Saturday night....

Hung out at Dante Culpepper’s old house today in Bear path…it was great :) i got to see my gals and play with some little girls…btw i miss playing imaginary…Things were so much easier when you could just imagine that things felt better…when we were younger..or at least when i was younger…your heart was incapable of being broken….and your family life didn’t touch you the way it does now..innocence guarded everything…it makes me not want to be 20 years old… i want to be the kid that would use side walk chalk to draw parking spots for mine and my little guys friends’ bikes. I want to run through the sprinklers without giving a damn who is watching or what i look like. I want to close my eyes and swing on a swing higher than i ever have before…i started feeling these things when i was in love…but then when my heart broke…it is like it sucked all of the innocence back out of me. I don’t need a man to make me happy…but the love i had made me feel secure. Safe…kind of like i did when i was a kid. Like no matter what happened i could still count on playing imaginary James Bond at the end of the day and going to sleep happy. This ONE love made me feel young at heart again…but now that i have lost it i have realized that what if i had gotten what i wanted? What if i was still with him? I have been playing a lot of solitaire lately and it has taught me something…nothing is worth having if it is easy to get. Why would people want to play solitaire if they could win easily? No…it is the challenges and the time that makes the reward worth the while. So as much as i think i deserve that happiness i felt now…maybe i need to work harder for it…maybe what i think i deserve is just an easy route….

Always Honest,