chocolate meat

The neural network has weird ideas about what humans like to eat

So I’ve been training this neural network to generate cookbook recipes by letting it look at tens of thousands of existing recipes.

The generated titles can get a bit odd.

There’s a creativity variable I can set when the network is generating new recipes, and when I set it low, it comes up with its best guess at the most quintessential recipe titles:

Cream Cheese Soup
Cream Of Sour Cream Cheese Soup
Chocolate Cake (Chocolate Cake)
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
Chocolate Chicken Chicken Cake
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
Chocolate Chips
Chocolate Chips With Chocolate Chips

When I tell it to get creative, things get even weirder.

Beef Soup With Swamp Peef And Cheese
Chocolate Chops & Chocolate Chips
Crimm Grunk Garlic Cleas
Beasy Mist
Export Bean Spoons In Pie-Shell, Top If Spoon and Whip The Mustard
Chocolate Pickle Sauce
Whole Chicken Cookies
Salmon Beef Style Chicken Bottom
Star *
Cover Meats
Out Of Meat
Completely Meat Circle
Completely Meat Chocolate Pie
Cabbage Pot Cookies
Artichoke Gelatin Dogs
Crockpot Cold Water

ULTIMATE "OH FUCK I JUST GOT MY FIRST APARTMENT AND ALL I HAVE IS ONE CHANGE OF CLOTHES AND A THIRD SOCK" CHECKLIST

CLEANING

  • Dish soap
  • Laundry detergent
  • All-purpose cleaner
  • Hand soap
  • Broom
  • Mop
  • Wash cloths / rags
  • Vacuum
  • Dustpan
  • Lint roller
  • Sponges

KITCHENWARE

  • Plates
  • Bowls
  • Spoons
  • Forks
  • Knives
  • Glasses
  • Mugs
  • Tongs
  • Spatula
  • Plastic wrap
  • Ziplock baggies
  • Garbage bags
  • Paper towel
  • Tupperware
  • Ice tray
  • Oven mitts
  • Potato peeler
  • Mixing bowls
  • Frying pan
  • Pot
  • Baking sheet
  • Whisk
  • Stirring spoons / ladels
  • Tea infuser ball
  • Measuring cups
  • Strainer
  • Cutting board
  • Coffee maker
  • Kettle
  • Toaster
  • Magnets
  • Dry erase markers
  • Sticky notes
  • Microwave
  • Wire sponge
  • Trash bin
  • Recycling bin
  • Rubber gloves
  • Silverware organizer
  • Measuring spoons
  • Aluminum foil
  • Wax paper
  • Can opener
  • Bottle opener
  • Containers for salt, sugar, flour, etc.

LIVINGROOM

  • Sofa
  • Rocking chair (you know you want one)
  • Loveseat
  • Coasters
  • Blankets
  • Throw pillows
  • Coffee table
  • Book shelves
  • TV
  • TV stand
  • Floor lamp
  • End table
  • Stereo system / radio

BEDROOM

  • Mattress
  • Box spring
  • Bedframe
  • Linens
  • Sheets
  • Comforter
  • Hangers
  • Laundry hamper
  • Trash bin
  • Curtains
  • Pillows
  • Pillow cases
  • Night table
  • Alarm clock
  • Lamp
  • Dresser
  • Coat rack
  • Desk / vanity
  • Comfy chairs

DININGROOM

  • Dining table
  • Minimum of 2 chairs
  • Coasters
  • Placemat
  • Tablecloth
  • Tea lights /candles and candle holders

BATHROOM

  • Face clothes
  • Towel
  • Soap bar
  • Body wash
  • Shampoo
  • Conditioner
  • Tissues
  • Toilet paper
  • Trash bin
  • Plunger
  • Toilet cleaner
  • Cold, flu, pain, and allergy meds
  • Hydrogen peroxide
  • Antibacterial ointment
  • First-Aid kit
  • Tweezers
  • Nail clippers
  • Band-aids
  • Shower rod
  • Shower curtain
  • Toothbrush
  • Toothpaste
  • Floss
  • Period products
  • Bathmat
  • Air freshener
  • Trash bin
  • Towel rod
  • Towels

MISCELLANEOUS

  • Elastic bands
  • Stapler
  • Stables
  • Paper clips
  • Needles and thread
  • AA / AAA batteries
  • Light bulbs
  • Extension cords
  • Scotch tape
  • Duct tape
  • Shovel
  • Rake (if you have a yard)
  • Stain remover
  • Jar of courters for laundry mat
  • Screw drivers
  • Hammer
  • Nails
  • Sticky tack
  • Screws
  • Box cutter / X-acto
  • Pliers
  • Wrench
  • Pens
  • Paper
  • Pencils
  • Pencil sharpener
  • Eraser
  • Welcome matt
  • Shoe rack
  • Coat rack
  • Flashlight
  • Flashlight batteries
  • Watch batteries
  • Rechargeable batteries and charger
  • Safe place to discard dead batteries
  • Candles
  • Matches
  • Lighter
  • Mini travel fans
  • Real fans
  • Emergency Survival kit
  • Fire extinguisher
  • Landline phone
  • Window air conditioner
  • Carbon monoxide alarm
  • Fire alarm

FOOD STUFF

  • Mustard
  • Ketchup
  • Mayo
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Baking soda
  • Flour
  • Eggs
  • Milk
  • Bread
  • Olive oil
  • Tea
  • Jam
  • Peanut-butter
  • Coffee grounds
  • Cereal
  • Rice
  • Pasta
  • Vegetable soup
  • Tomato sauce
  • Frozen vegetables
  • Crackers
  • Chickpeas / lentils
  • Apples
  • Oranges
  • Granola bars
  • Juice
  • Hot chocolate mix
  • Frozen meats

And since people are having a hard time figuring this out for themselves, let me just say: every single item on this list is OPTIONAL, just look for what you need personally and let others do the same.

father! Vernon

anon requested: “Father!Vernon plz”

  •  Vernon would probably be the softest parent ever
  • imagine him knowing nothing at all about parenting despite having a younger sibling
  • and Sophia is just shaking her head
  • “Oppa, are you sure you can take care of a kid? You can barely take care of yourself.”
  • but she’s super excited to be an aunt
  • and would go shopping with Hansol for stuff or with her sister-in-law
  • because when Vernon goes by himself
  • he’d buy the wrong baby car seat for the car
  • or dog clothes, not baby clothes
  • he’d be a super excited fluffball of an expecting parent, and a clueless mess
  • until someone points him to a first time parenting handbook
  • and he just sits there staring at it like it’s the most incredible thing in the world
  • like ‘They actually write books about how to raise a human?!?!’
  • and he’d read through the first few pages
  • before getting distracted by the pictures
  • of all the cute babies and of the loving parents
  • and would want to go out to buy a bunch of clothes and tiny shoes and tiny socks and tiny shirts
  • just squealing at every cute tiny thing
  • “Are babies really born that tiny?!?!?!”
  • and buying baby toys
  • each of which he will test himself
  • like a rattle, he’ll shake it around before deciding to buy it
  • and then watching a bunch of youtube videos on how to change diapers
  • and vids of mommy vloggers recommending stuff
  • and he’d probably get distracted by other stuff again like an animation for the abc song or something
  • and would think it’s super cute
  • he’s literally a child what can you do
  • would spend weeks freaking out once the delivery date approaches
  • basically asking all the hyungs for advice
  • and asking Chan for advice even though Chan’s younger
  • “Why are you asking me?” Chan would laugh
  • “BECAUSE YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE.”
  • Lots of constant thinking and random questions
  • “Hyung, babies have a hole in their skull you can’t touch right?”
  • “I’m going to call babies from now on small persons, because that’s what they are, they don’t need to be called babies.”
  • “Small people need formula right?”
  • “On second thought babies might be a better term.”
  • Hansol gets death glares from Jihoon
  • and on the delivery date
  • you can imagine twelve boys waiting out in the hospital hallway
  • literally all excited about being uncles basically
  • Seungkwan running up and down the hallway ready to see Hansol’s kid already
  • Joshua just carrying a gift wrapped by Mingyu that they all chipped in to buy
  • until Hansol walks out with a huge goofy grin on his face
  • a high-pitched sound coming out the back of his throat
  • and all of Svt gathers around like
  • “DON’T JUST STAND THERE LIKE A FOOL TELL US WHAT’S HAPPENING VERNON!”
  • “I’M A DAD, I FEEL OLD!!!”
  • “NO HANSOL, BOY OR GIRL?”
  • “IT’S A BOY.”
  • so much screaming happens in the next ten minutes, pretty sure the hospital staff were ready to kick Svt out
  • “WHAT IF HE DEBUTS AS A RAPPER, I’LL BE SO SHOOK, OF COURSE I’LL SUPPORT THEM WHATEVER THEY DECIDE TO DO BUT IMAGINE A MINI-ME!!!”
  • “Baby Decaprio Jr.!!!!”
  • “I’LL TEACH HIM HOW TO DANCE!”
  • and although Vernon is a kind of clueless parent
  • he figures things out his own way
  • can’t change a diaper properly when he’s watching the kid at the studio so he uses the next best thing
  • “MINGYU-HYUNG”
  • always insisting his wife take lots of breaks so he can bond with his son
  • “Yo do you like me or mom better? No we don’t have to tell her ke ke ke.”
  • “Hansol the baby can’t talk yet.”
  • “I know!”
  • the little guy always has his dad and his dad’s twelve friends looking after him
  • “Repeat after me //ahem// uncle Seungkwan is the best, jjang!!!”
  • “He looks just like Hansol.”
  • “You want to watch spongebob with me and your dad, hmm?”
  • Vernon carrying around his son everywhere in one of those baby harnesses he straps to his chest
  • “That’s Woozi-hyung making music, that’s Hoshi-hyung making dance moves, that’s Dokyeom-hyung doing… something silly”
  • even if he isn’t going out, his son is sitting in the harness on Hansol’s chest
  • “Vernon you can’t dance with your kid on your chest.”
  • “Oh yea hang on.”
  • and though he’s a goofball
  • no one could ever deny how much Hansol loves his son
  • always using baby talk
  • and singing random songs in both Korean and English to his kid
  • at the end of a long day, they’d fall asleep together on the couch
  • and when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, Vernon’s panicking
  • “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO SWEETHEART HE’S CRYING.”
  • “pop” is his first word
  • and Hansol is thinking YES POP LIKE DAD
  • but no it’s pop like a bubble pops
  • because every time Hansol imitates a bubble and gets popped by one of the Svt members
  • his son laughs and smiles like crazy
  • “Pop, pop, pop!”
  • Vernon dying every time at the cuteness
  • “You can call me pop, just don’t tell mom.”
  • and when his kid gets a bit older and starts learning stuff
  • Vernon is really surprised at how quickly his son picks up a mix of both Korean and English
  • his son’s sentences are never fully in one language it’s always a mix of both
  • which Joshua laughs at every time
  • Hansol looking up abc raps for his son to listen to in the car
  • and soon the kid starts picking up on Vernon’s mannerisms
  • “He’s literally a tiny you.” Seungkwan laughs pointing at how Vernon and his son stood
  • Hansol likes to go everywhere with his kid, since his son hangs out at the studio with him often since his mom works
  • he’s only six now
  • “Uncle Seungkwan, do you want to get ice cream?”
  • “Uncle Joshua, how do you say 'adventure’ in Korean?”
  • “Uncle Seungcheol, is my dad annoying you?”
  • literally the cutest six year old ever
  • running around the studio looking at everything and asking all the members questions
  • “Daddy! Uncle Woozi played me a bit of mansae, I liked it a lot!”
  • the kid is a goofball too like his dad
  • and Vernon lets him listen to Svt songs all the time
  • “I wrote these lyrics, do you like them?” he’d ask his son
  • “Of course, because you wrote them!”
  • they’d go to the park to play baseball or basketball
  • Hansol carrying his kid on his shoulders to throw the ball into the hoop
  • and then running around like crazy screaming if he makes it
  • “THAT’S MY SON TELL YOUR MOM WE WON THIS”
  • would try to teach his son how to bike and skateboard and roller skate at eight
  • but not before buying all the security gear and elbow/knee guards and keeping a hand tightly around his kids hand
  • Hansol would play music in the park and they’d have a dance party out in the middle of the park
  • not caring what other people thought
  • just enjoying the music
  • “You can dance really well!” Vernon tells his son
  • “Yea, I think I’m better than you dad!”
  • “No way, let’s have a dance battle!”
  • Vernon always worried about his kid
  • when his son needed to start school
  • “DON’T LEAVE ME I’LL BE BORED WITHOUT YOU”
  • “Dad, it’s only like for five hours.”
  • “MAKE LOTS OF FRIENDS AND TELL ME ALL OF THEIR NAMES.”
  • Hansol writing the names of the kids his son plays with and their parents on his hand to remember like he tries remembering fan names
  • “My dad’s a rapper! He sings too! I’m really proud of him!” his son would tell all his friends
  • and man Hansol would be so happy, he’d almost explode
  • and they go everywhere to eat all the food and try all the good stuff
  • “Cheeseburgers, pizza, chicken, meat, chocolate, the necessary foods of a balanced diet.”
  • “What about fruits and vegetables like mom told me?”
  • “I don’t know what mom’s been saying but it isn’t that.”
  • “I like apples though.”
  • watch Hansol go out of his way just to buy like twelve apples just because his kid said he liked them
  • “how do you like them apples”
  • “dad. stop. PLEASE.”

Originally posted by mingyuwu

MASTERLIST

~ admin jess

So here it is! As promised! I know it might look a little overwhelming if you are still new to this, reason why I made the titles I consider essential in bold for each category. I added all the links of the ones that are available on youtube! 

I’ll be updating this page constantly to stay tuned for my new posts and updates! Also if you have any suggestions please just /ask


🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿  LET’S SPREAD THE WORD! 🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿


🐷  ETHICAL REASONS

- Earthlings (youtube)

- 101 to go Vegan (youtube)

- Vegucated (youtube)

- Live and let live

- Peaceable Kingdom (youtube)

- Speciesism: The Movie

- Blackfish (youtube)

- Food INC (youtube)

- Food Chains (not specifically about animals but treatment of humans working for the sector)

- Tyke: Elephant Outlaw

- The Cove (youtube)

- Beyond the Myth: A film about breed discrimination

- More than honey


💪 HEALTH REASONS

- Forks over knives (avalable on netflix,etc.)

- 101 to go Vegan (youtube)

- Plant Pure Nation (from the writers of ‘The China Study’)

- The food we were born to eat: John McDougall - TED TALKS (youtube)

- Fat, sick and nearly dead (youtube)

- Fat, sick and nearly dead 2 (available on netflix, etc.)

- PlanEat

- Making Heart Attacks History: Caldwell Esselstyn (youtube)

- The Engine 2 Kitchen Rescue

- Plant-strong & healthy living: Rip Esselstyn - TED TALKS (youtube)

- Chocolate, Cheese, Meat, and Sugar - Physically Addictive - Talk (youtube)

- Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes in 30 Days (youtube)

- Food Matters

- Fast Food Nation

- Take Out (youtube)

- Super size me (youtube)

- Crazy Sexy Cancer (youtube)


🌍 ENVIRONMENTAL REASONS

- Cowspiracy (youtube)

- Meat the truth (youtube)

- Plastic Paradise (youtube)

elphias  asked:

Hello! I've been thinking about the differences between dogs' and wolves' diets, and how there are so many things that are toxic to dogs but not humans, such as grapes and chocolate. I think I remember seeing you write that those things are harmless to wolves, but I was wondering: are there any foods that have a similarly toxic effect on wolves and not humans? I mean, if someone fed random human food to a wolf in captivity, could they poison it by accident like people sometimes do with dogs?

@thisisclemfandangocanyouhearme Hi! Wolves and dogs have similar digestive systems that are designed primarily to eat meat. 

Chocolate is poisonous for wolves as well, because like dogs, wolves lack the metabolizing enzymes that break down the theobromine and caffeine in it.

I couldn’t find any further proper information about this. If someone knows more about this subject or has a good source, please let me know!

EDIT: I answered that wolves have a more varied diet than dogs, which was meant to be the other way around. Like @vet-and-wild commented: it’s unlikely that two species so similar would have such a varied digestive anatomy that something that is highly toxic to one species would not be to the other, but what it boils down to is that I just can’t find proper sources about this yet.

Rogue One Food Headcanons

Jyn:

-will fight you for candy

-such a sweet tooth it’s not even funny

-she has a secret stash of candy under her bed
*cassian walks in*
“Hey Jyn I wa-”
*Jyn is sitting in a pile of candy wrappers and sugar on her face*
“This is a bad time”

-Her favorite candies are the sour chewy ones cause she can take a punch and sour punch

Cassian:

- don’t talk to him until he’s had coffee. Just don’t.
“I’m so exhausted that I could actually sleep for once”

-he’s a caffeine junkie. Not even for the effect sometimes he just likes soda bubbles

-he’s got a birthday party diet: soda, pizza, cake. It all gives him joy.

-can cook but only does it for really special occasions

Chirrut:

-carefully crafts each meal like its art

-wears his little apron and sings what he’s doing
“Hmmmmm add paprika ohhhhh and feel the flavorika”

-truly he’s the only one with a wholesome diet.
“BAZE EAT YOUR DAMN VEGETABLES”

- minus the fact he has a slight obsession with really rich chocolates

Baze:

-likes meat, cheese, and soup. Man stuff.

-it’s a mystery how his heart is ok with the amount of meat this man consumes

- Cassian: ok who ate the entire pizza
Baze: Burp

- Baze and Ron Swanson are one in the same in this department. BREAKFAST IS LIFE!!!

Bodhi:

-will basically eat whatever is in front of him. How he’s thin? no one knows.

- anything quick he likes. Ramen for breakfast lunch and dinner. Maybe a kids cuisine for dinner instead if he’s feeling fancy.

-just do busy to care about the flavor but will make an exception for spicy foods
*pours hot sauce on kids cuisine*

-nothing is too spicy for him. NOTHING

K-2SO:

- mmmmm oil, gas, bolts and droid stuff

Pancakes

Here I will try and explain pancakes to @sonador-reveur because she has never had them before. 

Definition of a pancake from Wikipedia:

A pancake is a flat cake, often thin, and round, prepared from a starch-based batter that may also contain eggs, milk and butter, and cooked on a hot surface such as a griddle or frying pan, often in oil or butter.

Here are some ways to eat one according to Wikipedia:

They may be served at any time with a variety of toppings or fillings including jam, fruit, syrup, chocolate chips, or meat. In America, they are typically considered to be a breakfast food

Visual Image Help:

There is also a crêpe, which is a type of very thin pancake. Wikipedia explains its origin and where it is predominant. 

The word is of French origin, deriving from the Latin crispa, meaning “curled”. While crêpes are often associated with Brittany, a region in the northwest of France, their consumption is widespread in France, Belgium, Quebec and many parts of Europe, North Africa, and the Southern Cone of South America.

Visual Image Help:

*None of the images are mine. They belong to the World Wide Web*

I hope this helps answer your questions. You should try one or two or three or more. They are good. Source: I had them. 

There are many versions out there. If you have them in any other way, please share these with me and Shikha. Thank you.

7
NaLu Fluff Week: Day 6 - Pregnancy 👶

Dialogue:  

L: Honey~♥

N: Yes?~♥

L: We’re hungry.. Can you make some food for us?♥

N: Of course! What do you want?♥

L: Hmm.. We’re want a fried, pickled, frozen salad…

N: …

L:  with sugar and~ 

N: …

L:  with pieces of meat in chocolate!♥

N: … what the f………

L: hm? Natsu, are you okay?

N: ….yes……

P.S. Aaaaa, my first comics!! uwu

anonymous asked:

Do you ever think that conner prayed to his dad like "i need to get to cali asap, to smooch a son of aphrodite, any help??" And then bam he gets to be at mitchell's side in like less than an hour

“I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

Connor clenched his jaw, focusing on the task before him. “You’ve done it.”

Travis leaned against the doorway, the screen door between the balcony and the inside of their apartment separating them. He raised an eyebrow as he stared down at his younger brother. “Katie was in the hospital for appendicitis. It was an emergency.”

Connor clicked his lighter once again - it was his favorite, a gold and black metal one he’d pickpocketed in Time Square - but it was running low. He’d need to acquire a new one soon.

Connor’s tongue poked out between his teeth as he concentrated. He shifted the black stones into a position to let them breathe better.

“This is an emergency.”

“Really,” Travis’s voice was colored with disbelief, “this is an emergency?”

Connor finally broke his focus, throwing his hands to the air. “It is, okay! It’s really important that I get there, and there’s no last minute flights out there. This is my only option, okay?”

Travis observed him for a long moment before sighing, sliding the screen door back. He rolled his sleeves up, closing the door behind him, and peered over Connor’s shoulder.

“What are you burning?”

Connor nearly fell with relief at his brother’s help. Prayer was stronger when it was together. “Some prime cut from the butcher’s shop, I know he likes it.”

“Did you get -”

“Some Reese’s Cups, yeah.”

Both boys nodded at each other, satisfied. It was a good offering.

Travis used a metal rod to poke at the charcoal, waving at his face to keep the smoke from it. The small grill they kept on their baloney was hardly used to something other than the best bits at the beginning of meals - it would hardly hold the expensive cut of meat Connor had picked up.

Travis tended to the fire as Connor began to peel the plastic back from the meat, the shiny wrappers from the chocolate. Their father, as the entire cabin knew by now, had a certain weakness for the peanut butter cups.

Travis gestured for him to toss in the offerings once the fire was decent, and Connor followed the instruction without question. He wiped his hands off, some of the chocolate already having melted to his fingertips, and grabbed Travis’s extended hand.

And they prayed.

They - Connor in particular - prayed hard, hand-in-hand, chocolate and meat blackening in front of them, filling the hopeful air with burning fragrance.  

“Really,” a new voice rang out, and Connor’s breath caught. “This is an emergency?”

Their father stood in front of them, their small balcony having hardly enough room to fit them all. His arms were crossed, his eyebrow raised, and was giving him the same judgement filled eyes his older brother had turning on him.

Connor threw his hands up, Travis’s own falling from his grip, but couldn’t deny the bubble of relief building inside of him. He gave Connor an amused smirk as the younger boy declared, “It is an emergency!”

“Son,” Hermes rolled his eyes, turning to walk in the apartment. The screen gave him no resistance as he passed through it. “You called me for this?”

Connor huffed out a breath, him and Travis both following him in, actually pulling back the screen door this time. Travis - the smart one of them - remembered to cover the fire, lest burning down their apartment building.

Again.

Hermes was surveying their living space as they came in, inspecting a mold spot with a slightly interested look.

“I think this might be a new species you’ve formed here.” He remarked.

“Nah, that’s just an old PBJ.”

“Delightful.”

“Where’re George and Martha?” Travis asked, perking up. He had a certain fondness for them.

Hermes turned towards their small kitchen, peering into their fridge, opening the cabins. Nosy.

Hermes waved his question off, “Taking a spa day - apparently the stress is getting to them.” His voice was amused as he explained this, reaching out a hand to poke at something in one of their cabinets. The old bag of bread probably. Connor was hoping to base his science fair project off of it.

Travis looked pleased. George and Martha deserved it, honestly.

Hermes finally looked to be finished looking through their apartment, only a single quick look thrown to their mother’s empty room. She would be in…Miami, right now. Or at least in the air above it.

Hermes turned back to him, “You prayed for my precise, what do you need?” Hermes asked, despite already knowing. He probably needed to them ask clearly - godly magic was tricky like that.

Connor let out a breath. “I need you to get me to California. San Francisco, to be precise. I can call an Uber once I’m there just - I need to get there.”

Hermes raised an eyebrow, “And this has to do with Aphrodite’s boy?”

Connor nodded, a bit desperately. “Mitchell. He won some kind of archery award and he was - he was just sad last time we talked that no one could make it to the ceremony for him because Sebastian’s parents are out of town, and Seb himself is sick and -” Connor cut himself off, staring at his hands. “I want to be there for him.”  

There was a beat of silence as Hermes stared at him.

“This isn’t an emergency.” Hermes told him, flipping out his phone, hundreds of notifications already flooding the screen.

Connor sighed, “It’s not in the most traditional sense,” he allowed his father, “but it’s really important. To me.”

There was a long moment of silence as Hermes was turned towards his phone. He gave Travis a desperate look, who shrugged.

Connor tried again, “Please, dad. I - I wouldn’t be asking if this was something I could do on my own.”

The silence fell over them again. Connor began to deflate.

“It’s done,” Hermes suddenly announced, attaching a black block to his phone - something like a square reader but bigger - in a quick, smooth movement. He waited a few moments before a long ticket began printing itself. He ripped the paper off, holding out to Connor.

Connor stumbled forward to take it, staring down at it. “What - what is it?”

“Your tickets,” Hermes focused back on his smartphone, sliding through a few apps. “Simply write your destination - be descriptive, we don’t need another Paris, Texas incident - on the front, black or blue pen, no pencil it confuses the magic - and light it on fire. Use one half to get there, the other half to get home.” Hermes gave him a stern look, “I expect you to be in school by Wednesday.”

“We have school on Monday and Tuesday.” Connor told him, a bit numb.

“I know,” Hermes shrugged, sliding his phone back into his pocket. “You’re young. You’re not going to miss anything life changing by missing a few days of school.”

Connor stumbled forward again, this time throwing his arms around the taller man’s shoulders. Hermes tensed, unsure for a moment, before relaxing, his hand coming up to pat his back.

Hermes had been trying, since the war. Since Luke.

It was ridiculous how grateful Connor could feel about that.

“Thanks, dad.” He muttered into his father’s suit, probably wrinkling the no doubt expensive fabric. Silk, maybe. Armani, definitely.

Hermes was nodding as Connor pulled away, his own eyes probably red. Hermes cleared his throat, still nodding, and pulled out his phone. Connor looked back, and Travis was grinning proudly.

“I have to be going,” Hermes told them, tapping out something on his phone. He gave them another look, “Don’t get into trouble you can’t get out of, you two. I can only manipulate so many police records before your mother gets suspicious.”

Travis finger-gunned at the older man, “No promises.”

“Thanks, dad.” Connor swallowed against the tightening of his throat.

He held up his hand in a quick gesture of goodbye, and that was it.

And, in moment to the next, he was gone. There was no theatrical display of smoke or light, just a slight shifting of air as mass that was previously occupied began empty, and the air adjusted accordingly so.

Travis clasped his hand over his shoulder, “Gonna surprise him?”

Connor was already nodding - they both had a probably worrying love for surprises. Travis accepted this, grinning, and headed towards the kitchen. Outside, the fire had burnt out the moment Hermes had disappeared.

“Oh, sweet.” Travis grinned, bending down to look closer inside their fridge. “Dad got us groceries.”

“Hot cheetos?” Connor asked hopefully, staring down at the ticket in his hands.

“Like, five bags. Oh, and my favorite pringles. Nice.”

“Nice,” He agreed, holding the ticket to his chest for another moment.

Looks like he had to pack.

-

Hermes does the exact thing my mother does when she visits my brother and I - meaning, opening every single cabinet, looking in the fridge, opening all the drawers. Idk mom. Idk. also i live with a gross adult boy. he’s disgusting and the moldy bag of bread is a nightmare i have weekly. 

Also I just really want Hermes to be a good dad ok. ok. let me have this. 

Mitchell cried when he saw his boyfriend in the front row, nearly taking the whole thing up with the filled chairs of gifts beside him. it was cute as hell. 

Hannigam Nutella fic 2

Following up from this prompt of Will catching Hannibal secretly eating Nutella at night.  For @fuggles who asked for “Nutella but instead of toast to spread it on, it’s fried human skin.”  Sorry this took so long, but I had to think about it!  Also, literally within five minutes of finishing this, I came across this post.  FATE.

~ ~

The Nutella became something of a contentious joke between them after that.  Will put it on whatever he could, simply to watch Hannibal’s reaction and silently remind him that he had caught Hannibal eating it.  Hannibal never touched it again.

Will ate Nutella with toast, gourmet crackers, a croissant, even celery sticks once.  And when Hannibal was up to fixing meals again, Will developed the habit of wandering into the kitchen when Hannibal was cooking, and saying, “I bet some Nutella would go great with that.”

If looks could kill, Will would have been dead the first time he suggested that Hannibal’s whipped banana pie might benefit from the chocolate spread.  Will found it hilarious, and began to suggest Nutella no matter what Hannibal was cooking, from trout to casseroles.

Eventually, they moved on from the cabin where they had been convalescing and hiding, and made it to one of Hannibal’s safe houses.  Longer after that, they began hunting together, and Hannibal began cooking with the meat he preferred.

One day Will came into the kitchen to find Hannibal frying something in a pan.  It looked like bacon, yet… not exactly.

Will raised an eyebrow. “What is that?”

“A type of pork rinds,” Hannibal said.

“I’m guessing with a very generous definition of ‘pork’.”

Hannibal smirked.

Will eyed the pan again. “So, that’s actually just like… skin?”

“Yes.”

Will wasn’t sure what Hannibal was planning on doing with it, but as it was, it lacked the appetizing look of some of his other dishes.  He snorted. “You know what would go great with that? Some Nutella.”

Will turned and moved to the fridge, just as Hannibal said, “I dare you.”

Will wasn’t sure what had prompted Hannibal, but he was hardly one to back down from a challenge. He dug out the Nutella jar and handed it to Hannibal.  Hannibal finished frying the skin, and set a small piece to cool on a plate.  He took a knife and spread the Nutella over it, and then held the dish out to Will.

When Will didn’t immediately take it, Hannibal said, “Come now, Will.  You are always suggesting that Nutella would improve my cooking. Shall we put it to the test?”

It was truly the most unappetizing thing Hannibal had ever presented to him, and Will felt that was by design. Will glared at Hannibal, but bravely plucked the meat off the plate and put it in his mouth.

The taste was as wrong as he had expected it to be—spicy and sweet, chocolate and meat.  Will had a sour look on his face as he chewed as quickly as possible; Hannibal had a Cheshire Cat grin.  Will swallowed, and the flavor lingered unpleasantly.  It wasn’t one he was likely to forget anytime soon.

He resisted the urge to shudder.  “I never want Nutella again.”

“Excellent,” Hannibal said.

“I hate you,” Will said.

Hannibal just smiled again. “No, you don’t.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” Will lunged forward, catching Hannibal by the back of the head and smashing their mouths together.  He made sure to add tongue.  The horrified sputtering Hannibal made was well worth it.

Will stepped back, a smile on his own lips.  “You play, you pay.”

“Indeed,” Hannibal said, actually wiping his mouth off.  “Perhaps we can agree that both Nutella the subject of it should be dropped?”

“Agreed,” Will said, throwing the jar in the trash.  “Now, what are we actually making for dinner?  Because I sure as hell need a palate cleanser.”

01h50min  asked:

6 👀

If you could have lunch with one of the characters, who would you pick and what would you have?

This thing Bum cooked (spicy tofu soup?) looks pretty good. I’d like to have some of this.

Alternately, I’d just feed him up as much as I could. Like, Big Macs and fries and chocolate shakes. Put some meat on those bones.