child-abuse

When I say I have repressed memories I think people tend to think I’m jumping to conclusions, and/or faking.

No, I have very real and detailed memories of SOME of my childhood abuse. But, even so I’m litteraly missing years upon years of memories.

I have huge gaps in my memory, and I’ve forgotten about a lot of my trauma. It’s not that “it wasn’t that bad” it’s that it was that bad, and then some, and my little brain couldn’t process all the trauma.

Being abused can seriously affect your ability to distinguish between “not obviously pleased” and “obviously displeased” because abusers go from Neutral to Hostile for absolutely no discernible reason, and eventually you start worrying that everyone is going to be like that and you start feeling this urge to make absolutely sure that the people you actually care about aren’t mad or upset, because to you, “there’s no evidence that they’re not angry” is the same as “there’s evidence that they are angry”

One thing that really gets me about today’s society is how emotional/psychological child abuse is normalized and even celebrated.

I’ve noticed a phenomenon of parents getting together and talking about how they’re such a Mean Mom or Mean Dad and how they’re raising their children to be respectful. They talk about destroying their children’s possessions, isolating them, humiliating them, and/or publicly shaming them.

And when these people hear about, say, a parent smashing a kid’s phone for not cleaning their room or burning their possessions or filming a punishment or embarrassing moment and putting it up on social media, they commend the parents for “teaching the kids a lesson”.

Why the fuck do we, as a society, think this is okay?

It doesn’t teach kids valuable life lessons, it teaches them to be scared of repercussions. It’s bullying and child abuse and for some reason, people think that’s commendable.

Whenever I hear people saying “haha I bet that 14 year old learned a lesson”, it instantly makes me suspicious of them. I will instantly think of you as either a potential child abuser or a child abuse enabler.

As a survivor of psychological abuse, people dismissing this behavior as “harmless life lessons” makes me wonder if it really was abuse. If I deserved it. If I really deserved to have my pet’s life threatened because I was a liar.

It’s not cute. It’s not “good parenting”. It’s intimidating, shaming, and traumatizing your child into compliance.

There are many explosions stored inside of your body. You know what sets them off and you stay away. Nobody but you gets to decide when one should be set off. Nobody has the right to rip out of your body the pain you’re carrying and to make you feel it before you’re ready.
—  you have a right to your comfort zone.
{tw: child abuse} Please help save my baby cousin


Hey guys, so i normally don’t post things like this but my family is dealing with some serious problems right now.


my baby cousin Everett is fighting for his life in the ICU right now because of his horrible excuse for a mother 

he was barely 4 months old and had already received a broken arm, broken ribs, shaken baby syndrome, and then his mother raised him up above her head and slammed him into the wood floor causing a SEVERE brain injury. 
the doctors found new blood on top of old blood on his brain. god only knows what else this monster did to this child.


here is the police report article about the arrest of his mother HERE

There has been a facebook page set up for moral support and status updates about Everett’s condition HERE 

my family was originally just accepting money orders/checks and selling t shirts and wristbands to local friends and supporters but it isnt enough.

they finally put together a gofundme account for Everett and I am going to IMPLORE you all to PLEASE donate anything you can, if you can.
and if you can’t donate then at least signal boost this and share it with everyone you know <3  GOFUNDME CLICK HERE 

Everett was recently making a lot of progress, he was in rehab and speech therapy and was starting to be fed from a bottle again, but the other day things took a turn for the worse and he is in the ICU again with a swollen skull and more fluid on his brain




please please PLEASE boost this and keep my cousin in your thoughts <3

i seriously cannot thank you all enough in advanced for any shares or donations this may gain 

please help save this baby boy

One of the most ludicrous things parents say is “Why aren’t you more grateful to us for feeding, clothing, and sheltering you?!”

It’s because you’re the parent. You have a duty to feed, clothe, and shelter your children. You’re not doing them a favor by making sure they don’t starve. You’re fulfilling one of the responsibilities of parenting. Your children don’t owe you for doing what you’re obligated to do.

If you have a complicated relationship with your mother because of abuse or neglect, you don’t have to feel guilty regardless of how much or how little you choose to interact with her.

I know there’s a lot of pressure to acknowledge her even if she’s hurt you badly. If you choose to (or wish you could) keep your distance or even end your relationship with her, you’re not a bad child or ungrateful or mean.

If for any reason you do something nice for her, that doesn’t mean you give up your right to be angry or hurt by what she did before that. It doesn’t mean you give up your right to keep your distance or even end your relationship with her later on.

You don’t owe her. But it’s complicated sometimes, I understand. Just do your best to be gentle with yourself, and try to remember that you didn’t deserve what happened. You have always deserved care and respect.

VIDEO: Cop Pepper Sprays School Kids as they Express Outrage Over Officer Assaulting 8th-Grader

In a blatant abuse of authority, a Las Vegas cop was recently caught on cell phone video pepper-spraying a group of high school students. Instead of committing a crime or threatening the officer’s safety, the teens were simply asking why he was physically assaulting an 8th grader when he suddenly fired pepper spray into their eyes.

On Friday, a student recorded a cell phone video of a Las Vegas police officer slamming an eighth-grade student’s head against the hood of his patrol car while pulling the kid’s hair. The 8th grader had been taken into custody after he allegedly trespassed onto the campus of Eldorado High School and refused to leave. According to police, a crowd of students gathered around the officer when the boy’s sister asked the aggressive cop to leave her brother alone.
“What the f**k are you doing to him?” a girl asks the cop a moment before he shoots her and nearly half the students in their faces with pepper spray.

source

The way police treat kids is just amazing. An adult man surrounded by children beats a boy and then sprays the rest kids - is it a demonstration of power or what? Fuck that! Cops are not humans.

trauma processing information ahead: you doubt your feelings relating to a certain event because when it happened you don’t remember as if it hurt you, you remember it as it maybe it wasn’t that traumatic, maybe it didn’t affect you so much, you feel like you handled it just fine and you weren’t so scared or pained by it back then and you don’t feel you can call that traumatic but then in present you suddenly get overwhelmed with pain and fear and grief and even anger and you try to stuff it down because NO IT WASN’T THAT BAD and you keep convincing yourself you’re overreacting because you can remember that it was not that bad and you keep thinking it didn’t even matter

So now try to remember when it first happened, it could be that you were still really small, or you were directly faced with the abuser/danger, or you were in unsafe environment where you couldn’t freely express, but the thing is, it didn’t hurt so bad the first time because you were unable to both survive and feel that amount of pain. Children’s bodies are not capable of withstanding traumatic amount of pain and survive, that pain is repressed and dissociated for later when bodies are big and strong and able to survive it. You cannot allow yourself to experience pain and fear that would make you extremely vulnerable and thus less likely to survive in traumatic situation so in that case too, your body represses the emotions and settles on dissociation until you’re safe enough and strong enough for these to be properly processed. 

Only reason it “didn’t feel so bad” back then is because your body repressed the pain and fear to save you. But the amount of pain and terror and anger you’re feeling now is exactly how bad it was. You’re only now experiencing on your own skin how actually bad it was! That’s how badly you were hurt. You’re not overreacting or making a big deal out of it now, you were unable to feel how bad it was before. Your feelings are always there for a reason, they’re generated inside you by harm that was done to you and you can trust them. Your reactions are not wrong, your feelings are not wrong, it was exactly that bad.

Barring a small handful of common-sense exceptions, kids should be allowed to hang out in their room with the door shut, and as they get older, locked. People need to be alone sometimes. That’s just sort of a common experience. This may come as a surprise to some folks, but children & teenagers are people. Sometimes they’ll get sad and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll get anxious and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll want to be alone and not really have a reason for it; that’s okay, too.

It’s fun having to walk on eggshells at home

It’s fun staying in one room all the time.

It’s fun not being able to do what you want at home.

It’s fun always looking over your shoulder.

It’s fun being hyper-aware of where your parent is at all times.

It’s fun getting yelled at over anything and everything.

It’s fun having no energy to do basic cleaning.

It’s fun getting yelled at for not doing said cleaning.

It’s fun having to spend all your energy just to minimally function and deal with all the yelling.

It’s fun always weighing whether doing something (or not doing something) is better or worse than getting yelled at.

It’s fun always wondering if you forgot something and if you’ll get in trouble for it.

It’s fun always holding your breath when you’re in the same room or area as your parent.

It’s fun not being able to say you have a mental illness.

It’s fun knowing either they suspect or just don’t care and continue to yell at you for things you can’t do.

It’s fun never feeling truly safe or truly at home.

It’s fun having nowhere else to go.

It’s fun not being able to get any help.

It’s fun being isolated and alone.

I’m telling you

to not hit your kids

to not spank or slap or punch or lash them

because it fucking traumatizes them

if you can’t handle irritation

if you can’t handle hyperactivity and loudness and wildness of a new human in development who is figuring out how their body works and what they can do and what they want to do

then what the fuck did you expect a child is

did you have kids with expectations of “oh i’ll have a small human i’ll be able to control completely”

“oh i’ll be able to shape this small creature into whatever I want it to be”

“oh I’ll have someone to support me and to work for me and pay for itself”

“oh I’ll have someone to comfort me and to love me despite my manipulative and cruel nature because they depend on me”

“oh I’ll be able to live the life I couldn’t through this new human that I made for myself who should listen to me always”

then fucking change all of these expectations to “I have chosen to help a new human to grow into whatever they’re supposed to be and I WILL NOT MESS WITH THEIR DEVELOPMENT TO SATISFY MY PERSONAL NEEDS”

If you can’t just fucking cherish that you have someone’s complete trust and affection and that you can watch them grow and figure everything, that you can follow through their phases and support them and be damn proud of them when they become what they want to be

then you’re not a parent material

stop fucking up your kids lives to make yourself feel better

asshole.

Little girl traumatised by racial abuse, tried to ‘scrub off’ black skin                            

AN ABORIGINAL mother has been left reeling after her three-year-old daughter was victim to a vicious racist attack during a trip to Melbourne.

Ballarat resident Rachel Muir took her daughter Samara, 3, to a Disney-themed children’s event at Watergardens shopping centre in Taylors Lakes last month.

Dressed as Queen Elsa from the animated film Frozen, Samara waited for two hours in line for a children’s snow pit.

But the day ended in tears when Samara was subjected to a spate of racial slurs from a mother and her two daughters waiting in line.

“The lady in front of us turned around to Samara and said ‘I don’t know why you’re dressed up for because Queen Elsa isn’t black’,” Ms Muir said.

“I asked the woman what she meant by the comment and then one of the woman’s young daughters screwed up her face, she pointed at Samara and said ‘you’re black and black is ugly’.”

Ms Muir said she was left stunned by the hateful comments.

Samara burst into tears and hid her face behind her hands.

“I looked around the line and there were little girls of all different races lining up dressed as their favourite Disney characters,” Ms Muir said.

“We were in Melbourne, one of the most multicultural places in the world. 

“I couldn’t believe it.”

Refusing to be broken by the abuse, Ms Muir and Samara held hands and waited until they got to the front of the line.

But, in the days following the incident, Samara became withdrawn and refused to go to her weekly Aboriginal dance class. 

“When I asked why she didn’t want to go, she pointed at the skin on her arm and asked why she was black,” Ms Muir said. Samara even tried to scrub her body to remove her black skin.

“I told her ‘because God gave you that skin colour, because you’re a proud blackfella like mum’.” 

Ms Muir wrote a Facebook post about the incident to her family and friends. Within days it had been shared more than 1300 times. 

“The saddest part of it all is that racism is alive and well and the next generation are being subjected to it,” Ms Muir said. “Nobody is born into this world a racist. It is learnt behaviour. It can be changed.”

Ms Muir said she shared the post to challenge bigoted views that still existed. 

The attack was condemned by Ballarat and District Aboriginal Co-operative chief executive Karen Heap, who said racism was still rampant in Australia.

“You ask anybody who is a darker shade living in this country and they will tell you racism well and truly still exists,” Ms Heap said.

“It almost cuts deeper these days because it isn’t as blatant as it used to be, so when it happens it comes as shock.

“It is horrendous that a grown woman would say that in front of her own children and to another innocent child. Rachel and Samara are proud Aboriginal women and that’s the way it should be.”

Ms Heap said it mirrored an incident last year, in which respected Aboriginal elder Ted Lovett was racially vilified at a Ballarat football match.

“The aftermath of incidents like this are shattering,” Ms Heap said.

“We live in a supposedly multicultural society but there is still so much more education and work that is needed to overcome racial discrimination.”

Federation University lecturer in humanities Dr Lesley Speed said a lack of diversity in popular culture played a significant role in setting social stereotypes that could lead to racism.

“There has been controversy over Disney because many of Disney’s movies are centred on the conventional ideas of beauty, femininity and masculinity,” she said.

“Frozen, which is supposed to be inspired by Scandinavians, doesn’t reflect indigenous Scandinavians who are traditionally people of colour. 

“The lack of diversity has the potential for popular culture to be discouraging for children who see themselves as different if they don’t look like that.

“It would be great to see more diverse princesses.”

Ms Muir made an official complaint to the shopping centre’s management after the incident and found the staff to be “extremely apologetic”. 

She said the shopping centre’s management told her antisocial behaviour was not tolerated and there would be extra security at future events.

Source: http://www.thecourier.com.au/story/3144181/you-could-never-be-elsa-little-girl-in-racist-attack/

UPDATE:

JUNE 22: Queen Elsa herself sends a personal video message to Samara all the way from Disney World in Orlando, Florida.

JUNE 17: World crowns Samara Queen after racist attack.

One thing I’ll never understand is how parents and other parties who constantly say “Well this is MY house!” seem so baffled when the person hearing it starts to feel like they’re unwelcome and not at home in the space.