child-abuse

How To Run Away From Home Masterpost

Ordinarily I’d just push y’all to the main blog, but the likelihood of clickthroughs from Tumblr is low, and I think this is really important information for a lot of folks out there in Tumblrland. This post is LONG.

Here’s the most important info from the HTRAFH series I posted on OSG this week. The OSG proper posts are linked throughout the text.

Where are you going? Who can help you? What do you need?

Not only do you need to pack a bug-out bag with some or all of your life necessities, but you need to be emotionally prepared for the fallout.

This is not an easy decision, and it should not be made lightly. Being completely independent and unsupported by your parents is fucking hard, which is why >70% of runaways go back home within a day. People doubt you and belittle you, it’s hard to get systematic support from schools or social workers, and you’ll be in therapy basically forever. It sucks. But it can be worth it.

Leveraging your freedom with the emotional and social consequences of being parent-free makes running away and life after being kicked out really difficult. When you commit to getting out, you have to make a lot of uncomfortable and difficult decisions that center on: which is worse.

  • Which is worse: living in a homeless shelter or feeling like a hostage of your family?
  • Which is worse: getting a crappy job or being financially dependent on family members who use money as a form of control?
  • Which is worse: uncomfortable conversations with police and social services or enduring abuse?

Make a Plan

What should you plan? How do you even get started?

The most important things you’ll need to know how to find are: housing, money, and support.

If you had to get out of the house in two minutes:

  • Where can you go?
  • How can you get there?
  • What would you do the next day? The next month?
  • How can you get food?
  • How can you get money?
  • What else do you need?
  • How can you keep from getting dragged back “home”?
  • Who can and will help you stay away?

Come up with a concrete plan that covers those things. If you can, come up with alternate plans in the event things don’t go the way you thought they would. Your friends’ parents may be generous to let you stay for a week, and they might even feed you when you’re there, but you need to think beyond that.

You can’t live off of other people’s generosity forever. Couch-surfing and crashing with someone rent-free must be a temporary part of your plan.

You’ll want to find long-term housing, whether it’s with a shelter, a hostel, or a transitional living program. At some point you will need money–for shelter, food, health, and fun. Find ways to make a living, even if it’s doing something as passive as taking surveys and watching videos on your phone.

Talk to people. See which friends can help you out, and who can point you in the direction of case workers. Call shelters and social services to ask for help. Apply for grants and financial assistance. You never know who is willing to help until you ask them.

If nothing else, know where to find a homeless shelter and food bank.


Pack Your Bug-Out Bag

What’s a Bug-Out Bag?

It’s a bag that’s ready and waiting for you when you need to get out–whether it’s a temporary relocation or a permanent escape. It’s a term used by the preppers but it’s also used among runaways and throwaways as a bag that has the bare essentials for striking out on your own.

Chances are, you can’t fit everything you need in a single bag–and even more likely, you won’t have access to the things you need to put in a bag. But figuring out exactly what you need is the key to planning a bug-out bag and your immediate future.

When I left home, I had an extra pair of pants and my wallet with a few dollars inside. I didn’t have a phone or a debit card or anything. Now I have a hoarded 300-square-foot apartment–living proof that if you keep pushing through, you will eventually have the material objects you need.

But if you can make a bug-out bag, find a safe space (or several safe spaces) and gather the essentials. If you’re in an abusive situation where your possessions and privacy are strictly controlled or monitored, you’ll have to be extra sneaky.

Good places to hide stuff:

  • between the mattress and box spring
  • underwear drawer
  • coat/pants pockets
  • bottom of a clothes hamper or trash can
  • an air vent
  • friends’ houses
  • sticks of deodorant
  • old pill bottles
  • book/binder safe
  • potted plants
  • battery compartments of electronics

What do you need in your Bug-Out Bag?

Anything that you might need or want if you had to get out of the house in less than five minutes. Here is a one-page printable checklist for pre-packing your bug-out bag:

edit: As a youth who was kicked out in a time before cell phones were ubiquitous, I neglected to include a phone on this list. However, if your parents pay for your phone, it can be cut off at any time or be used for blackmail against you. If you can spare the $10, get a burner phone at Walmart for emergencies.


Who Can Help?

What kind of things do you need on your Bug-Out Bag info list? Think about what you’ll need once you’re on your own. Money, food, housing, medical care, emotional support…

Keep a list of all of the people and places that can give you that so you know where to go in the middle of the night. These can be:

  • friends
  • family members of friends
  • your own sympathetic family members
  • social services/child protective services
  • the police
  • hotlines
  • domestic violence centers
  • shelters
  • food banks
  • employment offices
  • clinics
  • college financial aid offices
  • the library, which can put you in touch with all of the above

Seriously, I cannot emphasize the last one enough. Your local public or school library has so many regional-specific resources available for you if you just ask. If nothing else, the library is a good place to stay during the day when you have nowhere else to go.


Resources

Note: These links are mostly US-specific because that’s where I live. A quick Google search for these service keywords and your country or area will go a long way in finding supportive providers.

Crisis Hotlines and Chat Support

Most crisis help lines can help you out when you plan to run away from home by searching for shelters and case workers for you, or just by talking through the reasons you want to run away from home. They’re a great resource to have on hand when you’re feeling lost.

Abuse Reporting and Recovery

Whether you’re trying to become emancipated, press charges against your parents, or you just need help with the emotional fallout when you run away from home, these organizations can help you find the resources that work for your specific situation.

Homelessness

Shelters gain and lose funding all the time, so it always helps to search for what’s still open in your immediate area. These websites and organizations can help with that search, but again: libraries are often safe spaces and the staff there know what’s in your neighborhood better than a stranger on the internet.

Transitioning to Independence

Many of the homeless shelters and youth programs listed above have transitional housing programs, but here are two good resources for getting help transitioning to independent living when transitional housing programs aren’t available.

  • Help When You Need It: connects you with local providers for financial, food, and housing assistance
  • Year Up: transitional living programs that get you employed and housed within a year

Health and Wellness

Many homeless youth struggle with receiving adequate health care on the streets. These two sites help connect you with general and mental health services in your area, but they are by no means exhaustive lists. Search for free or tiered-payment clinics in your area for local providers.

General Youth Support

Most helplines and providers focus on immediate problems such as homelessness or abuse, but youth who run away from home have any number of other issues to deal with, from dating to drugs to staying in school. These organizations help supplement the day-to-day drama you have to deal with. Many larger cities also have youth centers, so be sure to search for what’s in your area.

  • Boys and Girls Club: outreach and after-school programs, as well as counselors and case workers who can connect you with local providers
  • ReachOut: information and advice for common issues facing youth today
  • YWCA: programs and services for at-risk youth
  • CenterLink: LGBT-focused community and youth groups

If you have any additional resources to add to this list, please reblog them or send me an Ask and I’ll update the list here and at OSG.

a personal mix of sorts, about my dysfunctional and abusive childhood.

track list:

1. metric / youth without youth

2. smashing satellites / waterfall

3. melanie martinez / dollhouse

4. muse / dead inside

5. mother mother / happy

6. of monsters and men / organs

7. nine inch nails / the day the world went away

8. metric / blindness

9. good charlotte / emotionless

10. three days grace / just like you

11. shinedown / burning bright

listen here

artist

Attention all non-Asian peeps

Stop joking about how abusive and controlling Asian parents are.

1. Why are you even joking about child abuse in the first place??? Why

2. You are contributing to the stereotype of all Asian parents as abusers, the stereotype that every Asian kid is struggling under the iron grip of their parents over grades.

What does that create? The assumption that abuse is “normal” for Asian kids and that Asian abuse victims are just whining. Abuse is NOT normal in any culture, regardless of how barbaric you want them to be. 

It also creates a situation where kids don’t want to report abuse because they don’t want to contribute to the stereotype. When I was sent to the counselor I had to choose between trying to get help and not drilling the idea of every Asian kid being grade slaves into her head. We shouldn’t have to convince people that mistreating us is abnormal.

Please stop. Those jokes hurt people and help perpetuate abuse within the Asian community.

Fucking P fucking S fucking A

ABUSE AND PTSD

  • Don’t fucking hit your children.
  • Don’t fucking scream to your children.
  • Don’t fucking lead your children to think that it’s all their fault.
  • Don’t fucking remove essential contact methods and coping resources from your children.
  • Don’t fucking try to force a path on your children.
  • Don’t fucking misgender your children.
  • Don’t fucking be ableist towards your children.
  • Don’t fucking threat your children.
  • Don’t fucking try to control everything your children do.
  • Don’t fucking try to make your children a copy of yourself.
  • Don’t fucking sexually abuse your children.
  • Don’t fucking be homophobic/transphobic/etc towards your children.
  • Don’t fucking try to change your children’s world views to match yours because.
  • Don’t fucking try to kill your children to create a traumatized robot.
  • Don’t fucking judge your children for being themselves.

IF YOU CAN’T DO ANY OF THIS

  • Don’t fucking have children
  • Period.

UGH! FUCK!

it’s genuinely really distressing to me that the model of parent-child relationships doesn’t seem to match up with the agreed-upon model for healthy relationships in general.

like

any healthy relationship should be based on mutual consent and a degree of equality. honesty and trust are key. abuse should never be present, and if it is, the abused party should be able to leave the relationship.

but so often, parent-child relationships aren’t like this at all. no consent is involved, not ever on the part of the child and sometimes not even on the part of the parent. children who run away from home are, more often than not, returned back home by law enforcement to whatever godawful home situation was worse than living on the run/being homeless.

equality is completely lacking in most parent-child relationships, with the parent having almost total autonomy over their child. same goes for honesty and trust: parents rarely trust their children, and can (ab)use their power to keep important information from their children as well. kids, in turn, don’t trust their parents not to abuse their power, and will often lie to their parents in order to avoid punishment.

lastly, child abuse is still largely normalized in many western societies. parents on facebook trade tips on how to punish and humiliate their children as they might trade cooking tips. spanking is still legal (and often encouraged) for parents in America across the board, and for teachers/school officials it’s legal in 19 states. there are apps and devices used to monitor and control children (the mosquito, tattletype) which would be considered infringement of basic rights were they used on any other group of people.

basically, i’m just becoming more and more opposed to the way parent-child relationships currently work, because the potential for abuse is so frighteningly huge

lushhhpinkkk-deactivated2015062 asked:

The Duggar's molestation scandal is disgusting but seriously do not mock someone's religion. If they really believe that Josh Duggar will be forgiven for what he has done just let them have that. It's not right and they won't be forgiven but don't pin this on the Christian religion, please.

I’m not pinning it on the Christian religion or mocking individual Christians who are not involved in this scandal.  I AM pointing out how hypocritical it is that the Christian right wing claims they are against gay/trans rights and sexual freedom and contraception because of “family values” but actively protects and covers up pedophilia and child abuse and incest in their own community.  

I’m not going to keep silent about the fact that a religious institution is deeply culpable for the mass abuse of children because I’m supposed to respect all religions.  I don’t respect child abusers and those who enable child abuse.  I’m not going to stand idly by while these people say we should forget about this issue because they and their god have “forgiven” a child rapist when they offer no mention of the wellbeing of the children who were abused and no evidence that this is an issue they take seriously or have taken steps to prevent in the future.  Fuck them.

And if you are a member of the Christian church and don’t want to be associated with the child abusers in your midst, push the church to hold them accountable.  Don’t come after people like me and other bloggers and news outlets for simply SHARING information about the case in the hopes that it never happens again.

Social workers, doctors, nurses, teachers and humanitarian staff who have worked inside Australia’s detention centres have united in an unprecedented show of defiance against new laws that could see workers in detention centres jailed [a 2 year jail sentence] for speaking out about abuses.

“If we witness child abuse in Australia we are legally obliged to report it to child protection authorities. If we witness child abuse in detention centres, we can go to prison for attempting to advocate for them effectively.

I guess these poor children don’t deserve our protection. There are no words to describe how foul and devastating this is. The doctors, healthcare workers and other staff standing against this act are absolutely incredible. 

When I was about 7 was the first time I remembered being physically abused, I never lived with my mum or met my dad because their consumption of hundreds of drugs, drinking non stop and smoking. so I was adopted by my grandma. She is a very angry person but I remember now that I made the mistake of never standing up for myself. I would do something wrong and she’d come thump her fist hard into my back multiple times, I would cry and run into my room and hide under the blankets and she’d yell “When I cried my mother just hit me harder", she ripped the blankets off and hit me with a wooden rod, right across the fingers as I tried to protect parts of my body, I would yell and cry for her to stop but she never did. If I ever stood up for myself she’d yank my hair back and yell right into my face then slap my face until i’d pull away. She’d try get any bit of skin, she knew the weak parts like my ears, fingers, backbone, knees and she’d hit me about 20 times with a metal cote hanger. I went to school for years bruised and broken not saying a word. I’m 17 now and I’m taller so she can’t hit me but even when I was 14 I still held back every tear as I got hit and accepted it, that was how life was to me. But it wasn’t. I don’t want young boys/girls thinking that it has to be this way, if you’re a victim of any type of abuse reading this PLEASE, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, BE STRONG, LOOK THE PERSON ABUSING YOU RIGHT IN THE EYE, TELL THEM THEY CAN NOT TOUCH YOUR SKIN, THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO LEAVE ANY MARKS ON YOUR SKIN. TELL A FRIEND, A SCHOOL TEACHER, A FAMILY MEMBER, TELL SOMEONE. MAKE YOURSELF SAFE, CHILD ABUSE IS NOT OKAY.

Reminder that someone can love you and be abusive to you.
Someone can be nice to you sometimes or a lot of the time and still be abusive to you.
Someone can not mean to be abusive to you, and be abusive to you.
It still counts. Your experiences are real and your feelings are valid.

youtube

I don’t normally post trigger warnings or shit like that, but this video contains physical, emotional, and mental child abuse. If you’re hypersensitive to that stuff do not watch this video.

Basically a father is trying to leave his exwife and (for whatever reason) he has her phone so, out of nothing but pure spite, she decides to hit his kids, threaten to kill all of them, and say even more horrible things including telling the kids that their mother left them because she didn’t love them and blaming them for the fiasco taking place in the video.

What’s killing me is that people are getting pissed off at the father. Which I understood when I first saw it. He doesn’t intervene when the abuse happens, he just records it. I was pissed too, but that was before I found out that the courts did not believe him when he tried to report his exwife for child abuse.

He didn’t step in because he had to get evidence that these things were going on. And physically trying to intervene, escalating the situation even further could have landed the dad in jail, not the exwife. How in the hell was he supposed to get justice for his kids if he beat the shit out of her? He wouldn’t. He would have gotten arrested. And if their biological mother wasn’t involved, where are his kids supposed to go? That just leaves them in a vulnerable position with their abuser.

There is an undeniable bias against men in the legal system. The situation should not have had to resort to this, but unfortuately it had to. He did what was necessary to get her in jail, keep himself out of it, and protect his kids.

Also: Real life Satan in walmart pajamas only recieved a 1600 dollar fine, 1 month of jail time, and 2 years of probation for this.

PS FUCKING A

If your kid feels uncomfortable eating veal, lamb or wild game because it disagrees with their morals, do not try to force them.

If your kid feels uncomfortable eating ANY kind of meat because it disagrees with their morals, do not force them.

And god damn it, if eating meat makes your kid sick take them to a fucking doctor and do not force them to eat it just because you don’t feel like altering your eating habits.

I’ve been forced to do all three and it makes me have panic attacks, and I really need parents to realize how these things can harm their kids. I never see tumblr talking about it, so I figured I would.

2

Mary Ellen Wilson was an American girl whose child abuse inflicted at the hands of her foster parents, led to the creation of the New York Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. She was beat and locked in a cupboard by her foster parents. Note the cuts and bruising on the photo above. The other image also shows the small, messy, apartment she was confined to.

kidding around, pt 3

last time

this is just outrageously out of control. but i am having a blast so *throws up hands*

happy continuing birthday kahn-on-tumblr xD

warnings: implied past child abuse


“Tony. Tony come on, this is a terrible idea,” Rhodey says a little later.

Ignoring him, Tony says, “Okay, who can tell me what a robot is? Steve, I think you know a little something about this, huh?”

“A robot’s a big metal man!”

“Metal is common, yes; man, not always, although we do tend to love making them in our image.”

“It is a creation to do things for us,” Thor says and Tony points at him.

“Hey, that’s good Thor, nice,” Rhodey says and Thor beams.

“Transformers are robots,” Sam says, leaning back out of Tony’s grip so he can look back at Rhodey. Tony catches him before he slides over his arm and onto his head with a hand around his waist.

Rhodey grins at Sam. “That’s right, too.”

“Now, see, I make robots,” Tony says and keys in his access code to the workshop.

Keep reading

Dear dad, this Father's Day, I want to say...

Finish the sentence with what you would say to your abusive father if you could tell him the truth.

I have just been made aware that there is a BronyCon. A. Brony. Con.

They call themselves the world’s largest convention “for and by the fans of the animated tv series My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” But I can, in good conscience and in reconciliation with my oath to always be truthful, that the attendance of BRONYCon is not 100% little girls. And it makes me sick.

Because what if parents aren’t aware of what a brony is? What if they only see that description of the con, that it’s FOR the fans of a cartoon MADE FOR CHILDREN, with an intended audience of little girls? And what if they take their children, mostly little girls but still little boys too, to find neck beards and fedoras dresses up as -gag- kink-versions of their children’s favorite characters? Panels of sexual subtext in the show? Booths filled with explicitly gorey and HIGHLY sexual art? What if they run into goddamn CLOPPERS?

Jesus Christ will the bronies stop at nothing to not only entirely alienate the incredibly young intended audience of this show but entirely scar these children, irreparably, for life?

I am nauseous.