chicken poo

compiled by myself and claddaghstrong, (idea from claddaghstrong) here are the phrases in french you’ll need to survive in Montreal!
(ps I think we’re taught in different accents so I hope you don’t mind but I changed your pronunciations a bit to match mine i.e. you say che-vo and I say che-veuh)

expression française (french phrase) [phonetic sound: ex-press-yon fron-sez]


- je (I) [je]
- j’ai (I have) [jeay]
- je suis (I am) [je swees]
- je vais (I want) [je vay]
- j’aime (I like) [jeme]
- j’adore (I love) [jadoor]
- ça (it, that) [sa]
- je n’ai pas (I do not) [je nay pa]
- quel est ton nom? (what’s your name?) [kell ay tawn nom?]
- je m’appelle (my name is) [je m-apell]
- j’ai/(je n’ai) besoin (pas) d’aide (I (do not) need help/I have (no) need of help) [je-ay/(je nay) bes-wen (pa) d’aiday]
- quel est le directions à (what are the directions to) [kell ay le dee-rect-shons a]
- est-que je peux (can/may I) [es ke je peu]
- aller a (go to) [allay a]
- le toilette/la boire de l’eau/mon hôtel (the toilet/water fountain/my hotel) [le twa-let/ la bwoare de l’oh/ mon otel]
- où est le/la (where is the) [oo es le/la)
- je suis malade (I’m sick) [je swees malad]
- je (ne) peux (pas) trouver (I can(‘t) find) [je (ne) peu (pa) troovay]
- avon (before) [avon]
- après (after) [a-pray]
- lundi, mardi, mercredi, jeudi, vendredi, samedi, dimanche (monday-sunday) [loon-dy mar-dy mer-cre-dy, je-dy, ven-dre-dy, sam-dy, dee-mansh]
- juillet (july) [jwee-et]
if you’re using a negative, always put “ne” or “n’ai” in front of the verb, and “pas” after it. (get—reel)


- bonjour (hello) [bon-jer]
- merci (thank you) [mare-see]
- pardon/excusez-moi (sorry/excuse me) [par-dawn/ex-que-say mawh]
- parlez-vous anglais? (do you speak English?) [parlay voo onglay?]
- je ne comprends pas francais (I don’t understand french) [Je nuh com-prawnd pa fron-sez] Say this when people start speaking french to you and they will happily switch to english!
- oui (yes) [wee]
- non (no) [pretty much no with a french accent, idek] (claddaghstrong)


- je vais prendre un/une/le/la/de/du ________ s’il vous plait (I’ll take/I’ll order ______ please) [je vay prawn-dre un/oon/le (not lay)/la/de/doo see voo play]
- végétarien(ne) (vegetarian - add the extra ne if you’re female) [veg-e-tair-ee-en(n)]
- salade (salad) [salaad]
- sandwich (ok duh a sandwich) [sandweesh]
- poulet (chicken) [poo-lay]
- petit gâteau (cupcake) [puh-tee ga-toe]
- gâteau (cake) [ga-toe]
- biscuit (cookie) [bees-kwee]
- jus de pomme/orange/raisin/canneberge (apple/orange/grape/cranberry juice) [joos de pom/oRANje/ray-san/can-berje]
-(boire de) (l’)eau (water (bottle)) [(bwoare de) (l’)oh]
-café (coffee) [ka-fay]
- thé vert/décaféiné/regulaire (green/decaf/regular tea) [tay ver/day-caff-ee-nay/reg-u-lair]
- sucre (sugar) [soo-kre]
- lait (milk) [lay]
- je suis allergiques à ____/arachides (I am allergic to ____/peanuts) [je swees all-er-jeekes a ____/ar-a-shides]


- 1 un [un]
- 2 deux (deuh)
- 3 trois (twoz)
- 4 quatre (catre)
- 5 cinq (sank)
- 6 six (sees)
- 7 sept (set)
- 8 huit (wheat)
- 9 neuf (nuf)
- 10 dix (dees)
- 11 onze (owns)
- 12 douze (dooz)
- 13 treze (trez)
- 14 quatorze (catours)
- 15 quinze (kains)
- 16 seize (says)
- 17 dix-sept (dees-set)
- 18 dix-huit (dees-wheat)
- 19 dix-neuf (dees-nuf)
- 20 vingt (vaint)
- 21 vingt-et-un (vaint ay un)
- 22 vingt deux (vaint deuh) etc.

- 30 trente (trant)
- 40 quarante (care-aunt)
- 50 cinquante (sank-aunt)
- 60 soixante (swuss-aunt)
- 70 soixante-dix (swuss-aunt dees) (i.e. 60+10)
- 80 quatre-vingt (catre vaint) (i.e. 4x20)
- 90 quatre-vingt-dix (carte vaint dees) (i.e. 4x20+10)
- 100 cent (sawn)
- 200 deux cent (deuh sawnt) (etc. etc.)

when the french say numbers such as 21, 31, 41, 2561 etc, they say vingt-et-un, trente-et-un etc, but only for numbers ending in one: all other numbers don’t have “et” (ay) between the ones and tens place. Also, you pronounce the “t’ in “cent” (100) for every hundred except for one hundred (i.e. 200, 300, 400, 700, etc. except for 100). You also wouldn’t call 100 “un cent”- you’d just call it “cent”


- tête (head) [tet]
- bras (arms) [bra]
- mains (hands) [men]
- estomac (stomach) [es-toe-mac]
- jambes (legs) [jomb]
- genoux (knees) [je-noo]
- pieds (feet) [peeay] (get—reel)


- non, ce n’est pas mes vrais cheveux (no, this is not my real hair) [no, se nay pa may vray she-veuh]
- comment est mon bronzage? (how is my tan?) [ka-mon a mon bron-zaje?]
- une autre bière s’il vous plait (another beer please) [oon o-tra beer see-voo-play)
- merci, Gavin a fait. (thanks, Gavin made it) (mare-see, Gavin a fay)
- quand est les rappels/les prix? (when are recalls/awards?) kawnd a lay ra-pell/ lay pree) (claddaghstrong)
- qui a gagné/quels sont les résultats (who won/what are the results) [kee a ganyay/kells son lays raysulta] (get—reel)

  • kitchen nigthmares episode:
  • restaurent ppl: pls godron ramzaz come help us we r bad and ur so fancy and world-wide renommed
  • Gordon Ramsay: k lol
  • restaurent ppl: okay gordo this is chicken we cook with real oven!!!! hope u like it
  • Gordon Ramsay: this chicken is taste like poo
  • restaurent people: oh my god!!!!! who are you to tell us how to run this place!!!!!! real oven!!!!!!!!
  • Brother (24 years old): Guess what.
  • Me: No.
  • Brother: Guess what.
  • Me: No.
  • Brother: Come on. Say what.
  • Me: (sigh) What?
  • Brother: (grinning) Chicken butt. (walks away laughing) That was good, huh?
  • ...
  • Brother: (through two walls) GUESS WHO.
  • Me: (in despair) Chicken poo.
  • Brother: Cock-a-doodle-doo! (beat) Actually chicken poo was better, but you already took it.