Types as 8-Bit Theater Quotes


“What I hate most about talking to you jerks is that I always know what you’re going to say. Partly because I exist in six directions in time at once, but also you are all stupid.”



Thief: I believe in a free market.
Red Mage: How’s that work?
Thief: Very well when you get to make the rules.


“Death is not "funny”, you miserable little pukestain of a worm! If I hear so much as an utterance on the subject of Black Belt, I will personally ensure that your life will be a series of wretched events that march you into an early (and shallow) grave.“

-White Mage


"Life is funny. You start out with limitless potential, but time is always shaving away the possibilities. Every choice you make is the choice not to do a thousand other things. What’s important, when all is said and done, is that you made a difference. Your choices, and everything undone, have tomean something. Otherwise, what was the point? I’m lucky that way. My path was already there. I had only to walk it. I often thought even if no oneknew of the good I had done with my life, it didn’t matter. That it was done is all that counts in the end. But then I died. And I hadn’t gotten to do any of it yet.”

-Black Belt


Vilbert von Vampire: Ready?
Red Mage: I was born ready.
Fighter: I was born naked and screaming.
Black Mage: And if all goes according to plan, you’ll die that way too.


“Why, it would take some kind of insane megalomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than the force of my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the power—my god, the POWER! ITS THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!”

-Black Mage


Red Mage: Just promise to murder me with your pants on.                        Black Mage: I promise nothing.


Black Mage: I’m the caster, y'know! It’s like I’m a cannon made out of glass. Like a… Y'know, like a dainty figurine so ornately decorated you can’t image how something so fragile manages to exist in this brutal, ugly world… And it makes you weep. I’ve got something in my eye! [Runs away]
Red Mage: I… would’ve just stuck with glass cannon, probably.
Thief: That was weirder than it had to be.
Red Mage: And yet, par for the course.


"Let’s review. You built something. But you don’t know what it is because you never wrote down what it was for when you still had enough points left in engineering to know. I have been defeated by my own intellect. I don’t know if that’s encouraging or depressing though.”

-Red Mage


“Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That’s just basic cause and effect. It’s easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic can not be stopped. The success or failure of any given step will have no impact on the macro level.”

-Red Mage


Drizz'l: Only a fool would engage an enemy without knowing anything about him.
Fighter: Which explains exactly why that’s what I did!
Thief: That was supposed to be a taunt, wasn’t it?
Black Mage: One can only assume.


Garland: I found a quarter and I’m not asking if it belongs to anyone.
Bikke: That’s plain mean. Yar.


“I met our old friends, who coincidentally are also our worst enemies.
Remember? We killed them? They say its our turn now.”



“How else do you suggest [Dragoon] destroy the world’s only hope for survival? Identify the real heroes, delay them, then join a band of easily duped rubes, become their leader, and trick them into questing across the world only to stab them all in the back at the last minute? At least, that’s what I would do.I said ‘hypothetically’ right? Somewhere in there? No?”



 Black Mage: I don’t get it. What’s that jerk [Ranger] got that I ain’t.             White Mage: You mean besides a grasp of grammar?                                 Black Mage: Me talk good!                                                                           White Mage: Well, let’s see. He knows the difference between right and wrong. Morals. A complete understanding of the theories and practical applications of personal hygiene. Friends. A face. The respect of his peers.                      Black Mage: Hey! I have friends. I have a friend.                                         White Mage: What you have is a highly dysfunctional relationship based exclusively on abuse.                                                                                    Black Mage: Right, a friend.                                                                         White Mage: See that, that right here. That’s what’s wrong with you. [Walks away]                                                                                                            Black Mage: Dammit, Fighter. White Mage doesn’t like me because you’re a rotten friend.                                                                                             Fighter: I’m horrible! 


Black Mage: Jeezy chreezy, Fighter! Did they drop you on the head as a child? Often?
Fighter: Hm… [Has a flashback] Mmm! Power lines and paint chips! My childhood rocks! [Back to present] Nope, why?
Black Mage: Never mind.