Worth Fighting For Chapter 59 - Way Down We Go
Rating: M (violence, smut, language, references to abuse and violence)
He was ruthless, cunning and completely committed to protecting his city but her arrival to Dauntless called everything he ever thought he believed into question. Duty and following orders were no longer enough. They both found more than they ever thought possible. They both found something worth fighting for. Eric/OC AU M Tragedy/Romance
Chapter 59 - Way Down We Go
I have stayed away from Kat since she walked away from me. Walked away and to Four. I don’t know if that killed me more or the fact that she didn’t once look back at me. I stood in that corridor like a statue, to afraid to even shift slightly because if I did I was going to go do something that would make the situation worse.
Zach found me and convinced me to go to my apartment. Lock myself away until I could get myself together. It’s well past fucking midnight and I still haven’t been able to.
I am showered, dressed for bed, my apartment is fucking spotless. I have cleaned every fucking gun I have and sharpened endless amounts of knives. I am still nowhere near together.
Having Chase around had helped at first. He went with me to help tend to my hands but he also wanted to know what happened.
He knew the same thing that I did. That Kat was angry and had been lashing out. She knew the things to say to hurt me the most and had used it. What killed me and had me here sitting in the dark, was they were all fucking true.
I could hear the truth in every single word.
I am like Marcus…or I was….still am if I am being honest.
I used and still use intimidation and my power to get my way. I followed orders of course but I also ignored the ones I didn’t feel suited whatever goal needed to be accomplished.
All the shit she let slip….
Logically I had already assumed it. The scars she has, the tone she uses when she mentions things from her past. I knew Marcus was behind it. I told Chase this as well. What I had come to figure out but both he and Zach had already come to a similar conclusion.
She didn’t say it outright but she hinted at it heavily.
I am sitting here in my apartment, a fucking arsenal of weapons spread out in front of me and contemplating ridding the world of that pus pocket in humanity.
Something is stopping me and keeping me on this couch, gun in hand and sitting in the dark.
The disappointment in her eyes as she looked at me….
I have never felt the way that look made me feel. Not even when my dad had given me a look like that while he was still alive. Then again, the worst I had done to get that look from him was make a slightly poor grade or forgot to clean my room.
What I had done, what I have done…..
Just before Four inserted himself into the situation I could see her softening. I might have been able to get her to calm down enough to talk to her. The problem was I wasn’t calm enough either. I wasn’t anywhere near calm enough or the condition to try and talk to her because there were no excuses I could or would make.
I had done what I had done in the past because I believed it was the only way to make our faction stronger. I still believed much of what we do shapes us to be better soldiers. Now I can see that there are flaws, or a sickness, in some of the things we allow or do.
But how much of that is really because I believe it or just because right now it puts Kat at risk?
I wasn’t angry that Edward had been attacked and I couldn’t lie to her about that. I was upset that it was unsafe in the dorms but if I were being honest that was because Kat had to be there. Yes, I did have some concern about the other initiates but not near what I knew Kat thought I should have.
I couldn’t go to dinner and sit across the table from her or beside her and not try and talk with her. I couldn’t go and be near her to see her in such pain and not be able to do a damn thing about it because I am the one causing her pain.
It had taken everything in me to keep away from her as she left dinner and passed through the Pit. Walking by me and looking at me with those wide green eyes filled with confusion and hurt.
I stayed away then but I can’t anymore.
It takes a little bit to put away all the weapons I had surrounding me. Put the apartment back into order and then get myself into some regular clothes. I don’t plan on taking her from the dorm or waking her. I just want to make sure she is ok.
The Pit is quiet by the time I am making my way towards it. I take those hallways and corridors that avoid the more populated areas. The dorm is quiet when I slip down the stairs. Kat’s bed is towards the back left against the wall closer to the bathroom. Her sister’s is just before hers with the Erudite girl Sally on the other side of Kat.
I can instantly tell that the beds around Kat’s have someone in them but not hers. My eyes scan the room and sure the fuck enough, Peter’s is empty. Everyone else seems to be accounted for. Mayra and Edward haven’t left the compound yet but are still in the clinic until tomorrow when all the people that will be leaving are escorted out.
My mind is racing as I whirl away and clatter up the stairs, not even fucking caring about the noise I made.
Beds were made. So they didn’t leave in a rush and if there was an attack then someone would have been up or there would have been signs of it.
They left on their own. Where would she go? Where the fuck would she go with Peter goddamn Hayes?
I pull out my phone as I head towards control and shoot a message off to Zach and Chase. I know they are both at their own places and probably passed out by now but I know they would want to know.
I am just getting to control when I get messaged back.
Kat is here and safe. - Zach
What the hell? Why is she there?
What happened? Never mind I am coming there now to take her to my apartment. - Eric
I hit send as I am turning to head to Zach’s place. He doesn’t respond which is fine with me. Except for when I get to the corridor I know why he didn’t respond when I see Chase leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.
“If you think you are fucking…”
“I don’t think. I know you aren’t going anywhere near her tonight. She is safe and where she needs to be.” Chase says in his own deadly calm tone.
It just serves to anger me even more. They are keeping me away from her and saying she doesn’t need to be with me.
I start forward. He steps in my path and gives me a look. “Eric, think about this. I can tell you are still upset and hurting from earlier. Kat isn’t any calmer either. In fact…Zach said she had some kind of nightmare and it sent her running through Dauntless. Fuck, she even attacked Peter from what I could make out from the control report. You going in there right now isn’t going to be good for either of you.”
“So what…you and Zach know suddenly what is better for her? She needs you two more than me?”
“Goddammit Eric. It isn’t like that and you know it. I haven’t even seen or talked to her. I’m not going to either. She does better with Zach when she is like this so that is who she is going to be with. Who she needs to be with right now. So no matter that it is destroying me to not go in there myself, I am out here trying to talk some sense into your ass and going to play babysitter all night.” He finishes this by moving us away from Zach’s door more since both of our voices are raised.
A scowl is etched into my face but inside I am being shredded apart.
“Did…did she ask about me or for me at all, Chase?”
He looks down and shakes his head. “I haven’t talked to her, Eric.” Then he sighs and looks back at me. “But Zach wouldn’t keep you away if she had.”
Pain. Fucking torrential downpour of pain at this. At the thought that I have lost her completely.