choice kills

We had just set up camp for the night. My dark elf ranger is on first watch. Everyone else goes to sleep. Suddenly giant fleas begin to attack. I roll a nat 20 and kill them all after they’ve destroyed all our supplies, but nobody wakes up. This happens the next morning.

DM: without food the party starts to go hungry.
Barbarian: Wait what happened to the food??
Wizard: Wait where is Vidarr? (my character)
Me: *shows up carrying a deer* did I ever tell you I was raised in the woods by deer?
Barbarian: Are you telling me we are about to eat Bambi? Because I’m ready.

PSA: Do not actually eat ghosts. They taste like pain.

Context: Our party has just defeated a bunch of ghosts, and the dead ghosts are starting to dissolve.

Fairy OOC: I’M GOING TO EAT THE GHOSTS

Soul Knight OOC: DO NOT EAT THE GHOSTS THAT WILL ONLY LEAD TO SADLY STARING AT A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER AT 2AM

Fairy OOC: FUCK YOU I’M A FAIRY, I’M GONNA EAT THE GHOSTS

DM: Eating ghosts is not one of a fairy’s abilities.

Fairy OOC: *nat 20* IT IS NOW

DM: …Okay, you eat one of the ghosts who’s disappearing more slowly than the others. It tastes like a mixture of human flesh and flavorless ice cream. Also, all fairies can now eat ghosts.

Gunslinger IC: *SCREAMING AND HIDING BEHIND THE SOUL KNIGHT*

Barbarian OOC: Wait, would your character know what human flesh tastes like?

Fairy OOC: I mean they are Chaotic Evil.

Someone: I really like you!

Me: what a Bad Choice but pls don’t stop

  • You: You ship Clarke and Bellamy because you're homophobic!
  • Me, an intellectual: I ship Clarke and Bellamy because they have formed one of the strongest bonds ever created on TV. They rely on and care for each other. When they're together they bring out the best in each other. But sure, call me homophobic for not losing my mind over a chick who left Clarke with no choice but to kill over 300 people.
Reasons I Couldn't Wait for Most Wanted Book 2

- Sam and Dave’s relationship
- Information about Hayley Rose’s death
- What happened after Sam got into Dave’s car instead of going back to Texas
- Cassandra’s history with Dave
- Most Wanted universe connection to The Freshman and Rules of Engagement
- More of Reza, Nikhil and Mirasol (best trio ever)
- Ok srsly I need Book Two bcuz the suspense is killing me

Botany Kills

Context: Our party has been in a cave leading underneath a mountain for a while now, and everything in it seems to be trying to kill us. There’s shadow beings, weird illusions and insanity effects, massive chasms, and other crap that’s terrifying at level three. Especially since no one in the party has a positive strength mod.
And my paladin is an asshole sometimes.

Paladin 1, ooc: I look around for anything edible. Our rations are getting low. (Said paladin is also a passionate botanist, I might add)
*rolls investigation, finds some weird mushrooms*
Paladin 2, me: Don’t touch those-
*Paladin 1 is already rolling a nature check the DM requested to see if they’re edible. He gets a 3*
Paladin 1: They’re safe, guys
*reaches for the tall mushroom. It reaches out a barbed claw from under its cap and slashes at his thigh. Crit success. Deals massive damage to the already-wounded paladin, knocking him unconscious*
Paladin 2: Well fuck. Stay away from the leg grabbing fungi, everyone!
Wizard: Are you going to heal him…?
(The Paladins are the only healers. 1 has just lay on hands. 2 has a lot of healing stuff)
Paladin 2: I mean, he deserved it.
Rogue: Are you kidding me?
Paladin 2: Fine, I’ll heal the guy’s mangled thigh!

Perfectly healthy fat person: *exists* 

Fatphobes: “OMG YOUR LIFE CHOICES ARE GOING TO KILL YOU, DON’T YOU SEE HOW UNHEALTHY YOU ARE? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF”

Gym rat: *gets permanently injured while having bad exercising habits *

Fatphobes: “oh no! poor thing! It was just an accident don’t be so harsh on yourself! You were just doing good to your body! The important thing is that you were happy doing what you love the most!”

7.10 Caryl Spoilers

Carol explains why she had to leave. That if the Saviors killed anyone she would have no choice but to kill them, and if she did that there wouldn’t be anything left inside of her. She then asks Daryl if the Saviors came and if everyone at Alexandria is OK. She’s crying pretty hard by now. So Daryl lies. He tells her Rick made the same deal as Ezekiel with the Saviors, and that everyone is OK. (TSDF)