china joke

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: ????? why do people sLEEP ON THE CHINA LINE like have u seen xu minghao?? the bOI is literal perfection he's a flawless fucking noodle and wen jUNhui omfggg u people are lucky enough to live during the years of his GODLIKE PRESENCE and u all take it for granted im so sick and tired of this shit ungratefulness ev ERy where whaT HAVE THEY DONE TO DESERVE THIS??? SINCE WHEN IS BEING BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED A PUNISHABLE CRIME ID EK??
The Signs as Iconic Monsters From 1980s Fantasy Films

Aries: the Skeksis

Taurus: the Red Bull

Gemini: the Eborsisk

Cancer: Beetlejuice

Leo: Ludo

Virgo: the Ohmu

Libra: the Luckdragon

Scorpio: the Horrible Will Vinton Claymation Nome King

Sagittarius: the Horned King

Capricorn: That Beholder-Thingy Lo Pan Used

Aquarius: the Darkness/Tim Curry Satan

Pices: the Ray Harryhausen Kraken

Ophiuchus: the Rodents of Unusual Size

anonymous asked:

All of their reactions to finding their soulmates? (Like that one prompt that goes around with the glowing heart image)

2p america: blood goes south, gets hot, can’t think of something else

2p canada: stares, blushes, gets clumsy

2p england: stutters, BLUSHESS, rattles

2p france: [hisses] what is this new feeling.

2p russia: i’m sick? Searches symptons on google.

2p china: makes lame jokes, rattles, blood goes anywhere but his head. (;))

2p italy: FLIRTING INTENSIVES

2p germany: (see 2p america)

2p japan: gets funny feeling in stomach, thinks he ate something bad

2p prussia: BLUSHING MESS, STUTTERS, C L U M S Y

2p lovino: flirting, speaks louder, shows off
World Nations By Age
  • China: (Walks in with a cane) Morning everyone!
  • Greece: (Easing into chair) Morning!
  • Japan: (Taking medicine) How's everyone been?
  • Egypt: Oh you know, (cracks neck) same OLD same OLD.
  • Everyone: (Laughs)
  • Ethiopia: Is everyone ready to begin?
  • Mongolia: Hold on. I can't find the right file.
  • Iran: Uh, page 43.
  • Norway: Ah, yes. We're discussing 'Global Warming'.
  • Antarctica: Oh thank God!
  • America (Toddler): (Burst into room and jumps onto table) Whoooo!
  • Spain: ¿Qué carajo?!
  • America: No one can catch up to me! I'm the greatest thing that's ever happened! Hi-Oh Silver!
  • Canada (Toddler): (Following America) No! You're gonna get us in trouble!
  • Everyone: (Groans)
  • Iraq: Who let the young ones in?
  • France: (Looks around pretending to be casual.)
  • Venezuela: (Facepalms) Britain, please get your sons.
  • Britain: (Getting up) I apologize. I'll straighten him out.
  • Australia (Toddler): Me mum used to rule the world ye know!
  • India: (Gritting teeth) I know.

I wonder if the current Disney Channel kids have drama like one during the 2005-2010 era, in all likelihood they do but they probably just keep it on the low so TMZ and E News wouldn’t be after them

Countries... and what pickup lines they’d use.

Italy: pasta’s straight too until things get hot

Germany: you know they say German sausage is pretty good

Japan: well… we could always just share this onigiri

America:  girl those buns look as good as these burgers!

Canada: have you heard of pluto?

England: i’m so hot i could kiss You-

France: *probably wrote a whole pick up book*

Russia: you’re face is pretty like a sunflower

China: you’re sweeter then the American’s blood sugar

i grew up
in a whitewashed country
with whitewashed children
with their minds wired
to make racist comments 


they tell me
to appreciate
the stereotypes laid out for me
(you’re a model minority, they say)
and the bullshit they spew in my face


but they also tell me
my eyes are too small
and they grab their eyes
and slant them upward
while mocking my language


my language
can i even call it that?
i can barely speak it
i am an imposter, a fake
they ask me where im from
and i dont know what to say
(i was raised in an orphanage
for the first two years of my life)
(i am from america)
(i am from china)
(i am from nowhere)


they reduce this beautiful language
to sounds and ching-chongs
and they ask me if i eat cats
(she’ll eat your dog, too)
they tell me all chinese people have bad teeth
and the one language they know about
is nothing but sounds
(i wish i could swallow my hatred
and bitterness
but i can only let it spill out) 


dont they know?
there are tones
characters are not symbols
simplified vs traditional
it is mandarin chinese
there are hundreds of dialects
this language is beautiful
(i fell in love with it
i cannot speak it well
i am ashamed)
but america lets its children
turn it into sounds and jokes and
songs mocking the language
they don’t know anything about 


they laugh at me
for telling them to stop
(the asian can talk)
(the asian isn’t submissive after all)
(aren’t asians socially awkward?)


they sexualize the women
(asian girls are hot)
and desexualize the men
(asian men have small penises)
why am i so terrified
of white men looking at me?
i am nothing i am no one i am sick of being sexualized
why am i a part of your asian fetish daydreams? 


they turn my culture
into aesthetics and anime
and into fashion styles


they pronounce the cities wrong
open fortune cookies and congratulate
themselves for using chopsticks
they call me their token asian friend


every a+ i get
its because of my black hair
and my small eyes
and the country i was born in
(all asians are smart)


they look at the words
“made in china”
and crack a joke
about my country
i grind my teeth


they ask me
to speak the language
the beautiful language that they mock
and i want to say
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
in english
loudly
clearly
and boldly
but i am quiet (not because i am chinese)
and i keep my mouth shut (because i will be laughed at, because i am chinese)


i am asked
countlessly
where am i ACTUALLY from
and i want to scream
NOWHERE NOTHING NO ONE
because no one 
actually gives
a shit


they tell me
there is no such thing
as discrimination / prejudice / racism
against asians because
our usual stereotypes are positive
we are smart
we are successful
we are good at math


these words dont make me feel
smart
or successful
and i was never good at math anyway
these words make me want to
scream and
crush their insults in my fists

they tell me to appreciate this
but i can only hate it
and keep myself silent
because no one cares
it’s just a joke, of course

—  one day i will learn to love the things they laugh at / j.m (via ghaffas)