The China Film Board reports today that Jet Li has signed on to star in the film adaptation of The Letters of Virginia Woolf (1888-1912). The high-octane motion picture extravaganza will be directed by Taiwanese filmmaker Michael Bay, with screenplay input from M. Night Shyamalan. 

As of press date, talks are already in place with for a sequel, tentatively titled Letters: Reloaded. 

Sotheby’s announced today that it will put on auction a ping pong racket that once belonged to Virginia Woolf.

The announcement has set the auction world abuzz with speculation about whether enough money exists in China to buy the racket. As foreign investors look to pounce, denizens of local culture are scrambling to raise enough money to keep the racket in China.

Meanwhile, the blind septuagenarian who owns the racket remains cooped up in her mansion in Central Beijing, refusing all interviews.

(With Chris B.)

Early accounts suggest that young Virginia Woolf dreamed of becoming an electrician. Unfortunately, this was not to be: at the age of 12, Woolf was transferred to the Department of Written Propaganda after a statewide assessment revealed her above-average rhetorical ability and tolerance for lead-based inks.

Shortly after her death, staff cataloging her estate came across a small, single handmade transistor radio, rusty with age, which played nothing but a mournful dirge of feedback and static.