Oh boy, this one took a while

~213 million years ago

A vaguely Henderson inspired piece, Hesperosuchus agilis wandering among some Chinle flora: the cycad Williamsonia nizhonia; Clathopteris ferns; Neocalamites horsetails and tall Araucarioxylon arizonicum conifers. 

Joe Shirley Jr. Has Gone Missing in the Surrounding Forest of the Lukachukai Moutains

 County- Tlo’chi’iin received news that a former ex-President has gone missing. Joe Shirley Jr. went missing a few months ago after losing his president race.

Some say he ran into Lukachukai Mountains after suffering a mutton breakdown. His supporters tried to lure him out with with other political positions in hope that the president turn survivalist will come back to civilization.

Tlo’chi’iin spoke to Navajo Ranger, Bert Mackenzie, about possible sightings of Joe Shirley in the area.

“He has been hiding, not missing. Those mountains people say he is hiding in are dense and full of hiding spots. He could easily stay in the mountains living off berries, animals, and future political ambitions. He lost to two newcomers in the presidential election and it sent him straight up the mountains”.

Many have claimed to see the ex-president in the surrounding forest. They claim to hear him howl, “I SHOULD HAVE WON”. Tsaile, Chinle, and Crystal communities have reported a wild man running amok in their areas.

“He haunts these woods. His presence is all around us. I found human fecal matter earlier this week. It consisted of berries and some strange matter that looked like newspaper that had be digested. I honestly think he is reading the Navajo Times but eating it to hide is trail” said local medicine man, Joel Lee.

A group known as “Where is Shirley”? is looking for the ex-president. They consist of die hard Shirlieans[Supporters of Shirley]. They spend two weekends of every month looking for the elusive president. 

“Most politicians, after losing an election, find a new job in the government. Not Shirley. He just hid. I respect him for that. He isn’t a career politician. I have found evidence of his existence. We found a makeshift out-house made of election signs” said Sally Todacheenie.

“I organized this group to find him and get him back into office. He belongs in the political wilderness not in the actual wilderness. I am sure that his stay in the woods has made him a cut-throat politician. We need him now more than ever”.

Shirley has been missing for a couple months. Rumors has spread that he won a position in Apache County but that was proven false when he didn’t show up to work. Someone impersonated him to win the election.

“See, if his image can guarantee a nobody to win…He can easily win the Navajo Nation Presidency coming up”, Todacheenie said optimistically. 

We advise the population to be careful if they encounter the president. He is still angry about his loss and he might attack.

Don’t Wander the Navajo Nation at Night

original / author

The name is Alex. It’s a generic white boy name, I’m aware, but I was actually born and raised in a small town called Chinle. Chinle is in nestled deep in the arid mountains of the NE Navajo nation, in the northeast corner of Arizona.

While many Arizonan small towns embody some sort of nostalgic “Americana feel”, this cannot be said for any town on the reservation. The reservation, Chinle included, was rife with poverty, alcoholism, abuse, and social isolation. It’s the closest you can get to hell within the United States.

So, perhaps it isn’t any wonder that after buying vodka from a friend at the age of 16, I was merely wandering the outskirts of the town, taking swigs of vodka. My father was abusive, my mother dead, I had no real reason to return home for the night, nor did my father have any reason to care if I returned. I had a bottle of vodka in one hand, and a gun in my jacket pocket in the off chance some shit went down, as it tends to on the rez.

The night would’ve been memorable even without my petrifying and life changing experience, as it was a frigid March night, temperatures below freezing. A light dusting of snow was falling from the pitch dark night sky. That’s the one benefit of the Navajo nations, clear night skies, but it’s truly akin to finding one diamond in 50 acres of shit.

I walked in a lackadaisical fashion alongside a two lane road, a rural road on which few ever drove. I heard rustling noises in the bushes to the left, and spotted a coyote.

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