chokeslam!

How to win over your brother-in-law
  • Littlefinger: I love your sister as I loved her mother.
  • Jon: *chokeslams him into wall*
  • Gendry: I'm a bastard! You're a bastard! Our fathers were friends! You're my new BFF!
  • Jon: *thrusts hand out in a handshake* We will fight side by side, you and I.

One of the weirdest adaptation choices from A Song of Ice and Fire to Game of Thrones was the decision to undermine Littlefinger whenever he appears on screen. In the books, Petyr Baelish got away with everything by being innocuous, charming, and very useful; he was a physically and militarily unimposing financial genius at the bottom rung of lordship who flattered and deferred his way into everyone’s good graces.

TV Littlefinger is so obviously unctuous that grease seeps from the ground as he walks and he is so openly reviled that every time he opens his mouth the entire onscreen cast swarms in a berserker rage, fighting to be the first to chokeslam him into the wall. I don’t understand how he gets away with anything in the show.

Jon confronts Theon…about darn time too considering he turned down Stannis’ offer to help him reclaim Winterfell in exchange for making him a lord. Theon deserves to be choke slammed! 

Blueprint For Terror: Is The WWE Unintentionally Showing Terrorists How To Perform America’s Best Wrestling Moves?

America is under siege from the forces of radical Islamic terrorism. With the stakes so high, vigilance is paramount. We must hold accountable any institutions whose carelessness may be inadvertently helping ISIS and endangering us all. It’s high time we asked the tough question that no one wants to ask: Is the WWE unintentionally showing terrorists how to perform America’s best wrestling moves?

The Islamic State will use every tool at its disposal to bring ruin to the West, which is what makes World Wrestling Entertainment’s recklessness so dangerous. By making WrestleMania so easily accessible on TV and online, the WWE is essentially handing our enemies a step-by-step guide to bringing the pain to our soldiers night after night.

There’s no way to sugarcoat this: Monday Night Raw may unwittingly be one of ISIS’s very most valuable assets.

Masterful finishing moves like the Stone Cold Stunner and the R.K.O., meticulously developed by top WWE Universal Champions over the years, can be used to devastating, slam-tastic results. But it doesn’t take a large leap of the imagination to figure that, when a spine-busting wheelbarrow suplex leads to a wrestler proudly holding the title belt over their head as their opponent writhes in agony, ISIS is watching.

How can anyone consider our country safe when any ISIS militant can simply turn on the TV and study a WWE Superstar’s perfect form as they turn an opponent upside down and drive them headfirst into the mat?

With WWE publicly broadcasting the very best of our wrestlers’ throws, aerial maneuvers, holds, and double-teams, it’s only a matter of time before we see a terrorist execute a skull-rattling Attitude Adjustment with a precision that until now only John Cena could. Meanwhile, extremist assaults on our god-given liberties will only increase in severity and frequency as soldiers of the Islamic State learn to launch themselves off the ropes and clothesline our boys in uniform to terrifying, badass effect.

How long will it be until ISIS develops a Powerbomb Facebuster of its own? This once-inconceivable scenario could soon be a reality. In fact, it seems the question is not if ISIS will become capable of putting an American soldier in a facelock with their legs and then dropping their ass flat, but when.

Tipping our hand to the terrorists would be a travesty. For the sake of American lives both domestic and on the battlefield, the WWE needs to do far more to ensure that the ability to perform Chokeslam Backbreakers stays out of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s hands. Here’s hoping they get it together before it’s too late, because in the fight against terrorism, there are no rematches.

anonymous asked:

What would each member do if someone crossed their path with a knife and screamed, "gimme all your money or die!!!!"

Asra would turn them inside out to protect his 62 cents

Nadia would have them thrown in the Humiliation Pit

Julian would let them stab him just for the drama of it all

Muriel would deploy the Chokeslam and whisper “I have no money” while grinding their face into the gravel

Portia would go for the ankles, take the knife and run

Lucio would go into hysterics over the idea that anyone could POSSIBLY hold all his money

belades  asked:

Could you help me out? I recall there being a Japanese myth with a woman named "Tokyo" or something similar, but for the LIFE of me I can't remember the myth or exactly what the woman's name was. I think it might have had something to do with a cliff or the sea, but I might just be getting my wires crossed.

Might you be thinking about Tokoyo?

Once a upon a time, a samurai, name of Oribe Shime, crossed the Emperor. Ill of health and mood, the Emperor exiled the samurai, sending separating him from his daughter, Tokoyo. Tokoyo and her father loved each other very much, and were extremely sad to be separated, so the girl, determined to find her banished father, sold all of her properties and set off on her journey to the Oki Islands, where her father had to live on from now on. Arriving at the old town named Akasaki, Tokoyo asked the local fishermen to give her a hand to the islands, but they all refused to lend her a hand, for it was forbidden to visit those who had been banished, as was assisting those who sought to visit them. 

But Tokoyo is, unlike most female figures in Japanese mythology, not known for being kind or flattering to women, a bona fide killdozer genetically built to get what she desires, so she said “I AM JUST GOING TO LUG MYSELF THERE THEN” and then considered the idea of going Beowulf on the sea’s ass and just swimming across, but settled for just getting a boat (she sold her lands, after all). She went to the Oki Islands, but alas, she couldn’t find her father. She asked the fishermen if they knew where he was, but no one would assist her and they told her to cease her snoopin’ if she didn’t want a whoopin’, so Tokoyo activated Presence Concealment EX and eavesdropped on the conversations of the entire town, but alas, she learned nothing of value.

Defeated, Tokoyo wandered and wandered around the local area, and she eventually came across a shrine. After some vigorous praying to the Buddha, she fell asleep right then and there like a good fatherless hobo. It would’ve been a great nap, EXCEPT a crying girl woke her up. “STOP CRYING OR I WILL GIVE YOU REASONS TO C– Oh yo that ain’t cool” exploded Tokoyo as she got up and noticed that the girl had pretty damn good reasons to be crying loudly, considering a Buddhist monk was about to chokeslam her right off a cliff. “DESIST, RELIGION MAN” she bellowed, preparing her powerful spin kick, one of the top ten moves in the Japanese Myth Fighting World, but she stopped as soon as the monk explained himself. “I’d love to not ragdoll little girls off cliffs, I really would, but see, there’s this rather pissed god, Okuninushi, who is going to get Royally Fucking McPissed if we don’t sacrifice this girl to him after he demanded a sacrifice”

Tokoyo was like “eh, let her go, man, I’ll do it, I got nothing to lose”, since she was pretty down about the whole missing father thing and decided, hey, might as well go out with a bang. So she jumped off the cliff while clenching a dagger between her teeth. Oh yeah, by the way, she had no intention of becoming a sacrifice. Psyche, the plan was “just fucking kick Okuninushi’s ass, because what kind of fucking jerk demands little girls as sacrifices?”, because Tokoyo can do more one-armed push ups than you and I combined, and one has to wonder how the hell her loincloth housed her massive balls.

So Tokoyo straight up swims to the bottom of the ocean because her skin is tougher than submarine pressurized plating and oxygen is for pussies, and upon arriving, she found a really nifty cave so she decided to check it out for sweet loot. And sweet loot she did find! Except it was traumatic sweet loot because she found a statue of the Emperor, which she immediately proceeded to demolish with the nitroglicerin-coated jackhammers she calls her bare hands, because she is still pissed about the whole “he exiled my dad” thing, BUT she stops midway and says “mmm actually I could just carry it to the surface”, and so she just tied the things to her back and effortlessly hoisted the big stone statue and started swimming back to the surface, apparently forgetting her initial god-punching schedule. As soon as she made it out of the cave and started swimming back from the bottom of the ocean with a stone statue strapped to her back, however, a gigantic sea snake creature named Yofune-nushi (which was not Okuninushi and was more or less mythology Godzilla) burst out of the cave and began pursuing Tokoyo. Tokoyo tried her best and swam at full force, fearing for her life, to escape from thPSYCHE, SHE TURNED ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY DEGREES AND WENT DIRECTLY AT THE MONSTER, stabbing its bitch-ass eye with her dagger and then proceeding to pummel the monster with his dagger and her enormous statue-killing fists until she murdered it. If one were to call this a boss fight, the boss was absolutely Tokoyo, certified boss ass bitch and all around killdozer.

Once she finally arrived at the shore, she was well out of stamina (I MEAN, UNDERSTANDABLY SO), but the monk and the little girl from before were there, and they carried her to the town, where her heroic killing of a deep sea abomination with just a dagger and her Bruce Lee Hands earned her acclaim. Moreover, the act of bringing the statue back from the bottom of the ocean apparently lifted a curse on the Emperor, whose illness instantly disappeared. He learned of the event and somehow knew that what Tokoyo had done was what made him healthy again, so in a fit of joy, the Emperor gave Oribe Shime a full pardon, and thus Tokoyo and her father reunited, living happily ever after and returning to their home town, where Tokoyo presumably continued to bully Godzilla and train Sakata Kintoki in the arts of vaporizing oni ass with one hand tied behind the back on her days off when she wasn’t having a simple and clean domestic life with her pops.

Some say that the city of Tokyo has its name in honor of Tokoyo, an homage to her everything, jesus christ, look at the kind of shit she pulled.

6

“It’s a thrill to meet you, sir.”  Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens run into the Undertaker after Raw, and Kevin’s sell of that chokeslam is a thing of joy and beauty. {x}

One Simple Bet

Summary: You and Sami are practicing your moves in the ring. So you decide to make things a little interesting; winner gets to boss the loser around for the night. You’re never one to back down from a wager.

Authors note: Okay, the original request was for it to be in a steel cage but I changed it a little bit. I hope it’s still okay though babes! I actually had a friend  ( @bombomiver ) choose the wrestler for this one because I couldn’t pick a wrestler. Plus I love Sami, he’s so adorable!!!!

The smut is probably a bit rushed. I just really wanted to finish the fic quickly and smut isn’t really my speciality. Also I didn’t proof read this, I know it’s ballsy so just ignore the mistakes if there are any.

By the way, ‘tits up’ means failed or gone wrong. It’s a common phrase but people might not know it.

Tagged:

@thephenomenonalkingofthebrogues

@blondekel77

@m-a-t-91

@kyushuprincess

Originally posted by sunshinesamizayn

Keep reading

Why you should fucking love Mikasa Ackerman:

- Badass as hell

- She’s extremely beautiful like just fucking look at her 11/10 most attractive female character of all time she makes straight women say “’god I’d tap that”

- WOC 

- Graduated the top of her class through sheer effort

- Literally described by a top-ranking veteran of the Garrison as a trainee as “worth 100 soldiers”

- Her abs

- She’s so fucking self-conscious of her body like it’s adorable she can kick ass ten ways to Sunday but feels bad that her body is “too manly”

- She

- is

- so

- cute

Originally posted by oozingsurprise

- Flawless in every way

- Actually she has flaws that enhance her realism but she’s still flawless

- She has so much heart it’s ridiculous she cares so fucking much about all her teammates and she risks her life all the time to protect all of them

- She is also highly emotional when she needs to be

- THE CHAPTER 50 FACE

- tHERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO HER THAN HER LOVE FOR EREN AND I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO CHOKESLAM THE NEXT PERSON WHO DEMEANS HER FOR THAT THROUGH THE EARTH’S CORE STRAIGHT TO BEIJING 

- She could literally kick your ass so I wouldn’t be talking too much shit there buddy

- These faces

- She literally smiled when Historia punched Levi like?

- Fucktons of character development

- She’s Mikasa fucking Ackerman and that’s all the reason you need to love her