Imagine Chris admitting he’s still in-love with you.
A/N: Lol, what’s a hiatus? This is based on Ed Sheeran’s ‘Happier’ in his new album ‘Divide’. First of all, I’m in-love with that album. If you haven’t heard it, go listen to it right now. Actually, listen to the song while you’re reading this. I promise that it’ll trigger all the feels in the world. I know I usually write happy stuff, but this song is too good not to write to so- here’s a little bit of angst for y'all. (Relax, it ends sweet.) Grab some tissues. X
“Why are you doing this to yourself, man?”
“I just have to see her, Scott,” Chris mumbled into the phone; his brother sighed on the other end. “This month has been terrible and-” he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “I just have to see her,” he repeated. “She’s the one person I want to see right now.”
“And she’s the one person that doesn’t want to see you right now, Chris,” he painfully reminded Chris; this time is was Chris’ turn to sigh. “You broke her heart, the least you can do is let her move on in peace. Don’t go to that bar, turn around and go home. You’re not going to feel better seeing her happy with someone else, just go home.”
There was a short moment of silence where Chris stopped and thought about what Scott was telling him. He knew himself and he knew was going to the bar anyway, but he thought about it. “Do you think I’m ever going to happy again?” He heard himself ask; he was doubtful without you in his life, but he could use a lie.
“Yes,” Scott answered. “Now go home, Chris.”
Chris hung up and continued down 29th and Park, ignoring both Scott’s advice and the better part of him. He made his way towards Carlson’s Bar where he knew you’d be supporting your best friend’s band, just like any other typical Friday night. His heart ached when he remembered that just a month ago, he was the one you took with you to Spencer’s show and now it was Nick; a co-worker that’d wasted no time to claim the opportunity of a lifetime that Chris so carelessly tossed aside. It was his fault, Chris knew that. He’d done quite a bit to hurt you in the three years you were together, he had thought he’d a lifetime to make it up to you; he didn’t. As much as you loved him, you couldn’t spend your entire life waiting on him to commit.
Chris turned the corner and stopped dead in his tracks; his blue eyes well with tears when he saw you in another’s arms. He was expecting it, but nothing could have braced his heart for what he laid eyes on. You were smiling, brighter than he’d seen in a while. Nick tightened his grip on you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear to make you laugh because there was no sound better than your laughter. Chris remembered when he used to do that, he used to be able to make you happy. He didn’t know when or why he stopped, he just knew it was the biggest mistake of his life. If he could go back, he would change everything so you’d be with him looking as happy- if not, happier than you were right now with Nick.
“Stop,” you laughed, squirming away from Nick’s clean shaven nuzzles. You tried not to let your smile falter when your heart reminded you of how Chris’ beard felt against your skin when he playfully nuzzled you. “Let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here.”
“Okay,” Nick smiled and pulled away from you to take your gloved hand.
You smiled as Nick held the door open for you. He was perfect, but it didn’t stop your mind from thinking of your Friday nights with Chris. It was never that simple with him, he always found a way to postpone joining the crowd because he preferred one on one time with you. He’d purposely walk slower or pretended he left something in his car so you’d have to turn back, only to find out that what he left was a kiss. As you walked inside, you found yourself remembering the way Chris would counter your “let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here” with a tighter hug that would “keep you warm, sweetheart.”
The more you thought about Chris, the worst you felt about being with Nick. It’d only been a month since you broke things off with him, how could be with someone else already? You spent three years with the man, the least you could’ve done was wait a little longer before you started to move on. Though it wasn’t likely that you were ever going to move on with anyone; Chris had ruined you for other men. If he had just shut up and committed, instead of making excuses and stalling- you’d be with him right now. You liked Nick, but your feelings for him were never going to compare with what you felt- still felt, despite how broken he left you- for Chris. He was the one for you, just as you were for him; the sad thing was he didn’t realize it until you walked out the door.
“I’m going to go grab a drink,” Nick told you and you nodded. “Do you want anything?” You shook your head; the last thing you needed was alcohol in your system. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He gently squeezed your arm then disappeared into the crowd.
You scanned the room for familiar faces; it was the same group every Friday night. Spencer’s and yours mutual friends, as well as his other group of friends and his co-workers. It was always a good night, but it wasn’t until the first Friday night without Chris that you realized it was only always a good night because of him. You felt your vision blur as your heart wrenched in your chest; you really needed to get out of there.
The cold outside felt more inviting than the warm, slightly easing the emotional grief you’d been carrying on your shoulders since you broke up with Chris. The past month had been incredibly difficult for the both of you. The experience was about the same, neither of you liked living by yourself after living with each other for the past two years. It felt like a punch to your gut when you’d wake up without him by your side; the apartment you were now living in felt like it was constantly trying to suffocate you with isolation and loneliness. Every day, you’d wake up wondering if leaving him was the right thing to do. A month had passed and you still didn’t know if you were happier now, or happier with him.
“Y/N,” you heard Chris’ voice and you flinched. You shook your head, not wanting to turn around because there was no- “Y/N,” his hand wrapped around your wrist and he turned you around; you swallowed the urge to start crying.
“What are you doing here?” You asked, yanking your wrist out of his grip. You knew you’d break if he continued to touch you, you’d just melt right back into his arms despite everything he’d put you through. “We said clean break,” you reminded him.
“No.” He shook his head, his pretty blues glistened under the flickering street lights. “You said clean break, I told you I didn’t want to break up.” You turned away from him, taking slow, deep breaths; he didn’t need to see you cry.
“You didn’t want to commit either,” you bit as you turned back to him. “We were together for three years, Chris. We lived together for two. But still, whenever you were asked- you couldn’t admit you were in a relationship. You went out and partied like a bachelor, traveling the world like you had no one waiting on you at home.”
“Y/N, it was part-”
“It’s part of your job,” you cut him off. “Yeah, I know. That was always the excuse, wasn’t it?” Tears rolled down your cheeks and you quickly wiped them away. “I didn’t know being an actor meant you couldn’t be a boyfriend- that you couldn’t be a husband. But I do now, so- thank you, I’ll know better next time than to fall in-love with an actor.”
“I was just trying to protect you-”
“From what?” You scoffed. “From the media, from your fans? Newsflash, Chris- I knew what I was getting into when Captain freakin’ America asked me out. I didn’t need protection, I needed you to be proud to be in a relationship. I stood by you through everything; your work schedule, the distance, the tabloids and the rumors because- I loved and trusted you. But I guess all that wasn’t enough to be able to be Chris Evans’ girlfriend. You say you were protecting me, but you were just protecting yourself from commitment.”
“I know,” he nodded, agreeing with you for the first time. “I was stupid,” he said, taking your hands in his. “I wasn’t ready to settle down. I thought if I kept it from the media then- it wouldn’t be real and if we ever broke up- I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I thought if I could just get through my Marvel contract then- I don’t know, Y/N! I don’t know what I was thinking, I just-” He started to cry, making you cry. “I made a mistake, I was an idiot who didn’t know any better. But I do now, I am so in-love with you and I can’t- I can’t do this without you.”
“Am I meant to just forgive you?” You didn’t pull your hands away because you’d missed his touch. “You broke my heart, Chris,” you told him and he nodded in acknowledgment. “Do you know how much it sucked hearing people talk about how I was in a relationship with a man who couldn’t even admit he was taken? Do you know how much it hurt to see you with a fan who thinks it’s okay to get touchy because you’re apparently single? Do you realize how many of my friends’ weddings we’ve attended in our three years together? I can’t keep waiting for you to commit, Chris. I don’t want to,” you shook your head.
“I know, I’m sorry- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just- I know how much I’ve hurt you, but I also know that no one is going to love you as much as I do. I made a mistake, that’s all- and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just-” he pulled you into a tight hug, burying his face into the crook of your neck. “Please,” he begged, crying. “Please let me.”
“I’m with Nick,” you cried softly, fighting the urge to just hug him back. It broke your heart to see him like this, and God- you just wanted to kiss his sorrows away. “I’m with someone else, Chris.” You repeated and he started crying harder, clutching onto you like you were his oxygen. “I can’t-” you gently pushed Chris away, “it’s not fair on him.”
“I know,” he whispered, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “And it’s not fair on you either, you deserve better than me.” You tried not to cry at that. “Are you happier with him?” He asked and cupped your face in his hands, gently brushing your tears away.
“Yes,” you lied with a nod.
“Okay,” he managed a smile. “Just know that- If he breaks your heart, I’m going to be waiting right here for you.” You nodded, crying softly as Chris pressed a kiss against your forehead. “I’ll see you, Y/N.” He said as he reluctantly pulled his hands away.
You closed your eyes as he walked off into the night because you knew you’d run after him if you watched him leave. You’d rather be with Chris, everyone- including Nick, who had watched the whole thing go down from the inside- knew that. So why didn’t you go with him? Why were you so stubborn? Why didn’t Chris stay and fight for you? Nick didn’t get it, none of your friends watching did. Then, it was as though a jolt of lightning went off in both yours and Chris’ brains. You opened your eyes and started towards his direction, just as he turned around and ran back towards you. You met halfway and shared an embrace that ended in a kiss so passionate and deep that on lookers blushed.
“I’m happier with you,” you whispered when Chris broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours.
“And I’m only happy with you,” he responded then kissed you again, smiling. “Come with me to the premiere of Gifted,” he told you. “We’ll walk the carpet together, we’ll announce our engagement.” You felt your eyes narrow at that, but you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face; it was finally happening. “Just let me show you off to the world, let me tell everyone I’m taken.”
“But we’re not engaged,” you chuckled softly.
“Not yet,” he smiled. “The ring’s at home so I can’t-”
“Yes,” you nodded and his smile widened. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” You told him and he hugged you tightly, breathing you in. The engagement was long overdue, he wished he’d done it earlier so he didn’t cause you as much grief as he did but- he was happy things ended the way it did.
“I’m never letting you go again.”
“Me neither,” you agreed, smiling.