child-abuse

you hit me when i was little. i think i was five the first time i wanted to kill myself, because of you, and the feeling never really went away afterwards. eventually, at nine, i concluded that i should do my best to be a good child so you wouldn’t hit me anymore. you were the parent, stronger and smarter and you wouldn’t ever yield, so i would. we still fought, but you didn’t hit me. at twelve, you told me that suicidal people were stupid. i realised that i must be stupid, in that case, and did my best to ignore those feelings so i wouldn’t be stupid.

i’m older now, and you say you love me and you haven’t hit me in years, and you hug me and tell me that i’m your world and you apologised for what you did but i still don’t feel safe in your arms and i know you’re sorry but i’m still scared that you don’t actually mean it and one day we’ll be back at square one

Being abused can seriously affect your ability to distinguish between “not obviously pleased” and “obviously displeased” because abusers go from Neutral to Hostile for absolutely no discernible reason, and eventually you start worrying that everyone is going to be like that and you start feeling this urge to make absolutely sure that the people you actually care about aren’t mad or upset, because to you, “there’s no evidence that they’re not angry” is the same as “there’s evidence that they are angry”

One thing that really gets me about today’s society is how emotional/psychological child abuse is normalized and even celebrated.

I’ve noticed a phenomenon of parents getting together and talking about how they’re such a Mean Mom or Mean Dad and how they’re raising their children to be respectful. They talk about destroying their children’s possessions, isolating them, humiliating them, and/or publicly shaming them.

And when these people hear about, say, a parent smashing a kid’s phone for not cleaning their room or burning their possessions or filming a punishment or embarrassing moment and putting it up on social media, they commend the parents for “teaching the kids a lesson”.

Why the fuck do we, as a society, think this is okay?

It doesn’t teach kids valuable life lessons, it teaches them to be scared of repercussions. It’s bullying and child abuse and for some reason, people think that’s commendable.

Whenever I hear people saying “haha I bet that 14 year old learned a lesson”, it instantly makes me suspicious of them. I will instantly think of you as either a potential child abuser or a child abuse enabler.

As a survivor of psychological abuse, people dismissing this behavior as “harmless life lessons” makes me wonder if it really was abuse. If I deserved it. If I really deserved to have my pet’s life threatened because I was a liar.

It’s not cute. It’s not “good parenting”. It’s intimidating, shaming, and traumatizing your child into compliance.

{tw: child abuse} Please help save my baby cousin


Hey guys, so i normally don’t post things like this but my family is dealing with some serious problems right now.


my baby cousin Everett is fighting for his life in the ICU right now because of his horrible excuse for a mother 

he was barely 4 months old and had already received a broken arm, broken ribs, shaken baby syndrome, and then his mother raised him up above her head and slammed him into the wood floor causing a SEVERE brain injury. 
the doctors found new blood on top of old blood on his brain. god only knows what else this monster did to this child.


here is the police report article about the arrest of his mother HERE

There has been a facebook page set up for moral support and status updates about Everett’s condition HERE 

my family was originally just accepting money orders/checks and selling t shirts and wristbands to local friends and supporters but it isnt enough.

they finally put together a gofundme account for Everett and I am going to IMPLORE you all to PLEASE donate anything you can, if you can.
and if you can’t donate then at least signal boost this and share it with everyone you know <3  GOFUNDME CLICK HERE 

Everett was recently making a lot of progress, he was in rehab and speech therapy and was starting to be fed from a bottle again, but the other day things took a turn for the worse and he is in the ICU again with a swollen skull and more fluid on his brain




please please PLEASE boost this and keep my cousin in your thoughts <3

i seriously cannot thank you all enough in advanced for any shares or donations this may gain 

please help save this baby boy

One of the most ludicrous things parents say is “Why aren’t you more grateful to us for feeding, clothing, and sheltering you?!”

It’s because you’re the parent. You have a duty to feed, clothe, and shelter your children. You’re not doing them a favor by making sure they don’t starve. You’re fulfilling one of the responsibilities of parenting. Your children don’t owe you for doing what you’re obligated to do.

If you have a complicated relationship with your mother because of abuse or neglect, you don’t have to feel guilty regardless of how much or how little you choose to interact with her.

I know there’s a lot of pressure to acknowledge her even if she’s hurt you badly. If you choose to (or wish you could) keep your distance or even end your relationship with her, you’re not a bad child or ungrateful or mean.

If for any reason you do something nice for her, that doesn’t mean you give up your right to be angry or hurt by what she did before that. It doesn’t mean you give up your right to keep your distance or even end your relationship with her later on.

You don’t owe her. But it’s complicated sometimes, I understand. Just do your best to be gentle with yourself, and try to remember that you didn’t deserve what happened. You have always deserved care and respect.

trauma processing information ahead: you doubt your feelings relating to a certain event because when it happened you don’t remember as if it hurt you, you remember it as it maybe it wasn’t that traumatic, maybe it didn’t affect you so much, you feel like you handled it just fine and you weren’t so scared or pained by it back then and you don’t feel you can call that traumatic but then in present you suddenly get overwhelmed with pain and fear and grief and even anger and you try to stuff it down because NO IT WASN’T THAT BAD and you keep convincing yourself you’re overreacting because you can remember that it was not that bad and you keep thinking it didn’t even matter

So now try to remember when it first happened, it could be that you were still really small, or you were directly faced with the abuser/danger, or you were in unsafe environment where you couldn’t freely express, but the thing is, it didn’t hurt so bad the first time because you were unable to both survive and feel that amount of pain. Children’s bodies are not capable of withstanding traumatic amount of pain and survive, that pain is repressed and dissociated for later when bodies are big and strong and able to survive it. You cannot allow yourself to experience pain and fear that would make you extremely vulnerable and thus less likely to survive in traumatic situation so in that case too, your body represses the emotions and settles on dissociation until you’re safe enough and strong enough for these to be properly processed. 

Only reason it “didn’t feel so bad” back then is because your body repressed the pain and fear to save you. But the amount of pain and terror and anger you’re feeling now is exactly how bad it was. You’re only now experiencing on your own skin how actually bad it was! That’s how badly you were hurt. You’re not overreacting or making a big deal out of it now, you were unable to feel how bad it was before. Your feelings are always there for a reason, they’re generated inside you by harm that was done to you and you can trust them. Your reactions are not wrong, your feelings are not wrong, it was exactly that bad.

VIDEO: Cop Pepper Sprays School Kids as they Express Outrage Over Officer Assaulting 8th-Grader

In a blatant abuse of authority, a Las Vegas cop was recently caught on cell phone video pepper-spraying a group of high school students. Instead of committing a crime or threatening the officer’s safety, the teens were simply asking why he was physically assaulting an 8th grader when he suddenly fired pepper spray into their eyes.

On Friday, a student recorded a cell phone video of a Las Vegas police officer slamming an eighth-grade student’s head against the hood of his patrol car while pulling the kid’s hair. The 8th grader had been taken into custody after he allegedly trespassed onto the campus of Eldorado High School and refused to leave. According to police, a crowd of students gathered around the officer when the boy’s sister asked the aggressive cop to leave her brother alone.
“What the f**k are you doing to him?” a girl asks the cop a moment before he shoots her and nearly half the students in their faces with pepper spray.

source

The way police treat kids is just amazing. An adult man surrounded by children beats a boy and then sprays the rest kids - is it a demonstration of power or what? Fuck that! Cops are not humans.

I’m telling you

to not hit your kids

to not spank or slap or punch or lash them

because it fucking traumatizes them

if you can’t handle irritation

if you can’t handle hyperactivity and loudness and wildness of a new human in development who is figuring out how their body works and what they can do and what they want to do

then what the fuck did you expect a child is

did you have kids with expectations of “oh i’ll have a small human i’ll be able to control completely”

“oh i’ll be able to shape this small creature into whatever I want it to be”

“oh I’ll have someone to support me and to work for me and pay for itself”

“oh I’ll have someone to comfort me and to love me despite my manipulative and cruel nature because they depend on me”

“oh I’ll be able to live the life I couldn’t through this new human that I made for myself who should listen to me always”

then fucking change all of these expectations to “I have chosen to help a new human to grow into whatever they’re supposed to be and I WILL NOT MESS WITH THEIR DEVELOPMENT TO SATISFY MY PERSONAL NEEDS”

If you can’t just fucking cherish that you have someone’s complete trust and affection and that you can watch them grow and figure everything, that you can follow through their phases and support them and be damn proud of them when they become what they want to be

then you’re not a parent material

stop fucking up your kids lives to make yourself feel better

asshole.

Barring a small handful of common-sense exceptions, kids should be allowed to hang out in their room with the door shut, and as they get older, locked. People need to be alone sometimes. That’s just sort of a common experience. This may come as a surprise to some folks, but children & teenagers are people. Sometimes they’ll get sad and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll get anxious and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll want to be alone and not really have a reason for it; that’s okay, too.

Little girl traumatised by racial abuse, tried to ‘scrub off’ black skin                            

AN ABORIGINAL mother has been left reeling after her three-year-old daughter was victim to a vicious racist attack during a trip to Melbourne.

Ballarat resident Rachel Muir took her daughter Samara, 3, to a Disney-themed children’s event at Watergardens shopping centre in Taylors Lakes last month.

Dressed as Queen Elsa from the animated film Frozen, Samara waited for two hours in line for a children’s snow pit.

But the day ended in tears when Samara was subjected to a spate of racial slurs from a mother and her two daughters waiting in line.

“The lady in front of us turned around to Samara and said ‘I don’t know why you’re dressed up for because Queen Elsa isn’t black’,” Ms Muir said.

“I asked the woman what she meant by the comment and then one of the woman’s young daughters screwed up her face, she pointed at Samara and said ‘you’re black and black is ugly’.”

Ms Muir said she was left stunned by the hateful comments.

Samara burst into tears and hid her face behind her hands.

“I looked around the line and there were little girls of all different races lining up dressed as their favourite Disney characters,” Ms Muir said.

“We were in Melbourne, one of the most multicultural places in the world. 

“I couldn’t believe it.”

Refusing to be broken by the abuse, Ms Muir and Samara held hands and waited until they got to the front of the line.

But, in the days following the incident, Samara became withdrawn and refused to go to her weekly Aboriginal dance class. 

“When I asked why she didn’t want to go, she pointed at the skin on her arm and asked why she was black,” Ms Muir said. Samara even tried to scrub her body to remove her black skin.

“I told her ‘because God gave you that skin colour, because you’re a proud blackfella like mum’.” 

Ms Muir wrote a Facebook post about the incident to her family and friends. Within days it had been shared more than 1300 times. 

“The saddest part of it all is that racism is alive and well and the next generation are being subjected to it,” Ms Muir said. “Nobody is born into this world a racist. It is learnt behaviour. It can be changed.”

Ms Muir said she shared the post to challenge bigoted views that still existed. 

The attack was condemned by Ballarat and District Aboriginal Co-operative chief executive Karen Heap, who said racism was still rampant in Australia.

“You ask anybody who is a darker shade living in this country and they will tell you racism well and truly still exists,” Ms Heap said.

“It almost cuts deeper these days because it isn’t as blatant as it used to be, so when it happens it comes as shock.

“It is horrendous that a grown woman would say that in front of her own children and to another innocent child. Rachel and Samara are proud Aboriginal women and that’s the way it should be.”

Ms Heap said it mirrored an incident last year, in which respected Aboriginal elder Ted Lovett was racially vilified at a Ballarat football match.

“The aftermath of incidents like this are shattering,” Ms Heap said.

“We live in a supposedly multicultural society but there is still so much more education and work that is needed to overcome racial discrimination.”

Federation University lecturer in humanities Dr Lesley Speed said a lack of diversity in popular culture played a significant role in setting social stereotypes that could lead to racism.

“There has been controversy over Disney because many of Disney’s movies are centred on the conventional ideas of beauty, femininity and masculinity,” she said.

“Frozen, which is supposed to be inspired by Scandinavians, doesn’t reflect indigenous Scandinavians who are traditionally people of colour. 

“The lack of diversity has the potential for popular culture to be discouraging for children who see themselves as different if they don’t look like that.

“It would be great to see more diverse princesses.”

Ms Muir made an official complaint to the shopping centre’s management after the incident and found the staff to be “extremely apologetic”. 

She said the shopping centre’s management told her antisocial behaviour was not tolerated and there would be extra security at future events.

Source: http://www.thecourier.com.au/story/3144181/you-could-never-be-elsa-little-girl-in-racist-attack/

UPDATE:

JUNE 22: Queen Elsa herself sends a personal video message to Samara all the way from Disney World in Orlando, Florida.

JUNE 17: World crowns Samara Queen after racist attack.

But what if I really am wrong? What if I am lazy and worthless and I never amount to anything? What if I really am stupid and a burden? What if there really is nothing to me? What if under all this doubt, they’re just right?
—  thoughts induced by gaslighting / it’s normal to doubt yourself after you’ve had insults shoved in your face for all your life.

One thing I’ll never understand is how parents and other parties who constantly say “Well this is MY house!” seem so baffled when the person hearing it starts to feel like they’re unwelcome and not at home in the space.

June is LGBT Pride Month, which means that today is a fine day to say this.

Parents are obligated to love, support, affirm, and protect their LGBTQ children. It’s not an issue of the parents’ rights to raise their children how they want to. It’s not a matter for individuals to decide. It’s not even a subject that’s up for debate. The rule is that parents have a duty to their children, and that duty doesn’t stop just because the child happens to be LGBTQ identified.

4

Child services and police had at least 12 opportunities to save the life of 8-year-old, Victoria Climbié. Instead, she died of 128 seperate injuries, leaving the world to question: How could a child in Britain die like this? Her life was short and tragic; her brutal murder went on to prompt the largest review of child protection in the UK and ultimately produced major change in child protection policies. Born in Abbo, Côte d’Ivoire on 2 November 1991, Victoria left the country with her great-aunt, Marie-Thérèse Kouao, a French citizen who had told the Climbié family that she wanted to foster a child and give them a proper education. Victoria was more than pleased to accompany her back to France for a life she assumed would be filled with opportunities; sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. Kouao, an unemployed mother of three, appeared to reap the child benefits she received from having an extra child and this was the sole purpose of bringing Victoria back to France. When they arrived in France, Kouao enrolled Victoria in school but as early as the following month, the teachers had began to notice that Victoria was absent an awful lot, was falling asleep in class, and on the last day she was seen at school, she appeared to have a shaven head and was wearing a wig. Kouao was eventually kicked out of her home due to not paying rent.

On 24 April, 1999, they left France and travelled to the United Kingdom where they settled in Ealing, London and the abuse got progressively worse. Over the course of the following year, Kouao and her new boyfriend, Carl Manning, subjected Victoria to unthinkable torture and abuse. She was burnt with cigarettes, tied up for periods longer than 24 hours, beaten with bike chains, hammers, and wires. On one occasion, Victoria was taken to hospital where her left eyelid was practically hanging off and she had a number of burns on her face - Kouao and Manning claimed these injuries were self-inflicted and were sent on their way. She visited the hospital a second time with severe scalding to her head. The doctor and social services both noted that she was being abused, but again, she was discharged and sent back home to endure more suffering. 

Victoria had been in contact with the police, social services, the NHS, the NSPCC, and even local churches, who were all fully aware of her abuse due to the clear signs of abuse on her appearance, yet nothing was done. One social worker even claimed she was just suffering from scabies while a priest claimed she had been possessed by the devil. The suffering finally came to an abrupt halt on 25 February, 2000, when Victoria Climbié passed away, alone. She suffered from hypothermia, multiple organ failure, and malnutrition, as well as the numerous burns and injuries on her body. An autopsy uncovered 128 separate injuries on the little girls body and described it as the worst case of child abuse he had ever witnessed. Both Manning and Kouano were found guilty of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment.