chompy

listen i got a rabbit when i was the ripe age of eight years old. originally named him button bc that was my old rabbits name and i was convinced if i just gave him that name the spirit of button would live on in him (rip in peace tiny friend) but after a while he chewed threw the fuckin lawn mower wire so my eight year old self called that sucker chompy. now i dont kno if you kno but rabbits are supposed to live like six to eight years as a pet, and before that button had kicked the proverbial fuckin bucket after a few months so we weren’t expecting the situation we’re currently in. chompy, as it turns out, gives absolutely 0 fucks what any rabbit website says. i am nearly twenty years old and this little dude just wont quit. you bet ur bottom dollar i go out every single mornin rain or shine to let his sorry ass out of the hutch so he can eat the grass, chase the birds and make my mum gnash her teeth and cry bc we cant plant shit bc he’ll straight up just devour any plant he finds. eleven years. this fucker is eleven years old. im pretty sure he’s just running on straight up spite at this point bc everyone i speak to in my family is like ‘is that rabbit still going?????’ you better FUCKIN believe that rabbit is tearin shit up in my back garden to this day. but now im in this situation where i tell ppl i have a rabbit and theyre like ‘ooo whats his name??’ and i, a nineteen year old, have to look them dead in the eye and say chompy. the ridiculous fuckin name i gave him eleven years ago. what a world 

while im on the topic of this fuckin nerd lemme tell you that I love chompy with all my heart, hes a fuckin pest and costs one trillion pounds in sawdust bc he has no concept of not running in mud and then jumping all over his hutch but this bun knows he got the good life. as said before he just kinda roams the back garden during the day. patrols the perimeter ynow controls them borders. but yeah one time I went out to check on him bc I couldn’t see him and saw the back gate was open and he’d gotten out and let me tell u ive never shat bricks quicker. hauled ass back into my house to get some shoes on to run round the neighbourhood thinkin I’ve lost my formidable Elder Rabbit forever or he’s been in the road or smthn. shot out my house like a fuckin bullet to scope him out and there he fuckin is, in the front garden, munching the grass. front gate wide open, main road right there, had been presumably free to wander out for at least half an hour but nah. in the front. chowin the fuck down. bc this little bastard probs got to the gate and thought wait. this sucker pays out of pocket for fancy fruit rabbit food when he could just get the generic one that tastes like ass. he grows a garden and gives me carrots straight out the ground. ynow?? im gonna Stick Around, might cause him a fucking aneurysm from the stress of him thinkin I’ve scooted my furry ass straight into a fuckin road but w/e