child on train

anonymous asked:

Tell me more about the Paladin Training AU! What does the rest of the team think about golden boy Shiro, and how does this effect them when they form Voltron for the first time? Tell me more about the first time they decided training and dark history be damned, they're going to do this Voltron thing their way. Tell me about how the team decided THEIR Shiro, (not the Shiro conditioned by training, quiet and submissive before the command, but the Shiro who rebels and protects) is the one they 1/2

2/2 will follow till the end of days. Tell me how these strangers became the team that will save the universe.


(So I originally wrote this from Lance’s POV in tumblr and then lost all of it when my computer suddenly reset.  This version ended up better anyway.  It doesn’t answer a lot of your questions, but they also weren’t strangers in this AU.  They were raised together.  But here’s that story anyway.

Based on this original post)


The short of it was: nothing was the same since Zarkon betrayed them.

The short of it was: Hunk wished things could go back to how they’d been.

Those first few days right after had been terrifying.  The panic, the yelling, the strained atmosphere.  Hunk had wanted to stay in his room for it, but he wasn’t allowed to, and even if he was, Lance would have dragged him out.  For the longest time, they’d had no idea what anyone was talking about.  There were just clipped commands, being told to sit and wait and be good, while horrifying words like ‘rogue’ and ‘attack’ and ‘death toll’ were thrown around, just barely within hearing.

All of them had been put into one room and while they weren’t told not to leave, the implication was strong.  Immediately, Keith turned to Shiro, trying to get him to spill.  In hindsight, Hunk didn’t know why they’d all thought Shiro would know, except that he was older and he was going to be their leader someday, and he always helped with the answers to their nightly school work, so maybe he knew this too.

Shiro hadn’t.

“I’m sorry, I’m sure they’ll tell us soon,” he told them, hands up in placation, and at the time he hadn’t noticed, but when he thought back, Hunk thought Shiro looked just as scared as the rest of them.

That look only got stronger when one of their instructors burst in.  “Shiro,” he called, voice icy, and Shiro stared back, eyes wide.  Shiro always seemed so much older than them, but in that moment he’d been very young looking.  “You are to come with me.”

It wasn’t even an order.  It was a demand.  It was a threat.

“Just me?” Shiro asked, and ducked his head at the immediate glare.  “Yes, sir.”  Iverson’s hand clamped down on his upper arm, rough in a way none of them usually saw, as Paladins to be.

He was dragged away, and Shiro cast another wild look over his shoulder.  “I’ll be back soon,  Stay calm.”

Then he was gone.

(Read more below)

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anonymous asked:

So I have a character who learned how to use a longbow when she was a child to hunt. My question is two-tiered: one, in what ways would that impact her physical development; and two, would this help her if she needed to use a bow against people?

Strong shoulders, strong arms.

In all honesty, the bow is a weapon you build to as a hunter. The first weapon she’d have learned was the sling. More useful for small game, and you can be deadly accurate with it. The David versus Goliath story in the Bible isn’t actually a joke or overblown. A child taking down a grown adult with a rock and a sling is entirely plausible if said adult isn’t wearing a helmet. The sling is the weapon of children everywhere, shepherds and hunters. In many parts of the world, they still use it. It’s also better for small game. Katniss would’ve done better braining the squirrels with a sling rather than a bow, like children do.

As a child, she’d be trained on a child’s training bow and work her way up the different types of bows practicing on a single target. The longbow is a weapon that requires a fairly hefty amount of upper body strength to wield, and she’d have to work and train up into her early teens before she was allowed to use it for hunting. The amount of strength you can draw dictates how far the arrow flies and how deep it penetrates. Depth of penetration is important, as is how far the arrow flies. Both define how close you need to be to your target in order to be successful. Herbivores don’t stand around waiting for a predator to kill them, and carnivores might just decide turnabout is fair play.

So, most of her childhood was spent on dummy duty with her bow as she learned to clean and care for it. Learning to stand, and that’s a whole series of lessons. Learning how to string the bow, learning how to hold it, learning to draw before she was ever allowed to shoot.

What whoever was training her would set her on before that is the other skills, and she’d act as a gopher for them the way all apprentices do. Following behind the older hunter, carrying their equipment, watching them and acting under their direction. You can’t hunt if you can’t find game, and you can’t eat it if you can’t clean it.

Hunting comes with a necessary subset of skills which allow the hunter to work. They don’t just go out into the woods and kill shit then come back. It requires patience. It involves waiting in one place for an animal to come by, sometimes for days. Traps, tracking, reading sign, learning to move through the underbrush without disturbing it, hiding your scent, etc.

Your hunter will catch more food that they eat on the regular with snare traps set for rabbits and other small game than they will with the bigger game like deer. Bigger game takes more investment, more energy, and a lot more luck. There’s also a higher chance of injury.

There are plenty of herbivores that won’t go down quiet, deer included. If your hunter hits wrong and they sense/smell them, there’s always the chance they won’t run and will come right in after the hunter. Animals have “fight or flight” too, and a doe can gore you just as well with her hooves as a buck can with his antlers. Any poor soul chased up a tree by a moose or just gut checked by a horse can tell you, herbivores are assholes. On an unlucky day, they’ll kill you just as well as a carnivore and that’s if you can find them at all.

The chances of managing a “one hit kill” with an animal like a deer are low and, even if you land a killing blow, they’re not just going to fall over dead. You’ve got to be able to follow it, recover the body, and kill it as it lies there bleeding out on the ground if necessary. You’ve also got to have some way to carry it back. Then, there’s the risk you run with whether the herd animals will return to the same place or move somewhere else if too many of their number die. If they do, and they’re your primary source of food, then you’ve got to move with them. Nevermind that there are quite a few animals a bow is simply no good for, like bears and boars. Where you need other tools like dogs and spears.

Hunting is a complicated business, and it doesn’t come with any guarantees.

Now, those skills do translate over well on a certain level to dealing with humans. Though, it’s not the weapon skills so much as the other less flashy ones. Many scouts in medieval armies, for example, were hunters of one sort or another. As were the foragers tasked with feeding them. The ability to tell how many people passed, where they passed, and what they brought with them from the tracks left on the roads or in the hills was a valuable ability. The ability to move through the woods without being seen, to hide your passing, to tell who is breaking trail, and to find their camps was also helpful.

The Ranger class in DnD is built on the hunter. You want a character who has more in common with Aragorn than Katniss. Aragorn uses a bow, but it’s not his only weapon.

The reason for this is that the bow isn’t a great weapon for close quarters. More importantly, it takes time to prepare. You don’t travel with it strung, as that wears out the string. If the string is no longer taut when strung then you can’t fire the bow. You don’t travel with the wood left to the elements. It needs to be wrapped, and packed away. Constantly be oiled to maintain its elasticity/limberness so it can be drawn. A dried bow is a bow you can’t pull, no matter how strong you are. You also can’t get it wet. It’s a weapon which takes a lot of prep in order to be used, a lot of care, a lot of maintenance, more than average, and a lot of hard work.

When you’re in, say, a military or part of a raiding force that knows its attacking then that’s great. Or someone who is on watch for certain periods during the day and will be relieved by another, that also works. Or when you’re sitting alone in the woods waiting for an animal to come by. However, the necessary prep time a bow requires is a lot less helpful when you’re taken by surprise.

By the time you’ve taken it out, unwrapped it, strung it, you’re dead. The enemy was also probably too close for the bow to really be of help anyway. Its a weapon which requires distance. Awesome when you’re pegging people from the ramparts, halfway up a tree, or fifty to a hundred feet off. Less so when they’re standing over you, axe in hand. The traditional role of archers in a military structure is artillery, and not that different from how we use the modern one. Their purpose is bombardment, they soften up the enemy so the vanguard can break their lines and kill them.

There is one kind of single combat the bow is useful for: stalking.

The bow is a silent weapon, and when used in a hunter-stalker mode, can be terrifyingly effective. It’s a stealth weapon, meant for ghosting in and ghosting out as you pick your enemies off. However, this kind of combat requires a proactive mindset and a willingness to get your hands dirty.

It’s also vindictive and, from the perspective of most modern morals, it’s cruel.

Humans are no more lucky than animals when it comes to hunting. The bow is the slow death. No character, no matter their skill level, is going to be guaranteed clean kills. However, what they do get is debilitating blows. An arrow through an arm, a leg, or better a lung, is going to take enemies out of the fight and if they’re not dead yet then potentially another one with them. Harassment is the order of the day. The slow path of carving off opponents, damaging them so they can’t fight back, following as they try to run, before moving in for the kill.

It’s a predatory style of combat, it is (really) just hunting. Hunting humans instead of animals. The terrifying form of combat that haunts so many horror movies. It’s psychological warfare.

However, it’s the kind of combat that takes time, patience, and a strong stomach. It’s up to you to decide if that’s the kind of combat you envisioned for this character to participate in. Or the kind of story you want to tell.

People embrace the Predator and Lara Croft from Tomb Raider (2013), and countless others that have this particular combat style.

It might, however, behoove you to consider coming up with other weapons this character has familiarity with. From knives, to traps, to fishing lines, to other more improvised weapons built on the fly. This character has a range of options within their skillset, and there’s no need to stick to just one.

Also we have a bow tag, and an archery tag for past discussion on this subject.

-Michi

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anonymous asked:

Can you do a dragon age inquisition romanced companions reacting to holding their child with the inquisitor for the first time? This account is probably my favorite on tumblr 😂

Mod Katalyna has returned from being AWOL to bring you her aesthetic: Parents of the Inquisition!(I wasn’t AWOL on purpose, I’m sorry! Life happened.)

Josephine: She’s an utter wreck, her hair a mess, her clothes in disarray, tears streaming down her face, her entire carefully contrived appearance ruined. Yet she’s completely still, only the tears that continuously fall down her face moving as she stares with almost childlike wonder down at her own child. This baby the most precious treasure she’s ever handled, worth more than her entire family’s fortune, and she knows that she’d give up everything she has to make sure this child, her child, is safe and happy. She looks up at her lover to hope that they share her awe at this little being that is now theirs.

Solas: He’s stunned for long moments, no racing thoughts or brilliant plans or anything at all going through his mind. There is nothing but the tiny bundle in his arms, half his, half his lover’s, all its own entity. Finally, a thought crystalizes: if anything in this world is real, it’s this child, my child. Eyes that reflect his own stare up at him, as if the little babe is thinking the same thing. And he knows in that instant that this child is worth risking everything for, even his duty.

Cullen: He holds his baby as if one wrong move could make it shatter, and his lover laughs as they rearrange his hands into a more natural position. But they don’t understand; this child is everything. With his first glimpse, Cullen was lost. This family is his and no one will ever threaten it. And he needs so badly to be a good father to his child, their child. He would give this baby the moons if that was what it took.

Sera: She holds the baby like an old pro but blinks down at the bundle in her arms as if she has no idea what it is. For long moments, she and the baby simply stare at each other, trying to figure each other out. Suddenly, Sera grins, then laughs. “I am gonna teach you the very best pranks, yeah?” she informs the child. Nefarious plots involving Cullen’s training dummy are already hatching. Yet even as she plans mischief, she holds the child, now hers, closer to her chest, protectively. Nobody ever messes with what’s hers.

Dorian: “Well, I, uh… How lovely,” he finally manages to say after holding the child awkwardly for a few long moments. He’s not really sure about this. It’s… it’s a baby. It’s messy and loud and awkward and helpless. Yet then the child giggles and reached stubby little arms out to him, and he’s lost. He knows he has lots of long, messy, loud, awkward, helpless nights ahead of him. But at least his amatus will be there so neither of them will ever get too overwhelmed. They’ll figure it out together.

Blackwall: He’s already got two dozen toys made by the time he holds his child for the first time. He’s prepared to battle the whole world for his baby. He’s done everything he can to be ready, but he’s still completely overwhelmed when he feels the little bundle of life in his arms for the first time. He cries happy tears when the baby pulls on his beard and pulls the other half of his family close by his side, needing to share this moment. Nothing could have ever prepared him for this.

Cassandra: She’s crying and laughing and her warrior persona has completely dissolved into the soft romantic her lover always knew was under her armor. She’s trying to sing through her tears and mostly failing, but she’s gently rocking her child and already promising it all the love she can give. She has her doubts about her abilities as a mother, but she’s going to give it everything she’s got, and her lover will be right there with her through it all. It’s all a little too perfect to believe, but she doesn’t care. It’s hers.

Iron Bull: Whoa, okay, weird. This is weird. He’d never actually thought he’d be raising a kid. If he did have any kids, he’d never have spent any time with them or even really knew about them if he hadn’t become Tal-Vashoth. And he really can’t regret that decision now, with a little bundle way too small for his big arms nestled against his chest. It’s weird but it’s also weirdly right. And he likes the idea of teaching his kid to slay dragons even as he protects them from the world- and the world from them. This could be good, and he knows his kadan will be there for every moment, and that makes it perfect.

Bonus! Because I know we have Krem fans:

Krem: Well, he’d decided to take it all in stride, but the second he laid eyes on his baby he knew that wasn’t an option anymore. Then he held the little squirming bundle and he realized he simultaneously knew exactly what to do and knew nothing at all. He was going to protect this little kid with everything in him, and he was going to hope his lover could help with the rest, because, shit, what do you even do with a kid? He held his child and rocked them gently and he knew he’d figure it all out somehow. Together with his lover, they’d figure it out.

4

Hey there black tumblr,
Just stopping by to grace w some photos of my dread loc chronicles and hopefully meet some new souls whilst among greatness 🌞
Stay true to the skin you’re in and let’s show love to each other.. Bc they don’t wanna see us love one another ✊
buhbye now 🌻

6

JORDAN. Near Amman. 1969. Young Fatah recruits train by the refugee camp of Baka.

All these young people come from Palestinian refugee camps - most of them are orphans, their fathers having been killed in fighting. Many come from Karame, a bombed village near the Jordan River, victim of March 1968 fighting. They go to school in the morning and usually train in the afternoon. They start their training between the ages of 10 to 13, but they are only allowed to go into combat at the age of 16.

Photograph: Bruno Barbey/Magnum Photos

Worth It (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Word Count: 2,412

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky have always had an (unspoken) connection due to having similar backstories and both feeling like outsiders in the Avengers. One morning during a power outage in the tower because of a thunderstorm, you and Bucky are forced to resolve whatever’s going on between you two. Based off this request. (I changed up the request a little bit, sorry!)

Warnings: Language, mentions of kidnapping/violence/death, fluff

*overused gif not mine*

You watch him as he sleepily walks into the kitchen, your eyes glancing away from your phone and up to him as you curl up on the couch, surrounded by blankets to keep warm. It’s an extra cold day today in New York City, and with the storms rolling in, you know the weather will only continue to get worse. Another day stuck inside the tower for you. Half of the team was out on a mission today, leaving you, Bruce, Tony, and the quiet and mysterious man in the kitchen with nothing to do.  But of course, Bruce and Tony were cooped up in the labs all day, which just leaves you and him.

Bucky’s always intrigued you, ever since the moment he walked into the Avenger’s tower a few months ago. Steve told you about his backstory before he moved in with the rest of you, but instead of being afraid of him like everyone else seemingly was, you weren’t scared. At first, you pitied him, having gone through a similar situation as his. HYRDA kidnapped you as a child and trained you for years to become their own personal weapon, putting you through hell in the process. Natasha had saved you from HYDRA three years ago when you had been fighting her in one of the labs her and Steve had come to take down. You don’t exactly remember how things had gone down- there’s a lot of blank spaces in your memory from your HYDRA years- but you do know that somehow she had managed to convince you to go back to SHIELD with her. A year later, you were an Avenger, kicking the asses of the people who had ruined your life as a child.

A few weeks after Bucky moved in, you realized that he was a lot different than you had expected. He was a good man; you had already known this, but he proved it to you. He never spoke to anybody except Steve, not even you, but it’s the small gestures. The way he genuinely cares about Steve, the way he will give the missions his all, the way he bent over backward to save you from getting killed by a HYDRA agent a few weeks ago. He’s not the Winter Soldier anymore- he’s just simply Bucky Barnes to you, a man who went through a hell of a lot to get to where he is today.

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Scorpius knows exactly who Albus is when they meet in the train carriage. He’s known for years that Harry Potter had a son his age who would probably be in his class at school. He knows that that kid is called Al. He’s seen pictures of him in the paper, of course he has.

Scorpius doesn’t even dare to dream of becoming friends with Harry Potter’s son. He imagines going to Hogwarts and having friends like Harry did, but he doesn’t think for a second that Al would give him any attention. Al is a Potter, and Scorpius is a Malfoy. Gryffindor and Slytherin, most likely, they’ll never even interact.

And then Scorpius is on the Hogwarts express and he hears the carriage door open, and he sees that stunningly familiar Potter face. The green eyes and messy black hair, and his heart stops for a second and he doesn’t know what to do. And Al has no idea who he is, clearly, because he asks to come in. So Scorpius goes out of his way to give Al every opportunity to leave, but he doesn’t. He stays. And he stays. And he stays.

And Scorpius pretends he’s just any other person. Asks what he wants to be called (Albus), offers him sweets, talks to him about Rose. Albus says he’s staying for Scorpius’s sweets, not for him, but still Scorpius has never been happier, and then Albus laughs at the steam coming from his ears as he eats Pepper Imps, and by the end of the train ride they’ve become friends.

That night when they’re lying in beds next to each other in the Slytherin dorm Scorpius can still hardly comprehend it. He’s living in a dream. Not even a dream, because he didn’t dare dream this. This is pure and utter fantasy, the wildest possible reality, and it’s his reality.

Albus Severus Potter is his friend.

Yuri on Ice/Avatar TLA AU

I don’t know if this has been done yet, but I’ve been thinking in a Yuri on Ice/Avatar The Last Airbender AU and so far these are my ideas:

-Yuuri Katsuki: Just like in the anime, he’s very shy and unsure of himself. He’s an airbender, the first bender born in his family in over a century. He doesn’t feel comfortable being an airbender because everyone tells him that he should become a monk and only live a spiritual life. Because in his hometown there aren’t any airbenders, he doesn’t learn to bend properly; instead he just trains basic defense moves with Minako (nonbender, chi blocker). Later he meets Celestino (a nonbender rebel nomad monk) and Phichit (another air-bender) and even when he tried to train with them, he felt like he was just trying to please everyone  instead of just bending for the pleasure of it or for the connection with his element. He meets Viktor by accident and is very impressed by the perfection of Viktor’s bending. When Viktor tells him that he’s going to train him, at first Yuuri doesn’t believe him and thinks that Viktor is just making fun of him because how could a prodigy waterbender teach him to airbend? But what he learns is to be confident and to love his element as well as the people around him. That alone gives him the control of the air and even a little glimpse of the Spirit World. He meets Yuri when the younger bender goes to his house in search of Viktor. He likes Yuri, but he’s afraid of him… until he gets to know his softer side.

-Viktor Nikiforov: A waterbender prodigy, but not a fighter. He has the potential but he prefers to perform ice skating mixed with some form of mist-bending and ice sculpting to create dream-like scenarios. When he meets Yuuri he’s so excited because he never met an airbender before and wants to know everything about his bending type… until he discovers that Yuuri has very little knowledge of his own bending… And Viktor takes as his personal quest to train Yuuri. How? He doesn’t know. Maybe he can use some of the lessons his old master Yakov taught him. He’s very patient with Yuuri, trying to show him that his bending is a gift rather than a mistake. He wants to give Yuuri an engagement necklace, but he knows airbenders aren’t supposed to be attached to mundane items. So instead he gives him a coral mala (or prayer beads necklace).

-Makkachin: Viktor’s cute sea-otter-dog… or a goat dog… or something like that.

-Yuri Plisetsky: Another waterbender prodigy, but unlike Viktor, he’s very enthusiastic about fighting (pro-bending or something like that). He relies almost only in a very aggressive type of icebending, and he uses some moves and kicks from firebending (he learned from Lilia, who’s a firebender master. She also taught him the basic moves to deflect a lightening, but of course he’s never tried). He has problems trying to control water in liquid form because that needs him to be in total control of his emotions… and of course he is not. Viktor promised him to teach him waterbending but then Yuuri happened. At first he was jealous but while training with him and Viktor he learns to deal better with his emotions and feelings. He hasn’t told anybody but one time he accidentally bloodbent. His grandfather was having a heart attack and he tried to use waterbending to heal him, instead he stopped his heart for several seconds before making it beat again. His grandfather healed after that and hasn’t had another attack since then, but Yuri was so scared he has never tried to bloodbend again.

Otabek Altin: Born in a little town that used to be a colony under siege by the Fire Nation. He discovered he was an earthbender just after his 17th birthday, that’s why he’s still learning. He trains hard and even when he’s not really naturally talented, it’s his hard work that makes him an excellent bender in just a couple of years. He’s physically stronger than average and that helps him controlling large amounts of rocks, also he’s an adept in listening and waiting before making a move. Even with his strength and ability, he doesn’t like to fight, he prefers using his newfound bending working with blacksmiths and fixing satomobiles (?). He’s trying to learn metalbending but as this day he hasn’t been able to do it. Has a pet Komodo rhino that rides often. Yuri is an inspiration for him, because even when he has been a talented bender since he was a child, he still trains hard every day to improve his skills and does not rely only in his innate ability. Otabek carved a jade stone and gave it to him in a “friendship” necklace. He has the vague idea that Water Tribe people make and give necklaces as tokens of friendship or as good luck charms. Yuri won’t tell him its real meaning even when he likes the idea of being engaged to Otabek. Viktor is the one to tell the truth to Otabek… And he doesn’t mind. He makes another necklace for Yuri, this time a real engagement necklace. Yuri uses both.

Phichit Chulanont: He’s a carefree airbender who travels the world with Celestino as his trainer and teacher. His goal is to form a group of players and performers and that’s why he admires Viktor’s theatrical and dramatic dances on ice. Has several southern Water Tribe white hamsters as pets.  After training for some time with Yuuri and Celestino, they part ways and while visiting the Earth Kingdom he gets lost near the Si Wong Desert. Then he meets this handsome and mysterious sandbender who helps him to get to the nearest town. He doesn’t leave his side after that even when at first the sandbender doesn’t look very comfortable around him. He tries to convince the sandbender to join his group (What group?) and the sandbender hasn’t accepted yet. But hasn’t refused either.

Seung-Gil Lee: A sandbender of the Si Wong desert. Serious and quiet; he loves the desert because it’s a lonely place. One day, while hunting buzzard wasps he finds a lost airbender and walks him to the town. It’s weird because this boy is the complete opposite of him, not only in his element but in his personality. However, he doesn’t find the boy’s constant talk annoying and actually considers the idea of joining his future group of players.

Guang Hong Ji: He’s a nonbender, the only son of a famous weapon seller and swordsman in the Earth Kingdom. He had to learn to use swords and daggers, and actually he’s very skilled with a jian. He only trains because is a family tradition, but his dream is to become a player and perform in Ember Island theatre. Otabek has worked with his father and Guang Hong admires him because seems like he really enjoys what he does.

Leo de la Iglesia: He’s the eldest son of a Fire sage, and a firebender who doesn’t like fire. That’s because when he was practicing some time ago he accidentally burned his little sister in the leg. She isn’t afraid of him or the fire, but he still blames himself and tries to avoid bending at all. He’s expected to become a Fire sage, but all he wants is to be a musician. He meets Guang Ho when he went to his father’s armory to get a ritual dagger. Since then they spend a lot of time talking about joining the Ember Island players.

Those are the main ones. The other headcanons I have are:

Mila Babicheva: Firebender who trained with Yuri under Lilia’s guidance.  

Michele Crispino and Sara Crispino: From the Earth Kingdom. He’s an earthbender, she’s a nonbender.

Emil Nekola: Artistic (?) metalbender

Georgi Popovich: Nonbender. He’s the only one who actually works at the Ember Island theatre. Very dramatic actor. Has lots of fans.

JJ LeRoy: Waterbender. Comes from a family of well known Pro-Bending fighers. That’s why he’s so arrogant and he’s always challenging Yuri to fight with him.

Christophe Giacometti: Firebender HOT DAMN. Too hot to handle. He turns every single pool and bath into a sauna. Poledance with fireworks and sparks. Yeah.

Kenjiro Minami. Firebender chicken nugget. He’s from the same town as Yuuri and also finds him interesting just because he’s an airbender.


I was kinda hard for some character, since is easy to imagine them all as water/ice benders… duh…

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I had a difficult time deciding what I should do for you, because I wanted to make something special, in the end I decided to sorround you with some of your favorite characters >:0. So happy birthday, @itsscrow

You’re the most amazing human ghost I’ve met and I’m glad I did.You deserve only the best, ilysm <3

[3]

I’m cackling because it looks like Kurogane got hit in the face with a cloud of dust. 

I’m not unconvinced that this isn’t exactly what happened. 

OOH HERE WE GO IMPORTANT CHARACTER DEFINING QUESTION LET’S GO LET’S GO

Oh my lord he’s giving him an existential crisis

I’m sorry, I just keep on thinking about a Jeeves and Wooster modern AU and I need to share my feelings soooooooo…..


The millennial Drones would all have their livelihood/passions/income revolve around social media, since that’s the modern equivalent of the no-good-lazy-spoiled-kids-who-won’t-get-a-proper-job-like-their-parents trope. Like, Gussie Fink-Nottle has an instagram, tumblr and facebook account for every single one of his newts, Tuppy Glossop’s a food blogger etc. Gentlemens’ clubs aren’t really a thing for the younger set, so their meeting place is a pub NAMED The Drones, where they socialise and loaf about, sharing selfies and memes and other no-good-lazy-millenial stuff.

Bertie would be big on Youtube and Vine, known for quirky music, comedy and anecdotes, sort of a mix of Phil Lester and Jon Cozart. He’d perform the ludicrous pop songs of today as well as musical theatre - not only Lin-Manuel Miranda and Disney tunes but WELL LEGIT Gershwin and Berlin and`Porter. His friends would all ask him to sing Rat Pack standards at their weddings which he gladly does pro bono.

Jeeves would have gotten himself a scholarship to Cambridge (reading law and philosophy) and wound up as a solicitor, since his calling is basically solving other peoples’ problems and disputes. He would earn himself a reputation as the best of the best and be sought after by peers of the realm and CEOs of large companies for Delicate Matters. Unlike Bertie, who takes to this era like a thingummy to water, Jeeves is still something of an anachronism: impeccable old-fashioned manners, formal speech for all occasions (he even calls the cashier at Pret-A-Manger ‘madam’), and never goes out in public without wearing a button-up shirt & necktie. He has typical Generation Xer stand-offish cynicism, deftly packaged in dapper-as-fuck tactfulness.

I can imagine Bertie, having just gotten over his breakup with Ginger (the cad left him for Magnolia), would meet Jeeves whilst house-sitting for one of the Drones in some fashionable Zone 1 / 2 neighborhood (say Chelsea or Fulham). Jeeves has the flat across the hall and Bertie runs into him while trying to take out the rubbish bins (and failing). Jeeves, of course, effortlessly sets everything to rights, and perceiving how clueless Bertie is in day-to-day maintenance of a household, comes over every day to assist him (and not because Bertie is the most adorable wide-eyed cherub of a twink he’s ever seen - perish the thought!)

As Bertie is a magnet for drama, the neighbours in the building and his fellow Drones inevitably fall upon him with all of their problems - some involving romance, but others involving compromising photos going viral, public gaffes where politically incorrect remarks are uttered, etc. Jeeves and Bertie schlep around modern-day London having light-hearted adventures solving all of these problems. Bertie regales his subscribers with the stories of these adventures, going on and on about how wonderful Jeeves is. In the general on-line community, comparisons are drawn between Bertie’s vlog and the blog belong to the boyfriend of that ‘Hat Detective’ on Baker St.

When the time comes for Bertie to leave the flat he was caretaking, he coyly asks Jeeves if he would take Bertie on as a client at his practice. Jeeves refuses, stating that his principles forbid him to date anyone he’s professionally involved with. It takes Bertie half a day to figure out that Jeeves has asked him out.

From there it’s fluff and music and roses and bickering. They get their flat together in Mayfair and Jeeves feels no reserve about scolding Bertie for leaving bath towels on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink. His sweet otherwordly Bertram is a slovenly man-child who he manages to train. Somewhat. Eventually a kitten is adopted because REG HE’S SO CUTE HE FOLLOWED ME HOME LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE CAN WE GO DOWN TO BATTERSEA AND GET HIM A PLAYMATE OH PLEEEEASE I’LL PROMISE TO CLEAN THE LITTER TRAY AND GIVE YOU HEAD WHENEVER YOU WANT IT

Also he once tried to convince Jeeves to come with him to the Brinkley Court Halloween Party dressed in drag as Elphaba and Glinda, but Jeeves “mixed up “ the order to the online costume shop, so they went in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff robes instead.

They spend rainy weekends playing the piano and cooking and exchanging bants and bargaining about fashion choices and having fantastic sex. To their friends they are ‘Bertie and Reg’ and they are like, omigod, the cutest couple eveerrrr, ikr

Aunt Dahlia is the P-Flag auntie, having been the first person that Bertie came out to. She has always hoped that her young blot will find a good man who can keep him in check (Jeeves is heaven sent to her), while Agatha is the homophbic aunt.

AGATHA: Bertie. You must marry and have children.

BERTIE: For the thousandth time, Aunt Agatha, I’m gay. As much as you wish otherwise, that Lord Arran fellow assured the Empire’s assent of my sexual orientation while you were still in knee socks and fawning over Cliff Richard.

AGATHA: It is a childish phase. It will pass once I find a woman of good breeding who can mould you.

BERTIE: Aunt Agatha–

AGATHA: Mould. You.

She lives in Belgravia and despises smartphones.

Thankfully the 21st Century edition of The Code of The Woosters impels Bertie to tell any prospective female that being affianced to him is inadvisable for multiple reasons.

Also Lady Florence is an SJW hipster and political lesbian who lives in Shoreditch with her girlfriend Honoria. She takes every opportunity to criticise Bertie for drinking sugary Starbucks lattes and wearing T shirts with licensed cartoon characters on them. Bertie often wonders why the hell he’s friends with her.

Bertie’s other queer friends are Bingo (the ultimate panromantic), Catsmeat (just your average theatre geek with a libido the size of Soho) and cousin Eustace (not so much a friend as a tagalong, always getting suspended for hitting on his professors). They sometimes go to G-A-Y, where they are consistently ignored by all the cool clubbers, opting to drink and watch drag shows and throw beer nuts at each other. Marion Wardour is Bertie’s gal pal and sometimes she comes along too, with the aim of hooking up with bi guys (and occasionally bi girls). Otherwise, she’s off singing in fringe musicals.

Spode is a member of UKIP and his wife Madeleine writes awful Winnie the Pooh fanfiction.

Cursed Child 23/04 thoughts !!!

This show is my third time seeing cursed child, second time in dress circle, second time premium tickets. Paid a ridiculous amount of money for the tickets (they were the £250 ones,,, I cried when the money left my bank account) buttttt the seats were amazing. Row C, aisle seats !!! amazing. Incredible. Best seats I’ve had so far.
Little run down of moments that made me smile:

Anto:
Everything. He is a gem, a rare gem. This is the second time I’ve seen anto as Scorpius and (my first one was in August last year) he has changed COMPLETELY. He is so much more gentle and emotional, his voice is still squeaky and charismatic but he’s outgoing in a less obvious way. His movements and voice mean that whenever there is an exciting, funny moment- the audience appreciate it so much more. Everyone loved him today. He was so adorable ??? He kept wiping his nose, sniffing (I thought anto was sick but I’m pretty sure he was fine at stage door), fiddling with his hair. The library scene and staircase ballet ended me. I’m pretty sure he actually cried at the staircases. Therefore I cried. He was so sweet during the owlery scene. He and Sam kept bumping into each other during the show and in the owlery scene as Scorpius says “and wake up everyone at hog warts?” he just echoed “hogwarts warts warts warts” and everyone died. The whole yelling “help” moment was sweet as well. He ran across the stage and everyone lost it. He and Sam were also very sweet during a lot of the play. On the train anto knelt down and held onto sams leg, cute. In the church scene they side hugged and patted each other on their backs. Also as Albus reassured Harry he was fine, anto was sat on the floor and he shuffled over to gently squeeze Sam’s arm. Eeeeep! Special mention to the last scene- the two of them were soooo close, there was a nose boop, several pokes and it was adorable. He also repeatedly overexaggerated certain lines like “you can stand with me” as Albus got sorted into slytherin. I love anto, I can’t wait to see him in something new but I will miss him as my baby Scorpius.

Sam:
Oh Sam. Sam is so under appreciated, today was a Sam day for me. I spent so much time just admiring Sam. He’s exceptional. His angst and emotion, facial expressions and movements destroy me. Even in the first few scenes as he sits on the trunk watching everyone stare he had me broken. His facial expressions…. gahhhhh!!!!! I told him several times today how exceptional he is and he’s responded to all of them so I’m glad he’s getting the love he deserves :’) he looked so sad during the ballet, as usual. And he and Jamie were on fire today during the arguments. Right up in each other’s faces, yelling and so overcome with emotion. He’s the kind of actor who doesn’t just learn what he has to do- he learns the lines but the lines become part of who his character is and it all feels so natural. He’s so talented. His interaction with poppy always makes me cry and his chemistry with anto,,, there would be no scorbus without Sam and it seems that people forget that sometimes. He is so talented and deserves love and acknowledgement of that. He was so incredible during the Delphi/Scorpius/Albus scenes. His face and voice when Scorpius was crucioed god I cried so hard. Sam always brings something new and fresh and I feel so honoured to have seen his Albus three times. He made Albus for me, he is Albus and I honestly appreciate his characterisation so much. Sam clemmett is an exceptionally talented actor and I will be front at the queue to purchase tickets to whatever he does next.

James Howard:
Have only ever seen Alex’s draco so this was a wonderful surprise to see James. And boyyyy he loved up to my expectation. Alex has a more humorous side, his lines have a hint of laughter and he makes draco funny while also sensitive. But James,,,,, god James took it to a different place. He took draco somewhere darker, someone trapped inside his own emotions. I felt the intensity whenever he was on stage. During the duel with harry, he sounded almost sinister on the “I want to hurt you” likes. It was immense. The office scene in part two with Scorpius,,, the way he speaks the line about Scorpius. I was so emotional during his delivery of the speech about Astoria. He built up all these sinister walls around draco and tore them all down in the really emotional moments. I am so glad he is taking over as draco because he is AMAZING. During the church scene he comforted Scorpius at the door, kept rubbing his shoulder asking if he was okay. I felt the malfoy love and he played dad!draco so well. During the next scene watching Lily and James die,,, he pulled anto into his side, comforted him with love while battling his own emotions. Breathtaking. Truly breathtaking. I’m honoured to have seen him perform.

As usual the rest of the cast were incredible. Noma always impresses, Paul was as funny as always. The polyjuice scene always brightens my day. Jamie was incredible. He was more emotional than I’ve ever seen him before. During fights and yelling and after the dreams he was so deep into Harry I had shivers down my spine. I also want to celebrate poppy because she is also lovely. I love her Ginny. She makes her the doting mother while retaining the independence and strength Ginny has had all her life. I also just want to appreciate her run- when she runs on and off stage it makes me happy. She has an adorable run. I wanted to tell her at stage door but it seemed like such a random thing to say to someone lmao.

The audience took a while to get into it today. There weren’t many laughs until the second interval of part 1. Which was a shame because the polyjuice potion scene didn’t get as much appreciation as it deserved. A lot of the funny lines also got overlooked (imo) but lord knows hannah was there laughing herself to tears at everything. By the end everyone was enthralled. Standing ovation, cheers and tears and happiness all around. The rightful response. This cast are immense. I love them. I love this play.

7

So, normally I wouldn’t bother with Valentine’s Day things, but @flavor-text-chara made some precious Chara Valentine’s Day card templates, and I couldn’t help slapping together a few of my own.

Because nothing says “I love you” like red demon eyes and bundles of lovely poisonous buttercups. =)

  • Dazai: -and then we held hands and went to go get ramen and-
  • Atsushi: Dazai-san it wasn't a real date-
  • Dazai: Shut up Atsushi-kun you know nOTHING