chimichanga!

Conversations you’ll most likely have with Wade Wilson

(A/N): I haven’t written one of these in forever but then I was thinking about it and Wade showed up in my mind so take this lil thing


“(Y/N), I was thinking, what if we made our own chimichangas?” 

“Do I trust you enough in my kitchen to do that?”

~

“If I figured out how to do an upside down Spiderman kiss would you willingly participate?” 

“Wade, the last time you tried you fell and broke your neck, we’re not starting this again,” 

~

“Wade Wilson a sub, huh?” 

“Don’t mock me, I can tell you’re mocking me,” 

~

“(Y/N), my skin hurts, it all hurts,” 

“I’m so sorry Wade, I don’t know- I don’t know what to do to help,” 

~

“I was once told I looked like an avocado had sex with another avocado,” 

“Well…that’s creative…” 

~

“Wade, we’ve been over this, you don’t have to hide behind a mask when you’re around me,” 

“I’m afraid one of these days you’re gonna wake up and realize how much I look like a monster,” 

~

“One of these days I want you to meet Eleanor, I think she’d really like you,” 

~

“I swear to god Wade if I wasn’t dating you you’d be dating Peter,” 

“I don’t think Tony approves of me so I’m going to have to say no to that statement,” 

~

“Aren’t they so beautiful?” 

“Wade, it’s 3 in the morning, who are you talking to?” 

“The readers,” 

“The who?”

“Nothin’, just go back to bed,” 

~

“God bless america!” 

“Wade, you’re canadian, stop with this nonsense,” 

~

“Why do you love me?”

“Because you’re beautiful inside and out, plus, who else is going to put up with my crazy,” 

~

“You’re insecure, don’t know what for-” 

“I look like a volcano exploded on the moon that’s why,” 

~

“Your ass is lookin’ fine today Wade,” 

“Trust me, I know,” 

~

“Wade we have spent almost a grand in mexican food this month,” 

“So I’m guessing that if I asked for tacos tonight you’re gonna say no?”

~

“Oh my god Wade! Don’t ever do that again!” 

“(Y/N), I’m fine, really, It’s just a little scratch,” 

“Wade your arm is actually missing shut the hell up,”

~

“If you ever so casually chop your fingers off again I swear I’m going to withhold sex from you for a week,”

~

“Did you know I love you?”

“Mhm,” 

“The voices in my head love you too,” 

“…Wade what the hell,” 

~

“Wade this is so gross, I can’t do this,” 

“Come on (Y/N) just stitch me up and I’ll be good as new- If you throw up into the gaping hole in my chest I will never forgive you,” 

~

“Wade I feel sick and If you don’t stop trying to pet me with that broom I swear I’m going to rip your hands off,” 

~

“I can’t believe you tried to use a fucking tide pen-” 

“I was young and inexperienced god,” 

~

“I think I got the suit wet with my blood and now I can’t get it off of me and I need help,” 

~

“So I may be a little late tonight, I’m kinda in the middle of somethin’,” 

*Casual sounds of screaming and gunshots in the background*

“Fine but I’m not making your chimichangas so you’re going to have to pick them up,” 

~

“I like you better without the mask,” 

“Do you now?”

“Yeah, You got a pretty nice face,” 

~

“I’ll love you till the end of time,” 

“Well you keep up with all this vigilante shit your time is running out buddy,”

“So…do you love me back or what?”

~

“If I have to come pick you up from a disappointed Fury one more time I may never take you out for food again,” 

~

“We don’t deserve you,” 

“Yeah you do buddy,” 

it’s always sunny seasons rated by macdennis content

Season 1: the first time we meet these codependent losers. episode 1 has the tequila scene. Gun Fever has them joined at the hip for the entire duration. mac calls dennis “den” steadily throughout. need i say more? 6/10. 

Season 2: sparse. they wear matching tracksuits, they crash a car together, but at the end of the day, mac bangs dennis’ mom. 4/10.

Season 3: mac pretends to blow dennis in a dance competition. mac saves dennis from prostitution. mac tells dennis he loves him. 8/10. 

Season 4: birthplace of the homoerotic nightmare that is Mac and Dennis: Manhunters. also home to such classics as mac waking dennis up with a gentle nose boop, the revelation that dennis listens to all of mac’s phone calls, and the hand-holding at the end of The Nightman Cometh that nobody asked for. 7/10.

Season 5: unbelievable. there’s no pointing listing anything here, because i’d be describing the entire season word for word. they’re banging the whole way through and if you cant see that i feel sorry for you. 10/10.

Season 6: dennis’ hair is too short in this season. nevertheless they buy a boat together, argue over matching halloween costumes, and break up dennis’ marriage to a woman by having a drunken sleepover. 6/10.

Season 7: mac and dennis care for and support each other by sharing chimichangas and plotting to do crack together in tommy bahama shirts. also, the word “macdennis” appears in canon for the first time. a truly blessed event. 5/10.

Season 8: starts off slow, but by episode 5, this season blossoms into a truly beautiful viewing experience. one word: Guiginos. 7/10.

Season 9: the promos for this season alone warrant at least a 7/10. mac fantasises about dennis screaming and crying “i love you” over his lifeless body. Chicago’s “You’re The Inspiration” will haunt me forever. 8/10. 

Season 10: another fairly sparse season. however, we do learn that mac and dennis jack off together, so that’s got to count for something. 5/10.

Season 11: two (almost) 40 year old men, so inseparable that the idea of living apart doesn’t even occur to them, move into a suburban family home together. it turns out to be a nightmare, but these things happen. bonus: dennis’ steadying hand on mac’s hip on the cruise ship. beautiful. 7/10.

Season 12: mac is officially an out gay man! dennis frequently claims he hates mac throughout, but still has to hold back tears when he’s given the rpg. i don’t want to talk about it. 9/10.