Imagine Chris admitting he’s still in-love with you.
A/N: Lol, what’s a hiatus? This is based on Ed Sheeran’s ‘Happier’ in his new album ‘Divide’. First of all, I’m in-love with that album. If you haven’t heard it, go listen to it right now. Actually, listen to the song while you’re reading this. I promise that it’ll trigger all the feels in the world. I know I usually write happy stuff, but this song is too good not to write to so- here’s a little bit of angst for y'all. (Relax, it ends sweet.) Grab some tissues. X
“Why are you doing this to yourself, man?”
“I just have to see her, Scott,” Chris mumbled into the phone; his brother sighed on the other end. “This month has been terrible and-” he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “I just have to see her,” he repeated. “She’s the one person I want to see right now.”
“And she’s the one person that doesn’t want to see you right now, Chris,” he painfully reminded Chris; this time is was Chris’ turn to sigh. “You broke her heart, the least you can do is let her move on in peace. Don’t go to that bar, turn around and go home. You’re not going to feel better seeing her happy with someone else, just go home.”
There was a short moment of silence where Chris stopped and thought about what Scott was telling him. He knew himself and he knew was going to the bar anyway, but he thought about it. “Do you think I’m ever going to happy again?” He heard himself ask; he was doubtful without you in his life, but he could use a lie.
“Yes,” Scott answered. “Now go home, Chris.”
Chris hung up and continued down 29th and Park, ignoring both Scott’s advice and the better part of him. He made his way towards Carlson’s Bar where he knew you’d be supporting your best friend’s band, just like any other typical Friday night. His heart ached when he remembered that just a month ago, he was the one you took with you to Spencer’s show and now it was Nick; a co-worker that’d wasted no time to claim the opportunity of a lifetime that Chris so carelessly tossed aside. It was his fault, Chris knew that. He’d done quite a bit to hurt you in the three years you were together, he had thought he’d a lifetime to make it up to you; he didn’t. As much as you loved him, you couldn’t spend your entire life waiting on him to commit.
Chris turned the corner and stopped dead in his tracks; his blue eyes well with tears when he saw you in another’s arms. He was expecting it, but nothing could have braced his heart for what he laid eyes on. You were smiling, brighter than he’d seen in a while. Nick tightened his grip on you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear to make you laugh because there was no sound better than your laughter. Chris remembered when he used to do that, he used to be able to make you happy. He didn’t know when or why he stopped, he just knew it was the biggest mistake of his life. If he could go back, he would change everything so you’d be with him looking as happy- if not, happier than you were right now with Nick.
“Stop,” you laughed, squirming away from Nick’s clean shaven nuzzles. You tried not to let your smile falter when your heart reminded you of how Chris’ beard felt against your skin when he playfully nuzzled you. “Let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here.”
“Okay,” Nick smiled and pulled away from you to take your gloved hand.
You smiled as Nick held the door open for you. He was perfect, but it didn’t stop your mind from thinking of your Friday nights with Chris. It was never that simple with him, he always found a way to postpone joining the crowd because he preferred one on one time with you. He’d purposely walk slower or pretended he left something in his car so you’d have to turn back, only to find out that what he left was a kiss. As you walked inside, you found yourself remembering the way Chris would counter your “let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here” with a tighter hug that would “keep you warm, sweetheart.”
The more you thought about Chris, the worst you felt about being with Nick. It’d only been a month since you broke things off with him, how could be with someone else already? You spent three years with the man, the least you could’ve done was wait a little longer before you started to move on. Though it wasn’t likely that you were ever going to move on with anyone; Chris had ruined you for other men. If he had just shut up and committed, instead of making excuses and stalling- you’d be with him right now. You liked Nick, but your feelings for him were never going to compare with what you felt- still felt, despite how broken he left you- for Chris. He was the one for you, just as you were for him; the sad thing was he didn’t realize it until you walked out the door.
“I’m going to go grab a drink,” Nick told you and you nodded. “Do you want anything?” You shook your head; the last thing you needed was alcohol in your system. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He gently squeezed your arm then disappeared into the crowd.
You scanned the room for familiar faces; it was the same group every Friday night. Spencer’s and yours mutual friends, as well as his other group of friends and his co-workers. It was always a good night, but it wasn’t until the first Friday night without Chris that you realized it was only always a good night because of him. You felt your vision blur as your heart wrenched in your chest; you really needed to get out of there.
The cold outside felt more inviting than the warm, slightly easing the emotional grief you’d been carrying on your shoulders since you broke up with Chris. The past month had been incredibly difficult for the both of you. The experience was about the same, neither of you liked living by yourself after living with each other for the past two years. It felt like a punch to your gut when you’d wake up without him by your side; the apartment you were now living in felt like it was constantly trying to suffocate you with isolation and loneliness. Every day, you’d wake up wondering if leaving him was the right thing to do. A month had passed and you still didn’t know if you were happier now, or happier with him.
“Y/N,” you heard Chris’ voice and you flinched. You shook your head, not wanting to turn around because there was no- “Y/N,” his hand wrapped around your wrist and he turned you around; you swallowed the urge to start crying.
“What are you doing here?” You asked, yanking your wrist out of his grip. You knew you’d break if he continued to touch you, you’d just melt right back into his arms despite everything he’d put you through. “We said clean break,” you reminded him.
“No.” He shook his head, his pretty blues glistened under the flickering street lights. “You said clean break, I told you I didn’t want to break up.” You turned away from him, taking slow, deep breaths; he didn’t need to see you cry.
“You didn’t want to commit either,” you bit as you turned back to him. “We were together for three years, Chris. We lived together for two. But still, whenever you were asked- you couldn’t admit you were in a relationship. You went out and partied like a bachelor, traveling the world like you had no one waiting on you at home.”
“Y/N, it was part-”
“It’s part of your job,” you cut him off. “Yeah, I know. That was always the excuse, wasn’t it?” Tears rolled down your cheeks and you quickly wiped them away. “I didn’t know being an actor meant you couldn’t be a boyfriend- that you couldn’t be a husband. But I do now, so- thank you, I’ll know better next time than to fall in-love with an actor.”
“I was just trying to protect you-”
“From what?” You scoffed. “From the media, from your fans? Newsflash, Chris- I knew what I was getting into when Captain freakin’ America asked me out. I didn’t need protection, I needed you to be proud to be in a relationship. I stood by you through everything; your work schedule, the distance, the tabloids and the rumors because- I loved and trusted you. But I guess all that wasn’t enough to be able to be Chris Evans’ girlfriend. You say you were protecting me, but you were just protecting yourself from commitment.”
“I know,” he nodded, agreeing with you for the first time. “I was stupid,” he said, taking your hands in his. “I wasn’t ready to settle down. I thought if I kept it from the media then- it wouldn’t be real and if we ever broke up- I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I thought if I could just get through my Marvel contract then- I don’t know, Y/N! I don’t know what I was thinking, I just-” He started to cry, making you cry. “I made a mistake, I was an idiot who didn’t know any better. But I do now, I am so in-love with you and I can’t- I can’t do this without you.”
“Am I meant to just forgive you?” You didn’t pull your hands away because you’d missed his touch. “You broke my heart, Chris,” you told him and he nodded in acknowledgment. “Do you know how much it sucked hearing people talk about how I was in a relationship with a man who couldn’t even admit he was taken? Do you know how much it hurt to see you with a fan who thinks it’s okay to get touchy because you’re apparently single? Do you realize how many of my friends’ weddings we’ve attended in our three years together? I can’t keep waiting for you to commit, Chris. I don’t want to,” you shook your head.
“I know, I’m sorry- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just- I know how much I’ve hurt you, but I also know that no one is going to love you as much as I do. I made a mistake, that’s all- and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just-” he pulled you into a tight hug, burying his face into the crook of your neck. “Please,” he begged, crying. “Please let me.”
“I’m with Nick,” you cried softly, fighting the urge to just hug him back. It broke your heart to see him like this, and God- you just wanted to kiss his sorrows away. “I’m with someone else, Chris.” You repeated and he started crying harder, clutching onto you like you were his oxygen. “I can’t-” you gently pushed Chris away, “it’s not fair on him.”
“I know,” he whispered, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “And it’s not fair on you either, you deserve better than me.” You tried not to cry at that. “Are you happier with him?” He asked and cupped your face in his hands, gently brushing your tears away.
“Yes,” you lied with a nod.
“Okay,” he managed a smile. “Just know that- If he breaks your heart, I’m going to be waiting right here for you.” You nodded, crying softly as Chris pressed a kiss against your forehead. “I’ll see you, Y/N.” He said as he reluctantly pulled his hands away.
You closed your eyes as he walked off into the night because you knew you’d run after him if you watched him leave. You’d rather be with Chris, everyone- including Nick, who had watched the whole thing go down from the inside- knew that. So why didn’t you go with him? Why were you so stubborn? Why didn’t Chris stay and fight for you? Nick didn’t get it, none of your friends watching did. Then, it was as though a jolt of lightning went off in both yours and Chris’ brains. You opened your eyes and started towards his direction, just as he turned around and ran back towards you. You met halfway and shared an embrace that ended in a kiss so passionate and deep that on lookers blushed.
“I’m happier with you,” you whispered when Chris broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours.
“And I’m only happy with you,” he responded then kissed you again, smiling. “Come with me to the premiere of Gifted,” he told you. “We’ll walk the carpet together, we’ll announce our engagement.” You felt your eyes narrow at that, but you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face; it was finally happening. “Just let me show you off to the world, let me tell everyone I’m taken.”
“But we’re not engaged,” you chuckled softly.
“Not yet,” he smiled. “The ring’s at home so I can’t-”
“Yes,” you nodded and his smile widened. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” You told him and he hugged you tightly, breathing you in. The engagement was long overdue, he wished he’d done it earlier so he didn’t cause you as much grief as he did but- he was happy things ended the way it did.
So basically I haven’t been on tumblr in forever and every time I try to come back there’s nothing on my dash that I care about anymore so I end up leaving again because I have nothing to reblog so please reblog/like if you post any of these things and I’ll follow you if I like your blog!!!!!
The Raven Cycle
Guardians of the Galaxy
Supernatural (I don’t watch it anymore but still reblog from the seasons I watched and the cast)
Music (tagging particular bands I like but I like a lot of things)
A/N: Part 4! Ah, he’s just so freaking sweet. (Side note: Guess who’s going to see Ed Sheeran live?! I’m dying slightly, it’s going to be the best night of my entire life.) You can read the related mini-series and the previous parts here: (Mini-series - Masterlist; Mini-series Spin-off: ‘Unexpected Reader’ and ‘Little Ways Away’ - Masterlist; ‘She Said Yes: Part 1/Part 2/Part 3’)
Ava snuck Chris into your shared apartment- as planned- when he arrived at 7:21AM on a Friday morning, just in time for your twentieth birthday. He had a bouquet of red roses, two envelopes, and a little gift bag from Thomas Sabo with him, as he quietly made his way down the hall and into your room. He smiled when he saw you sleeping peacefully. For the first time, you looked like you didn’t have a care in the world, and you didn’t because it was summer holidays and you had the day off. Chris knew about the rule you’d developed over years of working on your birthday and having your day ruined by rude customers; you would always ask for a day off on your birthday if you could afford it. And you could afford it, especially now that Chris was your overbearing fiancé who no longer took no for an answer when he wanted to financially support you. You were only still working because- one, you wanted to still have some independence, and two, your mom told him she wanted you to have a part time job- even if you only worked thrice a week- just to remain grounded. Who was Chris to argue with his future mother-in-law?
Your birthday plans had been to: sleep till nine, have brunch at your favorite bistro then shop till you dropped with your best friend, eat ice-cream cake over FaceTime with Chris, then head back to your family home to have a home cooked birthday dinner with your parents and older brother. Had been, because Chris had changed it without your knowledge. In fact, everyone except you knew what your new plans consisted of; everyone loved it, and they were sure you would too.
Chris chuckled softly as he lowered items he had in his hand on your desk beside your MacBook, where he’d FaceTime you last night while he was packing his bags getting ready to surprise you. It was only fair, you’d spent a weekend with him on his birthday- belated, but it still counted, so obviously he couldn’t let you spend your birthday without him. That and- he would’ve given any excuse to come see you even though the last time you were together wasn’t that long ago; Independence Day with his family at their holiday cabin. What could he say, other than he missed his beloved fiancée? If he could have you with him every day of every second, he would. You’d both probably get annoyed by the lack of space if that actually happened, but it was the thought that counts, and that thought was incredibly sweet and romantic.
Chris carefully crawled his way into your bed as he didn’t want to startle you, he wanted you to wake peacefully knowing it was him and not a murderer. He shuffled himself closer to you and did what he always did when he wanted you to roll over and enfold yourself into his arms. You must’ve forgotten your fiancé was actually still away from you and acted subconsciously because you did as he’d orchestrated, snuggling close to him with your arm draped over his stomach. He smiled and kissed the top of your head, holding you close to him. He took a moment to appreciate the bliss coming from the simplicity of the situation before he whispered, in a sing song voice, “good morning, sunshine.”
You stirred, and for a second, you forgot it was only August and that Chris was still meant to be away filming. You also forgot it was your birthday because all you could think about was Chris’ comforting and loving arms around you. You smiled as your eyes fluttered open, you tipped your head and kissed his jawline, “good morning.” It wasn’t until he was leaning in to give you a quick peck on your lips that you remembered what day it was. “Holy crap!” You pushed yourself away from him and fell out of your bed before he could catch your wrist and pull you back in.
“Shit, Y/N,” Chris cussed as he leaned over the edge to look at you, laughing when you did; you rubbed your elbow then the back of your head which you may have clipped on the corner of your bedside table. “Are you okay, baby?” He chuckled, resting his chin on the top of his hands which were placed one above the other. “I tried hard not to scare you, but clearly I needed to try harder.”
“Just a little bit,” you chuckled as you got to your feet. Chris moved back to his original position when you climbed back into bed, resting your head against his chest as his arm wrapped around you. “It is so good to see you,” you hugged him tightly and he chuckled, rubbing your back. “I thought you said you couldn’t come because of filming.”
“It’s called a lie, sweetheart,” he chuckled into your hair as he planted another kiss on the top of your head. “Of course I was coming,” he told you as you pulled away and sat up, turning to face him. “How can I not? You’re my fiancée and it’s your birthday, not even hellfire would’ve kept me away from seeing you.”
“I’d kiss you, but I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”
“I don’t care, so c'mere.” He grabbed your wrist and tugged you towards him, but you pressed your hand over your mouth just as he leaned forward with closed eyes. His lips landed on the back of your hand instead, and he chuckled. “Seriously?” He quizzed with a raised brow. “Aren’t we past that by now?”
“You are, but I am not and I never will be.” You pulled your wrist out of his grip and hopped out of bed. “Just give me a second, I’ll be back with minty fresh breath and then we can make out like a couple of teenagers.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Which-” you glanced back at him with your hand on your doorknob, “I am no longer ‘cause I’m twenty today.” You grinned, which made his smile reach his eyes.
“Yes, you’re right,” he nodded. “Happy birthday, baby.”
“Thanks,” you chimed then opened the door. “I’ll be right back.”
Chris got off your bed as you disappeared to the bathroom, walking back over to his gifts so he could give them to you as soon as you returned. He smiled because he believed he nailed it this time, though he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to top it the years after. He sat down on the edge of your bed, facing the door as he fiddled with the envelopes. Which one was he to give you first? Perhaps the smaller notion, that way you’d have a bigger high to end on. He pressed his nose into the roses and chuckled because he loved how traditional you were. Other girls thought roses were overrated clichés, but not you- you could get a rose everyday and still swoon at the sight of another tomorrow. One of the many, many things he loved about you.
The door opened moments later and you returned, flashing your perfect teeth at him. He smiled and got to his feet, passing you the bouquet of roses first. Your face lit up as you took it from him, pressing your whole face into the bouquet which made him laugh. He then passed you the little bag from Thomas Sabo and you lowered the bouquet to unveil the charm he’d gotten you to add to the bracelet you’ve had since you were sixteen. He’d designed it himself and sent it into the company, begging them to help him make it for you. It was a globe that had ‘you are my world now’ engraved across the axis and your heart melted. How had you never thought of something so sweet to write about before? Real life Chris was definitely kicking Fan fic Chris in the butt.
“Chris,” you squealed his name as you held the charm up to get a closer look. “This is so sweet!” He laughed as he took the charm from you, and your wrist to help you clip it on. You didn’t usually wear your bracelet to sleep, but you’d forgotten to take it off last night. “Oh my God,” the words barely escaped your tightly gritted teeth, “I love you so much.” He laughed as you cupped his face in your hands, kissing his cheek in a playfully aggressive manner.
“Yeah, wait till you see these other gifts,” he grinned and held out the first envelope.
“Did you write me another story?” You asked as you started to carefully rip open the paper seal.
“No,” he chuckled with a shake of his head. “I think I’ll leave the writing to your brilliant mind.” You chuckled, rolling your eyes; he knew very well how brilliant he was too. “It’s got nothing to do with your talent and future career, it’s got more to do with my career.” You felt your jaw drop as you pulled out two plane tickets to Salt Lake City, as well as two VIP passes to the Comic-Con there. You were so distracted by the Comic-Con passes that you didn’t notice that one of the plane tickets was from Boston to Salt Lake City, and not Los Angeles. “I’m schedule to speak at a panel in September, so I thought you’d like to join me. I checked your class schedules! It’s during the beginning of your fall quarter and you don’t have any classes, so you can go without worrying about school.”
“You are nailing it,” you chuckled, giving his hand a quick squeeze before you returned your touch to the tickets. “Wait-” your eyes narrowed when you realized there were two tickets and two passes. “Why are there two? Aren’t you just going to fly from wherever you’re filming in September? I didn’t even think you’d need a pass considering you’re a panelist.”
“The second set is for Ava,” he told you with a chuckle and you felt your lips part with a gasp of realization. “I don’t know if she’ll be able to make it, but I think it’s nice to let her have the option of going. I know it’s not San Diego’s Comic-Con, but the two of you have always talked about attending one so…” He trailed off, smiling.
“You really need to stop making her fall deeper in-love with you, 'cause one day she’s going to kill me and steal you.” You joked then laughed when he did, pulling you into his chest for a tight hug.
“It’s going to be hard for her to kill you when your fiancé is Captain America,” he chuckled and you laughed harder. “And it’s also hard to steal someone that can’t be stolen.” You looked up as he dipped his head, kissing you. You smiled against the kiss, and he did too before breaking away. “And she doesn’t have me to thank, I only paid for the air ticket. Seb got her the pass, as panelist we only get one extra. Mine was for you, and Seb offered his to Ava considering…” He trailed off with pursed lips but you knew what he was talking about.
“How’s he doing with the breakup?” You asked. “He hasn’t said much about it, has he?” Chris shook his head and you sighed, feeling bad for Sebastian. “Was it bad?” You quizzed, wincing. “I know it’s been months, but they were together for quite a long time.”
“It was amicable, they’re still friends.” Chris told you and you nodded in acknowledgement. “But it’s still a breakup, y'know?” You nodded again. “Jenny and I had an amicable one, we’re still friends but- it definitely stung when it ended. So I don’t know, I think he just needs time. And-” he smiled at you, poking you in the cheek, “the perfect girl to fall in-love with.”
“You’re going to give me diabetes with all this sugar you’re showering me in,” you giggled and he chuckled, kissing your forehead before he released you to give you your last gift; the second envelope. “Another one?” You chuckled, taking it from him. “Chris, you do realize I’ve got more birthdays. I’m not dying tomorrow, so you can save some of these amazing gifts for next year.”
“Well- I would save this for next year, but it’s kind of time constricted.” You raised a brow, and he chuckled. “No, it’s not another convention. I think you’ll be bored attending all those events with me, it’s fairly repetitive.”
“I think we’ve established that I’ll never be bored with you,” you told him with a smile and he winked. You opened the envelope and immediately caught sight of a familiar blue color. You swore your heart stopped and you held your breath as you looked up with wide eyes to meet Chris’ gaze. He bit back his smile, wiggling his brows. “No,” you breathed.
“Yes,” he whispered, nodding.
“Ed Sheeran?!” You screamed as you pulled the tickets from the envelope; you screamed so loudly that Ava heard you from the other room and laughed. “Ed Sheeran, Chris? Ed Sheeran?” You asked in disbelief, making Chris laugh and nod. “Oh my God!” You screamed, jumping up and down. He smiled because he was very proud of himself to have given you something that drew that reaction from you; he reacted the same way when The Patriots won the Super Bowl. “Ed Sheeran, Ed Sheeran!” You cheered, throwing your arms around him as you continued to jump up and down.
You were a huge fan of Ed Sheeran, and even in saying that- it seemed like an understatement. You loved his music to the point where you owned every album of his- both digital and vinyl. To you, his music was inspiring; you used often used his songs as prompts to write. He was one of the few artists that had albums you could listen to without feeling the need to skip over any songs, and to be able to listen to him live- it was the absolute dream. You had a bucket list and attending an Ed Sheeran concert was on it, you just didn’t think it’d be that soon.
You’d tried to get tickets when he announced his 'Divide’ world tour. You’d personally saved a sum and was going to treat yourself to the concert of your dreams. You’d tried and you’d failed despite how much time you invested in the purchasing of the tickets, spending a whole day by your MacBook, iPad, and iPhone. You refreshed it so many times, you swore you were going to break the internet. Finally when the tickets came on sale, you saw that they were out of your price range; your heart broke and you turned off all your devices.
By the time Chris had heard about it and offered you his credit card number, the tickets had sold out. Sure, there were other venues in other states that you could fly to and attend. But you didn’t want to spend unnecessary money, especially when it wasn’t your money you were spending. You may have agreed to let Chris take care of you, but that didn’t mean you didn’t feel bad when he whipped out his credit card for you. So what if he could afford it? You needed to make your own way in the world, that was how your parents raised you. Your mom always said, “be rich, don’t marry rich.” But hey, this was different. This was him getting you an amazing and thoughtful birthday present, so you could accept it without guilt. Well- without a ton of guilt.
“Yes, Ed Sheeran,” he chuckled, hugging you back so you’d stop jumping. You drew back slightly and cupped his face in your hands, smiling with tears of joy in the corner of your eyes. “We’re going to his Boston show. You’ll meet me there, we’ll attend the concert, then fly to Salt Lake City together.” You raised a brow then quickly diverted your attention back to the Salt Lake City plane tickets, one was indeed from Boston. “I was a little worried you’d notice that,” he admitted with a soft chuckle.
“It wouldn’t have spoiled the surprise,” you smiled and he smiled back. “You are honestly the best fiancé a girl could ask for.” You hugged him again, and his smile widened as he hugged you back. “And I’m retiring Fan fic Chris, by the way,” you joked because you weren’t. “Real life Chris is a thousand times better.”
Any of my followers, or anyone that may see this, who want to hurt themselves or end their own lives, please listen to my message. I know this may sound like one of those anti self-harm/anti suicide posts but I want it to be something more. So many people I know don’t believe how much they are worth. So many people I know want to end it all. So many people I know don’t think anyone would miss them. People believe that no one would miss them but it’s not true. My uncle didn’t think anyone would miss him, didn’t think anyone would care, didn’t know how deeply it would hurt everyone that loved him. So he ended his own life. And that cut deep. It cut to the bone. He didn’t know how badly it would effect us. He wasn’t there to see his big sister walk down the aisle. He wasn’t there to see his niece turn thirteen. And I cried myself to sleep on my birthday because of that.
Even if you think you are worthless, or that no one will miss you, you are wrong. Someone will miss you. I will miss you. I will cry for you because even though you don’t believe it, somebody cares. And if this isn’t enough, find a reason. Even if you think it’s trivial or mundane, its still a reason. Who will feed your pet if you’re gone? Who will water your plants? You are worth so much. You are amazing. You are loved. Please don’t hurt yourself. Please don’t kill yourself. Please. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. If you feel you can’t talk to people you know, I’m always here. I’m here to offer an ear that will not judge you. I’m hear to offer advice or simply listen, if that’s what you need. Please live. Please live for me.