chips and beer

“American beer is basically water” is such a classic joke that when Monty Python used it in 1982, they were probably quoting their grandfathers. You’d think that stateside breweries would be aware of the joke, or at least refrain from actively calling attention to it. Fortunately for this column, you’d be dead wrong.

In 1990, the Adolph Coors Company decided to expand their product line with Rocky Mountain Sparkling Water. This wasn’t necessarily a bad move. Bottled water was becoming a thing, and recognizing a nascent trend and establishing a brand early is generally regarded as a “pretty amazeballs think-brick,” as industry insiders like to call it. What was a bad move, however, is how they chose to brand their overpriced H2O.

Yeah. For reasons that only made sense if they were trying to score free publicity by making the writers of Seinfeld mock their product in an episode, Coors walked right into the “Is it beer or water?” trap by attempting to market Rocky Mountain Sparkling water under the established, decidedly beer-y Coors brand name and logo. They even sold it in six-packs to reinforce the the beer imagery.

5 Popular Brands That Crapped Out Insane Failures

anonymous asked:

The image Steve puts out about Louis: 'talented, creative, hard working, great voice'. The image Louis 'team' put out about Louis: 'he's just a chav, common as muck'. Chav is not a compliment in the UK. It has connotations of stupidity, bad taste, bad education, no sophistication, chips, beer, sex and TV. Laddy Lad L filtered down to the 1DHQ PR essentials. You see it in UK newspaper comments. Thats how Louis is seen here- the thick chav who knocked up a groupie. Job done you evil arseholes.

😔

THE LAST CONVERSATION (A MICHAEL CLIFFORD IMAGINE)

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there’s a part one here but you dont have to read it to understand this.


summary: in which you run into the boys and have a heartbreaking conversation with your old best friend, michael.

requested?: hell yeaaaa

word count: 4,564 (my longest so far!! i got carried away lol)

warnings: this is angsty as hell get ready


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i can’t believe… myself…… i was getting into bed like at like 3am when i realized i forgot to marinate my tofu overnight? so i just spent the last forty minutes zesting lemon and squeezing tofu dry and drowning it in vegetable stock and soy sauce and something called dulse flakes. i am….. Adult. but worse yet… i am white Whole Foods adult. and i am ashamed

The Forgotten One- Part 2


The Forgotten One

PART 2

Ok this was supposed to be 2 parts but it is going to have to be 3 because I am a wordy bitch and I’m already up to 2900

___________

Steve couldn’t sleep. He tossed and he turned thinking over the words Bucky had said. Had he really broken (Y/N)’s heart? They were friends and he hadn’t wanted to complicate that so when she had asked him out on a date he had just told her he didn’t have time. He thought back over all the years he had known her and little things stuck out in his mind. When she went to the store she would always bring his favorite foods, but she did that for everyone. She made sure his paperwork was in order when he was too tired from a mission to do it himself. And on missions he didn’t know how many times she had thrown a forcefield around him to keep him from getting hit.

They worked so well together, Steve thought, then his mind went to other things besides work. The pool party that Tony had thrown for Steve’s birthday and how he had sat on a lounge chair after dark with (Y/N) on his lap as they watched fireworks. The night of her birthday when she had gotten tipsy and giggled at everything anyone said, she had looked so cute. The night she had been sitting in the hospital with him after Bucky pulled him from the river and promised him that no matter what she would make sure they brought Bucky home.

Hearing someone walk down the hall at around 6 a.m. Steve sighed and decided he might as well get up. He could go to the training facility T’challa had set up for them and talk to (Y/N) at breakfast. She never got up before 9 if she could help it and since coming to Wakanda sometimes it was closer to 11. The thought of her silly habits made Steve smile as he dressed in workout clothes and running shoes and left his room. Pausing only a moment he tried to imagine his life without (Y/N) and it was a blank. Oh shit, he thought…I think I love her.

(Y/N) got up at 5:30, dressed in jeans and an old t-shirt she had gotten at a concert years ago and threw her hair up in a messy bun. She spent the whole time dressing telling Wanda and Natasha that no she would not rethink it and stay, and yes she would contact them when she figured out where she was going. With mutual tears they all hugged and then (Y/N) started off down the hall with her oversized duffel bag to say her goodbyes.

First she thanked T’challa for his hospitality and was reassured she was welcome back any time.

Next she went to Scott’s room and told him that she would miss his sense of humor and he told her she was a good kid and hugged her even though they had know each other such a short time.

Her next destination was Sam. He was sleeping heavily but once she got him to wake up he hugged her, kissed her cheek and begged her not to leave him to deal with Grandpas Incorporated all alone which made her laugh even as tears slid down her cheeks.

Finally (Y/N) came to Bucky’s room. She knocked gently and peeked in the door to see him sitting on the small love seat tying his shoes. He looked startled to see her in his room but when she explained she would be leaving and wanted to say goodbye he looked almost lost. Standing swiftly Bucky embraced her and told her he’d miss her and (Y/N) told him she would see him again someday, but Bucky didn’t look convinced. As she was walking out the door he said “Did you say goodbye to Steve?”

(Y/N) looked down quickly biting her lip and answered “No”.

Bucky sighed and said “You should at least say something.” in that soft gravelly tone and (Y/N) decided she would say goodbye. They had been friends for a long time.

“Thank you Buck” she said as she left the room and headed down the hall toward Steve’s room but when she knocked there was no answer and when she opened the door he was not there. Thinking he must be training she took a pen and a piece of paper off his desk and wrote him a note, leaving it on his bed. It was only three words: I’ll miss you

When Steve turned up at breakfast no one was talking, that in and of itself was unusual but Wanda’s face had tear tracks, Nat looked ready to murder someone and all the guys were sitting quietly. Bucky didn’t even look up from his plate when Steve entered the room.

“What is going on with all of you?” he asked, still feeling pretty good about telling (Y/N) what he had realized this morning. Nat looked at him and left the room, Wanda began to sob, Scott and Sam glanced at each other sadly, Bucky seemed to sink further into his chair as T’challa spoke softly “Miss (Y/N)’s departure has saddened us all.”

“Departure?” Steve asked incredulously. “Where did she go?”

Bucky spoke up this time saying “Didn’t she come to your room this morning? She said she was going to right when she left mine.”

“What the hell was she doing in your room?” Steve asked feeling a stir of jealousy at the thought that maybe that was why she wasn’t in her room last night but that was put to rest when Sam spoke up and said “She came to all of our rooms this morning to say goodbye, man.”

“What time was this?”

“She left her room with me and Nat around 6” Wanda said dabbing at her eyes.

Steve sat there shocked. That’s who he heard moving around so early. She had been right there and he had walked down to the gym without even seeing her. Glancing back at Wanda he asked again, “Where did she go?”

Wanda just shook her head and T’challa answered “We do not know where she was heading and as soon as she got to cruising altitude she enabled the jet’s stealth technology so we have no way to track her.”

“Did she leave because of me?” Steve asked not sounding at all like himself, almost dazed and afraid.

Wanda just nodded and ran from the room. Steve stood up and headed toward his own room to take a shower and come up with a plan of action. He was going to get (Y/N) back no matter what it took. When he found the note sitting on his bed Steve Rogers, Captain America cried.

The first thing (Y/N) did when she got in the air was pull out the emergency satellite phone and call Nick Fury. He told her to give him 24 hours and he would have a safe house set up for her and asked her where she wanted to go. Thinking only for a moment she named a town in rural Virginia where she had visited a horse farm when she was a child. Nick told her to lay low and he would call her back with the coordinates when he had some and he would make sure she had a barn to hide the quinjet.

“And can you get me a truck?” (Y/N) asked and Fury replied “Black or red?”

“Definitely black. I love you, Nick.” (Y/N) laughed a little and felt some of the weight of her early morning goodbyes ease.

“I love your crazy ass too (Y/N)” Nick Fury replied then added an amused, “But I’ll deny it if you repeat that to anyone.”

Time skip to settling in on the farm

(Y/N) took a look around the huge farm house that Nick Fury had somehow arranged for her and sighed. You hadn’t been alone for a very long time but this was good, right? Some space to get your head on straight and breath. You decided that since the house was beautifully furnished you’d take the gleaming black Dodge Ram truck that had been furnished and go to the grocery store. No worries that anyone would recognize you due to being able to blur your features using your powers.

That had actually come in really handy so many times before but it hadn’t worked when the team had split apart at the airport. Tony and his biometric body heat scanner he had installed in his suit just for situations where you weren’t visible.

Thinking of Tony made you sigh. You would miss him so much. Even with his sharp tongue and careless attitude he was one of the most caring people underneath it all. He always wanted to save everyone…like Steve.

Ok that’s enough of that you thought and grabbed the keys off the kitchen table making your way to the door. Time to get some food and make a (very short) call to tell Natasha you were fine. A call that went something like this:

“Hey Nat!”

“(Y/N)!!! Where the hell are you? You promised you would let me know where you are”, Natasha sounded odd

“I’m in Virginia,” you said, leaving it vague knowing it was a matter of time before she found you anyway. “There’s a farm and I think I’m going to get a dog.”

“(Y/N) you need to come back. Steve freaked out when you left and he wants you to come back.” Nat said, making your heart leap, then continued “He is searching for you. (Y/N) he’s serious about this. He called Tony. Tony told him off then offered to help him find you”

“Nat, it doesn’t matter if they find me. If they wanted to all they had to do was ask Fury. He knows exactly where I am. But I’m not coming back either way. I love you guys and I will miss you but I am tired of being the one who takes care of him, who always has his back and does everything in her power to make him smile when all he does is lead me on and forget about me the minute something better comes along. I’ll send you a postcard, and tell Wanda I miss her.” you say sadly and hear Natasha screech your name as you disconnect the call.

Walking into the grocery store you prepared yourself by pulling your baseball cap low and used your power to blur your features knowing not even a security camera could pick up on your face. You picked up essentials and then taking a deep breath you started loading your cart with things the team liked. Sam’s cookies, Wanda favorite chips, the beer Scott always bought, Nat’s yogurt and some ribs and hamburger for a cookout. You estimated they would be here in about 3 days since you had told Nat to call Fury.

Loading all your groceries you made a big decision. Before going home you stopped at the local animal shelter and adopted the cutest great dane puppy, all big paws and fumbly run and a 1 year old black cat because he seemed sad in his cage and the shelter attendant told you that no one would adopt him because he was black and they were going to have to put him down.

As you loaded them in the truck you thought you should get Tony to make a donation to the shelter to convert it to a no kill shelter, or you were going to have a lot more pets soon.

Taking your new pets home you tried to think of names for them and decided on Jinx for the cat because of the silly superstition and Bubba for the puppy because he was so bubbly and happy he made you laugh with his silly antics.

Once you got the pet supplies sorted and the food put away you took Bubba for a walk as Jinx curled up in a spot of sunshine in the living room.     

Time skip 3 days later

You heard them before they even got close to the farm. Tony was not the most subtle man on Earth. You heard the deep rumble of the jet engines a mile away and the metallic clank of Tony’s suit landing on the front lawn. Sighing you started taking the ribs and hamburgers off the grill in the backyard, hearing excited yaps from Bubba as he greeted the guests in the house. Walking through the back door you stopped to admire your friends as they played with the puppy, not noticing you yet.

“Hey guys” you said as you sat the food on the counter. “Dinner’s ready.”

Everyone turned, stunned. Then chaos ensued as Wanda and Natasha tackled you in a hug as if it were years since they saw you instead of barely a week, only be shoved aside by Tony who lifted you off the floor. Bucky gave you a smiling wave and Sam and Scott cracked jokes about you being a runaway. Last you turned toward Steve with a quiet “Hey” not approaching him at all. He looked hurt that you didn’t rush to hug him as you normally would.

“So let’s eat” you said and everyone started grabbing plates as you and Wanda took side dishes out of the fridge and set out toppings for the hamburgers.

After everyone was seated Scott spoke up and asked around a mouth full of ribs “Where do you get this barbeque sauce? It is amazing!”

You didn’t even need to answer as Steve did it for you, “She makes it. It really is the best.” He smiled over at you and your heart twisted a little, noticing he looked tired. You glanced away quickly and caught Wanda’s eye where she smirked.

“So since no one is going to address the elephant in the room,” Tony said in his usual grandiose manner, “I guess I will have to do it.What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I needed to get a life Tony.” you replied through gritted teeth. Getting up from the table you snapped the leash on Bubba and headed out the back door, making a break for the trail in the woods where he liked to walk. You had left to avoid tension and now you felt like you were going to break if you had to listen to them question your choices for one more minute.

Little did you know as soon as you walked out Steve popped out of his chair to follow, only stopping long enough to rinse the barbeque sauce off his hands, and Wanda and Natasha started to berate Tony for upsetting you.

You walked talking softly to Bubba in the cool shadowy woods when you heard Steve calling your name and running behind you. You reluctantly stopped and turned, Bubba growing excited as Steve got closer and you muttered “Traitor” as he leapt at the super soldier when he got within range.

“We need to talk,” Steve said as he kneeled down to pick Bubba up.

“About what?” you asked trying to ignore how sexy he looked holding your puppy so gently against that broad chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” Steve asked, blushing slightly

“What do you mean? Why would I have told you when I’m not important to you? So you could reject me even more and I could continue being at your beck and call while you are off freaking kissing Sharon-fucking-Carter. Which was the most awkward kiss I’ve ever seen in my life by the way.” You huffed and turned away from Steve, missing the grin that appeared on his face.

“You’re jealous,” he said and you heard the amusement in his tone and almost smacked him.

“Of course I’m jealous you idiot. I love you and you treat me like I’m not even there most of the time. The last few months I have done everything I could to help you, I followed you all over the world,I fought my friends to help you and Bucky escape, I got locked in a damn cell under 24 sedation so that they were sure I couldn’t get out and I have held yours and Bucky’s hand when you’re overwhelmed by nightmares.” By the time you finished you had tears in your eyes.

Setting Bubba on the ground lightly but still holding his leash Steve did something you never saw coming. He grabbed your hand and pulled you into his chest crashing his lips to yours. There was no awkwardness, no hesitation and as he wrapped one arm around your waist you sighed and leaned closer to him, hands locking behind his neck.

“I love you” he whispered as he pulled away slightly to look at you.  

You stood there stunned. How in the world could you believe him considering just last week he treated you like a buddy.

Part 3:

http://samanthaneedsanap.tumblr.com/post/158452062244/the-forgotten-one-part-3




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Torchlock, TLD and Janto/Johnlock parallels

THIS IS TRASH EDITING BUT PLS WATCH IT TILL THE END

i’ve been screaming about it since the night tld aired but now i finally made the vid

I WANNA SCREAM AGAIN SO EXCUSE THE BIG LETTERS AND SHIT TALK

tld was torchwood’s rip off as you can see i mean the scene with the td-12 and memory loss. gwen cooper even spends the evening with jack harkness and he impresses her and they have chips beer. NOT EVEN GONNA MENTION THE COAT.so in tld they put fucking torchwood labeled envelope on the mantelpiece and when john picks up the vivala shit you can see there’s even magnifying glass on it.

anyways, the important thing. that woman from the hospital, nurse cornish, asks john if “he’s involved much”. fuck. she played Ianto’s sister in Torchwood (for those who didn’t watch it). she’s harry watson’s mirror, okay? I SWEAR TO GOD- ianto jones is a bisexual character (one of the best fictional characters ever if you’d ask me) who’s been in relationship with Jack. i mean…….. fine. i guess i’ll die/

@jenna221b @the-7-percent-solution @sidryan @theveryunnecessaryfeelings @inevitably-johnlocked 

vimeo link in case youtube will be a bitch