chocolate golem

Context: My friend and I are playing a pre-made one off campaign, he’s the DM and I’m playing a Barbarian.  So far I murdered at least 30 kobalds, almost banged and Elf Queen, and killed a chocolate golem. I pressed forward.

DM: Again the heavy stone door opens easily, but this time 

the large chamber before you is filled with the trappings
of life—rich trappings in fact, silks, fine woods, expensive
furniture and two very attractive wome…, not women on a
bed, most definitely not women on the bed. But even with
skin similar to an alligator’s, eyes those of a cat, and long
nails hard as iron you find yourself strangely aroused yet
utterly repelled at the same time.
You have but a moment to assess the situation before
the two harridans pounce from their bed with foul and
incomprehensible shrieks, their claws seeking out your
sensitive places…

Me (OOC): Don’t fucking kink shame me campaigner writer!

dnearn  asked:

Re: Band Inspired World. I'd like to see a world inspired by Mariachi Bands. This game needs more trumpets and sombreros. And a cheerful, non-apocalyptic Day of the Dead. And golems inspired by mexican cuisine. Okay fine, just the Chocolate Golem.