child's care

Listen.

It’s not okay to have your child be scared of you. That isn’t respect. That’s control. 

It’s not okay to have your child obey you at all times in order for you to love them. That isn’t high standards. That’s manipulation.

It’s not okay to force your child become what you wanted to become. That isn’t wanting the best for them. That’s living vicariously through them.

It’s not okay to take away your child’s basic needs as a punishment. That isn’t teaching them. That’s hindering them. 

It’s not okay to dictate your child’s sexuality or gender. That isn’t normalizing them. That’s repressing them.

It’s not okay to berate your child’s appearance or intelligence for being what you think is sub-par. That isn’t toughening them. That’s bullying them.

It’s not okay to take out your stress on your child. That isn’t parenting. That is abusing.

It’s completely okay to distance yourself from your parents. That’s not unloving. That, sometimes, is self care.

some good consent phrases

“May I hug you?”

“When I ask you if you want to do something, you know it’s always okay to say no, right?”

“Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?”

“How do you feel about (x activity)?”

(When someone’s insecure about having said no and asks if it’s okay/if you’re mad or upset they said no) “I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m really glad you were willing to tell me (no/that you were uncomfortable/etc.). That’s really important to me. Thank you.”

“I’d ALWAYS rather be told no than make you feel pressured or do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“I care about you, so when something I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, I want to know, because I don’t like making you feel bad.”

“Wanna do (x)? It’s okay if not, but I think it would be (fun/worthwhile/prudent).”

(When starting a social phone call): “Hey, are you busy right now?”

(When confirming plans made earlier): “Hey, are you still up for doing (x) at (time) on (day)?”

“Can I vent a little about (x)?”

“Can I tell you something (gross/depressing)?”

“Are you comfortable talking about it?”

“Do you think you could talk me through this problem I’ve been having? If you have the time and emotional energy of course.”

“It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you.”

“I’m interested in spending more time with you. Would you be interested in doing (x) together on (y day)?”

“No? Well let me know if you ever want to do something else.” (leave it open! don’t nag! let it go!)

Consent culture - it’s about way more than just sex!

Give people as much freedom as possible to make their own choices without pressure or control.

Even children deserve as much autonomy as allows them to remain safe and get their needs met - remember, you can’t train a child to make good/safe/healthy choices without ever giving them choices. A child who is taught to respect consent is a child who doesn’t assault people! A child who knows they have a right to say no is a child who knows that someone who infringes on their autonomy isn’t supposed to do that.

A consent-conscious relationship is a healthier and safer relationship, and a person who is aware of and deliberate about asking for, giving, receiving, refusing, and being refused consent is a healthier and safer person.

HARRY: I’m going to try with everything I’ve got—to be a good dad for you.
ALBUS: And I’ll try and be a better son.

- Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Act Four, Scene Fifteen

19 years later has finally come :)

moonchild self-care tips 🌙

- keeping an obsidian sphere near your bed for extra protection

- charging your crystals under each full moon

- wearing face masks that make your skin glow (so that you can match our lovely sky Mother)

- drinking moon water to charge when you’re feeling drained

- painting your nails a glittery black, glancing at it during the day so you can always feel close to the night sky

headcanon time! so @deohsogay and i were talking and as we all know, vasquez is a giant fucking lesbian and has been out and proud since she was in high school probably and long story short, her gaydar is off the charts

so OBVIOUSLY she has alex figured out from the moment she steps into the deo. and at first she’s not sure if alex is just lowkey and private but then she realises wow alex does not know that she is in fact a giant lesbian

and this amuses vasquez to no end because alex is the gayest gay to ever gay in the history of gay, and she has absolutely no idea. and after a while it gets to vasquez and she cant hold it in anymore so their conversations go a little like this

‘vasquez i got a new motorbike!’
‘gay’
‘huh?’
‘i said yay! how exciting!’

‘vasquez i went to the movies last night and saw this one with kristen stewart in it she’s so cool i really like her’
‘lesbian’
‘what was that?’
‘thespian! you love actors!’

and when maggie shows up on the scene, you bet your ass vasquez hears all about the stupid, short, dimpled cop with shiny eyes who annoys the shit out of alex and vasquez is like oh my god she has a crush is this what it feels like to be proud of your children and she watches closely at the way alex smiles when maggie is around and she sees the way maggie looks at alex and she’s like ‘i give them three months and theyll be engaged’

‘it’s okay, vasquez i dont need back up, maggie’s coming with me’
‘you are so gay’
‘excuse me?’
‘you sure youre okay?’

ANYWAY so after this back and forth for years, FINALLY alex approaches vasquez one day and is like ‘hey susan did you know that maggie and i are dating and also i am gay’

and vasquez goes OH THANK GOD! and she pulls out this huge fucking scrapbook and it’s called DEOh So Gay: The Gaygent Danvers Story by susan vasquez and it’s literally a scrapbook made up of sneaky photos she took of alex’s gayest outfits and also written down documentation of every time alex said or did something gay and alex is blushing and also laughing because she’s so happy she’s come so far and vasquez is a good friend and also maggie loves it and it sits on their coffee table for the rest of their lives

In case your upbringing taught you otherwise, you are allowed to enjoy yourself. You are allowed to do things that make you happy. It’s not lazy or wrong to take the time to do the things that make you feel good. My parents taught me that I wasn’t allowed to be happy or do things that I love. And that’s not ok. Give that new hobby a go. Draw/paint/sew/cook that thing. It’s not a waste of time. Your pleasure isn’t a waste of time. You are allowed to smile and have fun. And don’t feel bad for it.

The great tragedy of Anakin Skywalker is he never got a chance to be free.


Think about it. He’s born into slavery. He lives 9 years as a true slave. Even if Watto was the “best” owner ever that is still a horrific circumstance to spend your FORMATIVE YEARS. Even if Watto was a saint, there is so much trauma in having no freedom or control over your own body, in knowing the PRICE of your life. Not to mention secondary trauma, which is NO LESS TRAUMATIC, btw.

Then, he’s “freed” by a Jedi. But the Jedi frees him with the implied condition that Anakin be taken in and trained by the Jedi order. As soon as he leaves Tattooine, all choice is stripped from him. The counsel evaluates him and finds him wanting. His entire future is thrown into jeopardy because the man who bought him is dead and the new owners may want to return him. When they finally do induct him into the Jedi Order, it is with suspicion and a lot of conditions (cough, being the Chosen One, cough)

Once again he’s in a situation where he must call the people in charge MASTER.

(But it’s Different, someone might say. Yeah, well, when you’re 9 a cucumber looks like a zucchini, and patterns of thoughts, how the world works, worldview, that doesn’t change just because someone tells you some pretty words)

In the Jedi Order, Anakin loses the autonomy of his choices. He loses the option of getting married and having children (which, btw, is one of the rights traditionally stolen in slave cultures). He loses the right to chose where he goes and what he does EVEN AFTER HE REACHES ADULTHOOD. And, he loses the right to his own emotions.

Even as a slave, emotions are the one thing they can’t truly take from you. They can try to break you, they can punish you, but as long as you can think you can feel, you can hide what you’re feeling. You can be angry, sad, happy, in love even if they don’t want you to. But in the Jedi order, not only are these emotions bad, but it is an entire organization of psychics who vocally criticize and police you out when you’re struggling to “let go” of anger and hate, even or especially hate that is justified!

Then, this Order begins using SENTIENT HUMAN SOLDIERS who have been BRED AND RAISED AND SOLD TO BE AN ARMY. Soldiers who’se MINDS have been stripped to make them more obedient. And the Jedi don’t even hesitate to put them to use. The Jedi Order legitimized slavery. How do you suppose THAT felt for the former slave boy?

So, in the movie, you see a progression as Anakin struggles for power. Because, if he’s the master then HE WON’T BE THE SLAVE.

Lastly, after THREE YEARS OF TRAUMA AND WAR AND SLOWLY SLIPPING TO THE DARK SIDE (don’t tell me it was just Padme’s death that caused him to fall), Anakin fall’s and turns to the only Authority Figure who has treated him with full respect and told him that he is powerful, he is in control – Darth Sidious. Who then ENSLAVES HIM UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES.

Anakin only got 30 minutes of true freedom and he was dying.

And that just kind of kills me.

  • *Ravenclaw volunteering to babysit with Hufflepuff*
  • Child: I miss my mommy.
  • Ravenclaw: We'd all rather be with our mommies right now but, that's just life. It sucks, doesn't it?
  • Hufflepuff: I don't think you should talk to a child like that.
  • Ravenclaw: Well someone has to prepare them for the real world.
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For Jernica Quiñones, the reality of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS, hit close to home this year when a friend woke up on New Year’s Day and discovered the lifeless body of her baby girl.

That’s why Quiñones’ 4-month-old son, Bless'n, has spent a lot of his life so far sleeping in a cardboard box.

The 33-year-old mother of five took part in a program in New Jersey that promotes safe sleep education through the distribution of “baby boxes” that double as bassinets.

“Some mothers can’t buy a Pack-n-Play or a crib,” Quiñones says. And that can lead to bed sharing, a risk factor for SIDS.

The program is a riff on Finland’s well-known baby box, or maternity package, which the government gives to expectant mothers who get a prenatal checkup: It’s the box, plus clothing, blankets and other supplies.

Now that Finnish model is making inroads in the U.S., but with a twist. Instead of being a prenatal incentive, it’s being used to deliver a postpartum safe sleep message.

States Give New Parents Baby Boxes To Encourage Safe Sleep Habits

Photos: Maddie McGarvey for NPR

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Favourite characters: Summer Smith (Rick and Morty)

You don’t love people in hopes of a reward, dad. You love them unconditionally.