china joke

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: ????? why do people sLEEP ON THE CHINA LINE like have u seen xu minghao?? the bOI is literal perfection he's a flawless fucking noodle and wen jUNhui omfggg u people are lucky enough to live during the years of his GODLIKE PRESENCE and u all take it for granted im so sick and tired of this shit ungratefulness ev ERy where whaT HAVE THEY DONE TO DESERVE THIS??? SINCE WHEN IS BEING BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED A PUNISHABLE CRIME ID EK??
The Signs as Iconic Monsters From 1980s Fantasy Films

Aries: the Skeksis

Taurus: the Red Bull

Gemini: the Eborsisk

Cancer: Beetlejuice

Leo: Ludo

Virgo: the Ohmu

Libra: the Luckdragon

Scorpio: the Horrible Will Vinton Claymation Nome King

Sagittarius: the Horned King

Capricorn: That Beholder-Thingy Lo Pan Used

Aquarius: the Darkness/Tim Curry Satan

Pices: the Ray Harryhausen Kraken

Ophiuchus: the Rodents of Unusual Size

Countries... and what pickup lines they’d use.

Italy: pasta’s straight too until things get hot

Germany: you know they say German sausage is pretty good

Japan: well… we could always just share this onigiri

America:  girl those buns look as good as these burgers!

Canada: have you heard of pluto?

England: i’m so hot i could kiss You-

France: *probably wrote a whole pick up book*

Russia: you’re face is pretty like a sunflower

China: you’re sweeter then the American’s blood sugar

World Nations By Age
  • China: (Walks in with a cane) Morning everyone!
  • Greece: (Easing into chair) Morning!
  • Japan: (Taking medicine) How's everyone been?
  • Egypt: Oh you know, (cracks neck) same OLD same OLD.
  • Everyone: (Laughs)
  • Ethiopia: Is everyone ready to begin?
  • Mongolia: Hold on. I can't find the right file.
  • Iran: Uh, page 43.
  • Norway: Ah, yes. We're discussing 'Global Warming'.
  • Antarctica: Oh thank God!
  • America (Toddler): (Burst into room and jumps onto table) Whoooo!
  • Spain: ¿Qué carajo?!
  • America: No one can catch up to me! I'm the greatest thing that's ever happened! Hi-Oh Silver!
  • Canada (Toddler): (Following America) No! You're gonna get us in trouble!
  • Everyone: (Groans)
  • Iraq: Who let the young ones in?
  • France: (Looks around pretending to be casual.)
  • Venezuela: (Facepalms) Britain, please get your sons.
  • Britain: (Getting up) I apologize. I'll straighten him out.
  • Australia (Toddler): Me mum used to rule the world ye know!
  • India: (Gritting teeth) I know.
Some Random 2p headcanaons

Assuming that they’re all sane misunderstood babies…

- 2p America calls his girlfriend/boyfriend, or anyone he flirts with: “doll”.

- 2p Germany takes football/soccer a little too seriously.

- 2p Romano doodles on everything, and often daydreams.

- 2p Spain has a sick sense of humor, and this is probably why he and 2p America get along so well.

- 2p Italy often stomps his foot when he yells.

- 2p Prussia suffers from aphasia.

- 2p Japan makes “that’s what she said” jokes all the time.

- 2p England is demisexual.

- 2p Germany is one to hit on someone for you and/or be your wingman.

- 2p France will pretend to be annoyed by quirks that his friends or loved ones have, but secretly loves them.

- 2p Russia is a stutterer.

- 2p China jokes so much that no one can tell if he is serious or not.

- 2p Canada’s personality can be described as someone who always gives plank stares at the camera like he’s on The Office.

- 2p nyo Poland is butch and is manlier than 1p Germany and 1p Hungary combined.

- 2p Japan likes to show off his “ninja moves” by side-kicking 2p America in the face.

- 2p Prussia will make fake gaging noises when he sees anything romantic. 

- 2p England struggles with panic attacks.

- 2p Canada is asexual aromantic.

- 2p Austria loves music as much as his 1p, but he can’t play one instrument.

- 2p Germany is a procrastinator.

- 2p Italy will get all of his work done at once so he can relax later.

- 2p Romano uses Snapchat so much that his phone crashes at least 3 times a week.

- Out of all of the 2p’s, it is 2p France that deals with PTSD the most.

- 2p China is one to “laugh off the pain”.

- 2p Spain’s hobby is to people watch.

- 2p Denmark is a workaholic.

- 2p Russia is a victim of insomnia.

- 2p Japan loves the video “The History of Japan” and has been introducing himself as “Sunriseland” ever since he saw the video.

-2p Germany likes to pull pranks on his brother and 2p Italy.

- 2p England can’t swim.

- 2p Canada would describe 2p America as “all bark, but no bite”.

- 2p America like to curse in front of 2p England just to annoy him.

- 2p France is pansexual.

- 2p Prussia’s favorite thing to do is roll his eyes.

The Hetalia Characters and why they ended up in hell
  • North Italy: His satanic dancing
  • South Italy: Had sex with Spain on top of Germany's table, like an hour before the world meeting
  • Japan: Drew some really smutty UsUk doujins and sold them all at the world meeting.
  • Prussia: Tried to summon a demon because it looked fun
  • Germany: Stayed up all night reading GerIta fanfiction because he secretly liked them.
  • America: Called up almost every company in his area to tell them to '420 blaze it' yet he is an awkward 19 year old who's never done that in his life.
  • England: Wears that one waiter outfit a lot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • Canada: Is actually a kinky little shit
  • Russia: Sells illegal memes in the black market
  • France: Wore crocs for a day
  • China: Tells awful dad jokes to his brothers and sisters
  • -Admin Canako

Russia: I have a knock-knock joke.

China: Oh god, no.

Russia: Yao, please? Please? Pleeease? Please let me.

China: Alright.

Russia: [ahem] Knock knock.

China: Who’s there?

Russia: KGB.

China: KG- [slap]

Russia: Ve vill ask zhe qvestions.

China: What the hell was that?? [lunges]

Russia: What are you doing?

China: What are YOU doing?

[catfight commences]

China: No more knock-knock jokes. That’s it.

America: Ding-dong.

China: [excited] Who’s there?

America: KGB.

China: Ivan, get the door.

Russia: I’m not answering the door.

China: Answer the door!

America: Ding-dong.

Russia: No way, it’s the KGB!

China: Yeah, you get it!

America: Ding-dong.

Russia: I’m not answering that.

China: Yes, you’re going to.

Russia: You answer it!

China: I’m not gonna answer it!

Russia: I’m not gonna answer it, it’s the KGB-

America: [slap] Zhe KGB vill vait for no one!

China: [smirking] HA!

Russia: [looks at camera] It’s true.