The sisters give HoboMax the "8 simple rules for dating our Mom" talk—except Max is confused and mortified as heck because things haven't progressed nearly that far.
The girls sat Max down, and he could tell from the looks on their faces that this was Very Serious Business.
“Look, we know you’re totally into our Mom,” Dag said.
Dag kept talking right over him. “So we have some groundrules to lay down.”
“First,” said Angharad, who was, as always, in charge, “If you ever hurt or disrespect her in any way, we reserve the right to kill you, or exact vengeance in any way we see fit.”
“Second,” said Capable, “Dating slash marrying aforementioned mother does not entitle you to be our father slash legal guardian without our express approval.”
“Third,” said Toast, “If you pull that chivalric paying for the whole date and not letting her walk through doors until you hold them open for her BS, we will make An Accident happen.”
“Your mother pays me,” Max tried to point out, but they were too caught up to listen to him.
“Fourth,” said Dag, “Mom may be terrifying, but she deserves to be wooed. Often.”
“Fifth,” said Angharad, clearly enjoying Max’s squirming, “You must get tested for STDs.”
“Which brings us to six: you must always use protection,” said Capable.
“I don’t think–” Max tried to interject.
“Seventh,” said Toast, “Failing the aforementioned rule, if Mom gets pregnant, we reserve the right to name the baby.”
“I am not–”
“EIGHT,” said Cheedo, who had clearly been waiting to talk this whole time, “You’re not allowed to leave us, even if you and Mommy break up. Okay?”
Max wanted to tell them that he didn’t agree to any of these rules, sound as they were, because he wasn’t dating their mother. But they were looking at him expectantly, so he blew out a breath and said, “Fine.”
The girls beamed.