chris-christie

10

Hillary Clinton: “I’ve been called many things by many people – “quitter” is not one of them.”

It's simple

Reblog this if you absolutely do not want Donald Trump elected president.

Poem #0: The Desolation of Smaug

The sun beats down on the hot asphalt of society
The ice cream that is my life melts in a sweltering inferno
Seeing my chocolatey happiness melt away
I raise my fist to the sky and curse the ancient gods:
“Thanks Obama”
But Obama deserves no thanks
For not even he knows why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Here’s a hint
There’s sugar in it
You’re welcome
The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma
First Spongebob reference of the poem
We’re off to a good start
Look!
Up in the sky!
It’s a bird!
It’s a plane!
No, its the glass ceiling
Wake up America
I’m like Bono:
No one wants to listen to my new album
“Knock knock”
Who’s there?
“White boys”
White boys who?
“lol wut wud u do if i wuz there with u ;) kik me”
#notallmen
You’re right
Benjamin Franklin would never use kik
Maybe Thomas Jefferson
Suddenly the heavens part
And a light like a thousand burning souls shine down
As I stare into the void of creation
I hear the voice of God himself:
“Who would win in a fight? Goku or Superman?”
Neither
No one wins under Capitalism
A smile creeps across Comrade Stalin’s face
“High five bruh”
My heart sinks
I want nothing more than to high five my Comrade
But sadly I am only an eel
Spongebob reference number 2
This is going great
I’m like Rasputin
Inaccurately portrayed in an animated film from 1997
And voiced by Christopher Lloyd
Great Scott
This is heavy
Like the weight of society
My heart’s like the inside of a Disney store
Entirely Frozen
But not even an Iron Curtain can hide my feelings
Mr. Gorbechev,
Tear down this wall concealing your emotions
Share your heart with the world
But do so in keeping with the Marxist doctrine
Quoth the Raven:
“Bush knew about 9/11”
Wake up America
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
lol add me on Snapchat
White boys strike again
There will come a day when tomorrow does not matter
There will be no one left to care
No mother left to kiss her child’s bruises
No child left to rebel
No more laughter
No more tears
Just silence
And blackness
And then
When that day comes
Daylight Savings Time will still be a stupid idea
I’m like Walt Disney’s Aladdin
White
But I ain’t no hollaback girl
My eyes open
A single light bulb hangs from the ceiling
My eyes slowly adjust to the blinding glow
I become more aware of my surroundings
A leaky pipe
A door
Behind which is a set of creaky stairs
With every creak I become more conscious
There are no windows
Only the stench of stale blood, like rusting iron, hanging in the air
No wait
That is rusting iron
I finally make out the beaten and battered shape before my feet
It’s Optimus Prime
My heart leaps into my throat
I struggle as the wretched creaking grows louder and louder
Like Poe’s heart
The creaking becomes unbearable
And then is silenced
For a moment I miss the sweet torture of anticipation
For now standing before me is an evil above all others:
Michael Bay
I try to escape, but I am strapped down to the Ninja Turtles reboot
By what’s left of Megan Fox’s career
Michael Baywatch smiles
“You can’t escape me this time, Shia”
I look down at myself
I’ve suddenly transformed into Shia LaBeouf
Shia surprise
Michael Bay-once pulls out a dead horse and begins to beat Optimus Prime with it
I scream
“Optimus!”
Silly Shia LaBeouf
As I scream in pain, I suddenly awaken
It was all a dream
Like Wizard of Oz
Except nothing at all like Wizard of Oz
My jokes are like Adam Sandler movies
They stopped being funny a long time ago but for some reason I keep trying
I know the reason:
Corporate America!
Spider-man
Spider-man
Does whatever a spider can
Except resist the cold sting of Capitalism
Capitalism?
More like Crap-italism!
Am I right guys?…
Am I right guys?…..
Am I right guys?…….
“Knock knock”
Who’s there?
Walter White dies at the end of Breaking Bad
But in the Latin alphabet, “Jehovah” begins with an “I”
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
“Damnit Jason! I knew we should’ve asked for directions!”
“I don’t need directions Cheryl
The Lord will show me the way.”
Sign up for christianmingle.com today
And the Lord said unto Jason:
“Bro just hop onto PCH and take the 110
Then get on the 405
And take the 90210
Until you get to the 8675309.”
And thus, Jason followed the Lord’s way
And got even more lost than before
Never take directions from religious figures
The word of the Lord
Thanks be to Morgan Freeman
But I would walk approximately 804.672 kilometers
And I would walk approximately 804.672 more
Just to be the man who walked approximately 1,609.344 kilometers
To fall down at your door
Falling down deeper and deeper into the darkness
The darkness of society
Suspended in the blackness
My spirit is torn apart
And burned with tongues of fire
Until I am nothing more than an empty husk
Trapped in the clutches of society
But through the hate and the pain
I hear a voice
The voice of an angel
It calls out to me from above
And a light shines down
Through the suffering I see the light
And hear four words
Four simple words
Ringing like the song of a church bell:
“This is my swamp”
The smell of onions permeate the air
I feel his presence
He’s here with me
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie
Chris Christie grabs my arm
And pulls me out of the fire
We fly away and hang out with the Cake Boss
Next week on Cake Boss:
Buddy makes a cake and his family acts really Italian
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is love
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is life
What’s in a name?
Would a meme by any other name be still as dank?
Yes
For you are the dancing queen
Young and free
Only 17
Again
Zac Efron
Zac Efron has 8 letters in his name
Which is the exact amount of letters used to spell The Illuminati
If The Illuminati was spelled with 8 letters
Get’cha head in the game America
Out of the frying pan
Into the freezer section at Trader Joe’s
Do you know the muffin man,
The muffin man, the muffin man,
Do you know the muffin man,
Who lives on Drury Lane?
He owes me drug money