Leagues and Legends

BEANSTALK by E. Jade Lomax. A review.

I found this author’s Harry Potter fan fiction on An Archive of Our Own, and it was excellent. Turns out she’s written books as well!

This story follows Jack of the Tales. It’s mainly his story, but it’s Grey’s story, too, and Laney’s, and Rupert’s. I was floored by how much the story told without telling, exactly. I was almost immediately invested in the characters, and the excellent world building and carefully crafted plot kept me riveted.

If you like stories about students learning magic, if you like stories about fighting monsters, if you like stories about mysterious pasts, hidden powers, shady characters, golden characters, fish and chips, rips in the space/time continuum, this is for you.

(Note: I think it was self-pubbed, but this is the best self-published book I’ve ever read. Better than some official books, even. Don’t discount it!)

Thanks, @ink-splotch

“C’mon, yeh stubborn bastard.” Harry muttered to the bag of chips as he struggled to open it up, grunting to himself before letting out a small huff. This didn’t make sense. He had the ability to lift up a hundred pound weight but he wasn’t even strong enough to pop open a bag of crisps?

“Ooh, chips!” Your eyes lit up as you walked into the kitchen, setting your phone down as you leaned against the countertop. “What flavour?” 

“Original. Figured we could dip them in some guacamole or somethin’.” Harry shrugged, turning around quickly while desperately trying to rip the bag open. The last thing he wanted was for you to laugh at him because he couldn’t open a plastic baggie up!

“Mhm, good idea.” You hummed, waiting patiently for the sound of the bag to pop open, but the only thing you could hear was the violent crinkling. A proper minute passed before you spoke up. (You really loved chips and Harry was taking a little too long for your liking.) “So.. are you going to give me one, or what?” 

“Jus’.. Jus’ give me a mo’, love.” Harry laughed sheepishly, making you raise an eyebrow. By this point, you figured out that Harry was struggling a little bit. You walked over and grabbed the chips out of his hands, ripping the top open in one swift movement before reaching in and popping one into your mouth. You crunched on it thoughtfully, smiling when Harry’s cheeks brightened up slightly. 

“You’re still a big, strong man in my mind if that helps.” 

“..Oh, shut up.”


gif isn’t mine!

There are times in life when Qada (God’s plan) chips away at us, ripping into our seemingly perfect worlds, leaving gashes, open wounds and small crevices. Those moments render us gasping, confused, feeling incomplete and struggling to comprehend Allah’s plan.

Then, later in life, we meet people who have similar injuries and missing pieces and suddenly, momentously, at that moment, we click! Our shattered lives turn into pieces of a puzzle that are seemingly broken; when joined, they complete the whole, compliment each other and solve the mystery.

In other instances, our crevices serve as footholds; leverage, for others struggling to climb hard times, to reach the summit of ease.
In both situations the wisdom of God is clear, the blessing of providence realized and submission and trust are strengthened.

—  Imam Suhaib Webb

imagine lee pace trying to open a bag of chips but he rips it too far and gets chips everywhere and he’s just like


these chips are

all over the pace”

swan queen week - day 4 - accidental stimulation

fuse boxes in pantries are horribly great ideas

“Bounce with me, awwww yeah, bounce with meeeeee!” Emma grabbed the neck of the bottle of beer she was drinking and danced around the living room of her apartment, her music at an unholy volume. As she spun, the black striped maxi-skirt she was wearing flared out and her too tight black tank top was quickly wicking away her perspiration. Truth be told, it had been weeks since she had the apartment to herself. And she was enjoying the shit out of it.

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honestly though like all of the issues the 100 is having are the results of bad decisions on the part of the showrunner / the network (and my money’s on the former more prominently) and I, a dubiously employed 20 year old living in the midwest who watches Bob’s Burgers all day, can easily fix them in a series of bullet points. observe.

  • john murphy dies in season one at some point, in an arc about justice and paying for your crimes that directly correlates with finn. something like “it was easy for us to make murphy to pay, he was obviously a bad guy, but what about finn? what finn did was worse, but he’s a good guy, right?” that would’ve been a cool plot to toy with: justice when justice isn’t easy and neat. also now john “I pEE ON PEOPLE AND THEN MURDER THEIR ASS OFF” murphy doesn’t get a redemption arc
  • jasper jordan now takes john’s place in the story. instead of ending up in mt. weather, he ends up leaving with jaha to trek across the desert in search of the city of light. he takes on the role of “quirky comedic relief to jaha’s mentally unstable grandpa” and devon bostick excels in this role because he flourishes in comedic roles
  • because jasper jordan is not in mt weather, monty takes his place in the mt weather storyline. he gets the girl (or boy! even better!) and gets to be the badass underground spy. this gives an asian male actor a great central storyline and also uncrowds the mt weather plot: rather than sharing the story between jasper and monty, it instead gives both characters chances to shine in separate stories. 
  • instead of lexa being like “ah! whatevs ~ ” after clarke mercy-kills finn and robs the villagers of their justice, it damages the trikru/skaikru relationship. lexa makes this clear to clarke, and explains that she’s only going forward with the alliance to rescue her people from the mountain men, and because the skaikru can bring back Reapers. show the anger and rage of the villagers, and the unrest that comes from beind denied their justice: make it clear that clarke has put lexa in a bad position. 
  • then have the episode with the murder gorilla. clarke and lexa, despite having been tense, bond over their experience running from pauna: you, as the viewer, see this, and at the end of the episode, lexa tells clarke about costia. you as the viewer take this as lexa understanding why clarke did what she did, and maybe even as forgiveness. this lulls you into a false sense of security over the alliance. you believe that lexa and clarke understand each other as leaders.
  • then, at mt. weather, the mountain doesn’t strike a deal in private with lexa: they do it publicly. they release the grounders they have and announce via microphones that the grounders are safe, and won’t be taken anymore, and there could be peace. lexa sees that her people were already resentful of the skaikru after what happened with finn, with the massacred village, with the 300 soldiers that clarke killed with the rocket, and that now they see no reason to fight for the arkers. she then abandons the arkers in a strategic move to save face and keep her position. there: now the damn deal lexa strikes makes sense.
  • Either in the explosion at the end of S2, or in early S3, wick is killed. Either it’s by the mountain, in direct response to Lexa taking the deal and abandoning the arkers, or in an Azgeda attack on the mountain like it was with Gina.
  • in S3, switch raven and bellamy’s current positions!!!!
  • raven, who was tortured at the hands of the grounders for a crime she didn’t commit, who lost finn to the grounders, who lost wick because of the grounders, who is permanently physically disabled and in chronic pain because of the grounders, has a legitimate reason to hate the grounders. Enough to take Pike’s side in his anti-Grounder rhetoric and have it make sense, both for her characterization and to the audience. 
  • meanwhile, bellamy is reeling from his guilt over the mountain massacre. bellamy, who has always suffered from crippling self-loathing, who directly saw and interacted with the people during revolution in mt weather, easily has a reason to want to numb his pain. and he’s always been one to run from how he feels, to bottle it up: give bellamy the ALIE / City of Light drugs storyline. 
    • Monty would also have Jasper’s alcoholism storyline, being super fucked up emotionally over losing his boyfriend / girlfriend in mt weather.
    • Meanwhile, Jasper himself is doing what Murphy did: flirting with the thief girl, dealing with Jaha’s shit, and eventually rendezvousing with Clarke in Polis. 
  • don’t queerbait with clexa in polis. since the political situation with the grounders is still bad and people are restless, lexa has ~the great wanheda~ brought to her in a last-ditch attempt to save her regime. she and clarke eventually work together (not for 7 fuckin’ episodes though that plotline got needlessly drawn out for what culminated in literally no forward plot movement). lexa’s unpopular “blood must not have blood” stance, coupled with azgeda’s revolt, leads to a coup in which lexa does not die. the chip is ripped out of her neck, and lexa herself is to be executed publicly in a power play by azgeda. clarke, however, uses her status as wanheda to rally a ragtag team of loyalists, including indra and titus, to help bust lexa out of prison. lexa, devastated by the loss of her status as heda, at first does not want to survive, but clarke convinces her otherwise in a rallying speech. lexa then is smuggled out to go hide out with some friends on the coast and recuperate.
  • humiliated, but unwilling to admit their defeat, azgeda beheads a servant, dresses the body in the heda’s clothes, and claims that the heda is dead. boom. lexa is now no longer on the show, as per scheduling requirements, but has survived. the conclave must now begin. her character may or may not appear in the final season, depending on actor availability, but the option is there. clarke returns to arcadia to take down pike.

again, a 20 year old just fixed all the shitty decisions the show has made without using any unavailable actors or resources the show didn’t already have. so I mean… your move, jroth.