If you have a complicated relationship with your mother because of abuse or neglect, you don’t have to feel guilty regardless of how much or how little you choose to interact with her.

I know there’s a lot of pressure to acknowledge her even if she’s hurt you badly. If you choose to (or wish you could) keep your distance or even end your relationship with her, you’re not a bad child or ungrateful or mean.

If for any reason you do something nice for her, that doesn’t mean you give up your right to be angry or hurt by what she did before that. It doesn’t mean you give up your right to keep your distance or even end your relationship with her later on.

You don’t owe her. But it’s complicated sometimes, I understand. Just do your best to be gentle with yourself, and try to remember that you didn’t deserve what happened. You have always deserved care and respect.

It’s fun having to walk on eggshells at home

It’s fun staying in one room all the time.

It’s fun not being able to do what you want at home.

It’s fun always looking over your shoulder.

It’s fun being hyper-aware of where your parent is at all times.

It’s fun getting yelled at over anything and everything.

It’s fun having no energy to do basic cleaning.

It’s fun getting yelled at for not doing said cleaning.

It’s fun having to spend all your energy just to minimally function and deal with all the yelling.

It’s fun always weighing whether doing something (or not doing something) is better or worse than getting yelled at.

It’s fun always wondering if you forgot something and if you’ll get in trouble for it.

It’s fun always holding your breath when you’re in the same room or area as your parent.

It’s fun not being able to say you have a mental illness.

It’s fun knowing either they suspect or just don’t care and continue to yell at you for things you can’t do.

It’s fun never feeling truly safe or truly at home.

It’s fun having nowhere else to go.

It’s fun not being able to get any help.

It’s fun being isolated and alone.

Hey, guess what?

If you have a shitty father, you’re allowed to be angry about it.

If you have a shitty father, you don’t have to love them.

If you have a shitty father, you don’t have to feel bad or guilty about being angry and not loving them.

Your feelings are VALID.

They had no right to treat you like that.

Do something nice for yourself today; you earned it.

To anyone who says that they are "glorifying obesity"

Your rolls are not “glorious”

Sweat trapped under rolls is not good.

Stretch marks are natural, but when they are bold purple, and painful and tearing, its because your skin was not meant to expand so much, so quickly.

Neither are chafed thighs, red and raw just because of walking around too much, without coverings. Maybe because it’s summer and you got a new bathing suit. Maybe a dress or skirt. Its uncomfortable for a reason.

A bad diet very often will give you bad acne, which means that when you sweat, it stings badly.

Your knees hurting because you have trouble carrying the extra weight on your body, which was not meant to be there, is also for a reason.

Take time to notice that none of this is created by a “fat phobic” society.
This is your body telling you to STOP.
Stop eating so much .
To lose weight , you don’t need a gym or expensive foods.
Just think about what you put into your body.
Don’t treat your body like a trash bin.

Unhealthy foods aren’t “bad”, its just that they are treats, which you don’t need every day.

Drink water regularly, count the soda as a treat, because it’s not free of calories.

Lastly, stop pushing this shitty mentality that its OKAY TO GIVE UP ON YOURSELF TO CHILDREN.
A decent percentage of users on here are children!
This site is 13+

They have enough to deal with without fucking ADULTS telling them to inflict this pain on themselves.

Because they were “meant to be fat”.

Because they can not change it.

Cut that crap out.

They deserve better than living like that.

“What happened to that young girl was R-A-P-E. Her uncles are R-A-P-I-S-T-S. Not a train. 

 Black males LOVE to say they “run trains on black girls” when in fact they RAPE black girls. The former (i.e. run trains) carries a social stigma onto the female. INFERRING that she was a LOOSE WHORE who CONSENTED to MULTIPLE males having their turn with her because she has an insatiable sexual appetite that ONE dick couldn’t quell. When black males CLASSIFY their RAPE culture as “running trains” the SHAME is placed on the girl. The boys are seen as studs. They should be called RAPISTS. To be a RAPIST is NOTHING to boast about and so they don’t…they simply reclassify what they do to take the STIGMA away and (judicial) CONSEQUENCES out of it. 

 Never should another woman classify the MASS RAPE/ GROUP RAPE/GANG RAPE as “running a train”. It takes the CRIMINAL element off of the RAPISTS and turns the victim(female) into a whore who “consented” to guys lining up back to back to fuck her; smutting her out. That is GANG RAPE. It’s FILTHY, barbaric, and demoralizing, It should be STIGMATIZED as such with the perpetrators(black male rapists) wearing their SCARLET LETTER “R” by being BRANDED as rapists. NOT someone who “ran a train”. 

99% of these supposed trains ran are RAPE. It’s either done through coercion, deceit, pressure, force, or when the victim is under the influence. Never a situation where the female actually consents and is GLEEFULLY consenting to have it happen as the boasters relay to others. Many times the female will like ONE boy, he lures her into a private spot, then HE decides to pass her around to his RAPISTS buddies to be SEXUALLY ASSAULTED. Then he goes on to tell the world she wanted all of them to fuck her. Other times the girls have mental handicaps or were already molested so they don’t see value in their bodies but never do these girls actually want to have consensual sex with multiple guys at one time. Notice for all the bullshit about girls loving trains, it’s never a girl who brings up the idea to a group of guys?”

 - In response to a comment about a black female child having her 3 adult uncles ‘run a train’ on her. 

Barring a small handful of common-sense exceptions, kids should be allowed to hang out in their room with the door shut, and as they get older, locked. People need to be alone sometimes. That’s just sort of a common experience. This may come as a surprise to some folks, but children & teenagers are people. Sometimes they’ll get sad and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll get anxious and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll want to be alone and not really have a reason for it; that’s okay, too.

Harry Potter and Children’s Psychology: A Character Analysis

I can’t believe I’m writing this almost ten years after the final book has come out, but recently I came across something which denounced Harry as a generic character made for marketing purposes and honestly, I was rather shocked to see that there have been no real essays written about this. Certainly I may have missed something - if so, forgive yet another post about this subject.

This isn’t an argumentative defence, but rather that I hope to make a better reading experience after making certain things clear about the main character in the world’s most beloved series. I do not have a ph.D in the subject, but I am familiar with children’s psychology, and I wish to make some broad sketches related to this and Harry Potter.  

Harry Potter, without a doubt, is someone who has grown up in an abusive family. It’s not touched upon much in the films/books, but it’s very clear that he’s a victim of neglect and emotional abuse. The stigma placed on abuse in society would have you believe emotional abuse isn’t ‘real abuse’, and while I have opinions on this, neither is that the focus today, so I will move on. What is important here is that growing up in that kind of environment does leave heavy marks on the child. Victims of emotional abuse tend to 1) not be trusting towards authority figures 2) not try that hard in school 3) make few friends but be extremely loyal to the ones they do make and 4) have no sense of self preservation. Does any of this sound familiar?

There are of course more symptoms of emotional abuse, but these are the more obvious and more easily observable ones, so these are the four I will briefly explain and leave the rest for you to find if you come to be interested. I am not saying that every single emotionally abused child will have these exact symptoms, but these are the basic trends.

First, abused children tend not to trust authority figures. Why would they? Authority figures have either not noticed or not helped the child get out of a hostile environment, which either makes them incompetent or malicious. The authority figures at home are either outright incompetent or malicious to be neglecting a child.

Second is that abused children tend not to try very hard in school. For one, it is hard to keep up any kind of energy for academics when your home life is so awful. For another, children do rely on positive reinforcement to identify what is important to succeed in, and children from a neglect ridden family would receive none of that.

Third, emotionally abused children tend to have very few friends, because typically they will lack the confidence needed for a wide and meaningful social circle. Neglected children are often made to believe that they are not loved because of something that they did, and thus low self esteem is born. With low self esteem comes the question of why anyone would want to be friends with them. Thus, the first person who does offer friendship is someone the child will want to cling to, partially because it’s easy to believe no one else would like them, and partially out of gratefulness for the first person who chased away their loneliness.

Finally, neglected children tend to not view their lives as important as the lives of others. At home they are repeatedly told how worthless they are, and it is also shown in their interactions with their guardians. Children /are/ very impressionable. As a result, even if they are not exactly suicidal, emotionally abused children will often believe that if they died, it wouldn’t be a big loss.

And quite suddenly, a lot of Harry Potter’s characteristics make sense.

He is reckless and independent because he has learned that he can only trust himself. In Privet Drive, the total number of dependable adult figures for Harry has been zero (or else they would have been mentioned), which is not conductive to nurturing a sense of trust for adults. This is made worse in Hogwarts, when every time Harry attempts to go to an adult to solve a serious problem, he’s not taken seriously. Don’t forget that in the Philosopher’s Stone, the children did try to tell McGonagall about the theft first before going after it themselves.

He is average in academia because he has never been given a reason to try hard. In fact his best friend Ron is average naturally and gets jealous easily, and commonly ridiculed Hermione for being too smart in the first months of their friendship. The sole exception is Defence, which surprise surprise, had a friend of his father’s teaching it when Harry suddenly became very good at it. Added to that, there was a very real, very applicable reason for Harry to try hard with Defence - namely, that he’s had experience of needing it and likely realizes he’ll need it in the future.

He is loyal to his friends because he wants love and is afraid of abandonment. Harry readily admits in the first book that all he wanted was for the Dursleys to love him, and he only gave up on them after they made it very very very clear it wasn’t going to happen. However, this does not mean he gave up on love entirely, and children cannot help but want love and acknowledgement. Ron was the first to give that to him, and Hermione was the one who made the effort in their first year to become friends with them. Thus the ‘Golden Trio’ is born and not expanded upon, because Harry is not actually good at making new best friends.

He is selfless because he does not know how to love himself. Reading the novels carefully, while Harry does care about his life, he never even /thinks/ about the danger to himself when another is in danger. Yes, it is the sign of a hero. It is also the sign of someone who has been brought up to believe that their life is not as important as another’s, and hence they cannot even compare saving their own life vs saving another person’s life. Much of Harry’s acts of bravery stems from this too.

Now all of this seems very dark, but in fact I think it’s quite hopeful. Considering all of this, it means that Harry Potter the series is in part about how a victim of abuse can conquer their childhood and live well in spite of it. I could go on about this theme and its place in society, but since that isn’t the focus of this exploration, I’ll bring it back to Harry.

Is Harry a brave, independent hero with loyal friends? Yes, undoubtedly. What he’s experienced does not detract from what he has become. But knowing the subtler reasons for his actions suddenly add a whole layer of complexity to a character that might have seemed generic before, and I think that is also valuable.

You’re welcome to find Harry boring. I don’t deny that Harry’s point of view is very mundane compared to characters like Artemis Fowl or Ender. However, to call him generic is a disservice, to both his complex psychology and to JK’s writing.

In any case, thank you for your time.

Man I’m 21 and I still don’t have access to a closed or locked door, privacy, or anything. My parents don’t knock before they come into my room, I don’t even have a lock on my door to lock and if I did I’d get yelled at it but our parents took the locks off all the doors in the house except theirs when we moved in so no one could lock them. That was when my brother and I were in elementary school, which was fine then, except… My door didn’t even close back then. I wasn’t allowed to have it closed either.

Now I finally added a mechanism to close it but I’m still not allowed to have a lock, I’m still not allowed privacy, my parents come into my room while I’m gone and look through my things, they barge in without knocking while I’m actively present and while I’m asleep and look through my things.

My mom comes in and tells me off for not wearing “decent” clothing in my own room while I’m alone and it’s summer (not being decent being, a tank top. In summer. Anything that doesn’t have sleeves or anything that’s above mid thigh. We don’t have air conditioning) and she didn’t knock first.

It’s. It’s certainly something.


On 14 February, 2011, a Road Ranger discovered a pickup truck seemingly discarded on the shoulder of a Palm Beach road. Inside, he discovered 53-year-old Jorge Barahona and 10-year-old Victor Barahona, who was convulsing with seizures. A strong smell came from the car and the truck was filed with plastic containers of chemicals. It was noticed that Victor had seemingly been doused in chemicals. As the car was searched, investigators were horrified to discover human remains in a black garbage bag in the trunk of the car. It was soon revealed that the body was that of Nubia Barahona, Victor’s twin sister. As Victor was being treated at the hospital, it became evident that he had been a victim of abuse: he had chemical burns over large portions of his body, he had a broken collarbone, a broken arm, scars on his buttocks and abdomen, and even rope burns on his wrists. Jorge was immediately arrested, beginning one of America’s most disturbing child abuse cases. An autopsy revealed that Nubia had been beaten to death on 11 February - the same day a DCF official came to the family home to investigate a call to their abuse hotline. Following this call that was presumably placed by Nubia, Jorge beat her to death who “screamed and cried until she was dead.” 

It was revealed that Victor and Nubia were not the biological children of Jorge and his wife, Carmen. They had been adopted. An investigation into their past uncovered that Nubia had told somebody in school that she had been molested and teachers had noticed that the twins were often riddles with bruises, extremely thin, and appeared to always be starving. These findings were reported and DCF did follow up but the investigation was eventually dropped due to lack of evidence. A few days prior to the car being discovered, Carmen’s granddaughter, Alessandra, had told her therapist that when visiting the Barahona household, she witnessed the twins being bound by their hands and feet and being forced to stand in the bathtub for a number of hours. Carmen told Alessandra not to tell anybody about what she had witnessed because it was a “family secret.” The couple also had an 11-year-old autistic son, also called Jorge, who had attempted to tell DCF about the abuse the twins had been suffering but he was shrugged off as “low-functioning.” Unsurprisingly, the handling by the DCF was heavily criticized - there had been a number of occasions when they could have intervened and stopped the abuse. The trial is ongoing.

June is LGBT Pride Month, which means that today is a fine day to say this.

Parents are obligated to love, support, affirm, and protect their LGBTQ children. It’s not an issue of the parents’ rights to raise their children how they want to. It’s not a matter for individuals to decide. It’s not even a subject that’s up for debate. The rule is that parents have a duty to their children, and that duty doesn’t stop just because the child happens to be LGBTQ identified.

anonymous asked:

tony and tchalla were arguing when suddenly tchalla raised his hand , and tony react. and thats how tchalla know that tony was abused (by his father / ex) thankyouu!

Warning for past child abuse.

This can also be read on Ao3

They’re arguing about Steve, and Tony hates it, hates that this new, fragile, beautiful thing between them is being ruined by Steve Fucking Rogers, hates that he can’t be okay with his boyfriend hosting him and his merry band of outlaws in their home, hates that he’s still so scared of them, hates that he’s still not able to shake that bone-deep fear of those bigger and stronger than him that’s lurked in his very marrow for years.

He’s already on edge, is the thing. He’s already thinking about Howard, about the man that Tony could never measure up to in his father’s eyes, already thinking about the pain Steve inflicted in that godforsaken corner of Siberia. He’s already on edge, and when T’Challa raises his hand, Tony flinches.

Keep reading

I wanna inroduce a new term for all the people who had to or want to end it with their family. Familess. Term for everyone who cut off their families forever. Weather it was due to physical, emotional, sexual abuse, narcissism, sociopathy, homophobia, transphobia, or any other kind of abuse, we all made the hard choice of living without family rather than to be continually abused.

It would mean you know that a blood bond can be betrayed from the side of abuser, and broken by the survivor. It means that we’ve been damaged so heavily by our creators we abandoned any sort of purpose they had for us and live our lives for ourselves. It also means we had to cut off our roots and find our place in the world all on our own. We cannot be defined by usual norms of society, we don’t fit into boxes, we don’t have our strength and stability in our roots, we had to rebuild everything all on our own and start anew. 

Even for people who still live with abusive families and are currently feeling helpless and terrified, this term can be applied, because they don’t even in this moment have a family, they’re already familess, and fighting all on their own against those who betrayed them. 

anonymous asked:

I have a friend (19yearsold) and he is in a horrible situation. His mom is very manipulative and even abusive to some extend. He can't afford therapy and his mom won't let him go anyway. How can I support him without making it worse?

  • Help him get a prepaid cell phone

  • Give him a place to stay as often as you can. Just being away from abuse for a few hours can be a big relief.

  • Remind him that he is being abused. It can be very hard for survivors to recognize their own abuse and prioritize their own safety.

  • Reassure him that his safety and well-being is important and that you care about him.

  • Encourage him to do everything he can to get away from his mom.

  • Send him links to abuse survivor resources such as blogs here on tumblr and other online communities so he can see he is not alone.

  • help him learn to drive, if he doesn’t know how to already.

  • Help him look for a job, and if he gets one, help him hide money from his abuser.

  • Help him find a place to stay that isn’t with his abuser.

  • Most importantly remind him that he is important, his feelings and well being are important, and that its important to get away from his abuser, and that you want to help him any way you can.