chocolate adonis

Criminal Minds s02e12 Profiler, Profiled review - or more aptly named, the episode where I totally lose my shit over Shemar Moore/Derek Morgan/whatever the fuck he wants to name himself because this man is perfection and I think I found my soulmate and I don’t care that he’s 21 years my senior.

Episode 12 – Profiler, Profiled

Okay, okay, okay. So I’m a little bit excited about this one. I admit, I was naughty and I went a bit on IMDB and oh my god we’re getting a background story on my chocolate Adonis! Oh my god, I’m so happy I could cry.

Okay, okay. Cooling it down. Because it’s Criminal Minds, so it may just be something awful, and I really don’t want to think about that either.

Let’s see what happens.

Oh my god, Spencer just waiting on that battery holder is just the most precious thing ever! Ic an’t with Gubler! I love you! Even his high-pitched excited voice is the cutest thing ever.

Oh my god! It just went off like a rocket and hit Emily straight in the forehead!!!!!!!!!

I can’t with this show. It is so beyond amazing. I love it!

“Don’t you recognize a rocket when you see one?” Penelope, you bad, bad girl.

“It will not do you any good to argue with him.”

Hahahaha, oh my god, Emily’s excitement level is amazing.

And of course it lands at Hotchner’s feet.

“Really starting to get some distance on those.” Did Aaron Hotchner just make a joke?

Awwww! My babycakes is such a momma’s boy and he goes every year to Chicago for his mom’s birthday? I love him. I love him. I can’t stress this enough – I LOVE DEREK MORGAN!

Wait. Whose grave is Derek standing at?

Okay. Derek doing shopping with a woman is too hot.

And those guys look like trouble. Just because Derek is on red alert. Okay? Just because of that.

Desiree, listen to Derek.

Why is that guy always taking pictures of him? I mean, I’d be sweet on Derek, too, but come on. That’s a bit stalkery.

And Desiree better watch her back with this Rodney and his thugs, ugh, I hate them already.

Why is he dogging on Damian? He’s just as good as James. They’re just kids. That’s not nice.

Hey! What the hell? They’re friends, come on.

I love Derek interacting with kids. It’s the most precious thing ever.

That old guy looks awful. Ugh. I really don’t like him.

Awwww!!!! So they are half-and-half? I love them so much. He has two sisters. Turns out he can’t cook for his life. And he’s still his mom’s baby boy. I love Derek so much.

Wait. Is that a dead boy? Is that Damien? Oh my god.

Oh my god, Derek is the most thoughtful being on the planet. He got a remote starter for his momma’s car so it would be nice and warm when she steps out to get into it? Oh my god.

Oh my god, she’s already hounding on him for grandbabies? Oh that is precious.

I hate the look on that man’s face.

Wait what?

He’s gonna arrest Derek? For what? He thinks he killed Damian? What the fuck is going on here?

Oh my god, baby boy, don’t worry, everyone will come and help you. I swear it. Or I’m gonna get in there and kick some ass.

Cory Doctorow: “All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That’s in the nature of secrets.” Whoa. That just became scary. Is Derek’s past scary? I don’t want to be scared by my hunk of chocolatey goodness.

So they already called Hotch? Above Derek’s head? That’s not right.

Come on Hatch, rally the troops, and head to Illinois. Come on!

“Slept like a baby myself. Didn’t even wanna get out of bed.” “Really. So that wasn’t your donut-eatin’ ass on the other side of that glass all night, then, huh?” oh Derek, I love you so much, but you need to be careful.

Also, apparently him and Gordinski go way back to Derek’s youth? Was Derek a bad boy that had to be punished? Oh boy.

So that’s the guy who’s been following Derek? Damn.

What. He gave the kid a ride home and he was killed? Oh shit.

They think he killed Damien? No!

God, I hate Gordinski already.

What? A profile Gideon put together led Gordinski to Morgan? No. No.

Oh my god, so by just being an amazing person, Morgan accidentally put himself directly as the main suspect for the profile that Gideon put together for Gordinski? I knew I hated that fat old white man.

Wait. So he saw his father dead at the age of ten? Oh my baby boy! I love you so much!

And he just stumbled on the dead body, my poor baby.

He collected money to bury the kid. And he just put the date on the headstone cuz he never knew who he was. And every time he comes home to Chicago he visits him. Damn.

Hold up, let’s do math. Derek was 15 in 1991. It’s 2006 when this episode airs. Quick math here. They made Derek six years younger than Shemar. He’s 30 now, in season 2, I mean. Dang.

Oh god, he had a criminal record? Oh my baby.

And this Gordinski is definitely desperate to nail Derek’s ass to the wall. And I wish that was a fun way to describe him being hot for him.

“Okey-doke,” oh Emily, I love you so very much.

Aaron Hotchner just called Morgan a suspect. No. Uh-uh. Not happening. Not on my watch. Clean that mouth, Hotch.

Wait. It was expunged. Derek is right. Hotchner had no right to bring it to him and start accusing him. Scratch that, Gordinski had no right to bring this to Hotch or Gideon.

Victimology? Are you kidding me? Check your mouth, Hotch.

Oh wow. Shemar is the most amazing actor ever! He just went into panic mode. And I love him so much. I love Derek, I love Shemar, I love those guys for making this series and hiring him.

Hey, Sarah, no need to use that language in Momma Morgan’s house, kay?

Reid, you’re not helping the case here. Just shut the fuck up.

“He’s not actually saying we believe Derek’s involved in this.” Emily to the rescue. Lol. And Reid’s like, totally backpedaling and going – “speaking theoretically.” Oh my god, I love those two.

Aw! Derek talks about him? Baby!!!!!

Ooh, Sarah is feisty. I love her.

Okay, I feel bad about poking into Derek’s life, too, Garcia, but if you don’t do this, he’s going away, and we can’t have that, now can we, baby girl? Aw, he graduated college with honors, he was a star athlete, injured his knee, wait, I thought Shemar injured it in baseball? Maybe they changed Derek’s story. I don’t know. And then there’s the whole bit on finding the body in 1991. Yikes.

Wait. Derek’s dad tried to stop a robbery, was shot, and Derek was with him, and watched him die? What? What the actual fucking fuck? Oh my poor baby, I love you for evermore.

Carl Buford? He runs the youth center. Mentored Derek. Hmm. I’m suspicious.

Oh Garcia, you special precious snowflake. Unseal the file, you are trying to help angel fish, okay? Helping him.

Hold up, the guy who recommended that the case be thrown out of court, an upstanding member of the community, on whose recommendation Derek’s files have been expunged, has just walked into the CPD with Damien’s mother? Well, that’s a coincidence.

Good. Gideon told Morgan the truth. Great. But Gordinski had preconception of guilt. Ugh.

I’m totally with Derek. When you work with people so much and you’re practically living in each other’s asses with how close you have to be to each other, the one thing you’re desperate for is a private life. I’m totally in agreement. Find the fucker who killed Damien and those other boys and lock him the fuck up.

Wow, Buford’s office is pretty decorated. Yikes.

Aww, James is so cute!

So after hearing about Derek, they just take the detective’s word for it, and he feels terrible about helping him get those files expunged? Buford, you are one asshole.

So this Gordinski asshole is telling everyone that he has multiple evidence to convict Derek, even though there is none, and they just take his word for it. You sick, sad, fat, asshole. I’m fat, too, but this is about hate. Okay? I spent the last month or so falling in love with Derek, with his incredible character that this show has built, and now this asshole is coming in and trying to take it all away from me, I want to tear him piece by piece, till I get down to his very core and just take a steak knife and stab him in wherever it hurts, but still keep everything that makes him feel working so he can feel it.

Oh my god, I am so sorry you guys! That last phrase was totally out of line. I know Derek is a fictional character, but I get emotionally attached to Shemar in whatever he does. And I guess it got to me more than I thought. I’m sorry!

“Derek had a way of charming people into looking past his deficiencies.”

Okay, that’s enough. It’s official. I hate Carl Buford. Derek is perfect! Okay? Even his deficiencies are perfect, and you can go rot in hell, you sad, twisted old man. I bet you had everything to do with this and I can’t wait to find out what you did. You ASSHOLE!

Oh shit. I’m sorry again! Fuck. What is wrong with me?

Oh my freaking goodness. Derek’s terrified face when he heard Carl’s name. I KNEW IT! Shit. I am going to stab that little … oh my god! Here I go again! What the fuck! Oh my god, Criminal Minds has totally twisted with my brain, just because they hired this perfect chocolate bonbon that I just want to … okay, this is gonna escalate into something NSFR (Not Suitable For Reading) real quick if I don’t get a grip on myself.

11 minutes till the episode ends. *Deep breaths* I can do this.

I am seriously scared right now. How the hell did that name get Derek so worked up? Damn.

Wait what? Derek escaped? Oh damn.

So now he’s an escaped convict. Fuck.

Sneaky Morgan is hot.

Wait. Buford took him on trips? Oh no. Oh no. Please no.

Oh shit. He took all the star players to a cabin. Up in Wisconsin. For ‘fishing’. Oh honey, no, no, no.

Shit. Buford fucking molested Derek as a kid? Oh my god, my baby! I am going to kill that fucking Carl and shove my fist so far up his ass….

Oh god. Shemar is such an amazing actor, I can’t even deal with all of those emotions I’m having right now.

Carl, you fucking bastard. Please let Derek at him.

Oh my god, Derek is about to cry, and he’s crying, and I can’t handle this! I can’t! oh shit. This is the one thing I thought I’d never have to see, and I love him and I can’t handle watching people I love cry.

“You could have said no.” Really? Really Carl? You are going down. And I am not even sorry for seeing this.

I love you Shemar, Derek, whoever, both of you. Oh my god.

Oh my god, that last scene at the graveyard nearly broke me. So beautiful.


Okay, had to get that out, sorry. This episode was just one emotional roller coaster, and I fucking hate those shitty things, what pleasure can you derive from going against gravity’s will and just hanging upside down in mid-air strapped to something that could just as easily let you escape and fall and plummet to death?

So. We found out more about Derek’s past, and sure, it’s dark as his delicious lickable skin, but it just makes me love his character even more! I love him so fucking much! He’s a family man, a good man, and I love him forever. Now. Let’s talk about Shemar fucking Moore for just one hot damn second. This is probably the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my entire damn life. What the fuck do they teach them in California in acting school? Cuz hot damn! He just had me emotionally involved with just his expressive eyes and his facial expressions and his yummy body and just … everything. But maybe that’s me, cuz I get attached to the eyes quickly. That’s why I fell in love with Darren Criss in season 2 episode 16 of Glee when Blaine finally realized he was in love with Kurt. But that’s beside the point. My whole point is – I LOVE THIS SHOW AND I LOVE SHEMAR AND I LOVE DEREK AND I LOVE THIS AMAZING THING THAT I FOUND ABOUT THROUGH MY BROTHER AND I WANT TO THANK HIM FOR ETERNITY AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE OTHER EPISODES AND SEASONS HAVE IN STORE.

Till next time XD <3

Secrets and Jealousy

Rating: T
Imagine: Imagine a guy trying to impress you by pretending he is an FBI agent. Hotch witnesses this and becomes so jealous he kisses you in front of everyone after showing off his authentic badge.
Notes:  Basically you’ve been dating Hotch for almost two years but no one knows about it. You go to a bar with the team and a guy hits on you causing Hotch to get jealous and out you to everyone. This got incredibly long and I had to cut out a lot. I was going to include what happened when you and Hotch got home which got way steamier than I was intending. So, if you guys want I can submit that in a different post. So, yeah. Hope you guys like it. Sorry about the length, I get too wordy.

Keep reading


Prompt: Derek Morgan x Reader Hey could you write a Drabble about Morgan getting jealous of you touching, flirting, and complimenting spencer.. When you guys get home he punches a hole in the wall.. And fluff

A/N: Well I took a century to finally write this, but hey it’s finally getting posted. Thanks for being patient with me! 

“That shade of purple goes great with your skin tone,” you say giving Spencer’s shoulder a squeeze as you walked to your desk across from Derek.

Spencer gave you a small smile and said, “Thanks, (Y/N).”

You had been slightly flirting with Spencer lately because you loved how jealous it made Derek. It was great to watch Derek get frustrated when you flirted with the genius, and you knew it was all because Derek was so used to being the center of flirting. What Derek didn’t know is that you and Spencer had made an agreement a few weeks back.


“Hey, Spencer, can I ask you a huge favor? I’m only asking because you’re my best friend,” you quickly rambled out to Spencer one morning.

He laughed and said, “Sure. Anything you need.”

“Can I flirt with you in front of Derek?” you asked bluntly.

Confusion quickly plastered across his face as he asked, “If you have feelings for him, why would you want to flirt with me?”

You sighed and explained, “I’m tired of waiting for him to make the first move, and I refuse to be the one to make the first move. I thought flirting with you would maybe make him jealous.”

“Fair enough,” Spencer said nodding, “Like I said, anything for my best friend.”

*End Flashback*

You continued flirting with Spencer throughout the day. You had to admit, the current scheme you were running had helped to improve Spencer’s flirting skills. He had even managed to get a girl’s number while at his favorite coffee shop.

You sighed in frustration as Derek left to get more coffee. Your plan had worked well in Spencer’s behalf, but it seemed like you weren’t making any headway.

Eventually, Derek spoke up when Spencer was out of the room saying, “So you got a thing for Pretty Boy?”

You could tell that his tone wasn’t full on joking so you said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about Derek. You know that Spencer’s my best friend.”

“Sure he is,” you heard Derek say under his breath.

You spent the rest of the day hoping to catch Derek’s eye to try and read his thoughts. The team may have had an agreement to not profile each other, but you could tell that something wasn’t quite right with Derek.

Eventually the day came to a close. Slowly the team started to head home to their families or various other plans. Penelope ventured her was into the bullpen to ask Derek if he wanted to go out to a club or see a movie.

“Nah, Baby Girl, I’m just headed home tonight,” he said lamely, “I’m tired and just want to go to bed.”

That being said he grabbed his bag and headed out to the elevator. Penelope turned to you with her eyebrows raised as if you knew what was going on with her chocolate Adonis.

“Sit,” you told her.

As Penelope sat down, you sighed and said, “Over the past few weeks, I’ve been bluntly flirting with Spencer to try and make Derek jealous. I’m crazy about him, but I didn’t want to make the first move. I thought if Derek got jealous enough, he might finally ask me out.”

“And instead of your little plan working in your favor, you managed to piss off Derek instead,” Penelope concluded.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” you replied groaning.

Penelope laughed and said, “You should know by now that Derek doesn’t do jealous well. Go to his place, and talk to him. Just have it out with him already.”

You nodded and finished working on the final file on your desk. You glanced at your watch knowing that by now Derek would be back at his place. You grabbed your belongings and practically jogged out to your car. You may have exceeded the speed limit just a bit on your way over to Derek’s place, but you couldn’t wait for this much longer.

When you arrived you knocked on his door hoping to find him in a good mood after you had pissed him off so badly at work.

“(Y/N), what are you doing here?” he asked in an almost shocked tone.

“We need to talk, Derek,” you said gently pushing past him into his apartment.

As you walked over to his couch, you noticed a hole in a wall. You glanced over at Derek and saw that he had bandaged his hand.

“What did you do?” you said though your tone was much more accusing than you meant it to be.

“Nothing,” he mumbled.

“Derek, talk to me,” you said walking up to him.

He sighed and said, “I was mad. Well, jealous really. Since when do you have a thing for Spencer?”

“I don’t,” you said deciding that you might as well fully reveal the truth of the matter, “I was flirting with Spencer to make you jealous. Derek, I have had feelings for you for a long time, and Penelope already told me that you feel the same way. I just got tired of waiting for you to make the first move, so I thought I’d help move things along.”

Derek didn’t speak. He closed the space between the two of you and pulled you close to him. With his uninjured hand, he traced your jawbone lifting your chin up. He slowly pressed his lips to yours moving his hands down to your waist. The kiss was nothing like you would have expected from Derek. He was gentle and soft. As soon as you ran your tongue across his lips, the kiss instantly turned passionate. He picked you up by your waist so that you could wrap your legs around his waist.

You broke apart though you began trailing hot, sloppy kisses on his neck as you whispered, “Derek, bedroom.”


As Penelope began explaining the case the team was about to embark on, you never once looked down at the case file. Your eyes were all for Penelope. Dating her, even in secret, was a wonderful thing. She was the most beautiful and unique person you knew, and you counted yourself lucky everyday that you were with her-

“Is there anything else you could tell us, Sugar Momma?”

“Not at the moment, Chocolate Adonis, but once I return to my lair, I’ll dig you up something tasty.”

Your thoughts froze and you frowned. Strange, it wasn’t until now did you feel jealous over Penelope’s and Morgan’s flirtatious banter. The technical analyst looked to you, smiling, but her smile faltered when she saw your grimace. As the team got up and prepared to leave, she came up to your side. “What’s up?” She asked with wide eyes.

You let the room empty out before sighing and looking down. “It’s just…how you just talked with Morgan. I don’t know, it got me a little-”

“Jealous?” Penelope finished with a gasp. “Oh, sweetie, no! It’s just how we work! And we’re like best best best friends, nothing will ever happen. And-”

“I know, I know.” You interrupted with a small smile. “I was stupid to get jealous. I don’t even know why I did.”

The technical analyst quickly lunged forward to wrap you in hug, and you laughed out loud at this, though you had to silence yourself quickly. The team was downstairs. “I should go. The team will be wondering where I am.”

“Call me when you land.” Penelope ordered, not releasing you yet, and she only let go when you agreed. You had no reason to be jealous, especially because of Morgan.

Requested by Anon~

Too Hot, Hotch Damn

Title: Too Hot, Hotch Damn
Rating: T (Maybe T+ but I don’t think there’s anything that bad.)
Prompt/Summary: There was an imagine for telling Garcia Hotch put’s the “Hot” in Hotchner and for Hotch to pick the reader up from a bar after they’ve been drinking. This fulfills both.
Trigger Warning: Alcohol consumption? Also the reader thinks they’re being rejected but it is resolved.
Word count: About 3000
Multishot: No?

Keep reading


“What was all that about?” JJ asked, smirking at you suggestively.

You felt yourself blushing slightly, “It’s nothing, I had a bad day, he helped me feel better.”

“Oooohh…” JJ raised her eyebrows and you rolled your eyes slightly.

“It wasn’t like that.” you scolded, punching her arm lightly.

Garcia bustled over, immediately taking up a seat next to you, “What is this I hear about some juicy gossip involving our very own [f/n] [l/n] and a certain chocolate Adonis?”

“Nothing happened!” you protested, ears burning. “We had a moment, that’s all!”
“What sort of moment?” Garcia pressed and JJ laughed.

“A moment! Shame on you for having such dirty minds!”

“That’s the best type!”

*not my gifs

Secrets and Jealousy

Title: Secrets and Jealousy 
Author: reidemption
Rating: T
Imagine: Imagine a guy trying to impress you by pretending he is an FBI agent. Hotch witnesses this and becomes so jealous he kisses you in front of everyone after showing off his authentic badge.
Notes:  Basically you’ve been dating Hotch for almost two years but no one knows about it. You go to a bar with the team and a guy hits on you causing Hotch to get jealous and out you to everyone. This got incredibly long and I had to cut out a lot. I was going to include what happened when you and Hotch got home which got way steamier than I was intending. So, if you guys want I can submit that in a different post. So, yeah. Hope you guys like it. Sorry about the length, I get too wordy.

Part 2 is here.

Keep reading


Episode 01 – Mayhem

Okey-dokey. So I’m gonna start prefacing by saying that I have no idea how people handled season three’s finale and not just stormed down the doors of the Criminal Minds offices. Because holy shit, how dare they finish a season like that and force people to wait an entire summer for the new season? ASSHOLES!

So here we go.

Who cares about “previously on Criminal Minds”??? I want to see who was in the car!

Okay. So Hotch is alive. Okay….

Shit. Kate was with him in the car. Fuck.

I really don’t like her, but that doesn’t mean I want her to explode. Shit.

Oh, Hotch, you are seriously putting yourself in danger to save her? Oh god.

Who’s that? Is that Kate?

Oh thank god, she’s still alive.

Kate, listen to Aaron, he’s good. He’ll take care of you.

Oh god, now Aaron has to tell her that she can’t move her legs at all. Fuck.

Wait. They told the response team not to come? Oh god.

Ernest Hemingway: “Never think that war, no matter how necessary nor how justified, is not a crime.” Amazing guy.

Oh thank god, poodle is okay.

Why did my poodle just double the number of the suicide bombers?

Oh god. They’re going to hit the second wave of emergency responders so they’re setting off two bombs. Fuck.

Thank god, my goddess is fine, too. Fuck.

OH THANK YOU FUCK! My baby is okay.

I love you so much, Derek, how you’re concerned for your family. Keep him posted, goddess. Come on.

Good, Emily is okay.

Wait, why did JJ’s mobile go to voicemail?

Why are they blinking off my screen?

Oh my baby freaking out about not being able to contact them, baby, it will be fine.

Oh thank fuck, JJ is okay.

Oh honey, I love you.

But the car went off before they even made it into the car. Fuck.

Oh wow. I haven’t seen Garcia flip out this much in a while. So amazing.

So terrible, but amazing.

Oh I love her mind. She’s initially freaking out because it involves people she loves, and then she’s like, wait, they need me to analyze the shit out of this to solve this and to get everyone into a safe zone so I better get my shit together. In the zone.

Amazing lady.

“Get out of my face, or I’ll have you bodily removed, agent.” WHAT?

Fuck you, damnit!

You assholes! Hotch is screaming there, and you’re not letting Morgan get there? FUCK YOU!

“I don’t give a damn what your orders are.”

Oh thank god. Thank god Derek is so emotional. Fuck.

What? The bastard watched the explosion? Fuck you.

Oh god, the guy who came to Hotch was the guy who did the explosion? Fuck. Get them on the line, Penelope. Quick.

Oh thank god, Morgan go to them.

Oh I love how he’s concerned for civilians and trying to help Hotch all at the same time. My perfect man.

Oh thank god, she informed hot stuff. Thank god.

Oh thank god Garcia can contact them and tell them that Hotch and Derek are alive. Shit. Please tell me that the kid is down.

Get him, baby!

Whoa. That guy is in a panic and literally shoving people to the ground? Asshole.

“Show your face, you son of a bitch!”

Um, I never heard Shemar say ‘bitch’, and I know it’s serious, but it’s hot to hear him curse.

Can I just say something? Derek’s instincts are so amazing. He’s moving through carts, looking for this asshole kid who just blew up his boss’s car, and he makes sure he closes the door of the cart so he can hear if anyone is coming up behind him. Damn.

Oh, and just so you know? This is going to be long too, I haven’t even reached 20 minutes into the episode. Whoever is reading this is amazing.

Fuck this is terrifying.

Wait. Why didn’t he close that one? Oh, he closed the one behind it, okay. (I’m talking about the doors)

Wait. Hold up. Is Derek seriously hunting this asshole down the subway track? Oh shit. That’s dedication, right there.

“Show me your face, you coward!” I love you so much, Derek. Come on.

Shit. He’s there. He’s actually fucking there and watching Derek. Damn.

Can I just say that the array of emotions on Shemar’s face is seriously driving me nuts? Like, both sexually and emotionally, this man has got the whole caboodle.

Why is that idiot walking barefoot on the track? Is he insane?

Wait. That kid electrocuted himself on the track? Oh damn.

At least hot stuff is okay.


“Kate’s SUV – none of the shootings were anywhere near it.”

Personal? Why would you think that, JJ?

I’m so confused.

Wait. So because of the emergency they are redirecting the emergencies to a different hospital? What part of emergency makes them think it’s okay to move it to a different locale? That’s the whole point of an emergency, it has to be dealt with immediately, with emergency! Fuck you, secret service.

Thank fuck.

I mean, not thank fuck, cuz she’s crashing, but thank fuck that alerted them to the exigence of the situation.

Did Aaron just collapse? Oh my god.

“Morgan’s safe.”

Best two and a half words I’ve ever heard in my life.

Wait. So because 9/11 was memorable, they accomplished virtually nothing, yet murdered eight people, shot a cop, sent two federal agents to the hospital, put my baby boy at risk, and yet they aren’t finished? FUCK YOU!

Aaron, put your white ass down on the bed and lie down so they can take care of you.

Listen to Morgan.

God, Hotch freaking out and trying to get things done and not feeling helpless is so heartbreaking.

Also, if I were him, I’d do whatever Morgan was telling me to do. You did NOT see how he handled that fucker in the subway and you do not want to make Morgan angry, well, unless you’re roleplaying in bed, then it’s different ;)

Wait, Hotch and Kate were a diversion?


“I think the idea was to maim, not to kill.”

Well, that’s comforting.

“One target, one bomb.”

So why the multiple unsubs, pretty man? I’m confused.

So the fucker lied to Hotch about calling 911, well, that was obvious the minute they understood he was the asshole.

And the number he called went dead after he died? What the fuck is going on here?

Shit. They’re sitting ducks in the hospital? Oh my god. Get them out of there, Hotch. Quick.

Oh god. It’s the fucking medic who got Kate and Hotch to the hospital. Shit.

“Hey, who you got in here?’

“Why is that information important to you?”

Because my baby boy cares about everybody and you’re a dick, that’s why.

“There’s a bomb in it.”

Yup. They have a bomb in their basement. Shit.

Get Garcia on the job. Come on.

Wait. Morgan went alone to find the ambulance? WHAT?


Who the fuck are they protecting?


“Yeah, baby.”

“You sound stressed.”

“Do I?”

“Where are you?”

“Not where I wanna be right now.”

Damn straight. About to discover a bomb and trying to diffuse it, is not an exciting locale.

Why did the asshole just empty his gun into that elevator? Who did he kill? And why did he make sure they were dead by firing off another shot? Oh god.

“Garcia take this down for me, FDNY 108.”

“That’s an ambulance. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just track it for me.”

I’m not so sure, baby.

Baby, please, leave the bomb alone and wait for everyone. Please, please, don’t do this. You don’t always have to be the hero.

I mean, I love you for it. But no.

“Garcia, how long can you keep jamming the cell phone lines?”

“A few minutes, max. Why?”

“’Cause I’m gonna have to get this ambulance out of here.”

“Or you could just evacuate the building like everybody else.”

Yes. Good. Listen to Garcia.

“No. As soon as the airwaves are clear, this thing’s going up.”

“Going up? Oh, my god, that’s like three minutes, ‘cause that’s when the satellite moves position.”

Oh my dear lord.

“Garcia, listen to me.”

“I need you to find an area of town I can drive this thing, and you need to tell everybody, and I mean everybody, that I’m coming, you hear me?”

Oh my god. He’s going to drive the car in three minutes out of NYC? That’s insane!

“All right, talk to me, Garcia.”

“Okay, head north. And floor it. I’ll tell you where to turn.”

Oh damn.

Oh god, he got out of the hospital. He got out of the hospital, the fucking moron found him and tried to fire at the ambulance, but he got away. Thank god.

Thank you for giving my poodle a gun. Seriously, guys?

“How am I doing, Garcia?”
One minute and fifty seconds.


“Why does it always have to be you?”


“Why do you always have to do this?”

Amazing. Thank you for voicing my thoughts. Oh my god.

Oh thank fuck, the asshole doesn’t have a signal on his stupid phone so he can’t detonate the bomb. Thank fuck.

“Derek, you don’t have much time. Please be smart about this.”

Yes, please.

“Signal’s back online.”


“Derek, drive to the opening and then get the hell out.”

“There’s something I really want you to know, Garcia.”

Nope. You’re gonna tell her in person, dude. Stop it.

“Save it. Just get out.” EXACTLY!

“No, no, no, I’m not quite there yet.”


“Just listen to me.”

“Morgan, please.”

“You know what you are, Garcia?”

Oh fuck.



Why did they not show Morgan jump out of the ambulance before it went boom? FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!

So he blew up the ambulance, the team cornered him, and he slit his own throat? Oh god, this makes no sense whatsoever.

But you know what? I don’t care. I need to make sure that my baby boy is okay. I’m not okay right now. Repeat. I am not. Okay.

OH THANK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I’ll tell you what you are to me. You’re my God-given solace.”

“Woman, you promise me one thing.”

“Whatever happens …”

“Don’t you ever stop talking to me.”

“I can’t right now, ‘cause I’m mad at you.”

Oh that pout is going to do me in.

Oh, and yeah, I’m fine now.

“I can wait.”

Oh god. This was the most intense fucking thing in the entire world, and I can’t believe they actually did this to me, the fuckers.

Whoa. That’s one disgusted face, Hotchner. Damn. I’m scared.

Oh god, after everything he went through? Kate died? Oh god.

Poor Hotchner.

“Smoking in a hospital is a federal offense.”

“You’re on your own kid.”

So let me get this straight, you coerced him into smoking and you’re leaving him high and dry? YOU FUCKER. But you’re okay.

“And a catheter connected to my … skididdibup.” Oh my god!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS THE FUNNIEST WORD I HAVE EVER HEARD USED FOR PENIS ON A DAYTIME SHOW! OH MY GOD!

Hold up. She got him and his family fucking good seats to a Mets game? DAMN.

Aw, Derek took over the agent and volunteered to drive Aaron! I love you guys!

“Don’t you have something better to do?”

“Than to annoy you for three hours? Hell no.”

Oh my cupcake! I just want to smoosh his cheeks and give him the biggest, sloppiest, wettest kiss ever.

AND HE’S DRIVING? I love you so much.

Wait. Hold up. So they didn’t even get to find out who the secret service were protecting in that fucking hospital that was the target? Oh my god.

Wait. So Joyner isn’t even buried yet, and they already requested Derek for the New York office? Oh god. Please tell me he’s not taking it. I can’t.

Wait. So Hotch didn’t even give his recommendation because Morgan defied everyone and went on his own to save everyone?


“My opinion doesn’t matter. Job’s yours if you want it.”

Wait. So he got the job, and whatever Hotch said, didn’t matter? How come? He’s his boss. I don’t get the FBI at all.

“Your opinion matters to me.”

“My life matters to me, and I have and always will entrust you with it.”

“Would you do the same for me?”

Are you implying that you think Derek doesn’t trust anyone to help him? Come on. You know he has issues with stuff, and you know he has a hero complex. Come on.

Don’t be rough on my yummycakes.

Oh god, I can’t take Shemar’s acting. He just has these little mannerisms that get me in the core and it’s simply unfair.

*comes out from my cocoon* am I still breathing? Um … checks typing fingers … apparently so.

Okay, I really have no words to summarize these last two episodes, I truly don’t. I think the screenshots say everything. And you all know my stance on Derek, Penelope, Hotch, Reid, and basically everyone to understand that I’m so emotionally fragile and my wires are all frayed inside my brain that I can’t make sense of this. Except that even though he hasn’t said it outright yet (what the fuck are you waiting for, you dummy?), it’s obvious Derek is in love with Penelope. And I really hope he does something about it soon or I’m going to boink him on the head.

Here’s whatever I couldn’t fit into the episode.

And I am astonished I haven’t said this before, but none of this is mine. Okay? You can copy, paste, print, drool over, whatever you want to do with them, they are the sole property of the actors, creators of the series, and whatnot, and I only took screenshots to illustrate my opinions.

Thank you for sticking out with me, and I’ll see you all next time, when I’ve set my pacemaker.


Too Hot, Hotch Damn

Title: Too Hot, Hotch Damn
Author: reidemption
Rating: T (Maybe T+ but I don’t think there’s anything that bad.)
Prompt/Summary: There was an imagine for telling Garcia Hotch put’s the “Hot” in Hotchner and for Hotch to pick the reader up from a bar after they’ve been drinking. This fulfills both.
Trigger Warning: Alcohol consumption? Also the reader thinks they’re being rejected but it is resolved.
Word count: About 3000
Multishot: No?

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Attention Gladiator Nation:

Tony Goldwyn WILL be on Jimmy Kimmel Live NEXT Thursday.

I repeat: White Chocolate Adonis will be on JKL March 20th.

-Thank You.


Thanks so much to the lovely that sent me this prompt, I don’t think I would have ever chosen to cover s3 ground otherwise.

Also big thanks to those of you that liked, reblogged and made wonderful comments on my previous efforts:-Ramblings

And my last thanks to the wonderful Dana nemo-miracle-grow for casting your eye over my words and saying they passed muster.

Dana did inform me there are some dropped words in here, but I think I’ve looked at it too long.   so if anybody spots them please let me know.🙏

Tumblr prompt - Anonymous said:
“I wish you would write a fanfic where” Rae and Finn reunite and get a happy ending (i’m Rinn trash, sorry) X


Rae was busying herself with her usual routine; what she did every week day since the start of university four months ago. She attended her classes then proceeded directly to the library to bury her head in books and homework.

This was the tactic she chose to ignore the ache in her heart and the nagging voice in her head. But she had to blot out these feelings. She couldn’t think about Finn; he’s a cheater. Maybe not cheater (they were on a break). But he was weak; he didn’t consider long distance; he didn’t consider coming with her; he chose to find consolation in the lips of fucking Katie Fucking Springer instead. He obviously never loved her.

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