make sure he’s safe. I was around his age when I had him.

“Alex has a sex tape. We could be like the kardashians.” My youngest child says.

“Michael not now” Nate says.

“Mom I don’t get why you’re mad. We didn’t see anything and he said he’s being safe.” My daughter says.

“Well Isadora I don’t know if you know this, but your father is a very famous rapper. If word gets out that his son has a sex tape all hell will break loose.”

“Calm down y/n. Does Katy have the tape yet?” Nate says trying to figure out a solution.

“No”

“Then we will just delete it. Alright. You all delete it. I have to hit the studio album 4 is almost finished.” Nate says grabbing his stuff. That just meant he was going to smoke. We haven’t smoked since the kids. Only at parties. Thomas smokes but he’s not allowed to do it around the younger ones.

“Alright be careful we have church tomorrow” I say giving Nate the “dont be stupid” look.

He kisses all of us goodbye and heads out.

Nates POV

When I get home from a studio sesh with the boys I see everyone cuddled up on the couch. In the middle of the cuddle mess is y/n. I’m so glad I stuck around for our child and children. I remember the day we were married. She had just had Isadora and was so happy with her little family. After the wedding we had one more kid then decided that was enough and we couldn’t handle anymore. And I think John was getting sick of watching my kids so I could have time with y/n.

It’s amazing how well we all got along. Thomas(17) and Isadora(14) weren’t typical teenagers. They were just like their mom. Sweet and understanding. We talked to Thomas about how I wasnt there for the first years of his life and he was kinda mad. At both of us. First he was mad at me for leaving his mom over a dumb tour then he was mad because y/n didn’t ever tell me about him. But now he gets it and he is happy with our family. Him and Izzy are close. She goes to him when a guy hurts her. I’ve had to stop him from fighting a few boyfriends.

Michael, the youngest, looks just like my brother stew. It’s ridiculous. Me and y/n even got into a fight over who’s kid it was. But regardless they all live eachother so much.

But now we are perfect and we’ll always be happy. I’m proud of the family I made even if I wasn’t there for the first years. I still love all I MY kids. And my amazing wife y/n.

The Prince and the Pauper || Tae Fic

Ch. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 6.5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 (final)

Word Count: 1845


Jungkook, once again, was instructed to deliver something.

He let out a sigh, staring down at the lunch box in his hands as he walked through the extravagant doors of the Jung Group’s hotel. He didn’t understand his mom. His dad was a chief for Christ’s sake! Why did she need to make him lunch?! If he asked he would just get a painful slap to the head so he didn’t.

“Jungkook! Are you here to find Hoseok?” the front desk person asked, smiling at the attractive young man.

Keep reading

“Kageyama, I’m trying to do my homework here. Stop staring at me, it’s scary.”

“Shut up, I’m not scary. That’s just my face. And I wasn’t staring at you, I was staring at your lips.” 

“Why would you do that?” 

“…have you ever kissed anyone, Hinata?”

“What?! No! Why - hey, if you wanna make fun of me just because I haven’t kissed anyone, cut it out! Wanna fight? Just - just because I don’t have girls come to me and confess all the time, just because - “ 

“You’re an idiot. I haven’t… either. Kissed someone. But I think I wanna.” 

“…well why don’t you, then. Won’t be hard with all those swooning girls.” 

“Jesus Christ, did you receive so many volleyballs with your head that you got no brain left? You’re so fucking dense! Alright, I’m done. Get over here - stop moving, Hinata, I swear to - “ 

“I’m not - mhmphh. …Kageyama? Did you just - that was - oh. A k-kiss…?“ 

“…looking at someone’s lips means you wanna kiss them. Daichi told me. Was - was it bad? I’m sorry, but you’re just such a dumbass sometimes - !” 

“Shut up! And I didn’t say it was bad. But you should do it again. Just so I can make sure.” 

“Y-yeah. To make sure, ‘f course. Now c’mere, I wanna - mhm. Yeah. That.”