child-abuse

One thing that really gets me about today’s society is how emotional/psychological child abuse is normalized and even celebrated.

I’ve noticed a phenomenon of parents getting together and talking about how they’re such a Mean Mom or Mean Dad and how they’re raising their children to be respectful. They talk about destroying their children’s possessions, isolating them, humiliating them, and/or publicly shaming them.

And when these people hear about, say, a parent smashing a kid’s phone for not cleaning their room or burning their possessions or filming a punishment or embarrassing moment and putting it up on social media, they commend the parents for “teaching the kids a lesson”.

Why the fuck do we, as a society, think this is okay?

It doesn’t teach kids valuable life lessons, it teaches them to be scared of repercussions. It’s bullying and child abuse and for some reason, people think that’s commendable.

Whenever I hear people saying “haha I bet that 14 year old learned a lesson”, it instantly makes me suspicious of them. I will instantly think of you as either a potential child abuser or a child abuse enabler.

As a survivor of psychological abuse, people dismissing this behavior as “harmless life lessons” makes me wonder if it really was abuse. If I deserved it. If I really deserved to have my pet’s life threatened because I was a liar.

It’s not cute. It’s not “good parenting”. It’s intimidating, shaming, and traumatizing your child into compliance.

If abuse happened long time ago, every second they spent blaming you for it, pretending it wasn’t real, forcing you to act normal, forcing you to be around those who hurt you, forcing you to give them attention and approval, all of it is abuse. They never stopped abusing you.
—  being exposed to abusers and forced to bottle it up and act normal is torture.

I know this is going to be unpalatable to parents, but “abusive parents” aren’t scary anomalies that exist only on the news, broadcast solely to make you feel better about your own faults. There are abusive parents in your neighborhood. There are probably abusive parents in your workplace, friend circle, and even among your family. If you want to be a good parent, then it’s your duty to learn what behaviors are abusive, learn the warning signs of abuse, and do the work to help when you learn that a child in your social sphere is being abused.

{tw: child abuse} Please help save my baby cousin


Hey guys, so i normally don’t post things like this but my family is dealing with some serious problems right now.


my baby cousin Everett is fighting for his life in the ICU right now because of his horrible excuse for a mother 

he was barely 4 months old and had already received a broken arm, broken ribs, shaken baby syndrome, and then his mother raised him up above her head and slammed him into the wood floor causing a SEVERE brain injury. 
the doctors found new blood on top of old blood on his brain. god only knows what else this monster did to this child.


here is the police report article about the arrest of his mother HERE

There has been a facebook page set up for moral support and status updates about Everett’s condition HERE 

my family was originally just accepting money orders/checks and selling t shirts and wristbands to local friends and supporters but it isnt enough.

they finally put together a gofundme account for Everett and I am going to IMPLORE you all to PLEASE donate anything you can, if you can.
and if you can’t donate then at least signal boost this and share it with everyone you know <3  GOFUNDME CLICK HERE 

Everett was recently making a lot of progress, he was in rehab and speech therapy and was starting to be fed from a bottle again, but the other day things took a turn for the worse and he is in the ICU again with a swollen skull and more fluid on his brain




please please PLEASE boost this and keep my cousin in your thoughts <3

i seriously cannot thank you all enough in advanced for any shares or donations this may gain 

please help save this baby boy

If you have a complicated relationship with your mother because of abuse or neglect, you don’t have to feel guilty regardless of how much or how little you choose to interact with her.

I know there’s a lot of pressure to acknowledge her even if she’s hurt you badly. If you choose to (or wish you could) keep your distance or even end your relationship with her, you’re not a bad child or ungrateful or mean.

If for any reason you do something nice for her, that doesn’t mean you give up your right to be angry or hurt by what she did before that. It doesn’t mean you give up your right to keep your distance or even end your relationship with her later on.

You don’t owe her. But it’s complicated sometimes, I understand. Just do your best to be gentle with yourself, and try to remember that you didn’t deserve what happened. You have always deserved care and respect.

It’s fun having to walk on eggshells at home

It’s fun staying in one room all the time.

It’s fun not being able to do what you want at home.

It’s fun always looking over your shoulder.

It’s fun being hyper-aware of where your parent is at all times.

It’s fun getting yelled at over anything and everything.

It’s fun having no energy to do basic cleaning.

It’s fun getting yelled at for not doing said cleaning.

It’s fun having to spend all your energy just to minimally function and deal with all the yelling.

It’s fun always weighing whether doing something (or not doing something) is better or worse than getting yelled at.

It’s fun always wondering if you forgot something and if you’ll get in trouble for it.

It’s fun always holding your breath when you’re in the same room or area as your parent.

It’s fun not being able to say you have a mental illness.

It’s fun knowing either they suspect or just don’t care and continue to yell at you for things you can’t do.

It’s fun never feeling truly safe or truly at home.

It’s fun having nowhere else to go.

It’s fun not being able to get any help.

It’s fun being isolated and alone.

Barring a small handful of common-sense exceptions, kids should be allowed to hang out in their room with the door shut, and as they get older, locked. People need to be alone sometimes. That’s just sort of a common experience. This may come as a surprise to some folks, but children & teenagers are people. Sometimes they’ll get sad and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll get anxious and they’ll want to be alone. Sometimes they’ll want to be alone and not really have a reason for it; that’s okay, too.

trauma processing information ahead: you doubt your feelings relating to a certain event because when it happened you don’t remember as if it hurt you, you remember it as it maybe it wasn’t that traumatic, maybe it didn’t affect you so much, you feel like you handled it just fine and you weren’t so scared or pained by it back then and you don’t feel you can call that traumatic but then in present you suddenly get overwhelmed with pain and fear and grief and even anger and you try to stuff it down because NO IT WASN’T THAT BAD and you keep convincing yourself you’re overreacting because you can remember that it was not that bad and you keep thinking it didn’t even matter

So now try to remember when it first happened, it could be that you were still really small, or you were directly faced with the abuser/danger, or you were in unsafe environment where you couldn’t freely express, but the thing is, it didn’t hurt so bad the first time because you were unable to both survive and feel that amount of pain. Children’s bodies are not capable of withstanding traumatic amount of pain and survive, that pain is repressed and dissociated for later when bodies are big and strong and able to survive it. You cannot allow yourself to experience pain and fear that would make you extremely vulnerable and thus less likely to survive in traumatic situation so in that case too, your body represses the emotions and settles on dissociation until you’re safe enough and strong enough for these to be properly processed. 

Only reason it “didn’t feel so bad” back then is because your body repressed the pain and fear to save you. But the amount of pain and terror and anger you’re feeling now is exactly how bad it was. You’re only now experiencing on your own skin how actually bad it was! That’s how badly you were hurt. You’re not overreacting or making a big deal out of it now, you were unable to feel how bad it was before. Your feelings are always there for a reason, they’re generated inside you by harm that was done to you and you can trust them. Your reactions are not wrong, your feelings are not wrong, it was exactly that bad.

June is LGBT Pride Month, which means that today is a fine day to say this.

Parents are obligated to love, support, affirm, and protect their LGBTQ children. It’s not an issue of the parents’ rights to raise their children how they want to. It’s not a matter for individuals to decide. It’s not even a subject that’s up for debate. The rule is that parents have a duty to their children, and that duty doesn’t stop just because the child happens to be LGBTQ identified.

ya’ll are like “child sexual abuse survivors can’t remember their abusers names, eye color, height, weight, and social security number? they must obviously be lying” meanwhile you can’t remember what you had for lunch last tuesday so go fuck yourselves

I’m telling you

to not hit your kids

to not spank or slap or punch or lash them

because it fucking traumatizes them

if you can’t handle irritation

if you can’t handle hyperactivity and loudness and wildness of a new human in development who is figuring out how their body works and what they can do and what they want to do

then what the fuck did you expect a child is

did you have kids with expectations of “oh i’ll have a small human i’ll be able to control completely”

“oh i’ll be able to shape this small creature into whatever I want it to be”

“oh I’ll have someone to support me and to work for me and pay for itself”

“oh I’ll have someone to comfort me and to love me despite my manipulative and cruel nature because they depend on me”

“oh I’ll be able to live the life I couldn’t through this new human that I made for myself who should listen to me always”

then fucking change all of these expectations to “I have chosen to help a new human to grow into whatever they’re supposed to be and I WILL NOT MESS WITH THEIR DEVELOPMENT TO SATISFY MY PERSONAL NEEDS”

If you can’t just fucking cherish that you have someone’s complete trust and affection and that you can watch them grow and figure everything, that you can follow through their phases and support them and be damn proud of them when they become what they want to be

then you’re not a parent material

stop fucking up your kids lives to make yourself feel better

asshole.

4

Child services and police had at least 12 opportunities to save the life of 8-year-old, Victoria Climbié. Instead, she died of 128 seperate injuries, leaving the world to question: How could a child in Britain die like this? Her life was short and tragic; her brutal murder went on to prompt the largest review of child protection in the UK and ultimately produced major change in child protection policies. Born in Abbo, Côte d’Ivoire on 2 November 1991, Victoria left the country with her great-aunt, Marie-Thérèse Kouao, a French citizen who had told the Climbié family that she wanted to foster a child and give them a proper education. Victoria was more than pleased to accompany her back to France for a life she assumed would be filled with opportunities; sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. Kouao, an unemployed mother of three, appeared to reap the child benefits she received from having an extra child and this was the sole purpose of bringing Victoria back to France. When they arrived in France, Kouao enrolled Victoria in school but as early as the following month, the teachers had began to notice that Victoria was absent an awful lot, was falling asleep in class, and on the last day she was seen at school, she appeared to have a shaven head and was wearing a wig. Kouao was eventually kicked out of her home due to not paying rent.

On 24 April, 1999, they left France and travelled to the United Kingdom where they settled in Ealing, London and the abuse got progressively worse. Over the course of the following year, Kouao and her new boyfriend, Carl Manning, subjected Victoria to unthinkable torture and abuse. She was burnt with cigarettes, tied up for periods longer than 24 hours, beaten with bike chains, hammers, and wires. On one occasion, Victoria was taken to hospital where her left eyelid was practically hanging off and she had a number of burns on her face - Kouao and Manning claimed these injuries were self-inflicted and were sent on their way. She visited the hospital a second time with severe scalding to her head. The doctor and social services both noted that she was being abused, but again, she was discharged and sent back home to endure more suffering. 

Victoria had been in contact with the police, social services, the NHS, the NSPCC, and even local churches, who were all fully aware of her abuse due to the clear signs of abuse on her appearance, yet nothing was done. One social worker even claimed she was just suffering from scabies while a priest claimed she had been possessed by the devil. The suffering finally came to an abrupt halt on 25 February, 2000, when Victoria Climbié passed away, alone. She suffered from hypothermia, multiple organ failure, and malnutrition, as well as the numerous burns and injuries on her body. An autopsy uncovered 128 separate injuries on the little girls body and described it as the worst case of child abuse he had ever witnessed. Both Manning and Kouano were found guilty of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment. 

Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers.
Don’t tell abuse survivors that they’ll turn into their abusers. 
DON’T FUCKING TELL ABUSE SURVIVORS THEY’LL TURN INTO THEIR ABUSERS.

Child abusers don’t let children know they’re victims. Survivors of child abuse by large don’t know they’ve been abused. Abusive parents raise the child to have great compassion for them, to always view them as humane as possible, they make sure children are grateful to them, they point out every single thing they did for the child, such as “paid for your stuff” or “financed your schooling” or “gave you a roof over your head and fed you all these years” (even though to not do these things would be straight illegal, but they don’t mention that part, do they) as a proof of how good and generous they are, they make sure to recite all possible excuses to why they’re acting so abusive, they had a hard life, they have a lot on their plate, they’re good people they just make mistakes, they’ve been badly treated too, they don’t even know they’re hurting you, they’re insisting you’re too sensitive and get hurt from nothing, they don’t let the child hold them accountable or hold them guilty for any of their abuse. Abused child will be ashamed of themselves and hardly ever consider themselves a victim, they will be taught to repress and ignore trauma symptoms, to find a way to blame themselves for everything, to feel guilty just for how awful they feel all the time.

Emotionally abused child strongly believes that their parent is inherently good and deserves all the compassion in the world, all the excuses, all forgiveness and none of the blame for their actions (parents make sure children know that the blame would hurt them so children must never blame them) and will fight to defend the parent and point out why abuse was not really abuse, why children deserved it, why nobody is to blame, except maybe themselves, because “they weren’t good enough” to appease the parent which would then hopefully be a bit more kind (of course not). They often wont even admit how badly they’re scared of their parents.

To have an abused child realize they’ve been exploited, lied to, betrayed, systematically destroyed and dehumanized by their parent, their entire world needs to break down, everything they’ve been taught has to be acknowledged as a lie, what they considered right and fair needs to change to wrong, who they trusted the most needs to change to be least trust-worthy, who in their head, made sure they survive up to that point, needs to turn into a person who almost cost them their life, and destroyed it rather than held it safe. It’s not a fun ride. It’s devastating to go through, it breaks a person apart completely and forces them to re-construct their entire reality. And it’s the only way to have a chance to really recover, to validate themselves and their pain, to understand to what depth they’ve been damaged, and by who and why. It’s the only way to realize that they’re entitled to life, to food, to roof, to nurturing, to everything that was held against them, they’ve been required to feel grateful that they weren’t left to die. 

For those who still have to face this, or are facing it right now, you are going through the worst of your life right now. For those who have no empathy or patience for survivors to figure their lives out, fuck you, try living their life for a few years, see if you survive it. For abusers, I hope someone figures out how to force you to feel every single bit of pain you’ve inflicted on your children, I hope you fucking scream yourself to death from pain you’ve caused.

seriously tho how many “autism fundraisers” do u think are just neurotypicals giving money to other neurotypicals to talk to more neurotypicals about how much they don’t like us? im talking abt shit like

“my kid came out autistic and that gave me a sad, if that’s you too here are 42 ways to terrorise your child into acting more like you and less like them!”*

or “just bc the UN defines it as torture doesn’t mean it’s not the PERFECT solution to stop YOUR child from finding comfort in self-regulating behaviours you find ‘weird’!“**

or even “murdering your autistic kid: we’ve all contemplated it! it’s hard living w autism bc your child isn’t really real! they’re missing pieces and can never love you. you should TRY to resist the temptation tho - because who knows, someday maybe we’ll learn how to change ur child completely, into someone who deserves to live!”***

like if u wanna do an “autism fundraiser” give your money to individual autistic people or autistic-run programmes and accommodations autistic people are actually asking for. dont give it to neurotypicals so they can write books abt how we shouldnt exist lmao

*ABA etc.  -   **JRC etc.  -  ***Autism $peaks etc.