chris evens looks exactly the same

Resemblance

You want to figure out why Johnny Storm and Steve Rogers look so much alike

Johnny X Reader

Crack!Fic Drabble

Warnings: Smutish

Words: 1019

A/N: A stupid plot that popped into my head. I know I said I would post the stucky x reader but I’m experiencing readers block so you’ll have to deal with this one instead.

_____

Originally posted by chrisandchips

Originally posted by sensualkisses


“Holy fucking shit,” is the first thing out of your mouth when you first spot him standing next to the bar sporting a drink in his hands.

The next thing is, “You need to come home with me right now immediately.”

The guy turns to you clearly amused and looks you up and down. He gives you a toothy smile and tilts his head to the side before holding his hands out, “Well how can I say no to a gorgeous girl like you?”

He winks at you but you ignore it, opting to grab his hand and practically sprint out of the bar, “Whoa what’s the hurry sweetheart? We’ve got all night. I don’t even know your name.”

You roll your eyes and open your car door, practically shoving him inside, “Y/N.”

You jump into the drivers seat and peel out of the parking lot as he leans forward and grins, “I’m Johnny Storm. You’ll be needing to know that later when I make you scream my name.”

____

By the time you get to the compound you almost regret dragging him with you as he can’t keep his hands off of you. But the mystery is too deep and you can feel the excitement thrum in your stomach.

You park the car and get out but before you can get around the car, Johnny pinned you to the hood and is pressing his lips against the underside of your jaw.

You almost forget why you came here when he slips a hand down your pants and rubs against the bundle of sensitive nerves.

And holy shit he’s good.

Your head swims as he nips at your chest, flicking his fingers and you have to struggle to remember your mission.

“Wait- Holy fuck do that again- no wait shit hold on,” he looks a little put out when you push him away from you.

“In-inside,” you gesture to the door and he grins.

“Good idea sweetheart,” and follows you inside with a smack to your ass.

Your face turns bright red as you attempt to smooth down your hair and adjust your clothes.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. Where’s Cap,” you ask. The AI tells you he’s in the communal room with the rest of the members.

You pick up speed, the excitement returning to you and he follows behind bemusement and confusion on his face.

Steve is playing pool with Sam and Rhodes when he hears you calling out to him. He looks up in time to see you turn the corner and a man who takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around your body and lean down to your ear and bites the lobe. Eyebrows are raise on practically everyone’s faces.

You swat him away, face flushed a deep red, motioning for Steve to come here. He’s sets down the pool stick and walks over.

“W-Wait Johnny- stop for a second and stand up,” you said as he groaned in protest and straightened up common face to face with Steve.

Now that his face is in full view the rest of the team falls absolutely silent before it’s broken by Bucky’s soft exclamation of “what the fuck?”

“That’s exactly what I said when I saw him,” you said gesturing to Johnny, “The resemblance is uncanny. The two of them are practically identical.”

“Are you related to the Rogers,” Steve asks.

Johnny shrugs his shoulder, “No clue.”

“Well you two have to be related somehow. People don’t just look they much alike without some familial DNA,” Bruce says.

“Nah they’re just played by the same actor. Chris Evans, America’s sweetheart,” Wade says lounging on the countertop shoveling chips into his mouth. “The things I would do to that man.”

“Wade what are you even doing here,” you turn to him confused.

“Plot convenience,” he shrugs his shoulders.

You shake your head, opting to ignore him instead knowing that any conversation with him is bound to take 5 times longer than it should normally take.

You turn back to the two eerily similar men in time to see Tony and Bruce collecting swab samples and loading them up into the computer to run a DNA analysis..

You manage to push your way through the crowd of people to the front in time to see the computers ding there’s a match.

Johnny and Steve are related by 2% by great great great (many great) grandparents.

“Well congrats on your apparent superior genetics guys,” you slap both of them on the backs feeling a sense of smugness over solving the mystery.

“How does that even work with the super Soldier serum tho cause Stevie definitely did not look like this before it,” Bucky asks.

Before anyone can answer, Wade sing songs, “Plot convenience.”

Natasha pushes him off the counter.

“Listen,” Johnny begins, “This is all fascinating, truly. But nerdy stuff like this is for my sister and her husband.”

He turns and faces you, grabbing your face into his hands and crashes his lips to yours. You feel your head swim and your knees weaken and suddenly you’re wondering if he can do that to your mouth, how good will he be between your-

He breaks apart the kiss and you have to physically pry open your eyes and calm your heart which is hammering against your chest loudly.

“Give me a call if you ever want to finish what we started on the hood of your car. Just let me know sweetheart and I’ll come running,” he gives you a lopsided grin, slips a piece of paper into your back pocket, and squeezes your ass before he walks out.

The team is quiet, looking at you as you stare off into space attempting to recollect your thoughts before Clint blurts out, “Wait what happened on the hood of your car?”

Heat crawls across your face as you shout, “Nothing! Nothing happened!”

Somehow you don’t think they believe you.

I love how the trailer portrays Sana in the same way we all got to know her during the past seasons. Sana is strong. She is powerful, mature, absolutely down to earth and solid. She is the rock of the entire group. Just look at her!

There is chaos everywhere: Noora trips and rips Vilde’s necklace, Eva slips on the beads and shoves Chris who then hits Even with the selfie stick. It’s absolutely chaotic – and then there is Sana.

Look at her eyes. She is calm, she is confident, she knows exactly what she wants. She is not insecure in any way.

This girl is a Queen.

I honestly can’t explain how happy I am to get to know her better. This season - Sana - will change us, I am sure of that.

Lives Intertwined

Characters: Y/N (reader), Chris Evans, Chris and Reader’s mom’s mentioned, Natalia (OFC), Clark (OMC)

Pairing: Clark x Reader, Chris x Reader (sorta, kinda)

Warnings: It’s angsty - don’t wanna say anything else cause it will give the story away.    

Word Count: 2800ish

A/N: I have been suffering from a writer’s block trying to work on my Dean series so I decided to try and switch it up a bit. I had some serious Chris feels and I was apparently in a angsty(ish) mood so here you go guys. I missed writing him :)

Thanks to the sweet amazing @percywinchester27 for being my beta

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Chris couldn’t believe he was here. His heart clenched as he walked down the hall of the Hotel. He knew he shouldn’t have let things get this far. He shouldn’t even be thinking about telling her now. He should keep his mouth closed. Nothing he could say was going to do anything but cause heartache.

She was his best friend. She had always been his best friend. She had been the first kid to walk up to him on his first day of school. She had been the first person other than his mom, to reassure him everything was going to be okay. Everytime he felt like crying and running from the building, she had known. Her hand finding it’s way into his had always stopped him. She had given him the strength he needed to eventually open up and be himself. As long as she was by his side, he knew everything was truly going to be okay.

Chris took a deep breath as he stood outside her door, trying to prepare himself for the sight that would meet him beyond that door. She was going to be gorgeous, and she was going to take his breath away. He was going to want to say all the things to her, that he so desperately tried to hold in. All the things he had no right to say, because she wasn’t his. He was too late and he had no right to ruin this day for her.

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For better or for worse

Request: None it’s just a “Decoy Bride” au- aka Lin just wants to get married but when his wife-to-be disappears, his friends need to find a temporary stand-in while they look for her (I like this trashy romcom too much to not write an au)

Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x reader 

Warnings: fake relationships, slow burn, paparazzi, initial dislike

Word count: 4,511 (I got carried away?)

A/N: Apologies to anyone waiting for a fic but I’ve had major writers block :/ Feedback is welcomed with enthusiasm ^-^ Thanks to @fragmentofmymind for proofreading!

@picklessfights

The boat bumped against the rock as her owner tied her to the roughly-hewn wooden post that served as a docking point. You looked out of the rain-spattered porthole windows and over the seemingly endless soggy fields. At your side, your suitcase seemed too small too be carrying everything you owned.

You were coming home.

Ever since you and your mother had moved to the tiny island off the Scottish coast, you had wanted to escape. You had dreams to follow and you sure as hell weren’t going to achieve them on an island where you knew the whole population by name.

You had tried countless times to leave- to go to university, to live with your boyfriend, to work a job that had promised you connections. But you always ended up on the ferry back, your suitcase getting more battered every time, packed to move back into the Bed and Breakfast your mother owned- the only accommodation with rooms to rent on the island.

“There you go, lass,” the grey-haired captain leant you a hand as you stepped off the boat and onto the muddy path. You thanked him as he passed you your case and stepped off the boat after you. It was raining hard and you had forgotten your umbrella.

Tugging your case through the wet mud and then gravel was hard work, and the walk to your home gave you more than enough time to second guess yourself. You had left your boyfriend- an abusive dickhead if there ever was one- and run. But you had left your dreams behind- again- in New York when you had taken the first flight to Edinburgh and with every step they felt farther away.

You opened the door and walked in, hoping to have a moment to compose yourself. But your mother was standing in the hallway, ironing. “Oh!” she gasped, then looked abruptly serious, “What happened?”

“I’m fine,” you said bravely, but at the sight of her concerned expression everything seemed to crash back down onto you all over again and you let out a hiccoughing sob. “Fine.”

Your mother looked you up and down and set down her iron, rushing to pull you into a tight hug. “Come on,” she said quietly, “let’s have a cup of tea and warm you up, shall we?”

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createdbytinyaddiction  asked:

Hey! :) could you write a Chris Evans x reader where the reader tells him she loves him for the very first time of dating and Chris is just a cute little dork being really happy about it and saying it back a lot of times

A/N: This was very unexpected. I’m not much of a writer, and what I do write is usually awful. At least in my opinion. And I never know how to approach RPF ones. So I’m sorry if (if? What am I saying? Of course it’s awful.) its really terrible. Like I said, writing isn’t my strong suit. But, here we go.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader.
Rating: General Audience.
Word Count: 473.

It had been six months since you started dating Chris, and tonight, you were going to work up the courage and finally tell him you loved him.

And you were scared wittless.

What if he doesn’t feel the same?

What if he breaks up with me?

The endless list of ‘what its?’ were driving you crazy, so you tried not to think about it.

The entire time you got ready for your date, your mind kept going through every possibility of what could happen. You couldn’t even appreciate how good you looked in the new dress you bought a few weeks ago, your thoughts too occupied with other things.

At exactly 6:00 there was a knock at the door.

Always on time.

You opened the door and was greeted with the smiling face of your boyfriend.

“Wow. You look amazing.” Chris’s eyes widened as he took in your appearance.
The soft blue dress wasn’t anything special really, but it brought out your eyes beautifully. It was how your best friend convinced you to buy it.

“Thanks.” You said shyly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

“You ready to go?” He asked, offering his hand. You quickly grabbed your sweater and purse before grabbing his hand, and leaving the house.

Everything was perfect.

You had gone to the cute diner just down the street, and had a wonderful time. You laughed at each others cheesy jokes and talked about anything and everything.
It was when you were walking home, you were laughing at something Chris has said, and you said the three little words that could change everything.

“I love you.”

You didn’t realize what you had said until Chris froze. Your eyes widened and you slapped your hand over your mouth.

It was deadly silent.

“I’m so sorry.” You breathed. “I didn’t mean to say it like that, it just came out.”
You risked stealing a glance at your boyfriend, and saw the biggest grin on his face.

“Did you mean it?” He asked quietly, almost like he was afraid of your answer.

“Yes?” You said, but it sounded more like a question.

“You love me.”

“I love you.” You didn’t think it was possible, but his grin seemed to grow.

“I love you too.”

“Really?” You asked, a smile starting to grow on your face.
“Of course!” He laughed. “I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you for a while.”

“Well I guess I beat you to it!” You giggled, practically glowing with happiness.

On the way back to your home, he can’t seem to stop saying it. After your goodnight kiss, he whispered it again, and you returned the sentiment.
Before you go inside, you snuck a peek at his retreating figure, and rolled your eyes at his fist pump.

Your boyfriend was a dork, but he was your dork and you loved him.

I fuckin love you - Chris Hemsworth

May I have a Chris Hemsworth x reader where he refuses to admit he has feelings for her because of the age gap between them, but at the same time he can’t stay away from her, maybe some smut at the end?

N/A: YAY FINALLY IT’S DONE!!!!

(Masterlist)


You marched in firm and angry steps to your dressing room in the same second that the director shouted that would have a 15-minute break. At the time you were so angry that paid no attention to your force, closing the door with an almost violent beat and making people outside look at each other confused. This behavior had begun five months ago, more exactly when Chris Hemsworth was asked to be the older brother of your romantic couple… Which in the end, Chris would be your true romantic couple. It was an intriguing drama film, a family dispute to gain the power of the company and the hand of the maiden in marriage, with death and violence too, something pretty cliché to your eyes but at the same time inviting. And it would be even more perfect and dream being realized if your life had not turned upside down in such a sudden way.

“(Y / N), you can’t let him get into your system that way…” Josh Hutcherson, the younger brother, and your romantic partner in the film and your longtime friend, muttered as he walked into your dressing room without warning, already accustomed to doing such a thing “You know that’s just bad for you.”

“Joshua, don’t start.” you said between teeth, removing the long dress that you had used for the last scene and staying only in underwear, but soon felt the robe cover your back and you laughed weak “Sorry, you can now open eyes.”

“You have to stop doing this, please, I’m still a man… And Jennifer’s already enough acting crazy.” He smiled awkwardly, shaking his head and sitting on the small couch, crossing his arms thoughtfully “But back to the reason I’m here: he has said anything since that scene? ”

You have finished close your robe and sat in the chair opposite the sofa, getting sulky when you remembered what Josh was talking about exactly. After three months of recording, you had your first romantic scene with Hemsworth, the first intimate contact with the characters and the two of you… It was pretty intense. It was a scene after a new year party, where his character takes your character to the deserted beach at the Mansion background, there they discuss, exchange a warm kiss and then gets the clothes off to then enter into the water with only their underwear. You had to pretend to have sex in the night and in the icy water, everything was under control until you started to feel that the scenario was becoming too real. You never thought you could have such an effect on a man like Chris, but you had. And after that, he started acting strange to you, but at the same time, he didn’t get aways from you.

“Nothing, just things about the film.” you sank into the chair, throwing your head back and grunting irritably.

“I think we will resolve it soon enough.” Josh hummed, getting up and tapping on your knee to get your attention, you looked at him confused “You looked the script for today, right? Well, get ready, because we won’t only act out today. ”

You rose sharply, looking for the script of the day and listening to Josh laugh disappear after the door is closed. You squealed while reading and understanding what would happen today. Damn you, Joshua. Or should you say blessed? Anyway, he really deserved a kiss for trying to help you. If after this Chris continue with the idiot thought of “I will not assume what I feel because you are 10 years younger” you really would kick him and finally give up.

Returning to the set, you felt your hands shaking slightly, you were looking forward to the scene. It would be the first where you would have to take half of your clothes in front of several people, with enough lighting and camera… And it was better not to think about it. You just stood in the scene where Josh awaited you, he smiled and winked at you making you laugh, relaxing. You quickly began recording, Josh would appear to discover that your character was engaged and he would demand an explanation, he attempts to seduce you - with plenty of real kisses, thank you Josh - but Chris’s character appears on time. The two brothers fight, Josh’s character goes away and then Chris and you end up having angry sex on the couch, complete with spanking, loud moans, and groans. Of course, all false. But the kisses were more real than the ones you had changed with Josh, they were possessive kisses and Chris hands would leave marks on your skin, you just end up getting into character even more.

“What the hell was that?” Chris muttered, practically invading your dressing room and locking the door so that no one could get in the way.

“Huh?” You looked at him confused, closing the robe in a hurry to hide your clean lingerie “What happened?”

“You and Josh-” he began again, the harsh and angry voice, approaching with big steps to the couch where you were sitting.

“Listen, Hemsworth, you have no right to say anything” you interrupted, pointing your forefinger toward him and scowling “You’ve made it very clear that we will never have anything, so stop getting over me trying to control everything I do!”

You stared at him challenging an answer, you were at the same time angry and horny. You wanted so much hate that man, he was making you go crazy. But the answer did not come, Chris stared at you frowning and heavy breathing, you sighed defeated turning back to open the door and ignore him. But then you felt his hands on your hip and then his body was against yours, holding you against the wall. Oh shit.

“I’ll show you with who you’re talking.” He muttered husky in your ear.

Shoving his hands in your robe and holding your thighs tightly so you could wrap your legs around his hips. He then attacked your lips in a possessive and needy kiss, you corresponded with desire, holding his hair firmly with one hand and using the other to hold on his shoulder. You moaned between the kiss when you felt him grinding against you, making you wiggle in response. Oh, you needed him so much… But then something came to your mind as a cold water bath. You suddenly pushed him from you, standing with the help of the wall and taking a deep breath trying to compose yourself. Chris looked at you confused and when he tried to approach you raised a hand preventing him from getting close.

“I really want to fuck you, I really want to show you my kinks. But first, I demand to know what you want from me. Because you know very well my great interest in you. You know that I fuckin love you.” you said quickly, fixing your hair and then finally going to the door and opening the same “Come back when you have settled with your head that has a brain, and not with your other head.”

“(Y/N)… Don’t be like that…” He ran his hands through his hair in exasperation “Please.”

“I’ve made up my mind.”

“Alright, I’ll show you that I fucking love you and that I’ll not stay away.” Chris yelled for everyone to hear, getting out of your dressing room with long steps and still screaming, leaving you stunned at the door and drawing attention from everyone over the set. “I love this girl, damn it! Why is she driving me crazy? Someone call the press!  I will tell everyone that I’m in love! Someone record me saying I’m in love with (Y / N)!" 

“Oh my God, come back here, Chris!”

- Think about young Victor who liked painting his nails
- And he likes doing it by himself just fine but…he always kind of wished he had friends to do it with too. He could paint their nails and they could paint his nails and it would be fun!
- But he was kind of a lonely kid, had a hard time making friends
- Loads of people wanted to be around him because he was this amazing prodigy, but few people actually cared about him as a person, not just the rising star athlete
- He wasn’t really close to Chris at this point, and even later when they did become good friends, they weren’t often in the same place
- Switzerland is far away from St Petersburg
- So Victor doesn’t have anyone to paint nails with
- But he’s got Makkachin! And Makkachin is a good doggo and sits still and lets Victor paint his nails sometimes!
- ‘Look, Makkachin! We match!’
- It’s not exactly what he wanted but it’s okay. Makkachin is a good friend for a lonely kiddo.
- But then Victor grows up and stops painting his nails as much
- He still keeps his hands perfectly manicured and all
- But he’s trying for a more mature image and painting your nails with bright fuchsia polish or glittery stuff or little rainbows maybe doesn’t look so mature.
- So he kind of gives it up, along with his daydream of sharing that hobby with someone.
- Until Yuuri comes into his life!
- And they fall in love and move in together and everything is great
- And when they’re both needing some relaxation time, Victor suggests a Deluxe At Home Spa Day!
- Which includes taking a nice hot bath together with bath salts or bubble bath or bath bombs or whatever they want
- (Victor is ridiculously well stocked on pampering products)
- And then face masks! Massages!
- And to finish off, a mani-pedi!
- Victor only had clear polish the first time they did this, but the Yuuri suggested in passing that it might be fun to do different colors sometimes
- So of course Victor goes out and buys pretty much every color and variety of nail polish known to man
- The next time they do it, he gets to show off his old skills
- He’s a little rusty, but he still remembers how to do cool stuff like gradient nails!
- He loves touching Yuuri’s hands. And he loves having Yuuri touch his hands, loves watching Yuuri make that adorable face when he’s concentrating on doing Victor’s nails, loves the casual intimacy of it.
- It’s even better than he ever daydreamed about.

I Don’t Multi-fic (Chapter three)

Chris pine x reader

Rated: M?

Summary: Many years ago you and Chris were in a relationship prior to him becoming the great Chris Pine, the household name that everyone knew. Sadly, as most couples fall victim; it fell apart but recently in an interview, Chris is asked of surprising information that brings his past back to the future.


           Chapter three: Most things start with the good intentions. 

2002.

A week had passed since the news of marriage, interacting with Chris was difficult. Neither of you had any idea who it was that suggested marriage or how you two even wound up at the little chapel. You’d spent the night at Chris’ apartment after an argument ensued that you’d forgotten to pay your electric bill. 

The morning was awkward, Chris hiding his eyes from yours, trying to find something to say to clear the air but nothing came to mind. 

You were the first to speak, “I think we should go down to the courthouse and get divorce papers.” 

Chris leans against the counter, taking a small sip of his coffee. “Yeah.” 

“Is this going to change things more?” You ask, in between a long pause. 

Chris finally rests his eyes on you, the blue orbs full of confusion. “What do you mean?” 

“We got married when we were drunk and now we have to get a divorce— or annulment, that’s not like the end of us… is it?” 

Chris sets his coffee cup down on the counter, resting his hands behind him to lean back further on the counter. “No. I don’t want that. D–Do you?”

“No!” You say, loudly. 

“K…” There’s another pause, your eyes fall to the swirling cup of hot liquid before you as Chris stares at the floor. “Shall we go?” He asks, perking his head up. 

“Yeah.”

The more interactions that passed between you two, just made things more awkward, it was as if this word: ‘Marriage’ made you two completely forget how to talk to one another or even be in the same room together. It could just be that the honeymoon phase in your relationship was over and it was starting to become real but it could also be that you two had married one another without really knowing if that was what either of you really wanted. 

Later in the day, when you two arrived at the courthouse, you’d stood in line for a little over an hour, all the while Chris growing more and more impatient at the wait. By the time, it was your turn at the window, Chris’ hands were now crossed over his chest and his foot was beginning to tap. The woman behind the glass window, looked overworked and just as annoyed as Chris. Her long red hair was in a pony tail while her glasses hung from her blouse.

“Hi.” You say giving the woman a small smile

She nods, “Hello, My name is Cheryl, i’ll be assisting you today, How can i help you two, today?” 

“We got married by mistake.” 

The woman blinks a few times before putting her hands to the keyboard. “Name?”

“Christopher Pine.” Chris speaks up, leaning closer to the window. 

“Ah, yes. So you must be” she says, facing you with a small smile. “Y/N Y/L/N?” 

“Yes.” You nod. 

“Did you two need another copy of your marriage certificate?” 

“No, listen; Okay, we were drunk.” Chris says, loudly. Tapping on the counter. 

Cheryl looks at Chris then back at you, “Okay, then I would recommend an annulment. It would be quicker but you’ll have to hire attorneys.”

You look at Chris, who is once again biting his lower lip. “How much is–would that cost do you think?”

Cheryl sighs again, something that was beginning to became a constant with her. “A typical lawyer charges anywhere from 1,000 and up plus an annulment is anywhere from 300 to 500 dollars. You’re looking at the most, 2,000 dollars.”

Your mouth drops open in shock as Chris takes a step back. You both release a small shaky breath.

“What about a divorce? How much would that be?”

“A divorce is 300 to 400, sometimes less depending on the circumstances but i would advise you hire a lawyer. It may be cheaper but you’d also have to go through court which would brings the cost up, in the long run it could be almost 3,000 dollars.” She tries to give you both a reassuring smile but it doesn’t help. Your heart is in your stomach. “You’ll just have to be quick, your timeline for an annulment is running out. After three weeks, you’ll have to file for divorce.” 

You the one to take a step back now, your stomach feeling nausea and your head hurting within seconds.

“Thank you.” Chris says, quietly. He grabs your hand, slowly pulling you alongside him as you walk to the exit.

“I think annulment is out best bet?”

You turn to face him, expressionless, “Chris, I can’t even afford to pay my water bill and you want me to pay a thousand dollars in less than three weeks?”

“It’s the quickest one and it saves us time.”

“I work as a waitress, Chris. I’m not a rich kid, okay? I don’t just have money laying around.” You shake your head at him, emotions at every breaking point. “I can get the money but it’s gonna take me a couple of months.”

You see Chris sigh, almost annoyed by your response but the man says nothing. 

“You’re gonna have to figure something out, we need this done in as soon as possible.” 

2016.

Chris sat in his parked car, starring across the street at what was the house he shared with her. It looks exactly the same the same as the day it was left. The house barely looked lived in, like the new owners didn’t try to improve the outside. It had it’s problems, he remembered that. The hot water could take anywhere from five to twenty minutes to get hot. The back door could get stuck, frequently. A few cracks in the plaster but nothing to crazy. It was the perfect house for them. 

He didn’t even know why he was at the house, he knew she wouldn’t be there. There was no way in hell she would have remained at the house not after what happen between them. She’d be a fool to. 

Chris couldn’t bring himself to exit the car, just as he couldn’t bring himself to dial her number. He struggled for a little over three hours to press send but he couldn’t get his finger to move. He was still reeling on the interview, it’d aired on television for the twentieth time, each time making him feel worse and worse. She had to of seen it by now or even heard of it. 

Maybe she would be the one to reach out to him, to get a hold of him after she realizes they were still married. Chris’ cell phone rang loudly, startling him. He slowly answered the phone wondering if his imagine had came true but was disappointed when it was nothing more than his manager. 

“What the hell? You were suppose to be on E! News ten minutes ago, where are you?” His manager of ten years doesn’t give him room to speak. “How do you expect to shoot down these rumors of a fake marriage if you don’t show up!” 

“Jace…” he says, unsure. “It’s not a rumor. It’s true.” 

“Well, where the hell is this girl then?” 

“I’m not sure. Last i saw here she left to Seattle to work on something.” He hears the man on the other line, sigh, annoyed. 

“Well, you need to get a hold of her before anyone else does. If she takes part in a interview and it goes south, your career is over. Star trek is over. You’ll forever be known as the has-been who cheated on his wife.” 

“I didn’t cheat on my wife. I didn’t even know she was my wife.” 

Jace clears his throat, “You’re gonna need a better story than that. No one will believe that.” 

“It’s not a story, i thought we got divorced.” 

“That’s an even worse excuse.” 

Chris looks at the house again, “I’m gonna find her and get this all settled, trust me.” 

“I did.” Jace argues. “Look where that got me? My biggest clients is married only he didn’t know it.” 

When Jace hangs up, Chris finds the confidence to leave the car; he makes his way to the front door, gently pressing the door bell and filling his temperature rise as he waits for someone to answer the door. It takes a few minutes before the door is pulled open and a woman is standing, dressed in jeans and a frown on her face, like he just interrupted her. . 

“Can I–” Her eyes grow wide when she looks into his, shocked. “Chris?” 

Chris feels like a deer headlights, lost at what to do or say. He’d selfishly hoped that no one would actually open the door, that it’d be a lost cause. Now he fond himself starring into a the eyes of a woman who recognized him. He opens his mouth to say hello when she interrupts him before a letter even starts to get out. 

“Get out of here, asshole.” She says, loudly. Slamming the door in Chris’ face. 

He gasps. Confused, looking around trying to figure out what happened. He stands at the door, chuckling unsure of how to proceed. Swallowing hard, he gently presses the doorbell again. 

The door sings open angrily, he’s faced with the same woman. “What the hell do you want?”

“Uh….” Chris says, struggle to respond. 

“Well?” She repeats. The woman rests her hand on her hip. She stares at him with angered. “You have some damn nerves showing up here.” She adds. 

“I’m not–” His mouth drops open and he stares wide eyed at her. “Oh shit.” It’s her hair that reminds her who she is, Y/N’s friend.  The friend who disliked Chris for absolutely no reason, who was also standing right in front of whim who looked like she was going to kill him. 

2002.

“I’ll pay.” Chris argues, frustrated. You can hear him sighing on the other end of the phone, clearly annoyed. 

You snicker. “Hell No.” 

“Do you want this annulment or not?” 

“Of course, I want it… but i also don’t need you treating me like I’m five years old. I told you i would get the money, relax.” 

Chris sighs over the phone, trying to be understanding but this idea of marriage was getting to him. Causing him to be less and less patient. He felt like he’d fell down a well and the walls were closing in on him as the moments passed. 

After another week of arguing, somehow, miraculously, you managed to get a hold of the money. For the third time, this month you and Chris were back in line at the Courthouse, money in hand. 

“I’m sorry,” Cheryl says, once again. “The annulment is not possible.” 

“What?” You and Chris ask at the same time. 

“What do you mean no possible?” 

She sighs, “It seems you two were married for a little bit longer than we thought. Those three weeks ended last Thursday, I’m sorry but you’ll have to file for a divorce.” 

“A divorce? I can’t afford a divorce. I couldn’t even afford an annulment.” You argue. 

The woman looks at you and Chris, her mouth slightly ajar. “I’m sorry.” The sound of her voice is sincere but there’s nothing else she can do to help. 

You and Chris walk away, “We’re screwed.” you whisper. 

Chris nods. “How did you even manage to get the money?” He asks, wrapping his arm around your back. 

“I borrowed some money from a few people i work with.”

“And they just gave it to you?” 

You shrug your shoulders, smiling. “I’m a trust worthy person.” Chris gently plants a quick kiss on your forehead as you walk to the car. 

“We’ll figure something out.” He whispers. 

As usual, you and Chris wound up at a bar, the same bar that seemed to be the cause of your problems. Sitting in your regular booth, drinking your sorrows away, desperate to come up with ideas to solve your problems. 

Your head rests on the back of the booth, looking up at the ceiling following the dialectical cords with your eyes; Chris is  hunched over the table, pushing the bottle of beer in between his hands.

“What if we–” You sigh, biting your lip. “What if we just stayed married?”

Chris raises an eyebrow in your direction, leaning his head to face you. “I’m sorry?” 

You rest your arms on the table, “We like each other, we don’t want to split up all we really want is a divorce. So what if we just stayed together, leaving the marriage as is until we can afford the a divorce? That way we aren’t struggling to pay for it now.”

Chris looks away, confused. “So, we just stay married?”

“Yeah. I can’t make my apartments payments or even buy food, there’s no way in a decent time period that I will be able to save up the amount of money needed.” Chris looks at you, “What would it really change?”

“We can’t do that.” Chris says, shaking his head and sitting up. 

“Why not?” You ask, defensively. “You want to be with me but you don’t want to be with me when we’re married?” 

Chris stutters for a few seconds, “I–I–I–I mean that I don’t, we’ve been together for six months, that hardly qualifies as a relationship and now we’re married.” 

You sigh, “That’s not helping your case.” You look at him. “I’m not saying we truly have to be married, we just date as if nothing changed and if we make it then the wedding was already done.”

“what do we tell our parents?”

“How about we just keep it to ourselves for now?” You say, smiling at him. 


chapter four. 

Take It From Me, Jealousy

Originally posted by curlyhaired-cunt

Originally posted by james-nat

Johnny Storm x Reader x Steve Rogers

Request:  I’m the anon who asked about requests, thank you for answering my question. Could you write Johnny Storm x Reader x Steve Rogers imagine where the reader is dating Steve and Johnny is jealous, so while Steve is out of the Avengers tower he dresses and acts like Steve to finally get with the reader? Maybe it gets a little smutty until Steve comes back and catches them in bed and the reader figures out it was Johnny acting like Steve the whole time? Thank you again.

A/n: ooooo the angst. By the way, DOES ANYBODY ELSE HAVE DADDY!BUCKY X DAUGHTER! READER FEELS????? BECAUSE I DO

Also, tagging @ilovebeingjoyful because she asked to be tagged in this lol

Genre: Romance, Angst

Rating: Everyone

Warning: Implied sexual content, jealousy, swearing, impersonation, Johnny is a douche, I don’t wanna say attempted rape but Reader doesn’t know that it’s Johnny impersonating so I guess so??

Author: Chris-Evans-Imagines, Captain.

Ok, so maybe it was a bad idea to ever introduce Steve to your friend Johnny. I mean, first of all, they both look exactly the same. Second of all, they both had taken a liking to you, even though you’ve been dating Steve for like three years now. . All that their toxic friendship spelled was trouble and disaster. So, when Steve had to go on a one week mission, Johnny offered to keep you company.

“Thanks for coming over, J.”

Johnny smirked and looked over at you, winking. 

“Anything for you, hot rod.”

You rolled your eyes at him and Johnny whispered to you, leaning forward towards you.

“Seriously, has anybody ever told you that you are just a goddess? Seriously, I think I’m staring at Aphrodite here.”

You blushed a bit and backed up, saying. 

“Johnny..I appreciate what you’re saying but…I can’t…You know that I’m with Steve.”

Johnny frowned and said. 

“What do you see in him? I mean we literally have the same face. Why can’t you see that I have way more to offer?”

You glared and snapped. 

“Johnny, that man has been through everything with me! Yeah, you’ve been through a lot with me but Steve holds my heart in the palm of his hands. Nothing would ever make me stray away from the love I have for him. “

Johnny got a look of anger but then nodded, sighing. Getting up, he said. 

“I’m gonna…go to the bathroom and then leave, ok?’

What you didn’t know was that he was stealing Steve’s clothes and plotting the ultimate reunion between you and Steve, who wasn’t due back until the end of the week. 

For three days, you never saw Johnny nor had you head from Steven. You were getting worried and you gasped when you heard that Brooklyn drawl come through the place.

“Hey, doll.”

You gasped and spun, seeing Steve and you yelled. 

“Steve!”

A flash ran through his eyes but it was gone as quick as it came, you hugging Steven tightly. You kissed him and he followed you when you reared back. You giggled and asked.

“You’re home so early!! How was the mission? Did Bucky do well?”

‘Steve’ nodded and replied.

“We did great. We got finished so early, it was a surprise but a relief. Bucky? Oh, uh…He’s getting better.”

You smiled, unknown to the fact that this was actually Johnny with combed hair and wearing Steve’s favorite pair of slacks. ‘Steve’ put his hand on the low of your back and you giggled. Steve whispered to you.

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve missed you a lot, dame.”

You blushed and said, hugging onto the taller male.

“I missed you too.”

For the next four days, Steve had been nothing but loving towards you. It was cute but a bit strange as he wasn’t so open about kissing you and his hands on your hips and you were a bit put off but you didn’t want to worry anyone. Steve had been getting confident and on the last day of the week, he had asked you if you two could ‘make love to each other’ his words. You had blushed so heavily that Steve had chuckled a bit and you shrugged, whispering.

“I…If you want to, Steve. I don’t want to rush you into anything you don’t want to do." 

Steve replied. 

“I want to. I really do. You’re just so perfect and there’s no other gal out there for me.”

‘Gal? Steve never says gal…though maybe he’s just picking up on the slang’

Your mind didn’t think as Steve kissed your neck, holding you close and you sighed, nuzzling a bit. You straddled his hips and Steve rolled into your sex, a heat pooling and you groaned. Steve moved to the other side of your neck, sucking, nipping, licking the skin and you whined a bit, rubbing against his erection. Steve groaned and his hands moved down to your waist, slipping into the thing fabric of your yoga pants and squeezing your ass. You blushed and gasped a bit and he grunted. saying. 

“You make the prettiest noises..”

“What the hell?!”

You gasped and reared back at the sound of…Steve? There he was, in all his glory and you frowned, eyes widened and you looked between him and the man beneath you. Looking back, Steve had an dark void of anger deep in his eyes and you gasped, jumping back. The man, ‘Steve’ groaned and ran a hand through his hair, growling. 

“You just had to come back so early, didn’t you Rogers.”

“You’re gonna ever regret touching my woman, Storm!”

You gasped and Bucky peeked around the corner, eyes wrinkling in concern until he saw the scene. Johnny burst into flames as Steve threw his shield and it broke into the wall. Bucky quickly ran in, yelling. 

“Hey! Hey! Quit it! Back the fuck off!”

He held you behind him protectively while Clint and Natasha ran in, getting in between the two fighters. Steve was huffing and puffing while Johnny still ‘flamed on’. Steve yelled, taking a step forwards while Natahsa warned him with a quick ‘Rogers!’

“You sick son of a bitch! Don’t you ever come near my woman again!”

“Oh please, Old Man. She needs something new! You’re too fucking old for her anyway, old man.”

Bucky growled out. 

“You watch what you fucking say, kid. Friend or not, I will fucking kill you for touching her.”

You were sobbing, hysterically, might someone add, and Tony and Thor came in, clad in their armor and Toy said, his face hidden behind his mask. 

“This is the first time I’m ever gonna say this but parties over, kids. Go home.”

Thor growled. 

“Do not think I won’t send you to the darkest realms you’d never want to imagine, you puny mortal. Flaming or not, you do not mess with Lady (Y/n). She has full protection under oath of Asgard and It would be unwise to mess with a god and king.”

Johnny glared and without warning, Mjolnir went through the air, knocking Johnny through the wall and out of the building. Steve immediately got to you and asked you, hands in your hair and on your face. 

“Are you alright, doll? Did-”

“-I…I thought he was you! He…He dressed like you and talked like you! Steve, I’m so sorry….”

You were crying hard and Steve shook his head. 

“No, don’t you dare apologize. It’s his fault for ever messing with your head like that. That was such a dick move.”

He held you close and Bucky said, glaring and crossing his arms. 

“Give me the word and I’ll end his life.”

“Same as I, Lady (y/n).”

Thor said, catching Mjolnir when it flew into his hand and Steve kissed your forehead, saying. 

“I think we’ve all had enough excitement for today.”

Everyone nodded and you all walked out of the room, Tony complaining that he had to fix the ‘damn hole in the fucking wall’. Steve and Bucky brought you to Bucky’s floor and you three sat on the couch, watching (TV show) and Bucky telling embarrassing stories about Steve.

[END]

Imagine celebrating the New Year with Chris.

“Look what I got,” you sang-song, grinning at your boyfriend as you joined him with two glasses of bubbly champagne. “Just in time too,” you said, glancing at the large digital clock behind you counting the minutes till 2017.

“Okay, no.” Chris chuckled, taking both glasses away from you before you could take a sip. “You’ve had enough to drink and-” Another chuckle escaped his throat when he saw the pout on your lips. “You don’t even like champagne, or drinking for that matter.” It was true, you thought most alcohol tasted nasty. “Just ‘cause everyone is drinking doesn’t mean you have to, yeah?” He placed the two glasses on a passing waiter’s tray with the instruction, “take it back.”

“Aw, baby.” You bit back your cheeky smile as you wrapped your arms around Chris’ neck. “Are you worried about little old me getting too drunk?” You teased and he chuckled, placing his hands on your waist.

“You’re already very drunk, Y/N.”

“No I’m not,” you giggled. “Would a drunk me be able to do this?” You quizzed and Chris raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh as you did nothing. “Drunk me would never be able to do that.”

“I’m sorry,” he chuckled. “What exactly were you doing?”

“Cartwheels,” you grinned.

“Sweetheart-” he stifled his chuckle, “you can’t even do cartwheels when you’re sober. There is no way you can do them drunk, and in that dress.” He said and you scoffed, looking genuinely offended and ridiculously adorable at the same time. “Yeah,” he chuckled. “I think I did the right thing cutting you off.”

“Please,” you rolled your eyes. “I can totally go another round, or two. I’m still standing aren’t I?” You quipped and he laughed; you were still standing but you were definitely starting to stumble. “You were the one who said ‘we’re going to party like there’s no tomorrow’, I’m just doing what you told me to.”

“And we’ve established that doing what I tell you to do is usually a bad idea,” he said with a light chuckle. “And no offense, sweetheart, but you’re not much of a partier. If you keep going, you’re going to start the New Year throwing up. I think we’d both rather you start it with a kiss from me.”

“Yes we would,” you smiled, cupping his right cheek in your hand. “Your face is all scruffy so your kisses are going to be all scruffy, you’re like a scruffy puppy.” You said and brushed small circles in his beard with your thumb; you giggled which drew laughter from Chris. “I like scruffy.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” he chuckled. “After two years of dating, I’d hope so.”

“You’re funny,” you poked his cheek and he smiled. “You’re funny and you’re handsome and you’re smart and you’re perfect.” You blabbered and his smile widened. “I love you, Chris Evans, so very much.”

“You know something, Y/N?” He quizzed rhetorically. “I think you’re funny and beautiful and smart and perfect too.” He leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to your forehead, making you smile. “And I love you too, so very much, and more and more each day.”

The final countdown started; the whole room chanted as they grabbed hold of their significant other. It was ten seconds till the New Year, ten seconds till 2017 where wonderful beginnings waited for all.

“Ten!”

Chris smiled at you, caressing your face as he licked his lips.

“Nine!”

You smiled back, using your thumb to stroke the back of his neck gently.

“Eight!”

“You are the best thing to happen to me, Y/N,” Chris told you.

“Seven!”

“Funny,” you smiled, “I was just about to tell you the same thing.”

“Six!”

“These past two years have been magical,” Chris whispered, leaning his forehead against yours.

“Five!”

“It’s been like a damn fairytale,” you agreed with a chuckle.

“Four!”

“A fairytale that I don’t ever want to see end,” he continued as he pulled his hand away to reach into his back pocket.

“Three!”

“Are you trying to propose, Chris Evans?” You felt your eyes narrow slightly as the smile on your face grew.

“Two!”

“You know me too well, Y/N Y/L/N.” He fished the diamond ring out of his back pocket and held it in front of you. Your eyes welled with tears of joy and you felt yourself nod before you heard the words, “will you marry me?”

“One!” The crowd yelled then cheered loudly, “Happy New Year!”

“Yes.” You smiled as he slipped the ring onto your finger, smiling brighter than you’ve ever seen him smile before. “Happy New Year, Chris.” You whispered as you pressed your lips against his.

“Happy New Year, indeed.”

Fic: The Sweetest Sound

A Chris Evans One Shot

Summary: Daddy!Chris has to shave his beard for his next movie role. His daughter reacts to seeing him sans beard for the very first time.

Dedicated to kryka83 for sending in the prompt! Thank you for that. I hope it came out okay. :)

Thank you for reading!

———————————————————————————

There were many sounds that held the ability to evoke an indescribable happiness within Chris’s heart. His mother’s melodious voice as she sang his favorite childhood lullaby Return to Pooh Corner. The soft snores of his sleeping dog that stayed tucked close to his side. The crackling of wood burning brightly in the middle of a campsite. And the noisy stillness of life he experienced while being surrounded by nothing but trees.

All of these reverberations calmed him, centered him, zapped him back to a tranquility he desperately tried to hold onto on a rainy day.

But nothing - absolutely nothing - could awaken his soul, could shine a light into the darkest corners of his mind and drown out the brain noise, like the sweet, precious giggles of his two favorite girls in the world; his wife and daughter.

Keep reading

This Ain't A Scene, It's A Screw Up

Ethereal Chapter eight: This Ain’t A Scene, It’s A Screw Up

Pairing: Dan Howell/ Phil Lester and PJ Liguori/ Chris Kendall

Rating: M

Length: 2,532

Warnings: Swearing and eventual fluff/smutt

Summary:  AU- Super powers. Dan’s not normal. In fact, he’s never met a single person exactly like him. No one else can move objects with their mind, just by a simple thought. He lives life carefully, limited interactions and semi-non-existent social life. That is, until a pair of sapphire blue eyes change everything. Dan Howell/Phil Lester, PJ Liguori/ Chris Kendall.

Notes:  Enjoy! 

Link to prologue and previous chapter 

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[ Chris extended imagine ] You look like a pumpkin.

Original imagine: Imagine: You are trying on outfits for your date night and ask your best friend Chris for his opinion. He hates on all of them because he doesn’t want you to go on that date.

Written by: A.Wölf.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was walking all over my apartment in a rush, trying different pieces of clothing on when I heard a knock on the door.

-Oh, thank god you’re here!- I said as I opened the door and pulled Chris inside grabbing his arm, and then dragging him to my room.

-Whoa, i get that you’re happy to see me, Cat, but take it easy, will you?

I scoffed and pushed him so he would sit on a chair

-Stay there.

I quickly changed in the bathroom and came out wearing a long sweater and leggings.

I stood in front of my mirror.

-What do you think, Chris? Oh god no! This says “I can’t wait for pumpkin spice lattes” it’s ridiculous.

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Confession. (Ashley x Chris)

Anonymous asked: Weel then, how about a prompt about Chris and Ashley? After the events of Until Dawn they didn’t talk about what had happened that night (the kiss) bc they thought it was just in the effect of what had happened (for example that Chris thinks Ash kissed him bc he didn’t shoot her or something?) and then, one night like two months after that, they finally talk about it and..you know, kiss and stuff :3

It got really fluffy really fast. Super cute this request, right in the feels.


After what happened at the lodge, Ashley had kept herself to herself, not even talking to Chris. After that kiss, she felt strange; worried it had only happened because of the fear.

It wasn’t like Chris hadn’t wanted to speak to her either. They had texted a few times, unsure of what to say.  He had just text her now, asking if she was free and how he needed to see her. Now.

It had been a whole two months since she had seen him. Two whole months of not knowing where Josh was, assuming he was dead. Of Mike losing his fingers and Jess and Matt just escaping the mines together. That night would live with her forever and she didn’t think she would ever be comfortable with what happened, ever find peace. Not even with Chris.

She text him back, saying she was home but didn’t really want to see anyone. He had text her saying he was already on his way.

It was only a couple of minutes after that that she had heard the knock at the door. Tentatively she opened it, seeing Chris stood before her. The cuts on his face had completely healed; he looked exactly the same as before. Only, his eyes didn’t have that same sparkle they had.

“Hey, Chris…Come in.”

He stepped inside, his eyes looking down on her, his cheeks flushing a pale pink. She looked so beautiful. He had almost forgotten just how beautiful she was.

They sat in her living room in silence. Ashley was playing with a strand of hair while Chris just stared at his floor. The silence was deafening. It wasn’t as awkward as Ashley had thought, but she missed the days when they could talk about anything.

“Look, I’m just going to come out and say it.” Chris speaking made Ashley jump, but she turned to face him, her eyes wide with curiosity. “It has been bugging me for a long time and I’ve been too scared to talk to you but all I can think about is what Josh would say about me just letting it out and telling you.” He was talking fast, barely taking a second to breath. “That kiss, Ashley… what did it mean to you?”

Her cheeks flushed at his question, she bit down hard on her lip, a slight feeling of panic rush over her body.  She wanted to keep a level head. He wanted to talk and if he was being honest, so was she. “I didn’t just kiss you because you didn’t shoot me if that’s what you think.” Her voice didn’t come out as confident as she had hoped, it was more quiet. Scared.  “Not that it matters.”

“I did actually think that…” He sighed a loud, more with relief than anything else.  “Of course it matters. It matters a lot to me Ash, look I…” His words trailed off. Should he say it? What if she didn’t care about him like he cared for her? Taking a deep breath, he spoke. “But it wasn’t just because I didn’t shoot you?” He sounds hopeful.

Ashley shook her head, her head lifting up to look at him. “I did it because…” Should she say it? What if it changed everything?  Hadn’t everything changed already though? So many questions filled her head. “I care about you.” Her words were a whisper, like she didn’t want him to hear, as if it was enough to get them out whether he heard them or not. It made it more real.

Chris couldn’t help but smile as he lifted her head up to meet his, planting a soft kiss on her lips, feeling every fibre of his being come to life as they met. She was warm and familiar and everything just felt right. It was like the kiss at the lodge but just that bit better, knowing that this one was for real. They meant it. They both knew they meant it.

“I actually think I’m in love with you, Ash.” Chris spoke, feeling bold. Whether she felt the same, he didn’t care. They could start something new. Something better. Together.

“I love you too, Chris.”

The pair embraced, their arms wrapping tightly around each other, never wanting to let the other go. Maybe they could start something new. All they could keep thinking was how it had taken this long to get this far. It was definitely worth it.

Stolen Part 2

Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Stiles x Wolf!Reader
Warning: N/A
Writer: hachievans
Summary/Request: Inspired by (X): Part 2 to (X): You’re a new wolf whose come to Beacon Hills with your pack, when Scott and his own finds you…

Keep reading

Plans (That Maybe Aren't That Bad)

Ethereal Chapter five: Plans (That Maybe Aren’t That Bad)

Pairing: Dan Howell/ Phil Lester and PJ Liguori/ Chris Kendall

Rating: M

Warnings: Swearing and eventual fluff/smutt

Summary:  AU- Super powers. Dan’s not normal. In fact, he’s never met a single person exactly like him. No one else can move objects with their mind, just by a simple thought. He lives life carefully, limited interactions and semi-non-existent social life. That is, until a pair of sapphire blue eyes change everything. Dan Howell/Phil Lester, PJ Liguori/ Chris Kendall.

Notes:  Enjoy!

Link to prologue and previous chapter

Keep reading

Chapter 55: Father Figure

Chris:

I leaned against the wooden panel outside of Walgreens health store, as the breeze grazed my face and I smoked a paper rollup of tobacco. I hated that shit! But I inhaled in a haze of smoke that caused my throat to burn and then let my head rest against the wall as I waited patiently for Jen to come back out. Sporadic thoughts clouded my mind throughout the drive over here. And I was positive that I’d really done messed up this time around. I fucked up and I knew I had and honestly I didn’t know what I was going to do to try and fix this mess I’d created and insisted on building upon. Guilt was with me from the moment I woke up this morning in a bed that wasn’t my own. I still hadn’t even allowed myself to think of Jhene or how she’d feel about it. I just couldn’t accept the fact that I knew I’d hurt her, before she was even aware of it and if I told her what happened last night after I swore nothing was going on with me and Jen, she would never trust again. Shit, I wouldn’t even trust me after this.

The jingling sound from the chime bell on the door signalled that somebody had opened up the shop door again. I looked over to see it was Jen finally walking back out with her arms folded over each other and an upset look on her face. I leaned up off the wall and took one last puff of the tobacco before I flicked the end away.

“…Did you get it?” I asked her through a cloud of smoke, she rolled her eyes and then held up the small chemist bag walking past me. “Well…did you take it?” I questioned following closely behind her.

“Yes Chris, do you want a fucking x-ray to make sure I swallowed too?” she said sarcastically as she opened up the car door and then slammed it shut getting in. I sighed and then dug in my pocket for my phone to check for the time, that’s when I realised my battery was completely dead, must’ve drained out from last night. I kissed my teeth and walked around to the other side and then too, slid inside. I looked over at Jen and she turned her face away from me and leaned her head against the window. I sighed again feeling a little bad. I guess I could’ve gone about this whole trip to the chemist thing a little better than I did. This morning when I woke up and the realisation of what I’d done settled in, I made sure I took her straight to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill. It weren’t outta malice or nothing it’s just, I’d already fucked up enough by even sleeping with her yesterday, the last thing I needed was her to turn around and tell me she was pregnant a few months down the line. I was sure not to go down that road for a 3rd time. I asked her if she was on the pill or anything like that and she told me no and I was positive I didn’t use any protection last night, so I took her to take the morning after pill, just to be safe. Of course that didn’t go down to well with her, I guess she thought it was some kind of diss but honestly it weren’t, I just didn’t need another kid in my life right now and neither did she. I was thinking about the both of us.

“Are you alright?” I asked gently placing my hand on her thigh

“I’m fine” she mumbled subtly as she chewed on her bottom lip. She pushed my hand of her lap and then crossed both her legs and arms over each other in a closed off manner suggesting she didn’t want any form of conversation with me.

“Are you sure? You seem a little mad” I said to her.

“I’m not mad, I don’t care. I don’t want another baby with you anyway” she replied coldly. “Can you just drive please?”

I sighed and pushed the key into the ignition pulling out of the car lot. “Uh, you don’t mind if I make a quick run to my Mama’s house do you? I gotta pick up my daughter. I’ll just drop you home straight after” I said after a few minutes of silence. She rolled her eyes involuntary and shook her head no

“Just drop me to Danielle’s now; I can call a cab from there to take me home" she responded. I scrunched my face up at her being so difficult. That made no damn sense. My mama lived not even 5 minutes away from this Walgreens, all she needed to do was chill in the car for a few minutes until I got Asia and then I’d drop her straight home after, Instead she wanted me to drive an extra 10 minutes until I got to Danielle’s just for her to call a cab and pay money to drop her back home.

“What sense does that make Jen? You’re gonna spend money just to be taken back home when I can drop you?” I argued.

“Can you just drop me to Danielle’s please Chris? Or should I just get out and call a cab right now?” She snapped. I kissed my teeth at her and turned up the radio on full blast. Sounds of YG - My nigga, bumped savagely through my speakers. I wasn’t about to argue about it, if she wanted to be difficult that was on her. I pressed down hard on the gas and sped down the street, catching up to the cars in front of me.

Fuck her being pressed ass this morning.

With the way I was driving we reached Danielle’s condo in absolutely no time. I parked outside of complex and Jen unclipped her seat belt and then got out the car without a single word to me. She slammed the car door shut, leaving the Walgreens bag on the floor. I let out a long deep breath rubbing my forehead and then just sat back in my seat for a minute and laid my head on the headrest. Why the fuck did things have to be so damn stressful all the time. There weren’t a moment I didn’t wake up feeling stressed out about something, I know I brought it on myself at times, but I was just so tired of this shit. I was tired of it all man. I knew she was mad at me for this morning, that whole silent treatment and when I talk to you imma give you short answers and attitude shit was just that typical girl in their feelings type shit. She was in her feelings because I was preventing something before it happened. It’s not like I weren’t thinking about her when I said it, it was best she nipped it in the bud before it could grow into something else.

Or was I just wrong?

***

The rest of the whole afternoon I spent cruising around LA not particularly driving anywhere, I was just cruising tryna clear my state of mind from something’s before I had to go pick up Asia, and possibly face talking to Jhene again. I had to have my mind completely clear before I done that, because if I was finna keep my word to her and not hurt her again like I promised, I had to be straight up honest with her; it was only best, it was either that or I allowed her to find out about last night on her own, and then when shit hit the fan I’d really be totally screwed. I knew shit wasn’t gonna go down lightly with her once I told her, but all I could do was be honest, however she took it after that was on her.

Still driving around town without an idea of where I was heading, I found myself parked outside in front of a barbershop about 45 minutes away from the crib. 

I turned down the volume to my radio and then sat in my car for about twenty further minutes contemplating wither I should even go in or not. It was crazy because the last time I’d been here, I had to have been like 8 years old, 12 years had gone by since the last time I’d seen him and so much shit had changed. I weren’t same little boy I once was and I’m sure he wasn’t the same man I remembered.

The neighbourhood where the barbershop was located in hadn’t changed much since I was a kid, across the street was the same Jamaican’s food spot ‘Nice Spices, every Saturday they’d have the grill on and be out playing dominos with their sound systems blasting the loudest mixes. The laundrettes was still there and the local liquor store owned by an OG named H’, weren’t nothing legal about the shit they sold behind the beads in the back but then again the whole street had a vibe to it, Dudes selling shit outta the back of their trunks tryna make a quick buck for themselves. Just a street full of hustlers’ trying to make a hustle

After going back and forth with myself about why this was a bad idea coming here, I decided to go in anyway. I got out the car and walked inside the barbershop preparing myself for the unknown, when it came down to him everything was unpredictable. I stepped through the doors of a regular, neighbourhood barber shop with regular folk standing round talking and cutting hair.  “Aye man, you need a cut?” one of the barber who’s station was located by the window asked me. I could tell by the way the shop was full of waiting customers, and his chair was still free he was either a terrible cutter, or the newbie. Nobody wanted to go to him either way. 

“Nah man, uh I’m looking for somebody, uh Winston…he here?” I asked my eyes scanning the room to see if I could spot him. 

“Winston?” Another Guy repeated. I looked over at him, he was a real big dude, about 6'2, dark skinned with short dreads “You mean Brown?“ he corrected 

"Oh? Yeah Brown, my bad”  

“Yeah Brown here, why who wanna know” he questioned dusting the dude he was giving a fresh baldy head off. 

“Just an old acquaintance" I shrugged. The guy looked at me wearily and then nodded whatever,

"Ayo Brown! Some little nigga out here looking for you!” he yelled vulgarly towards the back.

“Fatz what the hell you gotta yell in my ear like that for?” the girl standing behind the station next to him screwed up her face.

“Man shut up Alex. Uh, you might wanna take a seat, he probably won’t be out for a while" he suggested pointing towards the row of seats with waiting customers. I took a seat and just looked around waiting for 'Brown’ to come out. 

About fifteen minutes later, I was ready to just leave, when he appeared from out the back. Exactly the same as I remembered him only he’d gotten a little older over the past few years, more greys in his hair than before, and his once full goatee had been clipped back completely, he even seemed a little shorter than I remembered, or maybe it was just that I’d gotten taller. “Who’s looking for me?” that deep, gruff of a tone boomed as he looked over at the dude who had called him. 

“Dude over there” he pointed to me, “said y'all some old acquaintances”

Brown looked over at me as I stood up, he squinted his eyes at me as if he was trying to figure out who I was. I pulled my fitted up a little more so he could properly see my face. I guess I must’ve changed so dramatically since I was a 14 year old teenager, he didn’t even recognize who I was straight away. Once he figured out who was standing in front of him, that small tedious grin I remember he always used to wear appeared on his face. He slowly stepped towards me.

“My boy” he embraced with his arms held out, I stepped back from him signalling I weren’t tryna hug dude and then nodded. 

“Yeah, what’s up? Dad…

6 February 2011

“Ugh, you see this ugly ass Rudolph growing on my nose! Chris why didn’t you tell me it was this big, why you ain’t tell me I look so ugly!” she exaggerated as looked at herself in disgust standing front of my closet mirror

We’d just got in from a long day from after school programs, Jhene had dance practise until 5:15 and I had Basketball until 5:30. By the time she’d finished packing away I was done so we just rode together. When we got to her place, her dad weren’t at home so she asked to come over to my place and chill instead until he got there. Of course I said yeah, I mean why wouldn’t I? Any chance I had to get her alone I was taking it. These past few weeks we’d been spending a hell of a lot of time together, every day in fact and I was really starting to fall for shawty man. We had fun together; she was just a cool ass chick, down to earth, fun to be around and ready to ride whenever. That’s what I liked about her. 

"You don’t look ugly that’s why, you look beautiful. It’s not even that big, I can barely notice it” I shrugged flicking the channel on my cable. Jhene looked at me like yeah right through the mirror and then rolled her eyes. 

“Whatever you always saying I look beautiful. Even when I be looking beat down you be saying that” she walked out and closed the closet door behind her. 

“Not true. When you look beat down, I just don’t say anything about you. I just act like I ain’t seeing it” I joked. Jhene’s mouth dropped and she scoffed in shock as I began laughing at her. 

“That’s not funny!” she shouted picking up a cushion from the couch and tossing it me. I blocked it with my arm and continued to laugh at her. “That’s so not funny. You be thinking I look beat down sometimes Chris?” she asked seriously, crossing her arms. 

“No, I’m just joking with you!” I laughed.

“Sheesh, I was about to say. Because I be tryna look all extra cute when I’m around you, you just wait until I’m really comfortable with you to see beat down”  

“I’m sure it ain’t gonna be much difference" 

"Yeah, okay…” She muttered sarcastically 

I smiled at her “Come here, come lay next to me” I patted the side of my bed; chuckling she looked at me like yeah right.

“Why, so you can try and touch me again? No thank you sir” she laughed me off going to sit on the couch, she was always tryna sit on the couch. 

“Why you always think I’m tryna touch you? If I wanted to touch you again, I got better ways of suggesting it baby… you know that. I just wanna lay next to you” I smiled with playful arrogance at her. Jhene rolled her eyes knowing what I was saying was true. Trust me If I wanted to make any move on her whilst we were alone down here, I’d do it, straight up, I was never one to beat around the bush. If I wanted something, I was gonna go out and get it. I pulled on the loop of the front of her jeans hurrying her up when she finally gave in and walked over towards me.

“Damn Chris, be careful next time!” she huffed irritably, looking down at her jeans to see if I’d caused any unnecessary garment damages whilst tugging at them. 

“Yeah well you was taking too long” I chuckled as I lay back against my pillow;

“You’re so impatient” Jhene rolled her eyes and climbed up on my bed. She lay down and then moved up closer so that she was resting right up beside me.

“Oh look at you now, wanna be right up under me, nah gone girl” I said as I jokingly pushed her away

“Stop Chris, you be playing too much!” she smacked my hand away and then moved back closer again. She turned so that her body was facing towards me and then flung her right leg lazily over mines. I looked down at the leg she had cocked up on me and then looked back at her waiting for an explanation. “What I’m comfortable” she rolled her neck

“I can tell…” we both laughed. I pulled her closer and then rested my hand on the back of her thigh and began tracing imaginary lines with my finger.

Complete silence and I was still so comfortable with her. 

She lay there aimlessly playing with this gold necklace that was permanently around her neck. I noticed she would always fiddle with it; especially when she was nervous “What’s that you always playing with on your neck?” I asked breaking the momentary silence. I moved her hand away from the necklace locket resting on her chest; 

"Oh it’s nothing” she shrugged it off. 

“Nah show me, you always playing with it” I said moving her hand again. She hesitated for a moment before she finally gave in and opened it up revealing a small old black and white picture of a girl, and in her arms she was holding a new born baby. The girl looked no older than maybe 17-18, thick black hair curly hair that stopped just past her shoulders and a striking resemblance to Jhene. "Who’s that?“ I asked obliviously

"Me and my mom” she smiled faintly 

‘Oh…How’d your mom’s die, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Nah I don’t mind. It was a car crash; but she died during surgery “she replied sadly. 

"Oh…You wanna talk about it?” I asked her, I didn’t wanna push her to talk about a topic so detrimental if she wasn’t ready. She shrugged carelessly. “If you don’t wanna talk about it we don’t gotta, we can talk about something else” I reassured. She laughed and shook her head at my response. 

“You know, that’s funny, when I was younger my dad put me in therapy, and my therapist was always like to me, 'Jhene you must talk about it, it’s not good to hold things in, you’ll feel better when you get things off your chest’ But at that time I didn’t wanna talk about shit with her. My mom had just died and my dad thought I’d gone crazy because I wouldn’t speak to him” she scoffed.I stayed silent just allowing her to talk because for the first time since I’d met her, I felt she was really about to open up to me.

"I don’t know the full details or nothing because I never wanted to know, but what I do know is she was on her way to one my school dance performances when she died, I remember that morning because I made her promise me that she would turn up this time, growing up her and my dad were usually too busy working to have time for me like that, they both had demanding jobs so I was kind of always left with the sitter Ms Faye. Or my best friends momma would look after me whilst they spent most their time at work. So when I did get time with them, It was like Golden time to me” she admitted "Anyway, that morning I made her promise that Ms Faye wouldn’t turn up, and when I looked out behind the curtain she would be sitting there instead. And as expected, that day I looked out from behind the curtain and it was an empty space. All the other little girls’ parents were there, front row and proud but mines. So I was angry at her and before I went on stage I made a list in my head of all the reasons I hated her and wish I had another Mom. I told myself when I got home I was never going to speak to her and I hoped I never saw her again. Some real childish shit…" 

She paused for a second as she let a small abbreviated laugh escape her lips. I noticed a tear fall from her left eye, but as quickly as it fell, she wiped it away. I pulled her in closer to me and kissed her forehead, letting her know it was okay. I know weren’t shit I could do or say to bring her mom back, but the least I could do was listen and just be there for her. 

"I danced my little life away on that stage man” she continued as her voice broke slightly “I was doing all the counts in my head with twice as much passion and built up anger, adrenaline. I thought her breaking her promise to me was the worst thing of my life that was like the worst thing she could do to me. So I was dancing as if my life depended on it, not knowing that the moment I got off stage, I was really about to receive the worst news of my life. My mom had died and I really got my wish quicker than expected because I was never gonna see her, or speak to her again” she shrugged

“Damn…I’m sorry mama”

“Nah it’s cool. I mean, in the beginning it was hard to accept, I felt like it was my fault though, you know? Like maybe if she weren’t tryna come to my show, then she wouldn’t have died. 

"You shouldn’t think like that Jhene; you know that ain’t your fault man. There weren’t anything you could’ve done to cause what happened to her to be your fault. 

"I know, but try telling a 9 year old that, as far as I was concerned my mama was on her way to come see ME dance at school when she died. If I didn’t ask her to come she wouldn’t have died" she said.

"Is that’s why you stopped dancing?”

“Yeah, for the longest I just didn’t have the passion for it anymore. I felt like fuck dancing, just fuck the world” she chuckled.But anyway, enough about me, What about you, how comes you don’t ever talk about your father or nothing?” she asked me flipping the subject. I shrugged, I guess now it was my turn to open up to her about my life growing up. Not that I wanted to though, I rarely told anyone my life growing up simply because I’d erased certain memories pertaining to my father and who he was. All that shit was just a distant memory for me I had no problem forgetting. As far as I was concerned growing up, I had no dad, I had no male role model to look up to other than Cass. It was just me Aaron & Jaz and my mama. The only thing that connected me with that man was blood and a last name and that was it.  

“Ain’t got anything to say about that nigga man, Fuck him” I mumbled looking across at my TV screen. 

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked repeating what I’d asked her earlier, I looked down at her and she was peering at me with comforting eyes. She smiled warmly and gently squeezed my wrist. “You know should talk about it Christopher, it’s not good to hold things in. You’ll feel better once you get it off your chest” she mocked her therapist lighting the mood a bit. We both laughed.

“Nah it’s nothing man, I just don’t care about any man who walks out on his 3 kids that’s” I admitted. 

“He walked out on y’all?”

“Yeah, apparently he battled with an heavy drug addiction, it weren’t until later I found that out but because of it he walked out on us, took the house we lived in and chose drugs over his own family" I shook my head at the thought

“Whatchu mean he took y’all house?” Jhene asked curiously. I shrugged again.

“I guess he needed some way to fund his addiction and we were broke so, he sold the house we used to live in without even informing my Mama or nothing, left us homeless. One day we just had to up and leave, because basically there were some people stating that they owned the house now, it was their property. I remember that whole night hearing my Mama cry whilst she packed. She was by herself, had no money, no house and no job with 3 young kids, absolutely nothing was in her name, everything she thought she owned back then was in his name, the car the house, everything. By then he’d fucked of somewhere to another part of town leaving no contact details so my mama had to move all of us outta the house and start from scratch. Find a job secure enough so that she could provide for me, my brother and sister. That’s when I started working for Cass, first he used to just give me little bags of weed to juggle on my school grounds, and to the little nigga’s on the block n’shit” I laughed “Then that shit turned into these little ecstasy and LCD pills. Me and Mijo used to go out to the suburbs and sell to them little rich white kids at parties & raves and stuff, because they had all the money, and would buy you outta a bottle within minutes tryna catch a buzz. I would make a quick $500 just selling pills; eventually that got old for me, and that’s when Cass put me onto the real money, stealing cars and whatever. The money I made from that would help my mom’s out, pay the rent, put food in the fridge etc. Because at that time she was still struggling to get on her feet because of him”I explained.

"Wow, that’s so messed up” Jhene said shaking her head in disapproval. I sighed and shrugged. 

“Yeah, I guess. It’s good now though. We’re good, my mama living how she is supposed to. That’s all that matters” I smiled.

"Yeah I guess, I just think it’s crazy how people think they can just up and walk outta your lives with no warning and then expect everything to be fine when they return. Like they didn’t just turn your world upside down or something" 

"Man I learned to deal with it. People walk outta your life for no reason all the time. That’s why I’m so guarded, I don’t trust anyone anymore. Gives them too much ammunition to fuck you over when they want…you feel me?” I looked over at her. She nodded her head yeah and then looked up at me. 

“I feel you. You know you can trust me though right?” she spoke quietly. I shrugged as I stared right back into her eyes. 

“….How can I be sure of that?" I challenged. The sincerity in her eyes told me that I could and I did trust her. I don’t know what it was but it was something about this girl that made everything I believed in void when it came to her. I’d only known her for a few months and already I’d exposed so much of my life to her, all I could do was trust her. She was like that person everybody searched for in life, you know that person who you could tell anything to without judgement. She listened and more importantly she understood me. 

"You can’t” she said “You just gotta take my word for it, and know I ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. Not if you don’t want me to. Besides…I think my little crush on you is starting to grow into something else, something much deeper. So now that I like you…a lot. You kinda stuck with me forever baby boy" she smirked

"You like me a lot huh?” I teased. 

“Mhm” she nodded pressing her lips together. I smiled and pulled her chin up and then kissed her, gently on the lips…just because I liked her a lot too.

***

Present day 

Twenty minutes later, we were sat in Sylvia’s a small Soul Food Diner about 10 minutes away from the barber shop. Mad thoughts were firing through my mind like bullets from a loaded gun, and I had mad questions I wanted to ask him. Like why did he do what he did? Why did he leave us without warning? Why didn’t he take me with him? Where did he go? My mind had become a zone of inquisitiveness as questions I needed answering, were finally about to put my angst to rest.

The lady came over with the menus and asked if we wanted to order anything to drink, I declined whilst he ordered an iced tea. "Can’t beat Sylvia’s you know, she’s the best soul food restaurant around here" he smiled proudly. I nodded whatever and then looked back out the window at the driving cars going past. “So…How you been? How’s your mother?” He asked hesitantly after a moment of silence, I looked over at him, peered into the eyes of a man I was supposed to call a father, someone who was supposed to be a role model to me and Aaron and hero to Jazmine. I looked into his eyes, but felt nothing but resentment towards him. Honestly I didn’t even know why I’d come looking for him, I knew how I felt about him, he was a sucker. Any man who’d up and leave their woman and 3 kids was a without even so much as a phone call to see If they was okay, see if they had clothes on their backs, a place to stay or even food in their stomachs was a sucker to me.

“She’s fine, great actually, she getting married this year” I subtly boasted on her. I saw his smile drop for a millisecond with regret, and during that split moment I smiled myself inside. The look of regret on his face made me beam. I was glad he felt regret for letting my Mama go and having another man do what he should’ve done when he had the chance; marry her and treat her right. Despite her flaws, my mama was a real good woman. She held it down no matter what, and she honestly deserved the world and more. With the amount of shit she’d been through in life, she still never cracked or let that stuff discourage what she set out to do. She was strong, and a remarkable woman.

“Wow marriage huh? She deserves it…she a good woman” he mumbled down to himself, almost as if the regret that was weighing heavily on his mind was eating at him. I scoffed and began to rub both of my palms onto the knees of my sweats. Brown looked up at me with nothing but guilt in his dull brown eyes. I could tell by the way he couldn’t keep consistent eye contact with me that his conscience was playing on him. But I was only getting started; I hadn’t even touched upon the reasoning behind the visit, why I came to see him.

“Why?” My voice was low and tired as I mumbled that one simple word.

Browns dark Auburn eyes flashed to my face for a split second before his gaze fell abrasively to the red and white checker table. I knew that he knew what I was asking of him, fuck the small talk, I was here for answers. For so long, why had he abandoned us? Why hadn’t even attempted to contact us, find out if we was even alive still. Why didn’t he want us? He let out a strained sigh as he took the fitted bowler hat from his head and placed it beside him. All a while I sat there watching him, waiting for him to conjure up an bullshit explanation as to why he’d been non-existent in my life for 12 years, I couldn’t fathom how anyone could abandon their kids the way that he did us. I couldn’t even picture leaving my daughters side, just one day up and leaving them without an explanation, or a glance back, they were my life, the reason why I grinded the way that I did so that they could have the best life possible.  

He placed his hands in a closed fist onto the table and then cleared his throat “Because I wanted the best for y’all” he said. My ears perked up at that as slowly I began shaking my head in disbelief. ‘Because he wanted the best for us’ that answer wasn’t fucking good enough. It wasn’t a good enough reason he left his woman, and 3 kids with no home, no money and nowhere to go! It wasn’t enough to placate for the longing feel of abandonment and un-want that I’d suffered for all of those years he’d been gone.

“You can’t be serious” I queried through clenched teeth,

“I don’t expect you to understand son but-”

“I ain’t your fucking son man” I cut him off laughing without humour. “Don’t ever call me that shit” Brown appeared taken back by my words, the venom in my voice was hard to disguise because right now all I wanted to do was jump over this table and lay it to him. I couldn’t believe his answer to my question was he wanted the best for us, what best was it to leave? TWO sons who needed him more than anyone, needed a father figure to look up to, needed a dad to teach them how to tie a tie, how to shave, teach them how to become a man, and he walked outta our lives, a daughter who he was supposed to be of an hero to her, he left. A woman who loved him beyond measures, gave up everything she had in order to be with him, and he left, and his only excuse was he wanted the best for us?

Brown sighed sorrowfully, it was almost painful to look the man in the face I was supposed to call dad and feel nothing but sadness and anger in my heart for him. I clenched my teeth together as my legs bounced underneath the table at an unhealthy speed. I didn’t even know why I bothered coming here. I wanted to get out of here, but my body wouldn’t allow me to run from all of the things that I’d been dying to know from him.

“I don’t expect you to understand Chris” His voice lowered an octave, “but there were just some things, some things that…I couldn’t allow you to grow up and witness in a household. A house hold is supposed to be a place of love and sanctuary, not animosity and danger. Me being there brought nothing but pain to y'all lives because I was doing something’s, living a life that I was ashamed to bring around y'all" 

“Like what?” I questioned

“You really want to know?” he challenged. 

“I think I deserve to know, don’t you?”

He glanced at me prior to nodding his head. “Drugs, alcohol. I was dependent Chris. I don’t expect you to ever understand waking up every morning and the first thing that’s on your mind is how to get your next high or to go out and get a bottle of liquor at 6 in the morning. Not if your kids okay, or if your lady has money in her pockets to provide a decent meal for y'all but how long it would take for me to numb the feeling of inadequacy that I felt day in, day out.”

He paused for a second as he tried to gather his words together,

“When I was in active addiction, NOTHING came close to the importance and need for a high Chris. Food, family, jobs, relationships, that shit no longer mattered in my mind because from the moment I’d wake up, my entire day was centred around getting money, copping dope, finding rides so I could feed my addiction. The obsession was unhealthy and unfortunately it was the only thing that was on my mind”

“I was a drug addict man” he admitted. “Heroine, coke, weed, whatever it was I was addicted to it and the stronger it was, the better. It got so bad that, I couldn’t function without at least half a gram in my system; if I was barely functioning at all. I’d wake up not knowing if I was coming or going. The addiction was all consuming; it took over every aspect of my life and was literally the only thing I could think about Chris. Because of that, of course it began to fuck with me as a father and my relationship with your mother. She couldn’t accept the fact that the man she fell in love with, had turned into a dependent junkie. She couldn’t deal with the stress I was laying on her, not with 3 kids to look after and needing to shield them from the shit I’d become. So soon what started off as little quarrels between us turned into full blown fist fights" He scowled; the sadness in his voice was apparent, as it seemed he began reliving the memories. 

“Every day we were fighting about the chunks of money that was going missing from our account. Or the electronics that managed to slip out of our house. The last straw was when the money we’d put into a saving account for the three of y’all’s college tuition went missing. She blamed me for it, she thought I’d taken it so she gave me an ultimatum. It was either her and the kids or the drugs…” he sighed heavily “I couldn’t kick the habit…so I left.

I hastily diverted my gaze from him in disappointment. "So basically…you chose drugs over your own kids?" 

“I don’t expect you to understan-“

“WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT!” I yelled finally not being able to hold back my emotions, people in the diner began to look our way, I was drawing attention to us but I didn’t even care in the moment. I was just tired of him telling me I didn’t understand!  "Stop fucking saying that shit cuh, nah I don’t understand, I don’t understand how a man chooses drugs over his own flesh and blood! You’d rather smoke a fucking crack pipe than take care of the kids YOU brought into this world my nigga? but you expect me to understand and accept all that?!”

“I don’t expect you to accept it, but I’m telling you how it was!” He snapped back, 

“Sir, I’m gon’ have to ask y'all’s  to keep y'all voices down please or I’m gonna have to ask y'all to leave” a strong southern accent came from behind me, Brown looked up at the waitress that had approached us early and nodded his head, giving his sincerest apologies. She looked sceptically between us before she trotted back off where she came from. 

“You came searching for the truth right? Wanted to know why I left like I did? Well there you have it. Is it a good enough reason? Maybe not, but it’s the truth. Drugs, money, alcohol. Yes I will admit, I put that shit on a higher pedestal than my family it was fucked up, but don’t think for one second I didn’t love y’all or think about y’all every single day I was gone. It weren’t easy for me to walk away man, but I had to. For the best, so I could go out and become a better man not only for myself, but for y’all. I couldn’t have y’all around me when I was out here strung off my head, high outta my mind!”

“So that’s why you sold the house? Took away everything Mama had? For the best for us, huh?” I challenged

“I needed the money Chris. The house was the only thing I had left that held value to it.” he said shamefully

“You needed the money? WE needed a place to sleep my nigga, you took that shit from us!”

“I was selfish-”

“YOU LEFT US WITH NOTHING DAWG!” I yelled standing up, my chair pushed back with a loud screech that caused people in the diner’s attention immediately turned to us, ‘the show’ The table surface began to shake as it caught wind of my sudden outbreak of emotion and Browns eyes widened from my sudden outburst.

“Sit down son” Brown mumbled, quietly trying to calm me down but I was already heated. The clanking sounds of utensils hitting plates became more distinct as every eye in the diner seemed to be on the two of us again, and then came the rushed pitter patter of heeled feet towards us, the waitress.

"Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to please leave?” The waitress voice spoke with authority from behind me

“You know growing up, I imagined you to be so much more, I hoped when I found you, everything mama told me about you would be a lie. I’m disappointed man…” I murmured faintly. Browns eyes fell with hurt from my honesty. I was disappointed in him. I was disappointed that everything I’d heard about him being was nothing but the truth.

“Sir, please may you leave!” the waitresses strained voice repeated

 “Could you just give us a second Lady? PLEASE!” Brown snapped at her, she appeared taking back for a moment, before she smacked her teeth and threw her hands up in the air

“You know what, I’m gonna have to call the manager, because this is just ridiculous!” she stressed as she hurried back off to get her manager. Brown watched as she ran off to tadle-tale before his Auburn eyes connected with my own again.

“When I wake up every morning with nobody beside me, you don’t think I regret doing all that I did to y’all. You don’t think it hurts me to know that somewhere out there I have kids who don’t want anything to do with me? Kids that are disappointed in me, Kids who don’t even know me? It hurts Chris, it hurts bad, but that’s something I gotta live with and accept. I can’t change the past son, believe me if I could I would, but I can’t. And I understand your hurt, and your angry with me for being absent all these years, but all I ask is for you to judge me from the man that I’ve become today. Not the man that I was yesterday”

He got up from his seat, he picked up his hat from the table and then sat it on his head before taking out a small card from his inside pocket and placing it in front of me. I turned my head looking away at the cars that were pulling into the diner parking lot, “…I ain’t running away from you son, I’ve done enough of that. But I also ain’t gonna force you into something you don’t want yet. So when you’re ready. I’m here” I tensed up as he placed his hand on my shoulder and then gave it an encouraging squeeze.

And with that he was gone out of the swing doors.

I waited a moment before I could look down at what he’d left in front of me. There laid a small rectangular wallet sized image. In small read a scribbled address with a phone number on it and the name ‘Dad’ beside it. I picked it up and turned the image over and my heart plummeted to my stomach at that moment, as my eyes laid upon an old memory of the three of us as little kids at the beach, Me, Jazmine and Aaron and beside us, there he was standing as a father should’ve been. My heart pounded against the confinement of my chest relentlessly as I remained still staring down at this image. My jaw absentmindedly clenched and just as fast as a tear fell; I brushed it away.

I looked up out of the window to see if I could spot him, but as I expected he would be.

He was already gone.

***

Trudging up the stairs at quarter to 8, I was finally on my way home. I’d picked Asia up from my Mama’s house and we both were equally exhausted, she’d come down with a little fever during the night so she wasn’t feeling to good and me, I was just exhausted with the events of today.

Meeting up with my dad after years of abandonment just put a drain on me. I figured it was best I ain’t let my Mama know I’d seen him until I was certain he was really a changed man, weren’t no point in having her stressed and worrying about it, because I knew how my Mom was, she’d start over-thinking about shit, and then drive herself and me crazy. I was still angry with him, I still had resentment towards him, but I figured in order for me to move forward with my life, I had to forgive him too. Mama always said forgiveness was the key, So for that reason I was gonna let him in, give him a chance to redeem himself after all these years, I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy forgiving and accepting him into my life after 13 years, but it was worth the try. My guard was up and the moment he fucked up again, that was it.

I pushed the glass door open to my floor and then allowing it to slam shut; I locked the door behind me. My breath got caught in my throat when I turned back around to walk to my front door and I completely froze in mid stride as I noticed Jhene sitting on the floor outside of my condo door.

Her hood was all the way up and she had a dark pair of shades covering her face with a bag sitting next to her. But even with her disguise, I still knew it was her.

Hearing me walk in she suddenly pulled her head up from leaning on the door and then looked my way; Suddenly my conscience kicked in, and remembrance from what I’d done last night with Jennifer rushed to me like a bullet from a loaded gun, my heart rate paced out of uncertainty, guilt and fear because I knew I had no choice, I had to tell her.

They say things are always easier said than done right?

And just knowing by the end of the night, I was gonna break her heart again and she had no idea, had me all fucked up inside.