child-abuse

its not Steve's fault, not really.

SOMEBODY posted a first of all the times Howard has been used to control Tony, Obie manipulating him, ugh, and I suddenly had a bunch of feelings about it.

It really isn’t Steve’s fault that he trips over this landmine. Mobile users, look out for the read more, warnings: child abuse, references to past gaslighting and emotional manipulation,  Steve and Tony fighting (they hug it out but it’s tough still)

1.5k

—————

Tony and Steve are in porcupine mode. They’re bristling and snappy and turning their backs on each other.

Clint, watching all this, has been sketching little cartoon porcupines on his notes in missions. It’s uncomfortable to be around, and he’s distracting himself, ok? He can’t draw for shit, but cones with eyes and spiky butts he can manage.

But then, somehow, Steve wins.

Like seriously, what the fuck? Steve’s not even right about the original argument; no, Tony shouldn’t have to justify his science on the run, Steve, you are never going to understand it in time. And Steve knows that, Clint’s pretty sure. The devastated look on his face and Tony’s visible exhaustion are clear though. Steve won the argument somehow and Tony’s self esteem is in the pan.

Keep reading

Being abused can seriously affect your ability to distinguish between “not obviously pleased” and “obviously displeased” because abusers go from Neutral to Hostile for absolutely no discernible reason, and eventually you start worrying that everyone is going to be like that and you start feeling this urge to make absolutely sure that the people you actually care about aren’t mad or upset, because to you, “there’s no evidence that they’re not angry” is the same as “there’s evidence that they are angry”

One thing that really gets me about today’s society is how emotional/psychological child abuse is normalized and even celebrated.

I’ve noticed a phenomenon of parents getting together and talking about how they’re such a Mean Mom or Mean Dad and how they’re raising their children to be respectful. They talk about destroying their children’s possessions, isolating them, humiliating them, and/or publicly shaming them.

And when these people hear about, say, a parent smashing a kid’s phone for not cleaning their room or burning their possessions or filming a punishment or embarrassing moment and putting it up on social media, they commend the parents for “teaching the kids a lesson”.

Why the fuck do we, as a society, think this is okay?

It doesn’t teach kids valuable life lessons, it teaches them to be scared of repercussions. It’s bullying and child abuse and for some reason, people think that’s commendable.

Whenever I hear people saying “haha I bet that 14 year old learned a lesson”, it instantly makes me suspicious of them. I will instantly think of you as either a potential child abuser or a child abuse enabler.

As a survivor of psychological abuse, people dismissing this behavior as “harmless life lessons” makes me wonder if it really was abuse. If I deserved it. If I really deserved to have my pet’s life threatened because I was a liar.

It’s not cute. It’s not “good parenting”. It’s intimidating, shaming, and traumatizing your child into compliance.

One of the most ludicrous things parents say is “Why aren’t you more grateful to us for feeding, clothing, and sheltering you?!”

It’s because you’re the parent. You have a duty to feed, clothe, and shelter your children. You’re not doing them a favor by making sure they don’t starve. You’re fulfilling one of the responsibilities of parenting. Your children don’t owe you for doing what you’re obligated to do.

{tw: child abuse} Please help save my baby cousin


Hey guys, so i normally don’t post things like this but my family is dealing with some serious problems right now.


my baby cousin Everett is fighting for his life in the ICU right now because of his horrible excuse for a mother 

he was barely 4 months old and had already received a broken arm, broken ribs, shaken baby syndrome, and then his mother raised him up above her head and slammed him into the wood floor causing a SEVERE brain injury. 
the doctors found new blood on top of old blood on his brain. god only knows what else this monster did to this child.


here is the police report article about the arrest of his mother HERE

There has been a facebook page set up for moral support and status updates about Everett’s condition HERE 

my family was originally just accepting money orders/checks and selling t shirts and wristbands to local friends and supporters but it isnt enough.

they finally put together a gofundme account for Everett and I am going to IMPLORE you all to PLEASE donate anything you can, if you can.
and if you can’t donate then at least signal boost this and share it with everyone you know <3  GOFUNDME CLICK HERE 

Everett was recently making a lot of progress, he was in rehab and speech therapy and was starting to be fed from a bottle again, but the other day things took a turn for the worse and he is in the ICU again with a swollen skull and more fluid on his brain




please please PLEASE boost this and keep my cousin in your thoughts <3

i seriously cannot thank you all enough in advanced for any shares or donations this may gain 

please help save this baby boy

Some rarely-mentioned signs that parents are abusive

I see a lot of lists of things that abusive parents do. But some things I have never seen in a list so far and I would like to add them, because according to the other lists, I’ve never experienced abuse from my parents. But just because it doesn’t appear on a standard list doesn’t mean it’s not abuse, so here is an addendum.

I think most of these points are specific for kids who are disabled, mentally ill or neurodivergent, and that this is the reason why they never appear on other lists. But these kids are especially vulnerable to (emotional) abuse, so I made this.

1. Shaming you for your disabilities, mental illness or neurodivergency. This includes undiagnosed conditions. If a parent sees that their child is having problems, they should try to help or, if they can’t, get external help.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for self-harming.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for having meltdowns.

It is not okay for parents to shame or punish you for things you cannot help, no matter how hard it is for them.

Yes, if parents do honestly have no clue what is happening, they might misinterpret your (re)actions. But no later than when they talk with you about it, they should eventually realize that you’re not doing it on purpose. Parents can and should get help from others and/or professionals if it’s too much for them.

2. Shaming you for mistakes. People make mistakes. Inexperienced people make more mistakes. Young people are by definition inexperienced. Especially those of us who are mentally ill, neurodivergent or intellectually disabled, (but really literally everyone) is bound to make mistakes while growing up.

You might not know that there is a difference between cleaning agents and shower gel. You might not know that lotion isn’t good for a potted plant. You might now know that there is a reason why the cat is in that cage. You might think that something is a good and harmless trick but it actually has really bad consequences.

You might not know these things even if everyone else your age does. It’s not your fault. 

It’s okay for parents to be angry, disappointed or shocked. It’s not okay for parents to let it out on you. It’s their job to teach you and if they didn’t do it correctly, it’s not your fault. 

(For example, I didn’t know that cleaning agents and shower gel are different things until I was 18. As a little child, I was told to stay away from cleaning agents and not to touch them and I was never told otherwise, so I just accepted that until I was taught otherwise by someone else.)

3. Breaking promises. This sounds vague, I know. And I know that sometimes promises can’t be held. Sometimes they are forgotten. Sometimes even parents don’t have the energy to keep up their end of the bargain. It happens.

But if it’s a constant pattern, if you are coerced into doing things you don’t like by promises that will never be held, it’s not okay any more.

4. Threats. It’s one thing to explain to a child or teen the consequences of their actions. It’s okay to explain that you need to study or else you will fail your tests and it’s okay to explain what happens then.

It’s not okay to threaten you with grave consequences for minor failures. It’s not okay to remind you of these consequences every time you do something wrong. It’s not okay to keep threatening you when you are unable to do whatever it is they want you to do.

5. Threatening you with things that should not be threats. It’s not okay to threaten a child or teen with doctor’s appointments, hospitals, psychotherapy or psychiatry. These things are supposed to help. You should not grow up to be afraid of needing a doctor or a therapist.

Seriously, instead of a parent threatening their child with psychiatry, they should just go there and try to get help for the whole family because it’s probably desperately needed.

6. Sudden and unjustified punishments. It’s not okay to suddenly punish you for something that has previously been okay. 

If parents are fed up with their children’s behaviour, they should establish rules and explain and justify punishments, and give their children a chance to actually comply (while also considering their children’s abilities).

(For example, as a teen I never helped with housework. I didn’t have the executive functioning and I never got taught how to do it. But suddenly I was punished for not helping with housework.)

7. Unpredictability. It’s not okay to suddenly change the rules without warning.

It’s not okay if it’s “You should go out more often” one day and “No you are not allowed to go out” the next.

Some parents have trouble offering a constant reliability due to their own illness/disability/neurodivergence. It happens. 

But the moment it makes you as their child afraid of their reactions, afraid that they might have a sudden change of heart, it’s not okay any more.

8. Assuming bad intentions where there are none. As I already said, people make mistakes. People even make stupid mistakes. People misjudge, miscalculate, people lose their temper. This happens to parents as well as to their children and everyone else. 

What is not okay is for parents to see you doing something wrong and immediately assuming you’re doing it to harm them.

(For example, I always stayed up late. My parent had trouble sleeping. When I made too much noise, they assumed it was intentional in order to deny them their sleep.)

9. “I want you to do the thing but I also want you to want to do the thing.” This is a tricky one, but I have heard this from so many people that I’m including it as an extra point. I think it’s actually some sort of double bind, because you can only do it wrong or do it wrong in a different way.

It’s okay for parents to demand their children do things they do not like, for example doing chores, doing homework and similar things. (However, it’s not okay to demand more than you can actually do.)

It’s okay for parents to ask their children to do them a favour, for example sometimes do a little more housework, helping them with other stuff, going to the store and so on.

It’s okay for you to not want to do something. It’s okay to do something even if you don’t want to. Actually, most favours work that way, you rarely ever like them but you do them anyway because you want to do something for someone else. Most chores work that way. Almost nobody likes doing the dishes.

However, it’s not okay to make you feel bad for doing something anyway. If you don’t like doing something, you don’t like it, and nobody has the right to demand you to feel differently about it. 

10. Making you feel bad for opening up to them. If you tell a parent about your experiences, your feelings, your problems and your secrets, they should be accepting and loving.

Punishing you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. Shaming you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. It’s a parent’s job to offer their child emotional support. It’s wrong for them to show you that you can’t trust them.

trauma processing information ahead: you doubt your feelings relating to a certain event because when it happened you don’t remember as if it hurt you, you remember it as it maybe it wasn’t that traumatic, maybe it didn’t affect you so much, you feel like you handled it just fine and you weren’t so scared or pained by it back then and you don’t feel you can call that traumatic but then in present you suddenly get overwhelmed with pain and fear and grief and even anger and you try to stuff it down because NO IT WASN’T THAT BAD and you keep convincing yourself you’re overreacting because you can remember that it was not that bad and you keep thinking it didn’t even matter

So now try to remember when it first happened, it could be that you were still really small, or you were directly faced with the abuser/danger, or you were in unsafe environment where you couldn’t freely express, but the thing is, it didn’t hurt so bad the first time because you were unable to both survive and feel that amount of pain. Children’s bodies are not capable of withstanding traumatic amount of pain and survive, that pain is repressed and dissociated for later when bodies are big and strong and able to survive it. You cannot allow yourself to experience pain and fear that would make you extremely vulnerable and thus less likely to survive in traumatic situation so in that case too, your body represses the emotions and settles on dissociation until you’re safe enough and strong enough for these to be properly processed. 

Only reason it “didn’t feel so bad” back then is because your body repressed the pain and fear to save you. But the amount of pain and terror and anger you’re feeling now is exactly how bad it was. You’re only now experiencing on your own skin how actually bad it was! That’s how badly you were hurt. You’re not overreacting or making a big deal out of it now, you were unable to feel how bad it was before. Your feelings are always there for a reason, they’re generated inside you by harm that was done to you and you can trust them. Your reactions are not wrong, your feelings are not wrong, it was exactly that bad.

I know this is going to be unpalatable to parents, but “abusive parents” aren’t scary anomalies that exist only on the news, broadcast solely to make you feel better about your own faults. There are abusive parents in your neighborhood. There are probably abusive parents in your workplace, friend circle, and even among your family. If you want to be a good parent, then it’s your duty to learn what behaviors are abusive, learn the warning signs of abuse, and do the work to help when you learn that a child in your social sphere is being abused.

If you have a complicated relationship with your mother because of abuse or neglect, you don’t have to feel guilty regardless of how much or how little you choose to interact with her.

I know there’s a lot of pressure to acknowledge her even if she’s hurt you badly. If you choose to (or wish you could) keep your distance or even end your relationship with her, you’re not a bad child or ungrateful or mean.

If for any reason you do something nice for her, that doesn’t mean you give up your right to be angry or hurt by what she did before that. It doesn’t mean you give up your right to keep your distance or even end your relationship with her later on.

You don’t owe her. But it’s complicated sometimes, I understand. Just do your best to be gentle with yourself, and try to remember that you didn’t deserve what happened. You have always deserved care and respect.

VIDEO: Cop Pepper Sprays School Kids as they Express Outrage Over Officer Assaulting 8th-Grader

In a blatant abuse of authority, a Las Vegas cop was recently caught on cell phone video pepper-spraying a group of high school students. Instead of committing a crime or threatening the officer’s safety, the teens were simply asking why he was physically assaulting an 8th grader when he suddenly fired pepper spray into their eyes.

On Friday, a student recorded a cell phone video of a Las Vegas police officer slamming an eighth-grade student’s head against the hood of his patrol car while pulling the kid’s hair. The 8th grader had been taken into custody after he allegedly trespassed onto the campus of Eldorado High School and refused to leave. According to police, a crowd of students gathered around the officer when the boy’s sister asked the aggressive cop to leave her brother alone.
“What the f**k are you doing to him?” a girl asks the cop a moment before he shoots her and nearly half the students in their faces with pepper spray.

source

The way police treat kids is just amazing. An adult man surrounded by children beats a boy and then sprays the rest kids - is it a demonstration of power or what? Fuck that! Cops are not humans.

2

Police posted shocking photos of two adults — who police believe had overdosed on heroin — passed out in a car with a 4-year-old boy in the backseat, according to WJW. The city of East Liverpool, Ohio shared the photos on their Facebook page on Thursday after responding to a call of an incapacitated driver. Police said they hope the photos send a message to drug users to think twice before abusing drugs. The child is in the custody of Columbiana County Children’s Services. (Source)

A long-term study of children raised by lesbians found that these children were less likely to suffer from physical and sexual abuse than were their peers who were raised by heterosexuals. This is thought to be due to the absence of adult heterosexual men in the households (Gartrell, Bos, & Goldberg, 2010). Girls raised by lesbians tend to have higher self-esteem, show more maturity and tolerance than their peers, and are older when they have their first heterosexual contact (Gartrell et al., 2005, 2010). Children raised by same-sex parents seem to be less constrained by traditional gender roles; boys are less aggressive, and girls are more inclined to consider nontraditional careers, such as doctor, lawyer, or engineer (Gartrell et al., 2005; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001). Over the course of more than 20 years, scientists studied the psychological adjustment of 78 teenagers who were raised by lesbian mothers. Compared to age-matched counterparts raised by heterosexual parents, these adolescents were rated higher in social, academic, and total competence, and lower in social problems, rule-breaking, aggression, and externalizing problem behavior (Gartrell & Bos, 2010). There are fewer studies of children raised by two men, but gay fathers are more likely than straight fathers to put their children before their career, to make big changes in their lives to accommodate a child, and to strengthen bonds with their extended families after becoming fathers (Bergman, Rubio, Green, & Padrone, 2010).
—  Martha Rosenthal, Human Sexuality: From Cells to Society, p.247.