chick bones

Mmmm I’m sorry to all the Be More Chill fans writing Hogwarts AU’s cause like excuse me??? There is. No way in HELL Jeremiah Heere is a Gryffindor. That boy is a Slytherin through and through!! Like Slytherin’s are known for doing whatever it takes to make it to the top n I’m sorry he swallowed a shady-ass $400 pill from Japan in the back of mall Payless just so he could bone the chick he’s been crushing on for years.. Gryffindor my ass

RANT:

You’re over the hill by your late 20s, especially if you look your age. You’re now THE oldest guy who still goes to nightclubs. You can’t get girls in their LOOKS, FERTILITY and YOUTH PRIME anymore. And even if you can snag the odd one, you have nothing in common with them.

By 30, you should be settling down and ready to have kids. If you have a kid at 30, you’ll be in your 40s when it’s 10. You won’t even be able to play sports with the kid soon after that.

All of your sexual adventures and sowing of your wild oats should be out of your system by now. 

But as an INCEL, you’re teens and 20s were crap. The PEAK of your YOUTH was spent getting rejected by girls, playing videogames and scraping pass grades in school, only just. So, you didn’t even enjoy your youth. Now that you’re older, more bitter, slightly balding on the temples, your skin has lost its youthful suppleness, and now you’re developing nasolabial folds, what good is to come?

By 30, you’ve come to realize that your life is now split between working and commuting (70%) and being exhausted from working (30%). If the “good times” weren’t even good, why do you think the 30s will be any good? Being an incel in your 20s looks like you were unlucky to a woman. Being an incel in your 30s is a sign that something is wrong.

No one - who doesn’t share some of your DNA - loves you. All that’s ahead is work, and bills. So what does an incel have to look forward to after 35? Balding? Prostate cancer? Dying alone and getting eaten by his cats?

I’m not 35, but I’m heading there soon enough. Time flies. Now, the only reason why I am “still trying” even though I’m LATE, is because I’m not brave enough to “check out” / visit god / come eat Sue. E. Side. So I’m only making an effort coz I’m trapped here. 

How can you even fucking stand to get out of bed, being 38, and INCEL? Having to work just to keep a roof over your head, so you can work, so you can keep a roof over your head, so you can work….?

LOL@being 44 years old and incel. Biology’s Chinese water torture.

There’s a divorced programmer where I work. He’s about 55yo, bald, 0/10. He’s divorced, meaning he lucked out in the early feminism era, but after the divorce, feminism being in full swing, he remained INCEL. This guy programs at home as well as work. We can see that he checks in programming code in New Years Eve evening. While reasonably goodlooking men are boning chicks, he’s writing routines so that the cash balance of one account can be concatenated with some other fucking value.

Even if you reach 36 and snag a 32 year old woman, she’ll look awful. People look revolting as they age. I honestly have no idea how anyone can fuck a woman over the age of 40. With her wrinkles and vagina that looks like corned beef. Think of how many cocks passed through there in her 20s while you were playing videogames in yours. Now you get her when she looks haggered. Well done. If we’re programmed to be attracted to signs of youth and fertility, how do men become aroused for 45 year old women who are about as fertile as a shoe? No wonder old men need viagra. Women start to look subhuman after 35. I’d rather thrust into a DVD drive. Compare pics of non Hollywood celeb women at 16 and age 48. The difference is night and day.

At least if you meet a girl in her 20s, you can gradually accustom to her face disintegrating. But meeting her at 43, after her cock caroussel marathon? Lucky me.

If only I knew how I’d feel now. That’s the thing about aging. No matter how wise you become, it’s always TOO LATE. You can’t go back.

I just can’t take aging.

/rant

From the love-shy forum.

Short version:

“You should feel bad for older men who are single, but older women are gross and need to accept that.”

I wonder why women don’t like him. He’s so nice.

Am I tumbler enough yet, guysss?

I’ve had this chocker ON literally since I was 5, and it totally cracks me up that they are becoming cool again hahaha. Like 90% of my friends have never seen me without it. Its a big running joke that if I take it off my head will fall off lolol.

anonymous asked:

Au where everything is the same but with Fem!Kirk and Fem!Spock (Mccoy stays male tho haha) and they're both verrrry sexy. :)

Are they always fem or just a result of an away mission gone awry? Let’s go with the latter, because that sounds hilarious

  • The moment when Jim wakes up in a female body, he does what most would in that situation. He freaks out for just a few seconds, and then explores every inch of this unfamiliar body with his own hands. Not bad
  • Spock is a little more subtle. He just wakes up, and it takes him until he’s in the bathroom before he realizes something’s really, really different. And then someone enters his quarters, a female voice ringing through his room. “Spock, we have a problem.” And Spock leans in from the bathroom door, looking at the girl in his bedroom. “Jim, is that you?” Spock asks, and the girl in his room nods. “Yes! Oh my God, you too.” Jim says, walking over to Spock and gently touching Spock’s cheeks and his hair and he’s definitely feeling his chest just briefly, but then Spock frowns and pushes his hands away. “I gotta say, you look gorgeous.” Jim says, but Spock is all business and no fun. “We need to check up on Bones. He was down with us last night.”
  • But Bones is fine. And he’s standing there in his underwear, half asleep when two girls burst through his door and into his quarters. “Who are you?” “Bones, it’s us.” Jim says, gesturing wildly at himself and Spock. “How come you’re you and we’re… chicks?” “I don’t know,” Bones says, running a hand through his hair and he eyes Spock and Jim with interest. “I guess I didn’t piss off those plants as much as you two did.”
  • Initially, Spock and Jim being girls isn’t so different. They’re definitely prettier, as opposed to their usual handsome, and Bones finds them just as appealing as before. Spock is this tall, slender Vulcan, whose female uniform is really just a tiny bit too short. But Jim is this beautiful girl with long blonde hair and curves in the right places. But neither boys know how to be feminine, exactly. Jim is the worst - all legs spread and slouched in his chair, and it’s incredibly distracting when Bones stands next to him - er, her. But there is something very stoic and teacher-like about Spock that Bones definitely digs more than usual. Especially when he pulls his hair back into a ponytail and Bones just loses his ability to focus for a while. 
  • But when Bones does kiss Spock, it feels different. Spock’s in his quarters, and Bones is visiting him for a vital check-up. Rather than actually checking him up, though, they end up kissing. Bones slides an arm around Spock’s waist to keep him close. Spock’s lips are just a little softer than he’s used to, and there is more of a curve to his waist than usual. And when his hands slide past the edge of Spock’s uniform, Spock huffs a little. “It has come to my attention that our uniforms are shockingly short,” Spock mutters, and Bones laughs. “You’re just tall. And I ain’t complaining.” “You guys are lovin’ without me?” Jim’s voice rings through the room when he enters. He slides down next to Leonard on the couch, moving an arm around his waist. Leonard watches Jim lean in to kiss Spock, and Leonard smiles. They could definitely have some fun with the situation they’re in.
  • For the first time in a long time, Jim actually checks himself into sick bay with a simple “I think I’m dying, Bones.” Bones checks all his vitals, and he’s fine. But Jim’s lying on a bed, curled up in pain and his arms are wrapped around his stomach. “I’m dying. I feel like someone’s stabbing me in the guts.” He groans, and Bones gently runs his fingers through Jim’s hair. “I’ll get you a hot water bottle.” He said. “How is that going to help?” Jim asks, “Something inside of me is killing me, Bones!” “You’ll feel better in a few days. Just make sure you’re stocked up on chocolate, tampons, and vitamins,” Bones promises, and Jim groans. “I hate this so much.”
  • As much as having two girlfriends is a great thing - having his two boyfriends back is even better. Having two girls at his side in the morning is something his old college self would dream of, but it’s so much better when Leonard wakes up with Spock’s chest pressed against his back, a surprisingly strong arm around his waist. Jim’s sprawled out next to him. One toned arm under Bones’ head, sheets kicked down to barely cover his hips. His free hand moves up to his chest, and he’s clearly frowning a little at the lack of breasts there. Leonard watches him quietly, amused when Jim wakes up touching his own toned chest, fingers sliding under the sheets to feel himself between his legs and then Jim’s eyes snap open. “I’m a man.” Jim says. “Barely.” Spock replies, and Bones laughs when Jim huffs. “You know what that means, though?” Jim asks, sitting up straight with one of his devious smirks, “I’m a man again. That means that I get to top now.” “Hey,” Spock says, sitting up too, “so am I.” And both turn to look at Bones, both of them grinning, and Bones groans. “I’m going to regret this,” he sighs, and Spock kisses his cheek. Jim’s lips find Bones’ neck, fingers sliding down his abdomen. “You won’t regret a thing.”