chicken burritos

  • what she says: I'm okay
  • what she means: Can I say my shit? Can I say my shit? I've got lots of shit to say. I've got lots of shit to say. I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can, I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can. I can get my hand like four inches into the can but then I have to tilt the can into my mouth but then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can so they all go spilling onto my face. What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. I'll say it again. The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small. If you feel me, put your hands up, Come on! If you feel me, put your hands up! Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of a Pringle can! Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can, your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can. Pringles! Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get are about the width of your cans?! Just... make them wider?! I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry. I want to have a daughter. I want to have a daughter so I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in the Pringle can. Yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll move on, alright? But that is priority número uno. I don't go to the gym because I'm self-conscious about my body but I'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym. Irony can be so painful. That's a Catch-22. Let's do this! I went to Chipotle, I went to Chipotle, got myself a chicken burrito. I went down the line and I got all these ingredients and at the end of the line the guy tried to wrap the burrito but half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out. He still wrapped it. I was like, dude you should have warned me! You're a burrito expert, you should have told me halfway through: "Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here" Do you fucking think I want a messy burrito? No one wants a messy burrito! The whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained within the confines of the tortilla. I wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got half of it! Like, I'm okay with small mistakes, if you've got no more chicken I'll take pork. But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit. Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like half of it, like, half of it, like, half of it, like half of it right now,I think it's time I think it's time, I think that we break this down. I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are pringle cans, and burritos. The truth is, my biggest problem's you. I want to please you but I want to stay true to myself. I want to give you the night out that you deserve but I want to say what I think and not care what you think about it. Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of me needs you, part of me fears you. And I don't think that I can handle this right now, handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. Look at them, they're just staring at me like, "come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself." I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. They don't even know the half of this right now, they don't even know the half of it. But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show so I should probably just shut up and do my job so here I go. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got half. You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme and if they still don't understand you then you run it one more time. I don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) I don't think that I can handle this right now (Hoo!) If you think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) Right now (Haa!) Now, handle this right, handle this right, handle this right now.Thank you, good night! I hope you're happy.
10

VEGAN LUNCHES I ATE: 

Sweet chili tofu poke burrito; brown rice veggie sushi, veggie dumplings, cauliflower mac n cheese; tofu scramble, ten veggies patty, chik’n nuggies; pad thai with veggie beef; pad thai with veggie shrimp; pad woon sen; green curry with veggie beef and rice

JESUS CHRIST IT HAS BEEN A FANTASTIC MONTH!

6

Grilled Chicken Tacos/Fajitas with Pineapple Salsa & Guacamole 

No real recipe here but here is everything that I used/did. Grilled some stir fry chicken strips (breast meat that is carved into small strips - I buy them already sliced from my local grocery store), seasoned with my own Mexican spice blend (will do another post on this). Grilled some thinly sliced sweet onion, bell & sweet peppers, and mushrooms. Pineapple salsa and guacamole recipes have been previously posted here and here. Wrapped everything together in a gluten free white corn tortilla and garnished with lime and fresh cilantro. 

Feel free to use any taco toppings you want. The possibilities are endless! (this would also be phenomenal with grilled steak or grilled shrimp - YUM)

Delicious is not even the right word. 

HEALTHY MENU

Eating healthy is crucial to maintaining good health. So here are some of my suggested aliments you can add to your daily food intake. And remember to make small changes over a longer period of time. Hope it helps!

BREAKFAST

  • Yogurt

- You can make a healthy bowl or parfait by adding granola and berries, fruit, etc. Just watch the contents of the yogurt, make sure that it isn’t loaded with sugar.

  • Oatmeal

- When making oatmeal, throw some berries or banana slices on top for your fruit/vege serving. I’d recommend making it with milk for its protein content and it gives taste. If you prefer oatmeal with water, be sure to get your protein somewhere. Like egg, glass of milk or some nuts.

  • Protein Shake

- Milk, a banana, a little cocoa powder and a scoop of protein powder flavors can vary, but you can add peanut butter as well. Also, almond or soy milk for lactose intolerance or sensitivity.

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Weirdo

Jay was getting ready for his concert in Bangkok, Thailand. When you were about to Facetime with him just to wish him luck, you receive a message from Simon. It read:

Hey [Y/N], I know you’re not here atm but here’s a picture of your boyfriend. He thinks he is a superhero. What do you think?

You grinned at the photo and replied to Simon. 

I think it looks like he just dropped a chicken burrito and he’s mad. Also, let Loco know he looks fine without any make-up ;) Have fun tonight, Simon!!

And tell Jay to stop pretending to be cool and call me on Facetime.